. . . a chopper full of Erasers came up through the noise muffling clouds.
Oh great. Just what I needed at this perfect moment—a healthy dose of reality. I was surprised when Flyboys didn't jump out and attack us. These guys were actually Erasers. What, now they were downgrading? Maybe the Frankenwings didn't work out too well for them. I any case, I was even more surprised when one of them pulled out a megaphone and began shouting into it, presumably at us. I gave Fang a what-the-hell? look before saying out loud,
"Should we see what they're trying to say? It doesn't look like they have guns, and the most there could be in that thing is like, ten. So it shouldn't be a problem if it turns into a fight." Fang looked appraisingly at them, then nodded decisively.
"Yeah, get closer." We swooped cautiously nearer to the helicopter, trying to make out what the Eraser was saying. Unfortunately, our sensitive hearing didn't take well to the sound of the chopper's blades swishing through the air, and we couldn't hear anything. The Erasers still looked earnest enough—like they were honestly trying to communicate. I trusted my gut, as I can smell bullshit from a mile away. I mouthed expressively, I can't hear!!! while covering my ears. I hoped the Erasers got the message, but they continued talking into the megaphone. Whatever. If they really wanted to talk, they would follow me.
I gestured to Fang that we land, and he answered by pulling in his wings and plummeting to Earth. Well, that's one way to do it. I preferred a more gentle, gliding descent. I swooped in circles downward, until my toes were dragging on the ground. I was hit by inspiration at the last minute, so I kept gliding right toward Fang. At first he looked ecstatic to see me, then a bit concerned at the speed at which I was approaching. His eyes barely had time to widen before I slammed into him, and we toppled to the ground, laughing. At least I was laughing. Fang was shaking, so I took that to be laughter.
We bird kids had learned to be playful in the most stressful situations, because kids are playful, and our lives were part of one, big, stressful situation. This was no different. We managed to laugh even as I heard a helicopter full of potential killers land right behind us. Alright, back to business. I rolled over in the grass, and looked up at the wobbly helicopter as twelve Erasers hopped out. Well I've never been much of a guestimator, but even twelve I was sure we could handle. Most of the Erasers were in their human form, which meant they weren't full of rage. I wish I had my mind reader . . . oh well. It looked like they were about to make their intentions known, anyway. The one with the megaphone stepped forward.
"Come with us willingly or we'll make you come. By force." He added menacingly. Like I haven't heard that before. I was about to either lunge and attack, or fly off when a thought struck me.
"Why?" The question stumped him for a moment, for which he stared at me blankly. Fang sent me my own what-the-hell? look. I nodded at him, signifying I had a plan. Which I didn't. But he didn't have to know that, because I didn't need a plan. I am the infamous Max Ride! What could go wrong? Wrong question. But not the one I was pondering. I was still waiting for a response. The guy had apparently finished thinking.
"Well, those are my orders." He said proudly, as if to say, you can't get around that logic! Oh yes, I can. Just watch me . . .
"Who ordered you?" I asked bluntly. You know, utter honesty can confuse people so much, it's fun!
"A doctor. I'm not supposed to say who." Oh, so this was one of the overgrown seven-year-olds. Well, I knew seven-year-olds better than anyone. Let's see if he can dodge this.
"Ooooh! So it's like, a game?" I asked cutely.
"Uhhh." He wasn't sure what to think of that, so I kept going.
"Is it a woman?" He shook his head no. Alright! It looked like this might work . . .
"Is he called by a cool name like The Director or is it just a regular Dr. (Blank)?"
"Just regular." He said. This guessing game could take a while.
"So . . . does his name start with an A?" He shook his head no again. I might as well start at the beginning of the alphabet. I would be pissed off if he were, like, Dr. 439 or something.
"Does it start with a B?" He nodded yes! Uh-oh. It couldn't be . . .
"It is Dr. Batchelder?" He nodded again. D'arvit! That scheming, slimy, traitorous little jerk! Breathe, Max. Breathe. Fang squeezed my shoulder sympathetically. I was practically shaking with anger.
"Can I speak with him?" Everyone looked at me in surprise. Even Fang. I decided to elaborate.
"Don't you have him on a phone or something, so you can like, tell him how his mission is going?" The main guy nodded.
"Exactly! So can I talk to him?" They seemed unsure, but the main guy pulled out an earpiece from behind his bushy sideburn. He threw it to me, and I tried not to throw up as I felt my hands close around his earwax. Gross! I improvised the mantra I've eaten desert rat and I'm alive. I've eaten desert rat and I'm alive. I've eaten . . . as I put the piece up to my ear. Now I felt kind of stupid.
"Um, hello?" Jeb answered.
"Hey, Max! How's life?"
"Pretty sucky at the moment, thanks to you!" He chuckled.
"Max, you don't understand. We have plans for you! Just comply, for once?" He sounded whiny by the end.
"What kind of plans?" I asked suspiciously. Jeb seemed surprised I was so forward. Welcome to teenage hormones, folks!
"Well, we can't tell you." Now I chuckled.
"So you're asking me to step blind and trusting into what we both know is a trap? Yeah, right. I might even come with you willingly, as long as I know what I'm up against." There was a thoughtful silence at the other end.
"Fine. We want to do experiments."
"Of course you do. That's not my question. What kind of experiments?"
"Well, to be perfectly honest, we want to see you procreate." Now it was my turn to be speechless. For a moment, anyway. Then the anger kicked in. Again.
"Are you kidding? I'm fourteen! Can't this wait, like, ten years! I thought you were trying to win my cooperation! Well, It's not working. I'm tired of running, and I thought maybe we could work something out. But not . . . that. I mean, why is this an emergency, anyway? Can't it just happen on its own someday? How about that? When it happens, I'll call you, deal?"
"You're not in a position to make deals, Maximum. And truthfully, that's not the only test we wanted to do. We need you here. For the sake of science!"
"Well, what other tests would you want to do?"
"You see, we did all sorts of endurance tests in your youth, but we need to test your intelligence, speed, and height limits."
"Well, why didn't you say so?" I launched into the air and flew upward as fast as I could. The air got thin, fast. My super-speed took me miles above Earth, and I kept going until I was too cold, and getting too thin to breathe. Too tired to fly down, I tucked in my wings and plummeted like Fang had done earlier. At the last moment, I pulled out my wings, and came to a running stop where Fang and the Erasers Were.
They seemed content to wait out my conversation, so I kept going. I spoke into he microphone once more.
"So how's that for speed and height, eh? As for intelligence, my math skills tell me that me plus my flock equals way more than you can handle. My logic tells me that you're trying to take advantage of me. And my spelling is stellar this year: F-U-C-K Y-O-U!" With that, I ripped the gooey earpiece out of my ear and tossed it back to its owner before Jeb had a chance to respond, although I did hear him trying to cut in during my speech. But I didn't care—I was wonderful. Fuck him!