I know, I know. Lots of you thought I'd NEVER get back to this one. I've kicked around chapters here and there for a while now. (okay, a LONG while) But I think I finally figured out how I'm going to get where I want to go with it.
Jesse exited the bedroom in time to see Cooter getting ready to go home. The sun was up and there was a small crowd in the kitchen tending to breakfast.
"I'll be back later, Uncle Jesse."
Cooter's voice pulled Jesse from his thoughts. "Thank ya for sittin' with him, Cooter."
"I wish it was different. But ya'll are the best friends a man could have, and it wouldn't a been right if I hadn't."
For a moment, Jesse stared at the mechanic. He'd been a friend of the Dukes since he was a child, and Jesse knew that he wasn't one to show what he was feeling. Nodding, Jesse let the moment slide before Cooter became embarrassed. "Ya seen Daisy or Bo?"
"He's seein' Mary out. Her Pa's pickin' her up." Cooter's voice dropped and he moved closer to Jesse. "Did you know how close she was with Luke?"
"I knew there was a whole lot more feelin' involved then Luke was lettin' on."
Nodding, the younger man sighed and stared at the ground. "She was really in love with him. She ain't doin' any better then ya'll with this."
"I seen Bo with her a couple of times. Seems they're trying to help each other. I'm glad. Bo needed somethin' to keep his mind occupied." Jesse's eyes went to the casket and he moved past Cooter to sit in his chair.
Cooter almost mentioned the fact that Jesse needed something to keep his mind occupied, but thought better of it.
It had been about twenty minutes after Cooter left that Pauline exited Daisy's bedroom and crossed the room to Jesse.
"Jesse?" Lavinia's voice carried across the living room. "Break- oh" She stopped for a moment. "Pauline, I didn't know you were up. I'll set another plate."
Nodding, Pauline reached for Jesse's hand and pulled him to his feet. As they sat at the table, Lavinia turned to them. "Daisy up yet?"
"No."
"I'll save a plate for her. Eat up."
Jesse almost whispered a very short grace before touching his food. Once again, he did more picking at his plate then he did actually eating. Pauline watched him, trying to think of something that would make him actually eat some of the food in front of him.
Coy, Vance, and Jeb entered the kitchen. "Mornin."
Smiling to herself, Pauline watched Lavinia place three more plates on the table. "You boys get the chores done?"
Nodding, they sat down and stared at Jesse. Momentarily forgetting the situation, Jesse began to grill the men on the chores that had or hadn't been done. A temperamental mule and a tractor with a sticky clutch kept his mind occupied until he'd actually cleaned his plate.
Pauline quickly moved to add some eggs to Jesse's plate before he could realize how much he'd managed to eat. As she stood behind her brother, her eyes caught Vance's and she gestured for him to keep going. Realizing what Pauline meant, he kept the conversation directed at the other tasks that needed tending to around the farm.
Bo watched the car drive away and signed. There hadn't been much they could say to each other since her Pa had been waiting for her to go home. Mary had assured him that she was tired, but she felt fine. His eyes traveled around the farm to the various people that had already gathered in the yard and realized that he didn't see anyone he particularly wanted to talk to. He was preoccupied with Mary and Luke's baby, and he liked it that way. If he continued to think about her, he couldn't think about things that he didn't want to think about. In his mind, he tried to figure out exactly what he was going to do. Luke's baby needed a Daddy, that much he knew. Luke couldn't be there, so that left it up to him. For the first time he tried to imagine what that really meant. Was he talking about marriage? Was he talking about being a husband and father now? Suddenly he was glad he and Mary hadn't had a chance to talk. Scaring himself enough at the moment, he realized he needed to think about something else for a while. But that didn't mean he wanted to think about Luke, either. A sudden desire to get away from everything overwhelmed him.
Daisy found a bigger crowd in the living room then she really wanted to face. The kitchen was only a little better, but she thanked Coy when he gave up his chair for her to sit next to Jesse. Before she could say she wasn't hungry, Lavinia put a full plate in front of her. Remembering her manners, Daisy thanked her aunt and made a visible effort to eat. She ate in silence while the men continued to discuss the chores.
After wandering around the yard for a while, Bo finally decided to go back inside. His room, though confining, was at least a place he could avoid all of the offers of condolence that seemed to never end. The conversation going on in the kitchen didn't interest him, but he did move to stand behind Daisy and squeeze her shoulder gently. Standing, Daisy hugged him. "You eat?"
Shaking his head, Bo shrugged. "Not real hungry."
"Can ya finish this for me? I just can't eat anymore, and I know I can't leave that much food." Her voice was a whisper so Lavinia wouldn't be offended.
Squeezing her hand once, Bo spoke louder. "That looks good, ya done?"
"I'll git ya one of your own, Honey." Pauline stood, but Daisy shook her head.
"I can't eat another bite, Aunt Pauline. He can have the rest of mine." She quickly moved Bo into her vacant chair. "I'm gonna go wash up."
Her intention was to go get a change of clothes and take a shower, but she found a fairly long line ahead of her. Apparently more people had arrived in the last day and there was barely a space for her to stand in the small house. Making a decision, Daisy went back to the kitchen.
Bo tried to join in the conversation, but his mind kept wandering to the casket in the living room. Finally the last bite of Daisy's breakfast was gone and he stood. He was still trying to decide where he was going when Daisy appeared.
Slowly, she made her way to Jesse, trying to figure out how to talk to him.
"Just spit it out, Daisy-girl." Without even turning to her, he knew there was something on her mind.
"Well, Uncle Jesse, ya know, Enos had to work today, and he….. well, he said I could come over if I wanted to use his shower or get some sleep while he was gone." She felt guilty as soon as she said it. "I won't be gone long, just long enough to get cleaned up and-"
"I think that's a good idea." Pauline interrupted before Jesse could answer. "You take some time to yourself. I've been told I snore like a freight train, which means you ain't had a lick of sleep."
"Uncle Jesse?" Daisy made it clear that if he didn't think it was a good idea, she wouldn't go.
Standing, Jesse nodded. "Pauline's right. You go get yourself cleaned up and try to get some rest."
Bo cleared his throat as if he were about to say something. Before he could, Jesse turned to him. "And you got somewhere to go too, I reckon?"
"I figured I'd best go check on Lisa. I ain't talked to her but once since she got out of the hospital."
Nodding, Jesse pointed towards the door. "Out. Both of ya."
Daisy turned to the men still gathered at the table. "Dixie's still at Cooter's, can one of ya give us a ride into town?"
"Take my car." Pauline handed Bo her keys. "I'm not goin' anywhere. That way Bo can do what he needs to do and if you need him to pick you up, he can."
Shaking her head, Daisy turned to Bo. "Enos can bring me back when he gets off work."
"Then let's go."
"You make sure Lisa's okay." Jesse's voice followed them out the door.
The ride to town was comfortably silent between the two cousins. They had both been surrounded by people for the last two days and they understood each other's need for quiet. They were almost to Enos's before Bo finally broke the silence.
"You sure you're okay with me leavin' ya here?"
Startled, Daisy turned to him. "'Course. Enos will be off work in a few hours and he'll bring me back to the farm." She thought for a moment. "How 'bout you? I heard Lisa was doin' okay, but are you ready to see her?"
He sighed. "I just don't know what to say to her."
"I'm guessin' she don't know what to say to you, either." Daisy put her hand on his shoulder as the car stopped for her to get out. "Relax, Honey. You'll figure it out." Kissing his cheek softly, she squeezed his arm. "Just ask her how she is and tell her you're glad she's better."
The first thing Daisy did after Bo dropped her off was take a long, hot shower. For the first time in two days she didn't have a line of people waiting for her to finish. A pang of guilt ran through her when she remembered that they were all there for her, Bo, and Jesse. She had no right to be glad to be away from them.
Exiting the bathroom, she caught his open closet out of the corner of her eye. A dark blue and black plaid flannel shirt looked to comfortable to pass up. It hung almost to her knees and could wrap around her slender frame twice, but it was soft and the smell reminded her of Enos. Running her hand through her wet hair a few times, she stretched out on the bed. She intended to only lie down for a moment, but soon she fell into a sound sleep.
Pauline watched Jesse carefully. He hadn't said three words since Bo and Daisy had left the farm.
"Jesse, they won't be gone that long."
"I know that." His voice was quiet. "And I know they both needed a break. Daisy's strong, but that girl can only take so much. And Bo……" Jesse shook his head. "When he gets riled up the only one who could get through to him was……." Unable to even say his name, Jesse sighed and gestured towards the living room. "I just hope he finds a way to let Daisy get through to him. They depended on each other when he was gone in the Marines. I hope they find a way to help each other again now."
"I think they already have, Jesse." Deciding to try again, Pauline took Jesse's hands. "Maybe the three of ya need to depend on each other. You're all so worried 'bout each other, you're all afraid to lean on each other." He started to argue, but she continued quickly. "Don't tell me them kids ain't worried 'bout you, Jesse Duke. They just don't know what to do about it."
"We've always been able to talk 'bout things. Pray for strength and guidance. But right now………" He shook his head again. "I just can't find the words and I don't want either of them kids to lose their faith just 'cause I have. I want them to keep believin' this world's a good place and things happen for a reason. But I'm just too damn angry right now to practice what I been preachin' to both of them since they came to me and Martha."
"You'll find a way. You always do. Right now you're angry. That's okay."
"This ain't okay!" His voice raised, but the few people in the house turned to him and he struggled to lower his voice. "I ain't never been so angry or lost that I couldn't turn to the Lord and trust in him to help me find the way. Right now I just can't do anything but feel angry and I can't do that to my kids. They have enough on their shoulders right about now."
Bo nervously shifted his weight from foot to foot waiting for the door to Lisa's house to open. When Lisa's mother appeared, Bo stammered.
"I…. I…. came by to, well, to check-" Before he could get a full sentence out, Lisa's mother took his hand and led him inside.
"She's in her room, but I'll call her out to see ya. I was hopin' she'd feel up to comin' out with us to pay our respects. Bo, I'm so sorry for what happened to Luke."
"Thank ya, ma'am." He didn't mean to sound so short, but Luke was still the last thing he wanted to talk about. "I'm sorry."
"That's quite alright. I'm sure you've heard enough of that these last two days. Have a seat and I'll get Lisa for ya."
After a few seconds, Lisa appeared. Immediately she crossed the room and hugged Bo, who had stood to greet her.
In his arms, she began to cry. "I'm sorry, Bo. I'm so sorry."
"I came to see how you are." Bo's voice betrayed his desire to escape yet more sympathy.
Nodding, she sat down and gestured for him to do the same. "I ain't been movin' around much. Real bad concussion."
"You gonna be okay?"
Nodding, Lisa looked at him. "I could ask you the same."
"I'm sore. Ribs are messed up."
Lisa knew Bo was avoiding, and she felt that she had no right to pry. They had been dating very casually, and she knew that as much as they enjoyed each other's company, neither of them had felt a need to share any real intimacy. The silence between them became uncomfortable, and she stood. "Ya wanna get out of here? Just go for a drive?"
"Lisa, I ain't the best company right now."
"I promise not to hold it against ya. With the headache I got, I ain't exactly the best for conversation, either."
He considered it for a moment, then he shook his head. The last thing Lisa needed was anything to give her the impression that he was going to ask her out again. It wasn't her, it was Mary, and Luke's baby. But he couldn't tell her that, so he just stood and made an excuse to get out of her house.
When Enos opened the door, he stopped. The sight of Daisy's legs barely covered by his shirt started a series of thoughts that made the deputy blush and he was grateful she was asleep. He called Jesse to let him know that he'd bring her out to the farm when she woke. Then, after a quick shower, he sat in a chair facing the window, mostly to force himself to stop staring at her.
After he hung up the phone, Jesse turned to Pauline. "Daisy's still asleep."
"Good. Lord knows she could use some rest." She took her brother's hand. "You need to focus on getting some sleep yourself, tonight. Tomorrow is gonna be a long one."
"Not as long as the days after." His voice was low, but Pauline wrapped her arms around Jesse and hugged him tightly.
The kitchen door opened and Bo slowly entered the room. The sight of Jesse hanging on to Pauline brought him to an abrupt stop. Bo had never seen Jesse look so broken and it actually scared him. His first instinct was to run back out the door, but Jesse turned to him and reached for his hand. Taking a deep breath, Bo stepped towards his uncle and returned a tight embrace. Over Jesse's head, Bo's eyes met Pauline's and she nodded to him. For the first time in his life, Bo found himself in the position of being the strong one for his uncle, and he was determined to keep himself together as long as Jesse needed him to.
Pauline watched as Bo struggled to calm himself. In less then 30 seconds, a full range of emotions crossed his face. He finally closed his eyes and a few tears fell.
Fortunately, the people in the house had chosen to gather in the living room and allow the men their privacy. With one final look at Jesse and Bo, Pauline decided to join them.
With a deep breath, Jesse pulled away from Bo and all but fell into a nearby chair. Sitting next to him, Bo tried not to look as lost as he felt. Jesse turned to his youngest and sighed. "I'm s'posed to be helpin' you."
Shaking his head, Bo took Jesse's hand. "I think we're s'posed to be helpin' each other, Uncle Jesse. It's okay if you don't know what to do anymore then I do."
Suddenly Jesse realized that Bo had changed a lot in the last two days. It wasn't fair to the boy, and once again Jesse wished he could change the way things were.
"I reckon we'll have to figure it out."
"Ya think we will?"
Standing, Jesse put his hand on Bo's shoulder. "We will. You, me, and Daisy will figure it out together."
Sitting up out of her sleep, Daisy actually almost screamed. Her next breath caught in her throat and before she could actually scream, Enos had his arms around her. Trembling, she clung to him and cried. He stroked her hair and whispered in her ear while he held her. After a few minutes, her breathing finally slowed and she began to calm down, and she leaned away from him.
His eyes met hers and he brushed her hair off her face. When her eyes met his, Enos couldn't think of one thing to say. Before he could think of anything, Daisy gently pulled him down to lie beside her. After she put her head on his chest, he put his arm around her and gently played with her hair. For a few minutes Daisy held on to his shirt while tears continued to slide down her face. Finally she broke the silence.
"I have no idea how long I been sleepin', but I'm still tired."
"It's not late, Daisy. If you're still tired, go back to sleep." He squeezed her gently. "I ain't goin' nowhere."
"Do you have any idea how grateful I am for that?" Leaning up, Daisy kissed him gently before she moved off of him.
Just as he was about to move off the bed, she reached for his hand. Rolling over, she put her back to his chest and pulled his arm around her waist. Enos shifted and pulled her close to him.
"What time did you get back?"
"I was a little late. I had to-" Enos stopped abruptly.
"You had to what?" Turning enough to see his face, she waited for him to answer her.
"I had to go talk to Deke's brother. Give him Deke's things."
Daisy closed her eyes for a moment.
"This whole thing has been so bad for a lot of people." He sounded so sad Daisy didn't say anything. She couldn't. There was no way she could bring herself to admit to Enos that the news Deke had killed himself as well as Luke had actually made her feel better. A part of her knew that Deke's family was suffering just as she, Bo, and Uncle Jesse were, but another part of her still felt he got what he deserved. More to avoid his gaze then anything else, Daisy turned to put her back to him again.
Pauline found Bo sitting alone on the steps out front. Sitting next to him, she wrapped her arm around his shoulders. "How are ya, sweetheart?"
"I'm okay." He turned to her. "Uncle Jesse still in his chair?"
"I've just come from sittin' with him. I wanted to know how you're doin'." Poking his arm gently, she smiled at him. "And not the old 'I'm okay' that I've been hearin' from both you kids since I got here."
"Not much more I can say, ma'am. I gotta be okay." After a moment, he finally sighed. "I'm worried 'bout Uncle Jesse."
"And he's worried 'bout you and Daisy."
"I know. Neither of us want him to. Worry 'bout us, I mean."
"And you know he don't want either of ya worryin' about him, neither." Pauline stared at him.
"I know." After a second, Bo made a decision. "I ain't never seen Uncle Jesse like this before. I don't know what to do."
Pauline realized that he was doubting himself, so she patted his shoulder. "You did good, Bo. Maybe now he'll realize that he can lean on you and Daisy as much as the two of you lean on him." She sighed. "I know it's a lot for ya, but you'll find a way. Promise."
For a split second, Bo considered telling her how much more there was for him to deal with, meaning Luke's baby with Mary, but he remembered that he'd promised to not tell anyone. "I just wish I knew how we's gonna get through this." His voice actually cracked and Pauline hugged him.
"I know, honey. You will. I know it don't seem like it right about now, but you really will."
It was dark when Enos's car approached the farm. Daisy got out and waited for Enos to join her before crossing the porch and entering the kitchen. Lavinia was seated at the table and she looked up at her niece.
"I got a plate for ya in the 'fridge."
Staring back at Enos for a second, Daisy shook her head. "We already ate, ma'am. But thank ya."
Lavinia eyed the couple for a moment, then nodded. "Your Uncle Jesse is in the living room with Coy, Vance, and Jeb. Pauline and Bo are outside somewhere."
Wanting to escape Lavinia's stare, Daisy led Enos to the living room. As Enos stopped to speak to the men Daisy moved to Jesse and sat on the arm of his chair. When Jesse's hand reached for hers, she held it with both hands so tightly her knuckles turned white.
"You get some rest?"
"Yes, sir. And Enos made sure I ate, too."
Jesse gave her a small smile, as she knew he would. "Sounds like Enos is watchin' out for ya."
"I reckon." After a moment, Daisy took a deep breath. "Bo mentioned sittin' with ya tomorrow night."
"If that's what you and Bo would want." Jesse turned a bit so he could face her. "It's up to the two of you."
She nodded and turned her eyes to the casket. "I don't know what to do. I ain't even sure what I'm s'posed to feel right about now."
"There ain't no s'posed to feel, Daisy-girl. You feel what ya feel and that's that. There ain't no right or wrong."
Her voice was barely above a whisper, like she was ashamed of what she had to say. "I, Uncle Jesse, I'm….. I feel like I should be….."
"Daisy?" Now Jesse was worried. "What is it, girl?"
"Am I a bad person 'cause I'm glad Deke's dead?"
Daisy's question took Jesse by surprise. It occurred to him that he'd been told of Deke's passing, but it really hadn't registered in his mind that Deke was the one responsible for Luke's death.
Taking a moment, Jesse tried to form an answer, but found he couldn't. The truth was, HE was glad Deke was headed for his own plot in the cemetery. And that fact made Jesse realize just how far from his own faith he'd managed to stray. Unable to face Daisy with this sudden knowledge, he moved away from her and stood.
Watching Jesse leave the house, Daisy struggled to breathe. It was more her imagination then anything else, but she felt everyone's eyes on her. It seemed to take an hour for her to get through the house and out the kitchen door.
Enos called her name as she passed him.
"I'm fine. I just need some air." She had no idea how she'd managed to say those words, but they had the desired effect. Enos nodded and turned back to the other men.
Once outside, Daisy fought to appear calm until she reached the back of the barn.
Bo and Pauline were making their way back to the house when they saw Daisy sitting behind the barn. It wasn't until they got closer that they realized she was crying. Changing direction, they quickly reached her and Bo kneeled down next to her. Instantly, she tried to stand up. "Leave me alone!"
Gently, Pauline took her arm. "Daisy, honey, talk to us."
Daisy shook her head. "I can't."
Before she could move away from them, Bo put his arm around her and pulled her to him. At first she fought him, but he refused to let go of her until she stopped fighting and leaned into his embrace.
Convinced Bo was able to handle the situation, Pauline patted his arm and left the cousins alone.
"It's gonna be okay."
"No, Bo, it ain't!" Screaming at him, she tried again to get away from him.
"Stop. Darlin', come on, stop. Please?" Bo continued to hold her and talk to her until she wore herself out. Slowly, Bo led her to a bale of hay and sat with her.
Finally she pulled away from him a bit to lean against his shoulder.
"You ready to talk?"
She shook her head. "I can't."
"Look," Bo's voice betrayed how unsure of himself he was. "I don't know if I have an answer, Dais, but if you don't tell me what's goin' on, I can't even try to help ya."
"You can't help, Bo. You don't understand."
"How do you know? How do you know that I don't understand if you don't even give me a chance?" Standing, Bo lost his own battle with his temper. "I understand a whole lot more then you think I do, Daisy. You just don't wanna even let me try."
Before he could walk away, Daisy called him back. "Don't go. Please?"
Bo stepped towards her and kneeled in front of her.
"Uncle Jesse can't even stand to look at me, Bo."
"What?"
"I told him, and he couldn't even look at me. He just got up and walked away. I….. I shouldn'a told him, I reckon. I just….. I wanted him to help me stop feelin' like this. I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. And now he can't even be in the same room with me." Tears came again, and she put her face in her hands.
Moving to sit beside her again, Bo put his arm around her. "Uncle Jesse loves ya. You know that. There ain't nothin' any of us could tell him that would change that."
"Could you tell him…." She hesitated, wondering if Bo would have the same reaction to her words that Jesse did.
"There ain't nothin' you could say to me to make me stop lovin' ya, either."
Her eyes met his for a second, and she took a deep breath. "I can't help bein' glad Deke's dead, Bo. That ain't the way we was raised, and I know it. But I can't help it."
For a moment, Bo was quiet. Just long enough for Daisy to be convinced he was about to walk away from her too. She turned away from him. "I know it ain't right. I don't know what to do about it."
"I wanted to kill him myself." Bo's voice was quiet, and he waited for Daisy to turn back to him. "That's how I feel about it." He shrugged. "I don't much care right now if that's right. He took Luke from us, and I'm glad he's dead for it."
"Uncle Jesse don't see it that way."
"Ain't much I can do about it. Might pass." Bo shrugged again. "Maybe we'll both stop bein' angry at him."
"You think?"
"I don't know. I told ya I don't have a whole bunch of answers." Taking her hands, he sighed. "But I did tell ya I'd understand."
Finally she smiled at him. "Yeah, ya did."
"Come on." Standing, he pulled her to her feet. "Your Loverboy is gonna be lookin' for ya."
"My lover?" Daisy stopped and looked at Bo with almost a panicked expression on her face.
"Loverboy? Enos? Ya know, the guy that's been followin' ya around since ya was 12?" Her expression confused him, but just as quickly, it was gone.
"Oh, yeah. Loverboy." For a brief moment, Daisy had thought Bo somehow knew about her and Enos. "Don't call him that."
Bo wasn't sure, but he got the impression there was more she hadn't told him. Before he could ask her about it she was gone.
Jesse, completely unaware of how he's leaving the house had affected Daisy, stood at Martha's grave, a short distance from where Luke's grave was going to be in two days. He tried to feel the peace and quiet around him, but it wasn't working. For a moment he even tried to pray for guidance, but that also eluded him.
"I wish you was here, Martha." His voice was quiet. "I don't know how I'm going to get through puttin' our oldest here with ya. I know he's with ya, and I know you're both watchin' over us, but that just don't seem to help none right now. I don't know how to put one foot in front of the other, and I don't know how to help our other two youngin's. You'd know. You'd know how to help Daisy and Bo. You'd know how to help me find my way back to the Lord, and trust in him again. 'Cause right now, I just don't."
Please send me a short review if you're still with me. Just want to know how many people are going to stick it out to the end.