Woot, back!

Anyway, since it's been so long since an update (or has it? I lose track of time) I'm giving you two chapters. "Bull!" you say "there's only one new chapter!"

And if this was the only place I have to put things, you would be correct. But I promise you, there IS another chapter going up at the same time as this. If you'll be so kind as to click on over to my bio and take the link leading to my LiveJournal story account, you'll find it waiting for you there.

And, surprisingly, there is actually a reason for this. You see, the chapter going up over there is none other than You! Jack. Romances written in the second person are sometimes considered interactive, you see, and we can't have that, oh no. Were I a normal writer, it'd be overlooked, but there are apparently some people out for my blood.

So, without further ado, I leave you to the "new" chapters.

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AU! Jack

Jack Sparrow was a teenagekid with ratty hair, half of which had formed into pseudo-dreadlocks from him not having washed it in about half a year. He had dropped out of high school and run away from home and was now spending his time walking across the entire country for lack of anything better to do.

One of the disadvantages to walking across the entire country that Jack had not foreseen was that it was sometimes very difficult to find a toilet he could use. This was one of those times, and he was beginning to feel more and more desperate as he trudged along the road. He stopped at the first place he saw that he knew would have a bathroom, and stepped inside.

Inside of Port Royal High School (Gasp! Can you guess what's happening? It's not like it's obvious!) itwas nice and cool, and Jack was happy about that.

He turned right and headed down the hallway, trying to appear as if he belonged and knew where he was going. It worked, despite the fact that it was the middle of a class period and the fact that most students didn't wear bandannas or have long filthy hair that stuck up in the back.

This may have been because the only security guard on duty was one with a nametag that read "James Norrington," and no one likes Norrington, so he's always written to be a total git and was therefore incapable of not being stupid.

Anyways, Jack found the bathroom. Then he relieved himself. Then he left the bathroom.

By that time, Jack was feeling reluctant to go back outside and start walking again. So he didn't.

Instead, he attempted to rob a vending machine.

Things were going well, too...at least for a while.

Jack had chosen a vending machine he had found in one of the hallways, partly because it was hidden, but mostly because it contained things like packaged muffins and Twinkies, and he liked muffins and Twinkies.

He had just managed to jam his arm up inside the vending machine past the part that was supposed to prevent people from jamming their arms up the inside of the vending machine when the bell rang.

Cursing, Jack snatched the nearest item to his hand and tried to yank his arm back out. To his dismay, his hand would not fit back through while he was holding the muffin he had snatched. He yanked harder, but succeeded only in bruising his hand and squishing his muffin. Students began to walk by and give him strange looks (mostly because of the puddle of grease his hair was forming on the floor with each jerk of his arm).

Then Norrington showed up on cue so that it could be shown what a pompous jerk the author must have thought he was.

"Hey!" shouted Norrington, pointing at Jack. "What do you think you're doing!"

Jack let go of the muffin and pulled his arm out. The muffin fell out through the slot, since all he had really needed to do was drop it and remove his hand to make room for it. He snatched the muffin, jumped to his feet, and dashed off down the hall, leaving Norrington behind because the author hated Norrington very much and had made him so morbidlyobese he could not keep up.

Jack was pretty close to getting away with the grave crimes of trespassing on school property and stealing a muffin, but then he ran into Will.

And I do mean ran into him in the literal sense, since that's how the main characters meet in the majority of AUs.

So Jack ran into Will, and Will went "oof," and Jack went "oof," and they both fell down.

Will felt mad, and Jack felt hungry, so Jack just jumped up again and started to run some more.

This might have worked, had not Will been a resentful person and grabbed Jack's ankle and made him fall down again.

"Oof," said Jack again. Then he kicked Will in the face and got up again.

By this time Norrington had finally caught up, and proceeded to handcuff Jack, which is kind of strange since he was only a school security guard.

Jack told him so.

"What do you know?" demanded Norrington. Jack shrugged, since he really didn't know much at all, what with having dropped out of school and destroyed a goodly chunk of his brain with illegal substances.

So Norrington took him to the main office.

There, Jack got yelled at while he ate his squished muffin.

So he spat some of it onto the face of the principal, who was the one yelling at him.

That didn't go over very well.

Once the school officials realized that Jack was not a student, they called the police, and the police took Jack away and locked him up for stealing the muffin. He offered to return it, but they declined, seeing as he had already eaten it. They slapped him when he offered to regurgitate it.

So Jack was in jail. Boohoo.

Will felt sort of bad about that and said so to his childhood friend, Elizabeth. Elizabeth didn't really care very much and wished to herself that Will would stop being such a pansy and ask her out.

But he didn't.

Jack got out a few days later, since it's really not very fun to write about the main character sitting in a jail cell and staring at the wall, which is all Jack would do.

But they put him in a foster home since he was still a minor. Jack would have just left, but his foster parents locked him in the house most of the time and whenever he went outside, they followed him around with tranquilizer guns.

So he didn't get to run off.

Not that he didn't try.

Upon waking up for the third time from being shot with the tranquilizer guns, Jack concluded that his foster parents had very good aim.

So that night, he broke his window and lowered himself to the ground with a rope he had made out of human hair...from his back.

Actually, he made it from the sheets on his bed. Close enough.

Unfortunately, this set off an alarm and they came and shot him with the tranquilizer guns again.

Jack felt that this was all very mean spirited, especially when they sent him to school the next day. He skipped all his classes, and robbed the vending machine again.

Then a gang went and kidnapped Elizabeth, since the author had suddenly remembered that this was supposed to at least try to follow the movie a little bit. This caused Will to go and talk to Jack, who was locked in the detention box in the janitor's closet with all the half-evolved badgers.

Will felt that Jack was likely to know about the habits of gang members. Jack didn't contradict Will, even though he had just come into town and knew nothing about any of the gangs. Will let Jack out of the detention box, and Jack did a little happy dance. Then they went off to look for Elizabeth.

Shortly after kidnapping Elizabeth, the gang realized that they really didn't care enough to really kidnap her, and ditched her at a strip mall. Jack found her there, using his amazing powers of walking around in random directions until he found something. Will was overjoyed, and invited Jack back to his house for tea. Jack declined, realizing that this was a good opportunity to leave...plus tea was SO 17th century.

So Jack left, and Will and Elizabeth went home, and Will finally asked her out.

THE END

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