Hey guys, so my flat was broken into and I had my computer stolen a couple of weeks ago (which is why this is so late), so that's been a bit of a downer. Luckily I had all my files backed up, so my stories are safe. Needless to say I was feeling fairly rubbish when I wrote this, so be warned it's pretty bleak, I mean really fairly horrible (and LONG, so I'm splitting it into two half chapters). Again, thank you for the reviews, they definitely spur me on, keep em coming! :)

Chapter 10/A: Ward

Harry woke early from just a few hours of fitful sleep. Everyone else in the dormitory was still dead to the world, and due to the epic snoring competition that Ron and Neville appeared to be subconsciously conducting, getting back to sleep wasn't an option.

He lay awake and stared at the canopy above his bed, his mind racing with the events and revelations of the past couple of days. Aside from everything else that had happened, he was still in a mixture of shock, bewilderment and awe upon learning of Remus's Lycanthropy, and though it all made perfect sense, it still felt somehow surreal. From what Harry had read of werewolves; he gathered that they largely preferred to live in packs and many embraced their curse with a sort of unnerving relish. He recognised that this may have been a slightly unfair portrayal created by a biased media to promote antipathy towards a misunderstood race, but Harry knew that there was at least some truth to it. He could understand how it would be easier to flee from a society that shunned you so cruelly, to find refuge in those who had shared the same burden, to give in to the unruly, virile and even bloodthirsty urges that must go with being a werewolf. Harry had such admiration for Remus for what could only be an incredible strength of will. While he could have found an easier way to live with his condition - he had suffered at his own cost in order to do what he felt was right, to be true to himself, and that was utterly inspiring.

Harry rubbed his hands over his face. Today was going to be tough. Part of him wanted to run away, or to hide, or both. He trusted Remus through and through, but he wasn't so keen on Madam Pomfrey being privy to the nature of his upbringing. Harry sighed, knowing in his heart that he had to go through with it. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and reluctantly made his way to the bathroom to wash and dress. Once he got back into the room he was met by Neville, who was now awake, or at least half-awake, and gathering up some of his clothes that were strewn about the floor.

"Oh, morning Harry!"

"Hey Neville."

"How are you? I didn't see you at all yesterday."

"Yeah I was... uh, studying. How was Hogsmeade?"

Harry purposefully avoided Neville's question, though he knew it was well meant, he just didn't feel like going through the usual 'yeah I'm fine' response, somehow, he didn't feel up to lying today.

"Oh it was great..." Neville then went on at length about the delights that had been sampled in the village the day before. Harry stopped listening after a while, just nodded politely, and smiled as best he could, though his mind seemed determined to wander back to less pleasant thoughts and concerns.

Eventually Neville had come to the end of his litany of shops-visited and sights-seen, and excused himself before scuttling off into the bathroom. Harry decided to go downstairs before any of the others woke up, particularly Ron. He felt bad avoiding Ron and Hermione, but things were just so complicated and intense at the moment, the only person he wanted to see was Remus in all honesty, which was fortunate because, checking the clock, Harry saw it was time to set off to meet Remus at his office before they went to the hospital wing together.

Harry walked slowly, his shoulders tensed, his brow knitted into a frown. He didn't want to do this, he really didn't... he didn't want anyone touching him, anyone seeing his scars or knowing what had happened. He didn't want to talk about it, acknowledge it even... but he knew he had to. He had a number of wounds that had gone untreated since the summer, and though most of them had become slightly less swollen or had scabbed over or stopped hurting quite so much, he knew that he wasn't properly healed. He had been having intermittent shooting pains in his right leg, some of his teeth were chipped, there were some wounds on his back and though Harry was loathed to acknowledge it, he knew he had suffered some internal damage this summer.

Before he knew it Harry had arrived at Remus's office. He sighed deeply, rubbing some sleep out of his eyes and taking his last opportunity to mentally prepare himself for the coming day. Eventually he lifted a hand to tap gently on the door.

"Come in!" Remus's voice sounded from the other side.

Harry timidly opened the door slightly and slid through it, checking first that no one was watching him. Once he was in the room he saw Remus sitting at his desk, quill in hand, scribbling away on some parchment. He looked up and smiled kindly at Harry.

"Close the door Harry." He said and then requested he take a chair on the opposite side of the desk.

"Sorry about this Harry, I'll be with you in just a moment."

Harry sat awkwardly across from Remus as he continued scrawling for a short while before reading through what he had just written. Harry didn't know whether or not he was just being paranoid, but he felt as though whatever had just been written down had something to do with him. He gripped the side of his chair at the thought of being discussed by the 'grown ups', it just made him feel so small and pathetic and undignified.

Remus put his quill down and looked back up at Harry smiling his usual tired, warm smile.

"Sorry about that. Did you sleep well?"

"Um, yeah." Harry lied, Remus looked at him a little disbelievingly.

"Have you had any breakfast?"

Harry shook his head.

"You really ought to eat something, Harry." Remus urged.

"I'm really not hungry... to be honest my stomach feels like it's been thrown about on a rollercoaster." Harry admitted sheepishly.

Remus stared back at him a little confused. "Rollercoaster?"

"Oh, yes, it's a muggle thing... it doesn't matter, I just, I don't think I could handle breakfast, I'm feeling kind of um..."

"Nervous?"

"Terrified." Harry responded meekly.

Remus sighed and got up, rounding the desk, and then leaning against it just in front of Harry. His hands reaching down into his pockets, his wistful gaze falling on Harry's troubled expression.

"I think that's perfectly understandable." He remarked softly.

Harry scoffed. "Yeah - I can face up to an army of giant spiders and a twenty foot snake without batting an eyelid but I somehow just can't handle a stupid medical checkup... that makes perfect sense."

Remus smiled fondly, making a mental note to ask about that later. "I know you must get sick of this, but you're so like James."

Harry sighed. He didn't get sick of it, he liked to know that he was like his Dad, he just wished he was here with him, and that hurt like hell.

"You'll be fine Harry. You're here after all... that's half the battle." Remus continued. "And you're totally in control here. If there's anything you're not comfortable with, just say the word and we'll figure something out. You can take all the time you need. And I promise I'll be there through the whole thing."

Harry looked down, ashamed again for some reason. "Thanks."

There was a pause before Remus sighed again slightly. "Come on then, we'd best get going. I hope you don't mind but I already informed Madam Pomfrey that you'd be visiting today, I wasn't specific, I just wanted to make sure she'd be able to see you." Harry nodded and stood up shakily before allowing Remus to guide him out of the room and towards the hospital wing.

The corridors were quiet, empty but for a few members of faculty, Harry figured that everyone else would probably be in the great hall. He felt bad, thinking about Ron and Hermione, not having left them a note or anything, wondering if they would worry. But then he had noticed the two of them becoming closer, not necessarily better friends, but just more in step with one another. For the first time since he had met them he had started to notice occasions where he felt a little left out. It didn't bother him really, but he worried that perhaps they had outgrown him, or he had become too distant, too troubled.

"Are you ok Harry?"

Remus's voice broke Harry from his thoughts, and looking around he realised that they had almost reached the hospital wing, which filled him with a fresh sense of panic.

"I'm fine." He responded, summoning every last drop of Gryffindor courage, he knew he would need it to get through this. He knew it was going to be awful. Remus said nothing but Harry could feel his eyes on him.

All to soon they reached the entrance of the large open plan hospital, though Harry was relieved to see it completely empty. Only Madam Pomfrey sat at the far end of the room looking through some papers.

Harry stood awkwardly at Remus's side, not knowing whether he should go ahead of him, whether he should address Madam Pomfrey himself or wait for Remus to do so. He didn't even know what he would say to her. He felt himself becoming extraordinarily anxious, his heart beating wildly in his chest, his breath quickening slightly... and he heard the all too familiar voice in his head shouting 'run.'

Remus seemed to notice Harry's turmoil as he placed a hand gently on his back. "It'll be fine Harry, I know it's difficult, but try to relax as best you can."

Harry felt anything but relaxed, he felt on the brink of a full blown panic attack, his head was swimming, he felt slightly dizzy and everything suddenly felt far too close. He felt Remus usher him gently through the doorway into the room.

"Why don't you sit down here," Remus urged Harry to sit down on the edge of one of the beds near the middle of the room. "I'll go and speak to Madam Pomfrey, okay?"

Harry nodded, trying to even out his breathing. Looking up, he saw Remus stride over to her, while she had already noticed them entering the room and had stood up and tidied away the documents she'd been reading. When Remus greeted her, Harry noticed how much her eyes lit up, almost as though he was her long lost friend that she had not seen for a very long time. But soon the joy faded from her eyes and she cast a glance at Harry who then looked down to the floor, swinging his feet slightly, knowing fine well what was being discussed right now. Remus was talking in his usual calm, quiet voice so he couldn't hear what was being said, but he could imagine. He gripped the bed sheets, digging his nails into the mattress, trying to rid himself of these awful feelings. Feelings of dread, embarrassment, anger and shame.

After a while Remus walked back over while Madam Pomfrey disappeared into another room just off the main room. Remus sat down on the bed next to Harry and smiled wistfully.

"This was always my preffered bed in the hospital while I was at Hogwarts..." He pressed the mattress down in a fashion that would suggest he was testing it's springiness. "I can't remember why now."

Harry smiled weakly. "Did you tell her?" He was quite startled by how small he sounded.

"I didn't go into any great detail but I informed her of the general situation. I thought it would be easier than making you go through it with her yourself."

Harry nodded again, he wasn't sure which was worse, he didn't enjoy being discussed by others, but at the same time he had no idea what he would have said to her had Remus left it all up to him.

"She has sworn to keep your confidence... and she will, I promise you, anything that you tell Madam Pomfrey or I today, it stays in this room."

Again Harry nodded. "What's going to happen now?"

"Well, first Madam Pomfrey will perform an examination. It's not like a muggle examination, all she'll do is cast a diagnostic spell and she'll then have access to all your medical history. She'll also be able to decide what treatment you need, and then administer it. Does that sound ok?"

"...I suppose." Harry said, but the shudder that followed betrayed how ill at ease he really felt.

Just then Madam Pomfrey walked over with her wand and parchment and a quill in hand.

"Well Mr Potter, how are you feeling this morning?" She asked, a little of her usual brusqueness vanished from her demeanour.

"Um, ok." Harry answered quietly, averting his gaze.

"Professor Lupin tells me you may have one or two injuries, so I'm just going to run a diagnostic spell - all that entails is a light tap of the wand on your head, otherwise you should just feel a bit of a tingling sensation. Is that ok?"

Harry nodded, mentally thanking her for making no mention of how he acquired these 'one or two injuries'. As Madam Pomfrey got the enchanted quill and parchment ready to record the diagnosis's, Remus stood up to get out of the way, and Harry suddenly felt somewhat bereft at the loss of his presence beside him.

"Professor?" He uttered quietly before he could stop himself.

Remus sat down in the chair beside the bed and quickly took one of Harry's hand's in his own.

"I'm right here." He assured the boy gently.

Harry took some more deep breaths, trying to reason with himself, maybe this wouldn't be too bad, he just hoped that it was quick.

"Ok, all set, may I begin Mr Potter?" The Matron asked kindly.

Remus squeezed his hand a little and Harry nodded, focusing on the warmth and comfort emanating from Remus's hand. He tried hard to block out the tingling feeling that now flooded through him, and the scratch of the quill against parchment.

The tingling began to dissipate until it was completely gone and Harry felt a little relieved, however the quill did not stop for some time. The sound of it scrawling against the parchment in the echoing silence of the empty ward was agonising. Harry knew fine well that no one's medical history should take that long to record and glancing over once at Remus he saw him looking at the quill with a remorseful expression.

Finally the quill halted and the Matron set it down on the side table and looked to the parchment. She began reading through it as both Harry and Remus watched her with a sort of dread. Her face became more and more grave as she read on until eventually she turned away and paced a little further away from the bed, an attempt to conceal her emotions.

Remus's thumb swept over Harry's knuckles and he occasionally squeezed his hand slightly, though neither said anything. Eventually the Matron sighed and returned over to them, parchment in hand. She opened her mouth to say something, and then clearly rethinking, started on a different track.

"Harry, I'm going to read out the diagnosis for all of your current, significant injuries. Would you like Professor Lupin to stay."

"Yes." Harry answered quickly, gripping his hand a little tighter.

"Ok. Well you have a number of lacerations on your back, shoulders and upper arms, some of which haven't healed properly and a few of which are slightly infected. You have also fractured your fibular, which is one of the bones in the lower leg, your right leg. It's not a bad break but it will need some attention. You have some nasty, quite deep cuts on your inner thighs, again many of these haven't healed and are quite badly infected." Harry felt Remus squeeze his hand. "You also have some... internal damage, there was some bleeding around your ribs, stomach and in the anal canal, you also have quite a nasty infection from some tearing in that area, but nothing that can't be healed."

Harry's heart was beating out of control, he wanted to shout, to run, to never have to think about what Vernon had done to him again, but now it was all he could think about, and all he could see was the pained, distraut look on Remus's face as he let his head fall into his hand.

"You are also suffering from malnutrition, sleep depravation and night terrors."

Harry nodded, his head hanging down, shame coursing through him. He felt so very wrong, so unclean all of a sudden. He didn't think he could look either of them in the eye ever again now.

"I'll treat your cuts with a salve which will clear the infection and help them to heal much quicker, and will hopefully alleviate some of the scaring. Your leg can be healed with a relatively simple potion, which I'll get you to take first. That should heal the fracture but it may still be a little sore to walk on for a while. The internal bleeding around your ribs and stomach has probably all but healed on it's own now but there is still some nasty bruising, for which I can give you some pain medication."

Harry nodded, listening intently but becoming increasingly concerned about the amount of physical contact this entailed.

"As for the malnutrition and the sleep depravation I would like to put you onto a course of two potions which should get you back on track, but you need to try and eat a little more, and eat regularly." A little more tenderness edged into her voice then; "For the night terrors, you may find that they would be best resolved by talking through what has happened, with someone you trust."

Harry sighed, he would really rather not talk about it, he felt sure that would just make it worse. He wasn't even happy that the nightmares had shown up on his list of ailments, that was private, no one needed to know about that.

Madam Pomfrey paused briefly before taking a seat on the bed beside Harry. Looking into her eyes he could see her features had softened somewhat, her normal severity now gone.

"As for the tearing and infection in your anal canal... I will need to perform a procedure that involves some internal treatment, it will be very quick and I promise I won't hurt you."

"No, no - no way!" Harry shot to his feet and backed away into the middle of the ward, panic rising steadily, the compulsion to flee fast overcoming his willpower to stay.

"Harry." Remus uttered softly rising to his feet before looking down at a saddened Madam Pomfrey. "Could you give us a moment?"

She nodded and arose, heading back to the room she had been into before, but first gave Harry a small apologetic look. Once she had closed the door gently behind her Remus made his way over to Harry, who now had his arms wrapped around himself protectively and was making pains to avoid another panic attack.

"I know this is tough..."

"Tough?" Harry gasped. "I... I can't... I can't let her, anyone, do that to me, no! It's not happening."

Tears were now forming in the corners of his vision, clouding his view of his very concerned Professor standing before him. Remus clearly noticed this and reached out, placing one hand on his back and one behind his head and pulling him into a tender hug.

Harry huffed in frustration and dread against Remus's chest, but found that some of his tension did ease away as Remus stroked his back and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I'm so sorry Harry. I'm sorry that we even have to be here, and that you're facing this; because I know what we're asking is just awful, but you do need to be healed." His voice was soft and quiet, and Harry found his anger slowly dissipating to leave just an incredible sense of hopelessness.

"This kind of infection can't be left untreated, if it is you could get really sick, and I can't let that happen Harry." Remus held him a little tighter.

"It's not fair." Harry whispered into the fabric of Remus's jumper.

"I know. I know." he replied sadly.

They remained that way for a few minutes before Remus led Harry back over to the bed and urged him to sit down again.

"I... I'll do it." Harry stumbled with the words he desperately didn't want to say, his eyes closed and brow knitted in anxiousness.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he opened his eyes to meet Remus's gentle gaze. "I'm very proud of you Harry, and I promise it'll be ok.