Title: Professional Detour
Chapter 10 - A New Path Ahead
Okay so right from the start we knew this story would be angsty b/c of the spoilers it was based around. I know we will all miss our beloved Stella but am glad that most of you stuck with this story right to the end and a special THANK YOU for your great reviews! I do hope you like this ending and THANK YOU once again!
A/N: This chapter is going to be a lot more back and forth between Mac and Stella's POV so hope it's not too fast or confusing but I need to capture them both at key moments and hope that's okay. Thanks in advance!
Sitting on the plane by myself as I head back to New York alone was slowly killing me. I wanted to find something, anything I could use as a makeshift weapon, storm to the front of the plane and demand the pilot turn us around at once, I left something very valuable behind; something I cannot live without.
I close my eyes and lean my head back against the seat, my heart aching with each beat I produce the further I get from Stella. I love you Stella...I will make it work...make it work...but how? I can't just give up my life in New York? All that I worked so hard to build. Reed is there; Claire's memory is there, my team is there. But not Stella, and Stella is my life and my future and all that other stuff seems moot.
My mind now dwells on the past weekend we just shared, meeting her new boss, Greg. I so wanted to find fault with him but even those few minutes that we talked in the bathroom, I found myself liking him more and more and that was also part of the problem. Stella will have no trouble working with him. Their Detective worries me, but I know I have to dwell on trust and not insecurity. Yeah like that'll be easy for you, my brain jeers. I think on her new home, how excited she was to finally have a place she could call her own. She even told me that she wanted to save enough to actually buy the place and really make it hers. I wanted that for us, will I ever get it?
The plane touches down and I head for the nearest cab and quickly realize something, New York just doesn't have the same magical pull it once did. Stella changed all that for me; she made the city alive and vibrant. She was one of the main reason's I loved New York; she was the one that really made it home for me. But in a matter of hours, that is all gone; changed for good. Now it seems empty. I have my memories, but right now I want her arms around me.
I remember us making breakfast, making love, making a home and now I wonder if I'll be making anything again with her? I could have stayed and been with her on her first day, but truth was I didn't want to face that and then head home with all that excitement and enthusiasm dancing around in my head. It's hard enough as it is. And I would have had to lie to tell her how happy I was that she was moving on, it wouldn't have been fair. So I'll suffer in silence.
I reach home and enter my quiet apartment, allowing the stifling silence to greet me as it usually does. "I miss you Stella," I whisper in sorrow. I know that my days ahead will be busy with Danny, but not seeing Stella around the lab on a daily basis is going to take its mental and emotional toll. I know I won't last. Should I break up? Are you stupid! By brain yells. Or just a damn coward?
"I'm a damn coward," I admit numbly as I head toward my bedroom. But just as I pass the phone it rings and I can't get it fast enough. "Stella?" I ask with a large smile.
"No sorry," Don's voice gently chuckles. "Don't have the legs for it."
"Right, what's up Don?"
"Well I guess I just wanted to know how it went? Did you survive?"
"I uh...yeah I did," I huff as I ease myself into the nearest chair and run my fingers through my hair. "But she starts tomorrow and..."
"Talk to me Mac. What was it like?"
"Don, this is painful enough as it is. Saying bye to Stella at that damn airport was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. At least I didn't have to look Claire in the eye before I let her go."
"What are you talking about? You are sounding like it's over!"
"Well maybe it is and I just have to face that."
"What the hell happened? You guys fight or something? Her boss turn out to be a big asshole? The area she's living sucks? Talk to me Mac."
"Actually her boss turned out to be a great guy, her new home and area is amazing and we spent two wonderful days together."
"So I'm not getting it," Don huffs.
"Don, I'm tired and not in the mood."
"Sorry Mac, this time you are going to listen to me. It's either on the phone or I come there."
XXXXXXXX
It was at least an hour before Mac finally called me. He said he had talked to Don for a bit and then wasn't sure if it was too late. I asked what Don had to say but he only told me that it was what he needed to hear and that it wasn't worth fretting about. Damn his stubbornness sometimes. We talked, but it was strained and now I'm worried.
I sit in my bed, all alone and just listen to the silence and my heart racing. "I miss you Mac," I whisper into the stillness that now engulfs me. I wish he was here so that we could make love, or talk or...or whatever. I just want him here. Us now being in love and being so far apart is somehow so wrong. Can this actually work? I turn off the light and force myself to think on happier times, Mac declaring his love and then us making passionate love right after that. But as the silence starts to consume me I know the night ahead will be strained.
As I suspected I woke up earlier but tired and not rested at all. I hurry out of bed, head for the shower, hoping the only warm water will help to wake me up a bit more. I finish with a spritz of cold before I quickly dress and head downstairs; pausing for a moment as I see Mac turn and look at me with a smile on his handsome face only to vanish and I'm finally greeted with an empty counter staring back. I start into my coffee, flipping on the TV and getting at least a local channel that has the latest news and weather.
I fill my travel mug and then am out the door, my stomach now aflutter with butterflies and nervous knots. The cab ride to my lab affords me the opportunity to try to relax and take in a few deep breaths. I reach the lab and suddenly feel like the new kid entering a brand new school where everyone knows everyone else but me. At least Danny only get a change of scenery and a pay raise, I get everything new, including my stress and anxiety.
"Morning Stella," Greg greets me. "Ready to start?"
"I am," I answer in truth; praying my nerves dont show through.
"Okay so first on the agenda, new hires..." Greg's voice rattles off as I settle into the chair before him, my heart racing. But as I start to look through the first few resumes, I find my nerves settling and my excitement building once again. Greg has told me that he'll take care of the more senior CSI, coming to me with his final chosen few if I had time. The person will be my second in command, as Dustin is more than ready to step back down.
After I am done with Greg, I head into my office, only to start being bombarded by new staff with myriads of questions. All are friendly and welcoming and in a matter of hours, I start to feel that I belong to this small group of people. As soon as lunch arrives I know one thing is certain; that while I miss Mac more than anything, I'm glad I took this opportunity.
But I do have to wonder how Mac is faring?
XXXXXXXX
After spending one of the most miserable nights of my life, I had come into the office early only to turn my bad mood onto everyone else but myself. It took both Danny and Don to remind me that I am in charge and have to get past this hurdle as Stella wouldn't want me taking it out on innocent bystanders.
"Mac?" Danny's soft voice breaks my thoughts, forcing my gaze back to his. "This right?"
"Yeah Danny, you got that," I nod in agreement, a slight frown dotting my brow.
"I guess you haven't talked to Stella this morning?"
"Thought I'd wait until lunch time."
"Her time or ours?" Danny quips and I just smirk.
"Okay so..."
"You can talk about her you know. You have been kinda avoiding the topic all morning," Danny gently reminds me.
"Hurts too much Danny," I confess in truth. He gives me a nod and then it's back to business as usual. Finally just before lunch, Stella's time, I head into the break room, heading for the nearest coffee maker and a much needed caffeine boost.
"So how was your weekend in New Orleans?" Sid inquires.
"Fine," I answer with a glum tone as he approaches.
"Ah haven't asked her yet have you?" He mentions and I refrain from commenting. "When do you see her next?"
"I fly out Friday night," I reply with a frown. "I hate flying."
"I don't blame you. I wouldn't do it."
"Pardon?"
"The commuter relationship. I don't think it's worth it," Sid states and I stare at him in utter shock.
"This is for Stella, Sid," I insist and he shrugs; drawing me further into his trap. "I don't mind. I mean I hate to fly and...what do you mean it's not worth it?" I stammer, my core temperature rising.
"Mac..." he starts, his hand now resting on my shoulder. "It's like this, you have a choice and..."
"Sid, I don't and you know it," I huff as I take a sip of my coffee, adding more fuel to my already fraying nerves.
"Actually you do and here it is..."
I listen to Sid's ramblings and curse myself as I find them making sense; much like Don's mild tongue lashing from the night before. I find myself finally thanking Sid for the fatherly advice and then heading back to my office, Don hovering in the doorway.
"Just about to head out. Sheldon call you?"
"Just now. I have to make a quick call and..."
"Did you give anymore thought as to what I told you last night."
"Don, I can't see it working out."
"Why not? I can."
"I..." I start and then stop.
"Or are you afraid to make it work? Okay I'll meet you downstairs. Say hi to Stella for me."
I just shake my head in disbelief before I quickly reach for the phone and dial; all of his and Sid's words now starting to invade my brain, tugging at my heart and yelling at me to use it instead of my head. Finally Stella's voice is heard on the other end; instantly cementing in my heart what I need to do.
XXXXXXXX
"Just heading out but wanted to call and see how the first half of your day went?"
I try to temper my answer to Mac with enthusiasm and reality. It was exciting but also a bit unnerving and exhausting. He asked me about Jack Daniels and I said he was by but I told him it was only a few minutes and that was it. I don't mind Mac being a bit jealous but know I'd be a bit more than unsettled if he told me that Aubrey dropped by to see how he was doing. Could I just kill her?
I really want to tell him I miss him already but know that would just add further tension so just keep the conversation light and amicable. I ask about Danny and he asks about Greg. A few minutes later he tells me has to go but says we'll talk after work and I can give him the full run down.
I hang up and am happy that my mood has lifted considerably. I finish my lunch and then head into the lab.
"Hey Stella, can I get your expert opinion on something?" Gabby calls to me, her and Rebecca waiting with smiles on their faces. All in all I really like both my female counterparts and am looking forward to getting to know each of them better. I do miss Lindsay and I'll always miss Jessica, but I know in my heart that Jessica wouldn't want me pining away to the detriment of myself or those around me. And I'm not going to compare or find fault; I want this to work; I need this to succeed. I had told Gabby about Adam and she was already asking for a picture and email.
I head over to the station and soon a lively discussion ensues about what could have made the piece of evidence that is now being inspected and before too long Rebecca and I are heading out into the field.
"So tell me about your Mac," she mentions. "And I'll tell you about Art."
I settle back in the seat of the Chevy Suburban and smile, telling her a few professional things about Mac, things he wouldn't mind me talking about and then listening to her relate to me about her fiance in return. As we head into the city, she also tells me interesting things about the various neighborhoods; things to avoid, places to see and what a great area Greg picked for me to live in.
"Can't wait until Mac is back here and then I can have you two over," Rebecca's words break my thoughts once again. So far both Greg and Dustin have offered similar sentiments and once again I am feeling a big part of my team. I could see myself becoming family with another great set of people. And of course my old team when they come to visit, I could also have a few over. Now my mind races with exciting entertaining ideas.
I almost can't wait for this day to be over so that I can tell Mac all the exciting things that I am planning and that he can be a part of. He'll be happy for us right? Right? Why is there now a doubt?
XXXXXXXX
I almost dreading Stella's call; telling myself that I should have stayed at work as I know it's going to be pure mental torment hearing the happy excitement in her voice as she tells me all about her day. But I can't deny her that. I need to hear her voice; I missed her more than I can even admit to myself right now.
"I missed you so much," she starts out by saying and I just close my eyes in torment, my head leaning against the back wall as I sit in bed alone.
"I missed you too. Odd not having my partner at my side," I confess in truth.
"How did Danny do?" Stella asks with some hesitation.
"Wasn't the same, but he did what we taught him and actually exceeded what I expected. I think he'll do very well," I explain. "Everyone misses you and says to say hello."
"And Don?"
"Much like me, he's surviving. Although I doubt he misses you as much. So now tell me about your day."
"Mac..."
"Please?"
"Okay..."
She starts into her day and as I suspected, the happiness in her voice was undeniable. She likes it there and is doing everything in her power to succeed and make it work; just as I expected her to do. She tells me about her tasks of finding new staff, about going on her first field assignment, about her new team and how they want to have us over to get to know us better and on it went. Thankfully I felt that she included me in everything that was couple oriented but I am still not there with her; right now. And that's what I miss most. Seeing the passion in her fiery emerald orbs, watching her animated expressions and hearing the joy as it lights up her beautiful smile. I miss it all and I hate myself for it.
"I love you Mac and I miss you terribly," she offers me before we finally have to hang up a few hours later.
"I love you too Stella," I whisper as my ears pick up the soft kiss she's tried to blow into the phone. I hang up and feel the emptiness in the pit of my stomach starting to grow. The rest of the week ahead is going to be sheer hell.
And I'm right.
Each day that passes I am angry, withdrawn, irritable, on edge and frustrated. Don says I am putting on a brave face for the rest of the world and the team to see, seemingly fooling everyone except him. He constantly reminds me of his solution to the problem but all I can see is my own physical pain and mental discomfort. Friday finally arrives and it's a day of unexpected advice.
First my mother phones, her words almost mirror images of Don's in fact so much so at one point I call him into my office and actually ask if he put her up to calling me. He merely shrugged and said it was destiny giving me a kick in the ass. Don of course continued his badgering; even Lindsay took me aside and told me what I could to do make my life a much more pleasant experience. Sid and then Danny also made a few comments; Adam finally telling me about the lab tech that Stella told him about; every second of the past week a constant reminder that my very mental sanity was being sucked down the emotional toilet and only I was the one that could stop it before it was washed away without hope of repair or salvation.
And then finally Sinclair called me into his office. Like a bad child being summoned to the principal's office. And boy was it a tongue lashing that I actually needed.
"So that is your choice Mac," he tells me Friday evening. "It's only been one week. How long do you think this attitude can last before something snaps? And I mean a very black mark on your nearly inpecable file. You know I won't allow that. So what is it going to be?"
XXXXXXXX
I putter around the kitchen waiting for Mac's call and the flight number that he'll be coming in on. I stare at the table and can't wait until he's here and we are finally eating together again. Dustin's wife, Shelby, called me and told me about this amazing seafood market that has some good offerings that aren't too expensive. With the recent gulf oil spill, shellfish has become almost a prized commodity but a few places bring flash frozen stuff in from the Pacific in that actually is very enjoyable.
"Come on Mac, call me," I huff. And as if on cue, the phone rings and I race to pick it up. "What plane number?"
"Stella...I uh...I'm sorry I can't come this weekend," Mac's voice instantly apologizes.
"What?" I ask in haste, my mood plummeting. "Why not?"
"Sinclair raked me over the coals today for my uh...well I guess I wasn't the most friendly person to be around and he said that I needed to work this weekend to make me think about my attitude."
"Oh...okay," I frown, my eyes instantly watering and my mind yelling at me to not break down and play the weepy emotional card.
"Sorry. I know I let you down but...well I guess you're absence affected me more than I thought...oh hell Stella, I can't function without you here. I thought I could and it's very obvious that you don't need me to..."
"Stop it right there Mac!" I warn in frustration. "It's very hard for me also but I don't know these people so have to put on a good impression, right? I want to make this work."
"I know!" His voice slightly raises. "I know and..." he pauses with a softer tone. "God I miss you Stella. I thought...well I guess I thought if I worked more that it would make up for the hole that your leaving has caused but it hasn't. Everyone reminds me of what I have become without you and...and they're right. So I told Sinclair that I would work this weekend and..."
"It's okay I understand," I lie outright. "I'm sorry that you got into trouble because of me."
"Not personally," he sighs and I can just picture the look of torment on his handsome face. "I just miss you."
"I miss you too Mac. Wasn't looking forward to spending the weekend in this new city all alone. I mean I have nothing to move so am free and..."
"But you'll be alone right? No wait I meant..." his voice trails off in a heated stammer to which I laugh at. "What?"
"No I won't be taking any invitations from any single men if that's what you are asking," I tell him in truth. "I love you remember? Your thick head and all."
"Stella, I promise I will see you soon."
"When Mac?"
"Next weekend? There are just a few things I need to do here for..."
"Mac you don't owe me..."
"Yes I do. You were counting on me and I feel like I have once again let you down."
"Well of course I feel let down Mac, I wanted to spend another amazing weekend with you. I was so busy this past week with getting settled into my new office and lab that I just wanted to have you all to myself and not think about work for a few hours."
"I promise Stella..."
"You said we'd make this work Mac. Please tell me that every weekend you won't be working."
"Every?"
"Once a month won't work and you know that," I state in a soft somber tone. "Skype?"
"Yeah not the same," he huffs. "I made a promise to you Stella, I would find a way to make it work."
"Time to cash in some of that holiday time?"
"Actually that is what I can do."
"Mac..."
"It's in the works Stella, I give you my word. I love you and I'll call you tomorrow. Okay?"
"I love you too Mac."
I finally hang up and then allow myself a good cry, mostly to expel all my emotional anxiety from the past week. I head into the kitchen, pour myself a glass of wine and then head outside onto my small patio. The air is warm and sweet and in the distance I hear music and laughter and my mind settles a little. However, as I glance over at the empty chair I do have to wonder if perhaps Mac is getting cold feet.
He had told me how much he hates long distance relationships and now I have to wonder if he's already starting to distance himself so that he can say its not working and back out; going back to his miserable solitary existence, damning himself to a lonely future at his own doing.
"Please Mac...please tell me you are not giving up on us," I gently beg as I take another sip of wine. But with Mac being MIA for the weekend it'll give me time to actually go and pick up the car that I had been looking at at a local dealership and then get started on my backyard.
But I know one thing is certain; if he does this again next weekend, I will know that he's not invested in us, and at that point I might be the one to die emotionally. It will be over - for good.
XXXXXXXX
I hate myself for not telling Sinclair that I had to go and see Stella and that was it, but he was right, I needed to find something to change my attitude and that was it; and I better do it before he hands me my walking papers. I lean back in my office chair and gaze upon a small picture of me and Stella, my mood lifting a little.
It's Saturday morning and instead of waking up with Stella, having a leisurely breakfast and then exploring a new city, I am here at work trying to make a decision on my very existence. All week long I was bombarded with advice, well wishes and mental ass kickings from concerned friends and family; but a call from Greg Fields and then my discussion with Sinclair forced me to look at myself very carefully.
And so I spend today and tomorrow, getting things gone and getting myself back into the proper frame of work mind so that I can face my team next week as the leader they knew before my romantic life went to hell in a hand basket; mostly by my own doing.
"Was Stella disappointed?" Don asks as he slowly walks into my office; both of us needing to work the weekend, although his reasons different from mine.
"I think she started to cry," I lament with a heavy frown. "But I promised her next weekend and..."
"Damn it Mac, cash in your year's worth of holidays," Don insists and we both smile.
"What did you need?"
"Just this," he hands me a piece of paper and I quickly scan it.
"When did you get this?"
"About half hour ago," he frowns. "Guess we are both on the hot seat now."
"Don..."
"Forget it Mac," he smiles as he ease himself back in his chair. "My attitude has been just as lousy as yours since Stella left. Okay maybe not as bad."
"Thanks," I deadpan.
"I keep wondering what Jessica would say to me," he sighs as he leans forward, his hands rubbing over his face.
"And what would she say?"
"Same thing Claire would say to you," he tells me point blank.
"Yeah I know. So where does that leave us?"
"You know where," Don utters as he too frowns.
"Okay so what do we do first?" I ask as I sign the form and hand it back.
"Well..."
XXXXXXXX
"Thank you," I tell the car salesman as I take the keys to my new Ford Fusion. I like the looks of it and am happy the payments are very reasonable. I know I could have probably paid out right for it, but the monthly schedule will make it easier until I know exactly how much is coming in each payday.
I have my map with me and first thing I do is head for the nearest supermarket, I have a fridge that needs to be stocked. I had thought about the seafood store, but with Mac not coming this weekend, a seafood feast for one just doesn't seem the happy affair it is for two. So that will wait until next weekend. I fill my cart and then head back outside; next stop a local tree farm.
I gather a few bulbs that will weather the coming fall and winter months, although the temperature is pretty much even down here, with snow being a rarity. I had told Mac that I love Christmas in Manhattan but am actually looking forward to a whole host of new seasonal offerings in this new place.
I reach home, put away my groceries and then head outside, greeting the sunshine and then looking at my back yard, wondering where I get started first. About an hour into my working, I look up and feel another bout of loneliness starting ton consume me as Mac is no where in sight. Just seems so empty without him here. I miss his voice asking me questions, offering me tidbits and his warm words of praise and encouragement as I do things for us. I just miss him.
Dinner is once again a morbid affair as I quickly flip on the TV and hope that whatever mindless drivel is on will help to dull my senses and fill the void that Mac's noticeable absence is causing.
After dinner I don't wait for Mac to call me, I call him. But despite the fact that we have talked almost every day for the past week, tonight his voice sounds tired and I'm worried.
"You okay?"
"Yeah just tired," he confesses. "But got lots done today so that is good right?"
"Yeah it's good. I uh...I did to."
"Tell me what you did," he entreats.
I start into my stories about my new car, first trip out grocery shopping and then working in my backyard but all I am greeted with in return are sorrow filled sighs and fake words of commendation and encouragement. I don't want to get into an argument of any kind so hold back on asking if he's actually telling me the truth.
Are we breaking up? Is the question I need answered, but I don't want to be the one to plant seeds of doubt in his mind and heart so again hold back, praying he is just tired and nothing more. Is the handwriting on the wall?
XXXXXXXX
I hate the fact that Stella is telling me all these amazing things and I am not there to share them with her. Sinclair, however, true to his word, kept me very busy, as did Don and I didn't even notice what time it was until Stella called. I finally head home under a cloud of guilt and gloom. I want to be there with her, but I can't just take a year off; that would be unfair to everyone. Except yourself, my brain reminds me.
I wish I was there to go car shopping; to help fill her fridge and to work side by side in the yard with her on garden projects. It all sounds so normal and inviting; a real taste of family life that I haven't experienced yet but always wanted to.
"Damn it Mac," I curse myself as I enter my apartment. My phone buzzes to life and I look at the display and frown.
"McCanna," my mother greets me. "How is Stella?"
I head for the living room, relaying to her all the things that Stella has told me, listening to her words of counsel in return. We talk a bit longer, me telling her that I am going to see Stella on the coming weekend and assuring her that I am not breaking up. Her warning me that if I do she'll just kill me as I have told her enough cases for her to make it look like a suicide. That I actually laughed at.
I know that tomorrow is going to be much like today, and also the week ahead. But as I force my mind to dwell on seeing Stella next weekend my heart settles a bit. Finally after a modest supper, I open my laptop and do something I haven't done, well ever.
I start to browse the internet for things to do and see in New Orleans. I want to also be an activate participant in this new adventure that Stella is undertaking and so if I have to force myself to actually become acquainted with the term 'Google' then so be it.
I finally find a few things to do and with a those thoughts now settled in my mind and heart I find that the night ahead doesn't seem quite as bleak as the few before. However, it's still not the same. I tell Stella I love her, but am now unable to actually her just how true those words are. The few weekends we are afforded now, just don't seem enough.
"I will make this work Stella," I tell myself firmly as I turn off the light and will my eyes to close. Sleep however, still seems to be elusive and so I wake up on Sunday tired and irritable as I was before. This has got to end. I need Stella with me; my life is empty without her. What the hell do I do?
XXXXXXXX
I wake up Sunday morning much the same as Saturday. Alone, miserable and wondering if I made the right decision. Mac and I are both miserable and I know that while both of us are partly to blame for these feelings I now can't help but wonder if it's mostly my fault for taking this job in the first place.
I head downstairs, hoping that my mood will pick up but it doesn't and I spend much of the day, outside, in the sun, on m patio chair with a book and a dismal mood. This has got to end. I need Mac with me; my life is empty without him. Mac told me that once again he had to work today, and I'm hoping he'll get everything done and I'll be picking him up in my new car Friday night.
As my new team expected me to be with Mac this weekend, I get no calls and so everything has been quiet. I did get a call from both Don and Lindsay but that only further cemented the lonely feelings in my heart; especially when they said they missed me and that Mac was the most miserable being on the entire planet without me at his side. I would concur.
Both of them promised to come and visit, each on separate occasions, Lindsay actually excited when I told her there was a couple on my team, kinda like her and Danny with a son about Lucy's age that she would love meeting. I head into my bedroom, waiting for Mac's call but my mind almost dreading the tone he'll greet me with; my heart already starting to be laden with guilt.
But I need to hear his voice; my day has been lonely just listening to the TV or radio. Mac finally calls and my soul starts to settle a little.
"Yeah it's almost like Cozy's," I relate to him about the jazz club that I found that has spots for newcomers to come and just play. "Miss hearing you play for me Mac."
"Yeah wish you...wish I could also," he quickly corrects. I know he was going to say that he wished I was there and the more we are apart, the faster I am wishing that were true.
"See if we had Skype you could play and I could watch and enjoy."
"Just not the same Stella," he tells me and I feel my core tighten.
"I know but...Mac did I do the right thing?"
"I know it seem like you didn't but...damn it Stella, I don't know! I miss you and love you and...we are apart and I hate this. Work consumes me now and I know I had wanted to get away from that and..." his voice rattles off in a nervous tirade. "I hate that we are apart."
"Only a few more days right?"
"Five," he huffs."
"Right, five," I repeat slowly.
We talk a bit longer before we both offer the other a very strained I love you and goodnight and then I hang up, feeling more lost and alone than the first night I arrived here. Please Mac, please tell me I'm not losing you.
"So you and Mac have fun on the weekend?" Greg asks me early the next morning.
"Actually Mac wasn't able to make it. He had to work," I offer in miserable truth.
"Oh that's too bad, you should have called Sheila," he refers to his wife. "She would have loved to have played tour guide."
"Well I bought a car and...and I was busy but thanks. Okay so..."
"You going to be okay?" Greg asks in concern.
"Yes Sir, don't worry you can count on me," I quickly give him a firm smile; praying he can't see the truth behind the mask.
"Okay great. Now I need you to join Jack and Dustin at..." he gives me the location of the call that he got first thing this morning. He's a lot more hands on than Sinclair, but I can't complain; I'm sure once I am a bit more settled in here, I won't even notice.
I grab the keys and then head for the waiting Suburban, joining my on loan Detective and field CSI for our newest case.
"So Stella," Jackson starts in a low tone. "Me and a couple of buddies are going to check out a jazz concert this weekend. You want to join us?"
"Actually Mac will be here and..."
"You hope right? Sorry, just heard that he didn't..."
"Damn word travels fast," I huff as I just shake my head. "Well as the head of the New York crime lab he had an important case to work. But if you don't mind him coming..."
"Uh yeah sure," he finally backs away and it's back to business as usual.
"Sorry," Dustin states sheepishly. "He musta overheard me talkin' to Shelby," he confesses with a sincere expression. "He'll get the message - sooner or later."
"It's okay. So what do we have?"
Dustin starts into his explanation and our day officially begins. The rest of the week progresses pretty much as the week before, me working on a few cases, screening resumes, sitting in on interviews, arranging to shop for new equipment, going home and alone and talking to Mac.
With one very noticeable exception; my conversations with Mac over this past week have become shorter and shorter, until Friday night I called and he didn't answer. Was he not coming? Was I once again going to face the weekend alone?
"Mac, it's me," I leave my second voice mail. "I was just about to head out to the airport to pick you up but haven't heard what time you are coming in. Please call me."
I hang up and wait. And wait. And then wait some more until I get a text and I feel my future crashing down around me.
'Stella, sorry something very important has come up and I'm not flying out. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Mac.'
"Damn you Mac. It's over," I lament as I place the phone down and bury my head, cursing Mac's name and my very own existence until I can no longer breath and just pass out on the couch. The next morning I awake, tired and angry and knowing I cannot stay home. So I am going to pull a Mac Taylor.
When the going gets tough; the tough go to work, he always told me.
"Stella, what are you doing here today?" Greg asks me in haste, his voice tight and nervous.
I look at him in suspect but then figure I am just in a bad mood and work will distract me.
"I just need to get a few things done."
"Mac coming in later?" He asks in wonder.
"I doubt it," I shrug with a casual but fake smile.
"Okay well I have a few important things to tend to but if you need me I'll be here for a few hours yet."
"Thanks," I offer with a weak smile.
"Think you'll be really excited for the new staff starting on Monday."
"Okay."
In truth I'm not excited. I don't care about new staff, I care about the fact that the man I thought I offered my love to actually loved me back. But I can't unload all this on him so merely give him a nod and then hurry toward my office, not wanting my boss to see my in any kind of emotionally weakened condition. I had told him I wasn't going to allow any of this to affect me and I am going to stand by that promise. I reach my desk and then grab the phone, determined to call Mac and just give him a piece of my mind. But as I dial his number I hear ringing getting closer.
I look up and my world stops. "Oh...my...god."
"Thought I'd answer in person," Mac's warm voice greets.
"What um...how did you...what the hell are you doing here?" I ask angrily.
XXXXXXXX
"Well if I am to start on Monday I thought I'd come in and see where my office is going to be and then go and meet my new boss. But I guess I can now do two things at once," I tell Stella, not in the least bit surprised that she's pissed at me. I would be also if she played the same game I did.
"Is this a joke?"
"Detective Mac Taylor reporting for duty."
"Mac...what?" She asks, her growing smile not easily hidden. "How did I mean when did you...how did you...you gave up..." her voice trails off in haste. "Tell me what is going on!" She demands, both of us still fixed in place.
"I was miserable without you Stella," I start into the second hardest confession of my adult life. "These past two weeks have just cemented in my mind that my life is not complete without you and that work isn't the most important thing. I lost focus of that when we were together and I quickly realized it when we were apart. And that stops now."
"You quit?"
"Actually it Sinclair that told me I had to fix whatever in my life was contributing to my...well rotten attitude at of late or else," I smirk and Stella's posture finally softens. "And the only way to do that was to be with you. Yes selfishly I wanted to call Greg and tell him that you didn't belong here but I want this for you Stella and now it's time to put you first; to put us first," I tell her as I place my suitcase down and slowly walk toward her, noticing her eyes are already glistening. "I know you can do it and I want you to succeed. I've been the boss long enough; now it's time to my trust in someone more than worthy of that title."
"But...the team. What did you..."
"And also the team and my mother all made it very clear that work is really not worth losing happiness over and it's about time I put my personal needs above my professional demands. Plus they said I was needed here. I love you Stella and I told you that I would make it work for us. I was alone and unhappy and want to be happy and this is the only way I know how."
"But you have always been in charge Mac," her soft words reminds me as we now stand a few feet apart.
I gently touch her warm cheek, and quickly brush away an oncoming tear. "Maybe it's time to let some of that control go; give it up to a more qualified person."
"More qualified?" She manages.
"Well you really are the one qualified to handle our future happiness right? Certainly mine."
"I don't know Mac, this is a pretty damn good start," she whispers as she leans in closer. "I was miserable without you."
"And I couldn't see myself going on without you. As I had told you before, memories come with us; Claire is in my heart so no matter where I go..."
"The most important memory comes with you," Stella finishes.
"As long as I am with the most important person, I don't need anything else but I do need you. I was miserable Stella, I know we both were. I didn't want too much time to pass. I want to be here with you; to experience all of this with you. A new start for both of us."
"And your mother? Reed? The team?"
"All told me that they'll come and visit. We do have that spare room right?"
"Who's in charge in New York?" Stella asks in shock.
"Danny and Lindsay," I inform her. "Adam was promoted and now we they just need to train two juniors. Sinclair was actually somewhat accommodating for the fresh start. As are they all."
Stella looks at me, words failing to escape her at the moment; before I quickly pull her into my arms.
"Are you sure? I mean you gave up everything for me Mac?"
"Not everything. Not what matters most," I whisper as I lean in closer, wanting to taste her lips so badly it almost hurts. "I love you Stella, you are my future, that's what I gave up New York to get."
"I love you Mac, thank you for all this."
"Well selfishly I did do it for me," I smirk and she gives me a small pinch.
"If you ever trick me again like that I will kill you."
"Trust me Stella, these past two weeks have been hell for me as well. I had to swear the team and Greg to secrecy so that you'd be surprised when I arrived. But not seeing you last weekend and hearing the sorrow in your voice the night before nearly killed me."
"I thought you wanted to end it," she states sadly and my heart breaks.
"I'm sorry I gave that impression," I utter as I finally lean in and kiss her mouth, devouring her lips and then pulling back with a smile. "Forgive me?"
"You're here now Mac..."
"Here to stay Stella," I promise her as I place her hand over my rapidly beating heart. "I had to be the one to make the decision right? You had told me that? That I had to be the one to let it all go in favor of our future and I did that. I am with you and I'm never letting go."
"And I love you for it," she assures me as she kisses me on the lips. Our kiss lingers for what seems like a blissful eternity before we hear a faint noise in the distance and know it's time to take this some place quieter. In truth I can't wait to get back to our new home and spend the rest of the day making love to her and showing her that I am more than in love, I am ready to pledge my future to her right now.
"Come on," I take Stella by the hand and prepare to leave her office; the weekend, our life ahead of us waiting to be enjoyed.
I know that there will be ups and downs; growing pains galore as I have never faced a situation like this. New job, new role, new home, new city, new love and new life. But I know with Stella at my side, and knowing that this is also new growing pains for her makes it a bit easier. But now that we are together, it will be a success in the long run, it can't fail because we won't let it. We both want it too much. The future is exciting and scary but as long as I am with the woman I love more than anything I know that nothing can beat us back down. This will succeed!
"Where to?" She asks with a growing smile.
"Wherever you want. The future awaits."
"Then let's go home."
THE END!
A/N: Well I was going to add some more but I think most are wanting this to end (sorry if you lost interest and stopped reviewing) so I have ended it here. Hope this ending was okay. Mac in New Orleans? Could have made her come back to NY, (even though wayyyy to predictable) but since a lot of you wanted her to stay in NO to make it work and you know I can't keep my smacked apart so hope this ending works! Please don't hate me if you don't like it. Another ending could be for another story? Hehe :D