We Saved This Meowbeast

"Which is why," Rose said. "Even though they're essentially the same product, the 'organic' version tends to be quite a bit pricier."

"Fascinating. I had no idea that there was such a focus on the renewability of resources when it came to humans," Kanaya answered, shifting the weight of several grocery bags from one hip to the other. "I suppose I've never really taken much time to stop and consider such a thing. It's never been a major focus in troll society."

"Not at all? You'll have to explain that one to me."

"Well, it makes sense when you look at the way of life we trolls were brought up into. When it came to adults, the focus was on galactic conquest. Seeing that her Imperious Condescension ended up here only further supports my hypothesis. What I mean is, why bother to try and preserve the resources to maintain the stability of a planet when one could merely move on instead?"

"Hmm… It does make a lot of sense, when you put it that way."

The two girls were taking a leisurely stroll away from the human-troll grocery store back to their apartment-stem. It was a bit of a walk and they very easily could have taken a cab, but for some unspoken reason the two had decided they'd rather walk instead.

If nothing else, it gave them a little bit of time alone.

Kanaya found that she was settling into life fairly easily in the apartment-stem, and she was more than a bit thrilled over the fact that she could remain with Rose for a while longer. As an added bonus, with Terezi almost constantly sticking to Dave, the rainbow drinker often found that she had their shared respiteblock to herself. Yes, Kanaya had decided that this arrangement was quite auspicious… For now.

The jade blood hadn't just been talking out of her nook when she'd mentioned taking her place in the brooding caverns. Trying to come up with a compromise, though, was still a matter that made her think pan hurt. So, for now, she was taking the easier route of ignoring the topic.

She was getting rather good at ignoring topics lately.

Kanaya successfully resisted the urge to glance over at Rose as muddled thoughts about her flushcrush crossed her think pan. She still had so many questions and so little answers. After the human had so hastily released her hand back in that previous city, the troll had been too nervous to bring the matter up.

Rose suddenly made some weird noise, causing the Virgo to abandon her thoughts in favor of glancing over at her with a look of confusion.

"What did you say?" Kanaya asked.

She knew she hadn't been paying close attention, but that noise didn't sound like anything she'd heard before.

"I didn't," Rose responded, nonchalantly setting down the groceries she'd been carrying. "It came from this alleyway."

"… What did?"

Bright, candy red miracles.

They could drip from the walls.

Or stream out in a mirthful waterfall from the lowblood's lips.

Gamzee sat in one corner of his respiteblock, hiding underneath his pile of bike horns. The tall troll was trying his best to curl up and just disappear into them, but it wasn't working. One factor preventing this were his own two orange horns that, no matter what position he got into, stuck out in some way. He had to find a way to hide from the others right now; his think pan was a psychotic mess.

To make things worse, Karkat was in their block at the moment messing with his husktop; not paying any motherfucking attention. It would be all too easy to just walk over there and cull him like the worthless-

"Shut up," the Capricorn growled suddenly, quickly reaching up to cover his loud mouth.

The soft clacking of the keyboard stopped as Karkat turned to face him in his horn pile, a curious expression on his face mixed with the ever present tinge of annoyance.

"… Gamzee?"

Fuck. Now he all up and worried his moirail by randomly saying 'shut up' when there were no motherfucking things to shut. The voices weren't real; only up in his own think pan. Quick, he had to say something to keep Karkat away.

"Honk," he whispered, hoping that this little generic word would satisfy the Cancer.

"… Fuckass," Karkat grumbled, turning back to his husktop.

Gamzee let out a quiet sigh of relief, but curled tighter to himself. He couldn't keep going on like this; fighting these urges and thoughts was taking every bit of his self-control. If only he could find some form of motherfucking outlet.

Cull the others.

They need to be put in their places.

And they'd never see it coming.

Indigo and yellow eyes jumped around his respiteblock, trying to find something that could occupy his thoughts. There was the DDR game, but he hadn't set it up yet and trying to do so in this state would probably end poorly. He could try to ask Karkat to do it for him, but the Cancer would most definitely refuse and cause Gamzee to lose it. No, the video game idea wouldn't work.

Those colors are nothing compared to the real miracles anyway.

Beautiful miracles every color of the hemospectrum.

The Capricorn's eyes finally stopped on a can of grape Faygo sitting on the dresser. It was empty, but it gave Gamzee an idea; he could go slam a wicked elixir in the kitchenette!

Without warning, the clown suddenly popped out of his pile of bike horns with a loud 'honk' and ran towards the door. This, of course, scared the living shit out of Karkat who fell off of his chair and back onto the ground.

"Jegus mother of fuck Gamzee!" the nubby horned troll yelled after his absconding form. "Worst fucking blockmate ever! Shitty ass clown jumps out-"

Gamzee couldn't clearly decipher what Karkat was yelling after that point, though he could still hear the shorter troll going on in their respiteblock. Opening up the fridge, his wide grin stretched even farther and he triumphantly withdrew a can of orange Faygo. He hastily popped the top and brought the frosty beverage to his lips; chugging it so fast that he had barely even tasted it.

The Capricorn took a deep breath, his nerves feeling a bit calmer now. That had bought him some time, but his mind would wander back to those murderous thoughts sooner or later, maybe he could set up the-

"Hic."

What the hell?

Gamzee hiccupped again and he tried to look down at his mouth to see it happen. After several minutes with little more accomplished than him bending over, the Capricorn abandoned this task. Now standing up straight, his eyes resumed their preferred, half-lidded, relaxed state as he happily waited for each little miracle to pop out of his speak hole.

Praise the mirthful messiahs, it was a motherfucking miracle.

The door to the apartment-stem opened suddenly, and the Capricorn lazily glanced over to see Kanaya with several precariously stacked grocery bags.

"Woah, do you HIC all up and need HIC help sister?" Gamzee asked, reaching up to relieve her of some of the bags.

"Thank you Gamzee," Kanaya answered, setting the remaining bags on the bar top. "You know, a glass of water should get rid of those hiccups."

"Don't even HIC get your worry on about HIC that little sis. I all up and HIC kind of like these surprise HIC miracles."

"Alright, suit yourself then. If you could help me put these things away then?"

"Sure thing motherfucker."

Gamzee was so caught up in helping Kanaya with the groceries that he hadn't even noticed Rose follow in behind her with something small cradled in her arms.

Someone else, though, did notice.

No sooner had Rose shut the door when Jade came running out of her room, Becsprite ears laid back and lightly growling at the Seer. Rose lifted whatever was in her hands up over her head, trying to keep it away from the Witch of Space.

"Jade, control yourself," she chastised. "It's just a kitten."

"I'm trying to, I'm sorry," Jade responded between growls. "I can't help it… Bec really hated cats."

Gamzee's attention shifted to Rose and Jade, and more specifically to whatever the Seer had brought with her.

"A HIC what?" he asked.

"The grub form of a cat," Kanaya explained. "It's a little meowbeast. Kind of like Nepeta's lusus, but smaller and with only one mouth."

Gamzee caught a glimpse of the little black furry thing trying to squirm away from Jade, who was now barking, and he leaned down to get a closer look.

"We were walking home from the store when we passed this alley," Rose said, trying to hold onto the wriggling creature. "We heard it meow, and the little thing was all by itself. It's too young to be off on its own, and I suspect it's still on milk even. So we brought it home with us… Would you like to hold it?"

Gamzee perked up at this question, beaming at the Seer before giving another very loud hiccup.

"Let me get my HIC squeeze on with this bitchHICtits motherfucker," the troll said, holding his hands out to Rose.

"Yes, well, do be careful. It's very small, so squeezing it might not be the best of approaches."

The human handed him the little fluffy black ball, and Gamzee brought it close to his face for further inspection. It had bright yellow eyes, tiny, pointed ears and was a lot warmer than the Capricorn had been expecting.

"This little miracle is HIC motherfucking adorable," he declared, raising the kitten up as if it were some sort of prize.

Jade was still trying to get to the fuzzy creature, but was unable to reach Gamzee's towering height.

"We don't have a name for it yet, but it's going to be living with us from now on," Rose stated. "So we need to figure out whose room it'll stay in. I think it should go without saying that it can't stay in our room."

The Seer gave a slight smirk to Jade who responded with a sheepish grin, having finally gotten herself under control.

"What's going on?" John asked, stepping out of his and Dave's room. "Why was Jade barking?"

Gamzee lowered the kitten down for John to see, and the boy smiled a big buck toothed grin before picking it up.

"It's a kitty! Dave! Come here, we have a kitten!"

"Calm down Egbert," Dave answered, exiting their room with Terezi hot on his heels. "It's not even that big a deal. Besides, aren't you allergic to cats or some shit?"

As if on cue, John let out a sneeze and handed the kitten back to Gamzee.

"Oh, right. Heh…"

The Capricorn suddenly had a fantastic idea, and he placed the kitten on top of his head in his thick, messy nest of black hair. The rest of the group was chattering excitedly about the kitten, but he was too interested in this latest escapade to listen. Curling up after a bit of adjustment, the kitten closed its eyes and started moving… But not moving.

"Whoa," Gamzee said, trying to see what the little thing was doing. "Little motherfucker's HIC vibrating. Who up and told it to HIC do that?"

Rose smiled warmly at the sight; it appeared they'd solved the question of whose room the kitten would stay in with little worry. Kanaya had voiced that she didn't much want to clean up after the strange creature on the walk home, and Gamzee seemed to have grown attached to it. The Seer made a mental note to take the kitten to the vet soon to find out if it was a boy or girl. Shots would also be in order, but all of that could wait until later.

"Gamzee?" she asked, waiting for the tall troll to pay attention to her. "Would you like the kitten to stay in your and Karkat's room? Now, if you say yes, you're going to have to -"

"Yes."

"Wait, let me finish," Rose said with a light chuckle. "You'll have to keep a close eye on it. At this age the kitten could get into all kinds of trouble. It's a lot of responsibility… Are you sure you can handle it?"

"You know it bitchtits HIC human sister," Gamzee said, walking back to his respiteblock to show Karkat their new blockmate.

The taller troll peeked inside and silently pushed the door open, his wide grin stretching farther upon realizing that Karkat hadn't heard him. Taking care to keep the kitten balanced on his head, the Capricorn quietly got down on his hands and knees. Every time a hiccup would jolt him, his eyes would dart back to Karkat to make sure he was still undetected. He crawled over to the nubby horned troll, inching closer and closer until he was finally right behind him.

"… Best mother-"

"Holy Jegus fuck!" Karkat exclaimed spinning around in his chair to face the unexpected noise.

The shorter troll was then face to face with the kitten nestled between Gamzee's horns, and he let out a fairly sissy, girly sounding scream before kicking the Capricorn in the chest. He didn't quite move the taller, sturdy troll so much as he pushed himself back some. Karkat scrambled back in an attempt to abscond, but was thwarted by the evil desk holding his husktop.

"What in festering scabbed over hell is in your fucking clown ass hair?" the Cancer yelled, still trying to scooch away from it.

"It's our new motherfucking blockmate! Kind of like, a miracle little meowbeast. The humans called it-"

Gamzee stopped now, trying to think about why he hadn't been interrupted at all during that sentence. A disappointing realization got its settle in with his think pan.

"Shit motherfucker," he said, grin shifting to a skewed frown. "I fucking lost my miracle hiccups."

"Can you stop being a fuckass long enough to explain why the hell there's a meowbeast in your hair? And it's not fucking staying here! Get rid of it."

"Rose doesn't all up and know what this little motherfucker's gender is," Gamzee went on, plucking the kitten out of his hair.

"Are you sure you haven't been ingesting any of that think pan rotting swill?" Karkat growled, storming over to the door. "Because I'm pretty fucking sure I just said it's not staying here. Get it out of here Gamzee! And I don't give a fuck what kind of heat it's packing!"

"Wait, that's the most miraculous name ever," the Capricorn went on, laying back on the couch with the fluffy kitten. "I'll name it… 'Little Motherfucker'!"

"… That is the worst fucking name I have ever heard. We're not keeping it and we're sure as fuck not calling it 'Little Motherfucker'."

Karkat pointed out of the open door, glaring at his moirail expectantly. Once more, though, Gamzee had chosen to continue on with his previous line of thought instead.

"Wait no, I'll name it after my motherfucking wicked elixir! Faygo!"

"Wow, I was wrong. There actually is a name more fucking stupid than 'Little Motherfucker' and you just figured it out," Karkat rolled his eyes, realizing he was clearly not going to be winning this one. "Another fucking miracle to chock up to your ridiculous clown religion."

"Karkat!" Gamzee shouted, causing the shorter troll to jump once more. "That's it! It's right in front of me. The most mirthful name of all…"

It took Karkat a second to realize what Gamzee was getting at, and his entire expression appeared to drop.

"… No fucking way."

"I'll name it-"

"Don't say it Gamzee. I'm fucking warning you."

"Shit, well I don't want my best motherfucking friend to be all sore at me," the Capricorn said, watching the kitten clumsily climb over him. "Alright Karbro, I won't say it then."

"Thank fucking gog," the nubby horned troll grumbled, opening the door once more. "I'm going to get some fucking nutrition. Does that stupid meowbeast need to eat or something?"

"Hmm… I don't really got my know on about that motherfucking shit. Rose would be the sister to up and ask about that."

Karkat let out an irritated sort of snarl and stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Gamzee picked up the kitten, holding it over his face and smiling lazily at it. This was exactly what he needed; something to keep his think pan occupied so that he didn't think about… Bad things.

"Your name," the taller troll said to the creature, safe in the silence of Karkat's exit. "Is Miracle. Because you're going to be my motherfucking miracle. Shit, I guess I could all up and give you more names though… Fuck, I know. Miracle Faygo Little Motherfucker."

The kitten cocked its head and let out a yawn as it dangled loosely in Gamzee's grasp.

"Don't up and tell Karkat though. It'll be our motherfucking secret, and I'll just call you Miracle for short. But not around my motherfucking invertabrother… I guess I just won't talk to you when he's around."

Gamzee set the kitten back down and quietly watched as it began to explore their respiteblock. It walked over wires and around the legs of Karkat's chair, stopping at the Cancer's recuperacoon to sharpen its claws. The Capricorn made it stop, though, after seeing tiny grooves being carved into his moirail's sleeping spot.

Hopefully Karkat just wouldn't look at that motherfucking section.

After a time, the Cancer reappeared; now holding a bag of chips in one hand and a tiny, strange looking plastic thing in the other. If Gamzee were to guess, he'd say it looked like a 'motherfucking musclebeast squeeze thing'.

"What's that?" the taller troll asked. "Some motherfucking musclebeast squeeze thing?"

"Gog. Please don't be fucking stupid right now. I really don't have the energy," Karkat answered, forcing the thing into Gamzee's hands. "The fuckass meowbeast needs to drink that shit. All of it."

The Capricorn's indigo eyes shifted from Karkat to the device filled with what looked to be some type of milk, and that long grin began to split his face again. His moirail tried to be such a big tough guy all the time, but he wouldn't let a little motherfucker like Miracle get its hungry on. Karkat was just too motherfucking nice for that shit. It was why he was such a good friend; Gamzee's best motherfucking friend ever.

Without saying anything in response, the taller troll set to work trying to figure out the strange feeding device for Miracle. He didn't have to mess with it for long, though, for the little black kitten eventually latched onto what appeared to be the device's only opening. It was like, it somehow up and knew what kind of thing to motherfucking do.

Miracle was doing a motherfucking miracle.

Gamzee kept still, waiting for the kitten to finish feeding and contentedly watching it fervently try to get every last drop of milk. It kind of all reminded him of something… No, someone. It reminded him of someone with how it was all determined and being so motherfucking adorable without even noticing. Maybe Nepeta?

A twinge of pain struck the Capricorn's vascular pump as he thought of his little cat sister.

The one that he culled with his own motherfucking clubs.

And her miraculous green blood sprayed everywhere.

Gamzee sighed to himself as those thoughts once more creeped to the surface of his think pan. Miracle was wonderful, and would be a good distraction, but it was beginning to look impossible to silence the voices for good.