The Second Book

Chapter Ten

We Can Never Be

Written by: keaRy anCe

I once told myself that I will love no one except Natsume.

How faithful of me. But it's true. I did.

I didn't go back to my room last night and instead I went straightly to the Northern Forest to clear my mind. It's not that dark anyway and the moon is illuminating my path. I am affected when I saw Natsume in front of me. I honestly don't know what to do but those words I blurted that are quite harsh, I don't regret saying them. I am more affected by Ken's confession.

He is feeling like that all along and I didn't even notice. I am very stupid. If I just noticed sooner, maybe I am not here now.

The look in his face when I said the words he never wished to hear also broke my heart.

"I like you. Okay?" he confessed. At that moment, he looked completely vulnerable. Like the only thing that keeps him alive is me. Though that sounds pretty boastful.

"Ken-" I wanted to tell him to stop because now is not a pretty good time.

He shook his head, interrupting me and wanting to continue. "I always wanted to find someone and now I found you. I like you not because you are broken but because despite all of that you chose to be different."

I lowered my head. "How can you say that when I clearly ran out from my problems?" I asked him in a desperate tone. "Can't you see that I'm a coward?"

"Maybe because you wanted to solve it and try until you succeeded."

"That's not a valid reason," I pointed out.

"For me it is."

I held his hands. "I'm sorry. It's just that, you don't know me too well and so am I."

"All you have to do is trust me. Is that so hard?" he buried his head on my shoulders.

"Maybe when the time is right," I promised and hugged him.

I admit. Until now, I have feelings for Natsume. But those feeling are not enough for his redemption. He is fine just the way he is so I doubt if he even wants for my forgiveness. It's unfair for my side because I am trying so hard to resist him while he just doesn't give a shit.

Despite of the many reasons that I should forget him, I still can't. I hugged my knees. Why do I always cry for him? I have only escaped for months and that won't change his feelings. He still is with Sumire and I am still his fan girl. He still is the same guy I love and I am still the girl he can't even like. He still is the handsome boy like the last time I saw him and I am still the ugly girl he won't notice unless I agreed to be such an idiot just to be with him. I am the girl who will forever love him and he will forever be the boy who broke my heart by lying to me.

This day won't be a good one, would it?

I did my best to return to my room without anyone spotting me but it turns out I'm wrong.

"You're crying again," I lifted my head when I heard his voice.

I know that he is trying to act as if nothing happened so I will do my best too. "Good morning, Ken."

"Your dress is still on," he stated his observation. Well, it's his way of saying that I didn't come home last night.

I gave a faint chuckle. "Yes, it is. We don't have classes today, have I heard right?"

"You did," he said and followed me with his eyes. "So Hyuuga-" he started. Please, not in this early morning. The last thing I want to talk about is Natsume.

"Please let us not talk about him," I pleaded.

"If that's what you want," he said in defeat. Good thing he understands. "Are you going to give me back the locket?"

"Why?" I asked. "I thought it was mine. You gave it to me, I like it. No return." I smiled. I really like it. I also don't have plans on giving it back to him. No way. There is no freakin' way.

"It's good to hear that."

I pinched his nose, loving the way his handsomeness appeared when I did that. "Ken? Can you please go for a while? I'll just take a bath and dress. You're a boy so. . . ."

"Fine. I'm going. I'm going. Don't stay too long and take a rest. Sitting out in the cold is not healthy," he said in a childish tone.

"Have you been watching me?"

"See you later."

I made a weak smile. He did.

I was tapping my pencil onto the table and even though it's rather loud, no one will complain because it's just me, Ken, some students who come and go, and the librarian inside the library. I felt such a weird pull to read something today and gladly Ken was willing to come.

"Are you going to talk to him?" he blurted. I didn't look at him. Seriously, why does he let Natsume bother the hell out of him?

"Do you think I can, must, and should?" I'm just bluffing, wanting to know what his answer will be.

"If it will make you happy," he touched my heart again.

I rolled my eyes. "You're so sappy."

"What? I can't be sappy now?" he purred.

"Why are you insisting this?"

"Because you never read before all of a sudden. In fact, you never read."

"Excuse me," I gritted my teeth. "I beg your pardon. I do read books. You just didn't see it."

"Right," he said in sarcasm.

My jaw dropped in disbelief. He is back in being a jerk again. "Do you seriously want to be my enemy?"

"Mikan, you can't even touch me," he smirked. "You have not mastered your Alices yet. What makes you think you are fit to be my enemy?"

"You are simply asking for it," I said in the darkest tone I could come up.

"I didn't ask for it. You offered."

That's it. I slammed the table and stood up making my chair fell and created a loud noise. "Oh for the love of-!" I yelled at his face.

"What is going on here?" a voice said, that I guessed was the librarian. I turned around to confirm and I was correct. I can hear Ken's giggle from where I am standing. "You do know that silence should be kept in the library always, right?"

"But he pissed me off."

The librarian crossed her arms and adjusted her thick glasses. "I don't care whatever you two are fighting about. I just can't tolerate this. Yelling inside the library is…is…is immoral!"

She is exaggerating. Truthfully, my voice was not that loud.

"Then blame him," I pointed at Ken who in the moment acted like an innocent. I could not help but glare at him. He is so pissing me off. I swear I'm going to strangle him the second we exited this room.

She shook her head in diapproval. "No, no, no, no. I suggest you make your exit, Miss. I don't want my sanctuary to be filled with –ahhmmm- students like you."

Like me? Oh my gosh. I'm thinking of strangling this librarian before Ken. "Fine. I'll go," I said, gritting my teeth while walking my way out.

The librarian stared at Ken. "I should be going too," he said and ran after me.

When we are out of the library, I smacked him in the head. "I can't believe I'm friend with you!"

He finally let out his refrained laughter. "You're still fun to tease."

"Next time, you are not coming with me inside that room," I pointed at the library door.

"I won't be surprised if one day, you'll beg me to come with you," he said in a proud tone.

I smiled sweetly at him and kicked his stomach. I turned around, celebrating that I can hear him moaning in pain. Ha! Good for him.

"See yah around."

I've been touring the academy for a couple of minutes now and realized that this was the same atmosphere that welcomed me in the first day I went here. I continued walking but stopped abruptly when I saw a raven-haired boy in the hallway.

Natsume looked like a fallen angel at that instant. I was about to go back when he talked.

"I searched for you."

"What for?" I answered, still not facing him.

He started walking, I knew it from the steps I'm hearing. "I have something to tell you."

"Whatever it is, I don't want to listen. Can't you just leave me alone?" I turned to face him at the last sentence.

"It's important," he held my wrists and I quickly brushed it.

"Honestly Natsume, I don't care. It will make things worse and complicated. I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"Why?"

Why? He is asking me why? Doesn't he know? Or he just wants to act stupid? "Because I might say things that I will regret saying and you will just disregard."

"Why do you keep on saying that?"

I pushed him slightly. "You want to know why? Because all these time it was you. Only you! Nothing else. But for you, it was never me. You see? What's the point? You still can't like me and even if you will, which is impossible, do you think it will work? Who are we deceiving? Me or the people? Do you really want to play with my feelings so much?"

"All this time I want nothing but you're forgiveness," he breathed.

I looked at him in the eye. I almost drowned but fortunately I got hold of myself. "I told you once, you can't have it."

He gasped shortly."Don't you think you are making this hard for the both of us? Why won't you let me be happy? You are really selfish. After all these months, you are still being a bitch about this."

I got hurt by the B word. "Right. I am. So what? Call me whatever you want. See? You can't even stand me," I tried to be a bitch a little longer.

"I don't mean to snap at you like that," he said apologetically.

I gained all the courage that is left with me since last night. "Can you be honest with me? In those three months we've been, you know, have you ever thought of me?"

"No."

Oh. Inside me, deep in my heart, I really wished he said yes.

"Didn't you ever like me? Even a bit?" I continued asking.

"No."

My breathing stopped. "I see. Let's end this now. I don't want to deal with you anymore. Have your peace."

"But now, all I think is you." he managed to say before she can walk out. "Your smile, your voice, your concerns, your patience, you. Why do you think I would go searching for you?"

"Save it Natsume. We can never be," I put it harshly. "It's too broken."

"Is it Nagihiko?" he asked. That made my heart beat rapidly.

"Maybe. He likes me you know. In an honest way," I don't know where that came from but it surprised me when I said that.

"Do you feel the same way?" he stepped closer.

"Why would I tell you?" I spat.

"You don't."

How dare him conclude something like that. Maybe he thinks that I still like him which is true but there is no way I will let him find out.

"He lifted me up when I am so down. He was always there when I cry. He may be annoying most of the time but when he started to get serious he can always touch my heart. He will never hurt me. He will never do the things you've done to me. He believes in me." I ranted. "I thought you were like that at first. That is why I always wanted to be with you but it turns out I'm wrong. Now, I found him. Do you think I will let him go?"

He pinned me to the wall. "No lies. Just pure honesty."

I smirked at him. "He's the best I got. I will never let him go."

End of Chapter

Merry Christmas everyone! Also, advance Happy 2011!

Mikan is torn between Natsume and Ken. For you, who do you think is better for her? Natsume or Ken?

How was this chapter? Please tell me.

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