Chapter 10: Apologies That Don't Mean Shit
How long has it been since been I've been to Masutafu? Two years? Almost three I think. It's winter break currently, so Keinosuke and I are going to down to go apartment hunting, since I'm applying to UA High, I'm going to be needing to live closer. My brother too, that the only way I convinced my parents to let me live so far away. Beside he got a job at the company who makes the hero suits for the UA students.
I look out the window of the bullet train. The scenery a blur of white and brown. When I left Masutafu, it was in March, at the end of my first year of middle school. And the last time I saw my ex, was the day before I left for Yokohama.
"You're what?" Explosions went off in Kazu-tan's hands, from his anger. I sigh in exasperation. Leaning back in the park bench as I watch my hot-headed blond stomp and pout and act like a five year old.
"I'm moving to Yokohama." I repeat slowly, calmly. He snarls down at the ground, before looking open at me with blazing red eyes.
"I heard you the first time Seru." My eyes narrow at him. I told him not to call me that when we're alone. It's okay when we're in public, since we need to keep out relationship hidden. But that doesn't means it still doesn't irritate me. It's just worse, when we're allow. Because we agreed to call each other by our first names, not any nick name.
"Then where lays the problem?" I ask, gritting my teeth in annoyance and raising anger. He's in front of me, glaring down at me as if I were Izu-tan. Which I have been trying to improve their relationship, but Kazu-tan isn't taking to it and Izu-tan is just too scared. He doesn't have the self-confidence needed to handle Kazu-tan. I worry for when I leave.
"The problem is that you're fucking leave to go live 300 fucking miles away!" He roared, and I'm half glad it's nighttime, because there aren't a lot of people around right now.
"Keep your voice down Katsuki. We're in public." I snap and he snaps his mouth shut as we glare at each other. "We can visit each other on long weekends. Plus there are phones now-a-days. are you not okay with a long-distance relationship." I pause, a realization dawning on me. "Do you not want us to be together, if you can't have me right there besides you always?" I ask quietly, my eyes locked with his.
"It's not that." He finally gritted out after a couple minutes.
"Then what is it?" Because I want to be with you, but if you can't have that trust in me then...
"I..." He swallowed awkwardly, "What if something happened... I cant lose you." He finally whispered, sounding small. Looking away, face and ears turning red as my eyes widen. I couldn't help but stand up and kiss him. I smile at him, my arms wrapped around his neck. Katsuki had grown during my coma, so we were the same height now.
"You're not going to lose me Katsuki. It isn't going to be like before. Besides I can defend myself. With or without a quirk." I point out and he rolls his eyes. His hands are on my waist as he kisses me. I smile into the kiss. Maybe he was getting it now.
"But not as well as I could." He quips and I pull away with a frown. Or maybe he wasn't getting it. Pushing away from him, I scoff. "What? Got a problem with the truth?" He pushes. But it's the wrong way. I whip around at him, eyes blazing and anger raising.
"No, I don't. But you have a problem with your ego." His smirk is gone, replaced with disgusted frown.
"I don't have a problem with my ego. I just know that I'm better then everyone else!" The silence is deafening. And it takes Katsuki a moment to figure out his mistake. He's trying to back track, but it's too late. The words are said and hang there between us.
I throw my hands up in defeat, turning around and walking away. "Kontaru, I'm sorry - I didn't mean-" I cut him off before he can finish that ridiculous sentence.
"No. Don't lie. You meant it. Bakugo, you believe that you are better then everyone. So don't spout apologies that don't anything to you, except to get me back. I'm done." I'm panting and close to tears. I hate lies. And I hate pity. And above all, I hate people that think they're above everyone else.
Why did I get together with him again?
"Good bye Bakugo." I say, turning and leaving. That was it. We are done. And I felt it shatter my heart. But I had to, his ego is unmanageable and he doesn't trust me. It's the second one that hurts me the most though.
o0oo0o
The apartment was a small, cozy two bedroom with the door leading to a small galley kitchen that opened up to the living/dining room. There was a small hallway behind that had four doors. Two for the rooms, one for the toilet, then one for the bath and shower. It was located close to the station and from there it was a short 15 minutes ride to UA and only 30 to Keinosuke's new job. going the opposite directions though. It was also affordable and new. Big pluses.
I was wandering the neighborhood as Keinosuke did the paperwork. We were on the other side of town from where we use to live, so this kind of new. Brings back a lot of nostalgia, actually, the further I get into town. I happen across the largest park here and pause. This was where I ended it with Bakugo.
I didn't even notice when my feet brought me to same place. Loneliness coursing through me as I look at the snow covered trees. It was dark by now, despite it being mid-afternoon. For some reason the memory of Bakugo leaving after his first visit while I was under, popped into mind.
It isn't the first time, the snow has brought, Bakugo back to my mind. Our first kiss was in the snow. We never said that we loved each other, but it was understood that we did. Just like how I didn't need to spell it out to him that I was breaking up with him all that time ago. It was understood, that I was done, and nothing could be done.
"I'm sorry I broke your heart." No I wasn't. I wished I could hurt him more. So deeply, that he could never forget me. Or what we had. Or had his lack of trust hurt me. Or how he couldn't understand an ego has no place in a relationship.
Sighing, I look up at the fat moon. There were no stars. The loneliness nearly choked me.