Chapter Note:

Hello again,

I have to thank my Twilighted beta Tima83, who gets these chapter to you quickly.

Last but not least the PTB betas who worked diligently on this chapter! They never cease to amaze me- thank you.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners (Stephenie Meyer). The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Ch 10 Sunday: Take Two

Bella POV

I opened my eyes and realized I was hot, too hot. That meant only on thing-Edward was not in my bed. Before I could let my irrational fear and anger flow freely, I scanned the room. I saw a figure in the corner; it was Edward sitting in the rocking chair, head in his hands looking miserable.

Then it hit me— Charlie was going fishing and when he checked on me he must have thought about my 'zombie' phase, as it was now referred to. I decided to speak to find out, what was going on.

"Morning, Edward. Why are you over there? Did Charlie leave? I'm going to take a human moment, okay?" I asked, in one breath.

He didn't answer me.

This was never good a good sign. The last time he shut me out, he left me, I shuddered at the thought.

Well, I am not playing silent Bella this time; that didn't do me any favors. This time I was demanding answers. According to the vote and his 'compromise', I was going to be changed and I need to start setting a precedent now if things would ever be equal in this relationship.

"What's wrong?" I asked

"What's wrong?" Edward muttered; his tone was slightly patronizing and then he chuckled a dark joyless laugh. This made me angry, but I suppressed the unwanted emotion. I didn't know what was wrong and he was acting as if it were plainly obvious.

"Yes, Edward, why are you holding your head in your hands like a man awaiting a death sentence?" I was honestly concerned; this was worrying behavior.

"Love, I have to ask you a hard question," he said, his voice overly cautions. He was acting as if the slightest little thing would set me off.

The fact that I had no clue why he was acting this way, was deeply disconcerting. I nodded and braced myself; I sat on the edge of my bed and wrapped my arms around my torso, holding myself together, just as I had when he was gone. The sinking feeling I had from last night when he said "we had to talk" came flooding back.

Hold it together, Bella. Hold it together! I commanded myself.

"Do you hate me? Do you want me to leave?" There was anguish and defeat laced in his calm and calculated tone. Any other person wouldn't have noticed, but I knew him too well for that.

"Why would I want that? Don't I tell you all the time that I love you? I understand what you did, and I forgive you. I told you last night that I was over it. Why don't you believe me? Why do you," I sobbed, I could not control it, "not trust me? When I trust you so openly with all that I am every second we are together?" I was pleading through my tears.

However, for the first time since Alice and I rescued him, I was letting my anger take over. It was a defense mechanism I recognized immediately. It was similar to the way I felt when Charlie had first said Edward was out of my life and I countered with the threat of moving out. The rage was just something that was going to happen, and I wanted desperately to rein it in. I was not my mother and I could handle this without the dramatics.

"Love, I do trust you," he told me.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

Then, he continued the sentence "But…"

I glared at the use of the word 'but.' No good would ever come of that qualifier. My look warned him that though he was a vampire, he was on the proverbial thin ice.

"In your sleep, Bella, you say things that are true but nonetheless hurtful to me. I've been trying to make amends; however, I don't know if you really forgave me or if you ever can." He looked so pained, and I was mortified.

"Oh my God, what did I say?" I was humiliated.

"I'd rather not repeat it," he said then looked away from me.

"Tell me!" I practically screeched it. "I have a right to know!"

"You're right; you do have a right to know. You've said that you don't trust me, and that I broke you. You have muttered "bastard" and "how could you." I sent you flowers after you told me, in your sleep, that you hated me and that I nearly killed you, then asked if I was happy with what I had done. Last night was the reason I'm even bringing this up. "

He took a brief pause and started pacing back and forth at the end of my bed.

"Apparently my efforts— professing my love daily, the flowers, the note you said you loved, were not enough. You hissed, "Edward, you're trying to kill me, aren't you?","Let me forget," and finally "I don't trust you."" I could not read his expression after he spoke.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so—" I was quick to say how remorseful, but then was shocked into silence when Edward, my love, did something I had never seen him do without outside provocation — he yelled at me.

"NO!" was what his anguish soaked voice screeched.

"No," he added in a more gentle tone. "I cannot accept your apology. I failed you, Bella… I failed us. Those musings are my true peek into your mind; I never want you to hide things from me. Please, I know I have no right to this request, but please tell me the truth. Are you angry? Do you hate me?" he asked.

I could see how hard it was for him to say these things, I really and truly could understand. Then something in me snapped. I was furious at him. The only thing that kept going through my head was: I saved him, I loved him, he left me, and yet he has the audacity to question me!

He was going against my wishes, by forcing this conversation on me. This was to relieve his guilt. Well… I had no clue how to finish that sentence, and then something came over me.

"You are un-fucking-believable!" I shrieked.

The intensity of my anger surprised even me. I could see the misery written all over his face, yet there was no way I could stop now. The dam had broken; I could no longer hold the anger at bay. So I made the decision that I would just let it flow. Maybe Renee was right and I did need to get this out of my system; there just might be a method to her madness. While I paused he stopped his pacing and sat back in the rocking chair.

"Yes, I am angry, Edward. I mean, how could I not be? I asked you to let it go, but you pressed on. So what do you want to know? What do you want me say? Do you want me to tell you that you devastated me when you left? You did! Do you want to hear that I wished night after night that you had let James kill me, rather than deal with the pain of losing you? I did! Did I curse the fates that Jacob and the pack saved me in our meadow? I did! I was in our meadow to see if the magic of it was real—if you and I were ever real. I found that it was real," I paused. My voice suddenly cold, bleak and hard; which was how I felt, "in the worst way possible."

I took a breath to try and rein in my anger. It did nothing, so I just continued, and hoped he would see the depth of my love when I got to the end of my completely impromptu speech.

"Did I need Jake to keep me alive? Did he offer me a moment of fleeting peace in my grief? He did. Just as Emmett or Alice would have had you not ripped them from me," I growled at him.

I was furious at him for taking Alice from me. She was my best friend, my sister, and he stole her from me. I never got a goodbye. She was not even allowed to e-mail me. That would have been nice. I would have liked a little:

'Hey Bella,

It was fun having you for my own personal Barbie doll for the last few months. My brother is a loveable idiot but it'll work out okay.

Love,

Alice'

"Your family welcomed me in when they saved me in the ballet studio and a hundred times before and after that! You stole them from me, too. You may not have realized it, Edward, but you stole part of my family and my future from me. In the process of confirming all of my insecurities and making unilateral decisions, you took my only true friend, until Jake, when you left.

"So, to answer your question, I was angry. No, not angry, furious. First, I was catatonic and then I was a zombie, according to Charlie. When I woke up, I had this burning hole in my chest. I was dying slowly from the pain of losing you. I don't think you ever believed how much I loved you, and still do. However, you had the luxury of knowing that I still loved you; I thought I was just some passing fancy. I was angry that you did this to me- to us- to our family. Then I jumped off the cliff, and nearly died. I did that to hear your voice; I was pathetic. Hell, I probably still am. After that, Alice -bless her -came back for me because she loved me. She cared enough to look after Charlie if I really was gone. I was reeling once I saw her again. Just when I thought maybe my sad excuse for an existence might be getting better, you had to play the martyr with your suicide attempt," I explained.

"And I was angry. No, strike that, I was furious and disappointed that you would think so little of your family; poor Esme already lost a son! You were doing this outrageous, crazy, reckless and stupid thing in the name of our love and my memory. I would never have wanted that, and you should have known better. I wanted to save you so I could throttle you. Then I went to Italy to rescue you, and it all melted away. The anger was not real; it was just there to keep me alive. Its purpose was to combat the despair that was eating me from the inside out. When you came back into my life I made a choice; I would let you go if that was what you wanted. When you said you would stay, I had another choice to make, and it was simple. So simple, I didn't even think about it: move forward with you or sink back into nothingness. I knew I loved you too much to walk away and I would never survive that kind of separation again. So I chose happiness. I chose you over holding a grudge. Remember, Edward, I'm not like your sister Rosalie, who makes Emmett beg. Is that what you want? That is not me and never will be! Given all that we've been through— no, all that you have put us through - you dare question me? I'm shocked. Now you have a choice to make and don't make it lightly. We can either move on, embrace each other and our life together, or we can re-open old wounds and annihilate each other. Know that I made my choice; however, you seem to be choosing the other path, I don't know what I will do..." I paused to internally shudder at the thought.

Edward looked devastated. This was a hard little speech to get through for both of us; however, if anything between us would ever be right again, I had to stand my ground. I had to make him see leaving was not the worst thing he did; shutting me out and discounting my opinion was the problem. He had done it again this morning when he made me drag all this up, even though I didn't want to. The second thing he did that was horrible was not realizing how much I love him. apparently he thought me fickle.

"So leave, Edward. Go home and think about all this and choose. Will you finally embrace the light and accept me at my word when I say that I love you more than anything, or are you going to get all moody and angst-ridden on me? All 'Emoward', as Em calls you?" I asked forcefully.

That was one of my favorite memories of our summer together. Emmett in an attempt to embarrass Edward in front of me called him 'Emoward'. He explained needlessly that Edward could be brooding and despondent. I responded by rolling my eyes and saying "My Edward? No way," the sarcasm dripping from my voice; however, in this moment, the name fit him. He was doing that 'Edward I'm not worthy crap', which I hate, and it was written all over his body posture and facial expression.

"Bella, love, I want you. I just don't want you to hurt," he said quickly, too quickly. I believed him, but I wanted him to really understand my point. I didn't need an automatic response. I needed to know how he truly felt.

"No, you don't want you to hurt, and neither do I. That is why I moved past the hurt. I cannot control the things I say at night. But if you were so concerned and didn't want me to hurt, then you shouldn't have left!" I knew I was hitting below the belt, but I wanted him to see my point.

"I deserve that," he said and looked down again, ashamed of himself.

"No you don't!" I screamed, exasperated. If I didn't think it would hurt me, I would have grabbed him by the shoulders, and shaken him. I wish I had Rosalie's strength, because right then I wanted to hit him upside the head as she customarily did to Emmett.

"I said it to make you realize that taking cheap shots at you will not make me feel better, and all it will do is destroy us!" I glowered at him.

"Now leave, Edward!" I practically yelled.

"Bella, Bella, I won't go! I choose us," he said, but this too was just like the first of his responses… automatic.

"No, you need to think this through. You said in your note if I wanted you gone, you would go. Do that now, for me and for us. If this," I waved my hand, indicating the space between the two of us, "means anything to you at all, then leave. Come back after Charlie is asleep; I just hope you have your answer by then." The hot angry tears were back, and I was pissed.

Then his cell rang. I knew it would be Alice; I had not decided that kicking him out was my final choice, until I said it. That being the case, Alice was not able to warn him and she was calling to check up on us. I realized then she would do anything to keep me around, and save her brother from his lunacy, including almost getting herself killed.

"Give it to me Edward," I held my hand out opened and waiting for the phone. I was in control right now, and I kind of liked it.

I looked at the caller ID, and it turned out Alice was not the only psychic in the family, because I called that one.

"Hi, Alice," I knew my voice was softening. I could not be mad at Alice because of Edward.

After all, Alice cared enough to check on Charlie when she thought I was dead, unlike Edward… Where did that thought come from?

"Hi, Bella, is Edward there?" she chirped. She was pretending everything was fine, as if I could not guess what she wanted to tell him.

"Yes, he is here, as you well know. You also know he can hear every word you are saying. That being said, I want you to tell about him the vision you probably called to share," I chose my words carefully.

I knew Alice had to have a vision as soon as I gave in to the anger. I knew I had made a choice and was relieved she would call; maybe then he would understand. I paused, when she didn't fill the dead air, my anger turned on her.

"I have a right to know, Alice. I won't be handled like a small child anymore!" I fumed.

I had proven how strong I could be, hadn't I? I flew to Italy; sure I lost it later but come on, any human would have. I would be told the truth from now on, by everyone, not just Edward, so help me.

"Okay, Bella, you're right. Well, if you don't leave now, Edward, Bella will use Charlie as an excuse to ignore you for a while. With her ultimatum, well…" she was searching for words for my sake, I'm sure. "Either decision, you're still together, but one way you're much happier than the other."

"I could have seen that," I said, under my breath absent-mindedly. The bitter tone in my voice shocked me. I hoped Edward hadn't heard it.

"I tried to answer her already, Alice; she won't let me," he said defensively, and eyed me cautiously. I had no clue, what he expected me to do. It seemed like for a while now he had been bracing himself for something.

"No, Edward, you need to come home and do some soul searching. I'm coming over to stay with Bella; she needs me." I agreed. I felt so many things at once, and though I was a private person I needed to lean on someone this time. I had been alone for too long. Jake was kind and all, but there were some things I could never tell him. I needed my sister and best friend.

"Thank you, Alice, for making your idiot brother see reason," I glared at him. I felt bad for the name-calling, but I needed him to see I was strong and I was not backing down. I needed him to understand me. I would not be the spineless, quiet, go-with-the-flow-Bella again because that didn't work out well.

We sat in tense silence; he never looked away from me. It was as if he were studying me, and I knew this look. He was looking at me like the only thing he wanted in the world would be to get inside my head. I was glad that he couldn't though; I was not sure he would like everything he found there right now.

"Alice is here," he said suddenly.

"Okay, go," I said. I was exhausted. I felt numb, and dead, as I said the words. I had not felt so alone since he left me.

"I love you," he added as he walked towards the window.

"I know, I love you too, but it doesn't change anything until you know what that means," I told him.

The truth of my words lingered heavily in the air; they felt like a press on my chest. I felt the whole ache.

With that, he left through the window.

AN:

Hope you all liked Bella's side of the fight. Next chapter is a new one and this is the only double chapter.

I will give a teaser to those who review.

If you have time please check out my other story "Hamartia Rocks".

Thanks for reading,

Cheers,

~E