Poor Pepper Potts slunk ashamedly into the magnificent Catholic Church with a pitiful frown on her face. Somehow, lord only knows the reason, she had agreed earlier to sit in on an Avengers bible study, and now she was here, with the rest of the Avengers plus Natasha and Clint, for confession.
The whole place was ironically extravagant, with priests wandering the corridors, mumbling words of prayer.
"Alright Pepper, go confess your sins to the pastor," Natasha urged. Pepper narrowed her eyes at the voluptuous woman.
"You mean the priest."
"The what?"
"The priest. Catholics have priests, not pastors."
"I thought priests were only girls," Tony chipped in. Pepper shook her head.
"No. Priestesses are women. Priests are men," Steve informed him.
"Wait, are priests the ones who're all pedophiles?" Bruce asked. Pepper covered her face with her hands.
"Oh my god Bruce, no. That is so not ok to say in public…"
"Who cares? It's not like there are any priests here-" Steve began.
"Are you serious? There are like forty priests in this room! Whatever. I'm going to go confess my sins," Pepper grunted and left the posse to go sit in the tiny, claustrophobic confessional.
"Hello sister, what have you come to confess?"
"Hey, priest…man. I, uh, would like to confess to sinful thoughts about my friends," Pepper concluded. The priest nodded.
"What kind of thoughts?"
"I, on a frequent basis, pretty seriously consider waiting until the middle of the night, when they're all asleep, to go into each of their rooms and shove a long, rough, wooden spoon down their throats and then watch them struggle and turn blue, and die…slowly," she answered. The priest didn't say anything for a while.
"Shit. That's creepy as fuck miss. Who are you?"
"I thought these things were supposed to be anonymous."
"Yeah, I suppose."
"Alright, but I'm not finished."
"Continue then."
Pepper cleared her throat and nodded.
"I also have sinful thoughts of a different nature about my boss-"
"Of course you do."
"Your commentary is unneeded sir."
"Sorry. Keep going."
"I think a lot of sexual things about him. Like, really hot, sexual things that I'd like to do with him, do to him…" Pepper was practically drooling.
"What about your assistant? She's pretty hot. You ever think about her?"
Poor Miss. Potts blinked a few times and looked more intently through the screen separating her from the priest, only to find that there was no priest, and that she had been speaking to Natasha for the last, lord knows how long.
"Natasha?" the woman screamed. Natasha covered her face.
"Alright, twenty hail Mary's send in the next one on your way out please."
Pepper groaned, her face bright red, and exited the confessional, where Tony, Steve, Bruce, and Thor were all staring at her like she was wielding an ax.
"What?" Pepper demanded, livid.
"We wired a microphone from in there to those speakers…" Tony offered, gesturing at some very surprised looking priests.
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah, we'd better leave."