Chapter Nine

The next time I see Makenna I half expect her to be in a bad mood. Or at the very least increasingly angry with me.

When I drove her home on Tuesday, she was silent the entire ride. She stared out the windshield with tired eyes and sat on her hands. I didn't know what to say that would make it any better, so I said nothing. I dropped her off half a block away like I said I would and made sure she got inside safely before driving back to the dorm.

Sixth period starts and Makenna is in her chair with her pencil on her desk. I dare to look over at her. At first she is giggling with a girl next to her and then she catches my eye. I think she will glare at me, but she smiles pleasantly. I have to look away to ensure I don't have a heart attack. But I find myself smiling at the ground.

The smile doesn't leave my lips for a good ten minutes and it takes at least fifteen to get my heart rate to return to normal. But every time I look back at that confusing girl, I smile again. She seems to be looking at me every time I sneak a glance at her. I don't know if that's what's making her smile, but I like it.

Class ends and Makenna smiles and gives me a small wave. This is the first time I have felt my heart stop. Her and her friend Charles walk out of the classroom.

I pull out my lunch from my bag, which is leftovers from last night. The container I keep it in keeps the temperature reasonable. I forgot a fork but I remember the cafeteria has some. I stand and tell Ms. Matthews I'll be back in a moment. She nods and returns her attention to entering grades.

Walking through the hall, I hear conversations of students about unreasonable teacher expectations, how finals are coming up, the seniors are getting ready for prom. As I pass by a group of people, I can't help but hear a familiar conversation.

"I heard Makenna broke up with Alan because she likes someone else." I almost run over to the group of girls and ask them to tell me everything.

If there is any chance that she likes me, I want to know. Not that I can do anything about it. So what does it matter?

What matters is that I want to know. I want her to like me. I want there to be a way to make this work.

I want her.

As much as I want to know more, I push past the group and continue on to the cafeteria to get a plastic fork.

Television and movies don't represent high school very well. If the school allows off campus lunch, then no one is going to be in the cafeteria. The mess hall is pretty empty except for a few kids.

I grab a fork from the container in the center of the room and walk towards the door. By the staircase stands Makenna and the girl she was giggling with earlier, Addison Brady. In order to get back to my lunch, I have to walk by them.

"Hi Mr. Prior," Makenna says. Her voice is more chipper than I have ever heard it.

I clear my throat. "Hello Makenna. How are you?"

"I'm good."

"Good," I say. "Hello Addison." I can't be shown to play the favorites.

"Hi," she says meekly.

I walk past both of them and walk down the hall as fast as I can without making it too obvious that I'm trying to walk down the hall as fast as I can. From behind I can hear my name being called. Makenna is careful not to call me by my first name. I think she only called me Caleb once.

"Thank you for taking me to the library yesterday," she whispers when she catches up. "And for taking me home."

"I have to make sure you're safe."

I have to walk away. I can't stand here and talk to her. It is too hard to be around her because I am so afraid of slipping up. I want to be a teacher and I want to stay here in Chicago for work, but that will never work if I act on my feelings for Makenna.

"I'll see you later," I say stiffly. "Have a good weekend." Her face falls and the excitement drains.

She nods sadly. "You too."

I hate to do this, but what choice have I? And there's still a chance that she doesn't like me.

As much as it would hurt me, I think it would be best if she doesn't like me like that.

She's almost graduated, a little voice in my head tells me. It will be over soon. I tell that voice to shut up. She'll go off to college and I'll be here. I'll probably find someone else in the next few months. And then I can bring her to Beatrice's wedding.

Then the voice tells me that it doesn't really matter if we start dating because what is another three weeks? I hate that voice. It's very tempting, but it should be arrested for its illegal thoughts. It should be locked up and never released.

But she's an adult. No! That doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. I'm going to make it not matter.