Chapter 10. Enigmatical Cats

In a slow state of panic at the sensation of her tears through his fur, Mistoffelees shifted so he could see Alicia's face.

"Cici, what's wrong? What have I done wrong?"

In the darkness, two silver stained eyes peeped trough his fur to stare blindly at his face, shame filling the darkened hazel orbs.

"I'm sorry Misto," came her whisper "I'm sorry…it's not…It's me…I…"

Worry thick in his voice, Mistoffelees gently asked "Cici, what is it?" before wiping away a tear with his thumb. She buried her head in his chest, holding to him tightly. He heard a muffled sob.

"Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Damn HIM. Damn Him, I'm so sorry!"

"Cici?" Mistoffelees asked, beyond confused and holding onto her tightly. Who had hurt her enough to provoke this? Whoever it was would pay for their mistake, he resolved. Alicia began to speak.

"Oh, Misto…I…" the words fell haltingly from her lips, unable to string themselves together through her tears as she wiggled away from the Jellicle to hug her knees further off to the side of the bed. "Oh, Misto, I don't know what to think!" she wailed.

A sudden stab of panic hit the black cat square in the chest and despite her words, he had to know if he'd actually created his worst fear.

"Was it-did I-Everlasting Cat-did I hurt you? What did I do wrong?"

Alicia shook her head. "Nothing. Nothing was wrong. Oh, Misto, it was wonderful…I just…I can't get him out of my head! Damn him! Damn him for being right! Damn him!"

"Cici…Damn who? What are you…I don't understand." Misto stammered in relief and concern as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He was ecstatic he hadn't been the one she was cursing, but now he had to know who was. The blond laughed bitterly, hunkering into herself, covering her nakedness with her folded limbs.

"My-father," she spat sourly. "He always said I'd go and fall for whoever took the time to…to…make love to me. Misto…I…I don't quite know how I feel…I feel so safe around you, I care about you so much-I don't know if it's love, but it's strong, and I…but I don't-don't want him to be right I don't want to lose myself just because of the sex. I don't want to…to…" Alicia tried to finish whatever she had meant to say, but her voice betrayed her, and the leaden lump in her throat lodged there, closing her voice and forcing tears out of her burning eyes. Mistoffelees didn't know what to say. What was there to say to something like that?

"Cici…" he muttered, sensing Alicia's own burning confusion and pain. She sobbed.

"I hate him! I hate him for what he said…what he's…he's…"

Suddnely, it all started to connect in his mind, but the black cat had to ask, this was too dangerous of ground to jump to conclusions.

"Alicia, what's wrong? What has he done to you?"

"Mistoffelees, you can read minds, right?" came her unexpected answer. She was shaking, and her tears were falling onto Mistoffelees' hands as he held up her head.

"Yes…" he murmured hesitantly.

"Read mine. Please. I can't…I can't say it…"

"Alicia…it's dangerous…it hurts…are you sure you want me to?"

"Just do it. Please! I have-I can't go on not having it known but I-I can't say it, Misto!"

Mistoffelees pulled her against him and shushed her as he stroked her hair, rubbing her bare back as she cried.

"Okay," he conceded warily "If you want me to…If you'll let me. Just hold onto me, and look into my eyes." He said, pulling away to stare into her own night blind lenses. He grounded himself to his body with the burning sensation of Alicia's touch, and let his mind slip into the void as the hazel eyes of the girl in front of him focused and grew a thousand times over.

Mistofflees fell into Alicia's mind, a ghost of himself floating in the dark spaces between memory and thought. The landscape of her brain was littered and ordered at once, light and dark shapes balanced bit more than normal. The bird shapes of her happiness fluttered by in small multicolored flocks, her recent memories bearing the brightest feathers, the best shimmering silver through the plumage, no matter their age. Boredom trailed sluggishly along, dull and grey and with no definitive shape, trying and failing to attach to faster thoughts.

Mistoffelees wandered about in her mind, unsure of just what he was looking for, having to peer around labyrinthine walls Alicia had constructed over the years. Then he found it, completely by accident. Behind a wall, he found himself falling into a void again, this one holding the floating, blazing memory he had just helped to create. He saw again her moonlit gaze as the memory connected with his own. When he placed his hands around it, unable to resist, he felt what she had felt, the crushing dizziness, he spiraling pleasure and pulsing intensity and heat. The memory blazed an astounding bright blue, and electric blue, and beneath the surface, glints of gold could be seen.

Past its beauty, an ugly, vomit colored stain was spreading over one corner, trailing like knotted veins over the memory's shape. Mistoffelees followed it, reluctantly letting go of the wonderful memory to trail the stain back to a violent cage of memory-beasts trying to escape; creatures made of fangs and claws and bile and pure hate, gnashing and rending the bars of the cage, which were fast eroding. Out of the corner of his eye, the shadow-Jellicle saw Alicia's own mind-shade, huddled in a corner, a tiny blue knife made of bravery her only defense against the hoard. Fury invaded his mind as he saw her form fade to white with fear. Mistoffelees, strengthening the conncection to his body by making his body hold onto Alicia tighter, gave a roar and dove into the cage.

The beasts assaulted him, their teeth and claws feeling like fire and acid, the pain seeping into his brain, the memories it carried flooding his mind with memory and sensation not his own.

He saw Alicia crying, huddled in the floor of her room at her parent's home. He saw her, nude but for her panties, cooking as her father looked on, her exterior cold and her eyes dead numb, but her stomach ablaze with hate and confusion. He saw Alicia crying, naked and stiff as a board, laying on top of a bed, with her father under the covers talking to her, touching her with grazing fingers, sick adoration in his gaze. Mistoffelees felt every poke and prod and heard every crude comment and joke; felt the angry knot of pain and confusion that was eating way at Alicia's centre and spawning the beasts.

The conjuror exited the cage and furiously took hold of the pervasive vein and viciously ripped it away from the memory of their lovemaking. He wrapped the veins around the cage and formed a chain of bright red rage and magic. He found Alicia's store of righteous fury and his own and combined them, using the resulting material to build bright white walls, not stopping until a blinding building emerged: it had no windows, and only one door. The black cat formed a lock, and made the key out of Alicia's bravery and determination, which her mind shade handed to him before she stepped away, knowing she had no power against his own spell work.

Before Misoffeleses closed the door, he stormed inside, blasting the memories to smaller and smaller pieces, until they were merely distracting for the girl and not depression inducing monsters. Then he shut the door, and built another wall of muted green serenity. He took Alicia's mind shade by the hand, and together, they moved the electric blue memory far away. They held onto it for one long, lingering second before Mistofelees let it go and closed his eyes, falling back into his own body .

With a gasp, the last of the mind link was severed, Alicia shivering, Mistoffelees still.

"He never touched me- not like he wanted to. He told me I was beautiful. Sexy. Told me…told me I was his-his true love-told me he wanted me. He didn't have to touch me…what he did…was enough."

"Cici…shhh…he can't hurt you now. He can never hurt you again."

"I've never told anyone. I just…you're safe, Misto. You make me feel so safe and I know, somehow I just know that you won't hurt me."

Mistoffelees swallowed, still processing all the things his mind was reeling from, all the magic he'd used and all he'd fought against that night. This was what the whimper had been. This was why she stayed so frightened around all the straight male cast. This was her pain, and she'd let him see her at her absolute most vulnerable. The girl who seemed to trust no-one trusted him. And the last thing he wanted to do was harm her, in any way. Slowly, he asked the question he'd been dreading since that first kiss.

"Are you…Should I leave? Will it be-easier for you if I go, less-painful?" He only wanted to protect her.

"No" she whispered, turning around in his arms so she could hold him, her head on his shoulder. "No. I…I need you here. Please stay."

Mistoffelees felt the ice cold block of apprehension that had formed in his chest melt away at her words, and he held her. He kissed the top of her head, tracing her cheek with his thumb and scooting down on the bed, pulling the sheets over them both.

"I'm here." he whispered gently. He felt her smile as she settled deeper into his chest. "Thank you." she murmured, her voice sleepy as she burrowed her face and fingers deeper into his soft fur. He purred quietly, smiling as Leary jumped up, his luminous eyes gazing at Mistoffelees before he nodded and lay behind his owner, fusing himself to her back. Alicia cuddled even closer to Mistoffeees, and soon, her breathing evened out in sleep. Her eyes were swollen and puffy-red from crying, and the floating feeling had dissipated, but Mistoffelees smiled nonetheless. She was beautiful, because of all she was and not in spite of it, at least to him.

The black cat's mind buzzed, full of new information and thoughts of the little understudy he could no longer call just his friend. Full of consequences and panic, and full of something intense and close to pain, but wonderful. He could not join his lover in sleep until well past midnight.