Installment 10: The Promise
She was dying.
Roy clutched his head in regret and agony.
That was the only explanation for why he had been sitting here like a fool for hour after hour now.
If only he hadn't been speeding. If only he had watched where he was going instead of playing with his iPod. If only he had taken a different route. If only he had waited until later to leave.
If he had to, he would spend the night here, hunched over in a plastic chair in the hospital waiting room unable to sleep because his mind would ask him all sorts of questions he couldn't answer. He'd wait until there was an answer.
The memory played out perfectly. It had happened hours ago, now, but felt like it had just happened.
He had left the apartment in a rush because Maes had called him saying he needed his help with something RIGHT AWAY. Being the good friend that he was, he jumped in his car and drove off, speeding because of the urgency he had heard in his friend's voice.
Out of nowhere, someone had run in front of his car. He had slammed on his brakes, but not fast enough. He had hit the person. He sat frozen in fear as he saw the person... the girl's... face. It was Sharlen, rain-soaked and looking utterly defeated.
He had called her name, called it over and over, repeatedly. She didn't hear him. People gathered around and he scrambled out of his car, nearly choking himself on the seatbelt he had forgotten to unbuckle. She had been bleeding, badly, from her stomach. From where he had hit her, drove into her. He sunk to his knees and pulled her body close to him. He realized he was crying when breathing became increasingly difficult. He held her and called her name over and over. She seemed to look at him, see him, for a moment. Her eyes then rolled back in her head and her body went limp in his arms. Still, he screamed at her. He had sworn to protect her.
He had killed her.
He was vaguely aware of someone touching him, making him stand up. Someone tried to take sharlen away, but he had only tightened his grip and screamed at them not to touch her. He blinked once and he was sitting inside an ambulance while she rested on his lap, her abdomen being swathed in heavy white bandages. He didn't loosen his grip on her for a moment. Her blood stained the fabric, bright brilliant red. The bandages were soon the same color as her hair: dark red. Someone had started changing them again when he blinked again.
Everything was white now, blinding, suffocating. The hospital, no doubt. Somene had pried him away from her. He stood up, shakily, and looked around. He couldn't see her. Where had she gone? She was in his arms only a moment ago. Someone touched him, guided him away. Someone with firm hands, gentle hands. He knew those hands. They were Riza's hands. They placed something in his hands. It was a cup. He swallowed the contents. Maybe that would make her leave. It wasn't that he hated her being there; he just wanted to be alone.
He blinked once more and was in the waiting room. Now it was the present; his flashback was over. It would replay itself again, surely, before the hour was up. It would play over and over in his mind. It was burned into his memory; he could not forget.
He would not forget.
He had loved her. For once in his life, he had let himself love someone. She was so easy to love too. Her smile, the way she walked, her voice... he loved it all. Her innocence, her perceptions of the world, her mood swings. Truthfully, he had been taken by her loveliness, that night he had first saved her. If not for the blood, she would've looked like a modern (albeit strange for sleeping on a car roof) Sleeping Beauty. Her face was smooth and serene, like nothing at all troubled her. Her hair was dark and glistened like garnets in the streetlights, spread out around her head like a red halo. Her skin had been pale and seemed to glow in those same streetlights. Her body had looked so skinny, so fragile, he had almost been afraid to move her, lest she break into a thousand pieces like a delicate glass sculpture.
No... that was wrong.
He still loved her.
He did love her. He probably always would, even if their relationship wasn't meant to last. Even if she died, he would still love her.
"You should eat," someone said gently.
"I'm not in the mood for eating food," he replied dully.
"You're not hungry?" the voice asked. Roy now noticed it was Riza's voice.
"Yeah..."
"Why didn't you just say that?"
"My brain isn't working," he mumbled, looking at his scuffed up sneakers. He ought to get new ones.
Funny how, when the girl he loved may be dying, he was thinking about going shoe shopping.
It was funny how, in emergencies, one tended to think about things that didn't matter at all.
Time passed, like it often did when he wasn't paying attention. Instead of rushing by quicker than he could blink, it dragged on endlessly. Time was his enemy, always, always, always his enemy. Sharlen had been lost to time, thirteen years... now time was making him suffer, because no one would come and tell him what had been done, what was being done, to correct his mistake.
If it could be corrected at all, that is.
If she lived, if she came out okay, he would let himself love her. Really and truly love her, freely and openly, in the manner he found uncomfortable. Those stupid couples he saw on TV or in the movies or walking down the street... the ones who never let go of the other's hand, who hugged and kissed no matter how many people were around, who said foolish things out in public... he wanted that. Secretly, he had been jealous of those people. That was the root of his disgust... his indifference to romance.
He would do all the cheesy things others did: buy her flowers, take her out, whisper sweet nothings to her late at night... he wanted to spoil her.
"But I might not get the chance to..." he mumbled aloud.
Hours turned into days, and days into weeks. At one point, he had been allowed into her room. She wouldn't wake up, though. He blamed himself, in more ways than one.
He was vaguely aware of time, his enemy, passing and people coming and going. But they were all a blur, just a mass of moving color without a face or a name. His brain wasn't working properly. Nothing registered, nothing made sense. He didn't want it to, though. If things made sense, if he was brought back to reality, he would be fully aware of what happened, what he had done.
He had been a fool.
"How long have you been here?" a voice asked. There was something missing from that voice... sarcasm was missing. The person talking was being serious.
Roy looked up to see Edward looking down at him. For once, the blond's face was twisted in something other than anger or disgust. He was deeply concerned.
"I dunno..." Roy mumbled.
"Have you gone home at all?" he inquried.
Roy shook his head.
"Obviously not. Sitting there isn't going to do anything, you know. She won't wake up just because you're there. She'll have to wake up of her own accord," Edward recited.
"So?"
"That's what you told me when Al was in a coma. I hadn't left the room in weeks... honestly, I hadn't done anything. I'd become an empty shell, a dry husk, an echo of who I was before the accident. I didn't do anything... I wouldn't do anything until he woke up. And if he never did, I would join him. Then you came, angrier than hell, and beat some sense into me."
"What's it to you?" Roy asked, his voice raspy from lack of use.
Edward sighed and looked at the polished floor and the reflection of the lights.
"You're my friend and I care about you," the blond finally admitted. "I don't like you, but I do care what happens to you and if you let yourself sit here and waste away I'll have to resort to violence."
Roy watched out of the corner of his eye as Edward left the room. He heard him and his brother talking out in the hallway, but couldn't distinguish any words.
That's right... he had said that to Edward. She couldn't remember seeing someone so broken... so defeated. It was like he had given up on living and was waiting until he wasted away. He had just started work when the accident happened, and Roy had been concerned because he hadn't shown up in two weeks. He had heard about the accident, of course, but didn't take it too seriously. He had visited the brothers and slapped Edward so hard the boy had fallen out of his chair.
"He won't wake up just because you're here. Would you really want him to wake up and see you like that, unkempt and broken? He'll wake up of his own accord. Just sitting there isn't going to accomplish anything. You can't blame yourself for what happened, and you can sit around wallowing in self pity. Stand up and get on with your life. You know that's what he would want you to do. He will understand."
"But... I did this. If I hadn't pitched a fit like some spoiled rotten kid this wouldn't have happened! If only I had mroe self control! If only I hadn't insisted we go out so late at night! If only I had taken a different route! If only I had taken the car in for repairs sooner, then that train wouldn't have hit us! He's my little brother and I'm supposed to protect him, but I did this to him!"
"If that's how you feel, I have no use for you. When you come back to life, let me know."
It was the same.
It was exactly the same.
Roy laughed dryly at the memory. He was right... both he and Edward were right. He couldn't just sit here and do nothing; that wouldn't accomplish anything. He had to get on with his life. It was the best thing to do.
There was no need for him to sit around in a chair, deprived of sleep and with stiff muscles, and wait for something to happen. Things didn't get done by sitting around on one's ass and being lazy. He stood up and stretched, limbering his arms and legs. He started to leave when he remembered something.
"You didn't have to take the blame, you know. I would've taken care of it myself... but thanks for that. I'll be back later," he chattered, feeling stupid for talking to someone who might or might not hear him. "I was a fool too, so both of us are to blame."
"Still nosy... you haven't changed," a weak voice croaked.
"Huh?"
"Never mind."
He was so happy he could cry. He pressed his hands to his mouth like some over-sensitive heroine of a shojo manga.
She was alive.
"You idiot..." he blubblered.
"Don't get so worked up. I don't go down so easily. Besides, I still have some dishes to cook."
"You came back to life because of food?" he asked with dread.
"Well, yeah, someone has to cook for you."
The tears flowed freely, twin waterfalls of salty droplets cascading down his cheeks.
"You're such an idiot. Why?"
"Stop poking your nose in my business. I'll explain it when I get around to it."
"I will not. I won't stop being nosy. I can't."
"Why not?"
"Occupational hazard?" he suggested.
Sharlen laughed. It was a faint, raspy sound and it grated against her chest.
"I had to come back," she sighed.
"Why?"
"Why?" she repeated. "Well... because I love you, that's why."
"You love me?" he asked uncertainly.
"Are you deaf?"
"No, I'm not. I'm just not sure I heard you correctly," he replied.
"How long was I out?" she asked.
"Three weeks."
"Oh... that's a pretty long time. Sorry if I made you worry."
"Worry? I was scared to death! I thought I had killed you!" he snapped.
"But you didn't," she pointed out.
"I suppose you're right," he nodded thoughtfully.
"Suppose?" she repeated.
"I'm just teasing you. Don't get so worked up," he laughed.
"It's because you said you'd protect me. Your words saved me. While I was out, I was standing at the banks of a river. Across the river was the most beautiful place I've ever seen, and behind me was just a big black void. I thought about going across the river, but something was missing. That pretty place wasn't perfect because you weren't there," she chuckled softly. "So I just had to come back, so I could see you again. I wouldn't want what you said to become a lie."
"Are you sure you made the right choice? I'm a well-known womanizer and heart-breaker. You might end up like dozens of other women in Central..." he said nonchalantly.
"I won't," she said firmly.
"And why not?" he inquired.
"Because you said you'd protect me, whether there are four of me... or seventeen of me... all of me would be protected."
"That's right. I said I'd protect you," he nodded for confirmation.
"I know, that's what I just said," she sighed angrily.
"I was just clarifying," he noted.
"Oh, go away," she huffed.
"i'll be back eventually. After I shower and change," he said, looking down at himself and grimacing. When had he last bathed, exactly? He couldn't remember, so it must've been a very long time.
"You sure you don't have a date?" she teased.
"Yes, I'm quite certain. Besides, the only woman I'd want to take out is lying in bed being lazy," he snorted.
"I'm not being lazy! I'm hooked up to five million machines like a medical marrionette!" she griped, gesturing at the tubes coming out of her arm.
"Get some rest. I'll be back soon," he said gently.
"You're not mad at me?"
"Why would I be?" he asked bluntly.
"Because I tried to kill myself..." she said, looking away.
Roy had to smile. He leaned over her and smoothed her hair back. "I'm not mad; I could never get mad. You were hurting, and I should've done something to help ease your pain. I'll always be here for you, always be by your side to protect you, because I love you."
"Really?" she asked softly.
"I promise."
She smiled. It was weak, but filled with more warmth than a hundred million suns.
Area 51 1/2 3-4-11: See? It's a happy ending after all. I told you I'd make it happy, didn't I?
I wanted to kill Sharlen, though.
At some point or another, I always want to kill off an OC that's in love with a canon character. Like in Godsend, I was planning on killing Aislinn (but that was when she was still Deceit) and now Christin's got a fatal disease. I won't reveal if she dies or not, you'll have to read Godsend to find that out.
Speaking of reading Godsend, I am so sorry about the huge delay between chapters! I've been working on this one, because I've been close to finishing for about a week now, and wanted to get it out of the way. That and I have a bit of writer's block for Godsend. I am writing chapter 15, though, so please be patient! I promise I'll finish that story! After all the effort I've been putting into all three books, I'd have to finish it. It's like... a life requirement, for me to finish Godsend. Like I won't be acceptable as a human being if I don't finish it and won't be able to take my place in society (which will be behind a desk, drawing manga all day long and rolling my eyes at my editor's pleas to hurry up) and will be shamed for the rest of my life.
So, I will finish Godsend, but it will take a little time. I thank you for your patience, and hope you will have more.
So, what'd you think? What'd you think? not bad for something that doesn't have magical things flying around in every other chapter. I really like it. I'm not very good at writing stories that aren't fantasies (that sounded a little... 'yknow) so I'm very pleased with how this one turned out. I'm grinning smugly as I'm typing this. Please review and tell me what you think. I really wanna make this into a manga. Huzzah for shojo! Maybe I will if I get enough reviews. How many people read this story, actually? As far as I can remember, there are only two consistent reviewers, and they make up my entire fan base as far as I know! Lots of people reviewed for Godsend book 1... maybe my writing's bad in some way?
Or maybe I talk too much at the end of a chapter...
I've noticed that I've been working on two Godsend chapters at a time. I'll work on one about the twins, then when I get bored of writing that chapter I'll work on the next one about the brothers. Halfway through a chapter about the twins, I'll want to write about the brothers. Halfway through a chapter about the brothers, I'll want to work more on the twins' chapter.
But isn't that more efficient than just writing them one at a time?
'I'm not in the mood for eating food' 'You're not hungry?' comes from a conversation my friends and I had a lunch not too long ago. Kelly Nelly Chan was saying that she wasn't hungry, but she said 'I'm not in the mood for eating food' and MoE replied 'You're not hungry?'
We also got into an argument over the manliness of a toga yesterday. Just because it went across the guy's chest doesn't make it unmanly! They did the same thing in 300! I think... I've only seen that movie one time a long time ago, so I can't remember too well. And yeah, he had long hair, but that doesn't mean anything! Ed has long hair and he's plenty manly! Though I don't think he'd walk around wearing a toga all day long.
Speaking of Ed... what happened to him? He hardly showed up at all in this fic! Well, after all the hard work he's done on Godsend, everyone deserved a little break. Last I checked, he was asleep on the couch. and Roy and Riza have hardly shown up at all lately... actually, I don't think they've shown up on book 3 at all. I'm not counting their past lives Troy and Elizabeth, because there are differences between Roy and Troy and between Riza and Elizabeth. So they're the same, but not the same. Does that make sense?
I hope you enjoyed Horsefeathers. I did my best, so now review your hearts out! Leave lost of reviews! Leave really long ones! I want to see my email inbox full of review alerts for Horsefeathers! Pretty please with a marachino cherry on top?