A/N: I am sooooo sorry that I didn't get this out on the 14th, I completely forgot about it because I was going to watch Fifty Shades of Grey and…..it'll never happen again! Please don't hurt me! Anyways, here it is, enjoy. (Chapter 8 will be out in 1-3 weeks and it's good.)

"I hate holidays." Today was Valentine's Day and Dark he was using our rupees for something good…hopefully. The last time he told me that he was getting something good, it was around Christmas and he bought a giant-ass tree with piles of lights and ornaments to go everywhere. The time before that, he heard the slang term "chicken head" from somewhere. He went to where the local whores were and started yelling, "Are there any chicken heads here?" One of them came up to him and asked to be paid up-front and I later found out that he was trying to cook her in the oven for Thanksgiving. So, as I said, I hate holidays.

"Hey Link I'm back!" Please don't be anything bad…please don't be anything bad.

"Sooo…what did you buy?" He paused for a moment as if to come up with an excuse. Something's up, I just know it.

"A sculpture."

"…A…sculpture? Of what?" No chocolates? What the hell? Instead of buying chocolates or flowers, he decides to buy a sculpture? Next thing I know he'll probably be spending rupees on classes to be a magician and the rupees will magically disappear.

"Me."

"…" What the hell is he thinking?

"…What?" Could he really be self-centered?

"…A sculpture…of…" A sculpture of himself? Really?

"Me." I'm going to kill him.

"…You…" No, better yet, I'll torture his rupee-spending ass.

"…Me…" Why himself?

"You?" He does know what holiday it is right?

"…Me?" No, I've got to calm down. Maybe I'm over thinking this.

"…Where is it?" If he spent all of our rupees on it, the thing better be good.

"It should be here any minute." With that, there was a knock on the door.

"It's here. Coming!" He walks over to the door and sees Saria.

"Oh hey Sa-" Just then, he brushes past her and goes down the ladder.

"Excuse you. Link, what's going on?" Truthfully…

"I have no idea. He bought a sculpture with all our rupees."

"No flowers or chocolate?" That what the fuck I'm wanting to know!

"Thanks for delivering it!"

"So, Link says it's a sculpture. What kind?"

"Do you want to see it?" No Dark, we are just asking and giving you hint for no reason. He opens the box which is as tall as he is and takes it out.

"It's…um…Link, say something…" What am I supposed to say?

"It's uh, definitely you…but why…?"

"It's naked…Ok, well…have fun you two!" Don't leave me alone with it!

"Dark, get it inside so no one else sees it." He carries it up to the room and sets it down.

"So, what do you think?"

"It looks exactly like you. What's the carving material made out of?" I smells sweet.

"Chocolate." I knew there was a catch somewhere.

"Why chocolate? And why is it naked?" And why is it's dick in perfect detail, if not, more detail than the rest of the sculpture?

"So you can practice of your handiwork while literally, 'sucking my dick off', or…it's dick off.

"…Dark…"

"Yes?"

"Next time you do something like this, we're done."

"Aw! Why?" My turn to get you. I walk over to the replica and put my body all over it in a very…sexual way.

"Because, I don't know if I'll be able to restrain myself if this big guy is looking like this." I start to feel up the statue and sense Dark getting a bit agitated.

"I'm the real thing. That's just to practice with."

"Why not practice all of the time?" I get on my knees and start to lick the head of it a little bit. It really is sweet. He hastily walks over, grabs me by the waist and throws me over his shoulder.

"If you're going to keep doing that, then I'm going to fuck the hell out of you until you give in to me." Shit, I just dug my own grave. It was just a joke!