Chapter 10

I kept looking back to the fire on the library fireplace. I would have expected it to have burnt out by now without anyone tending to it. I had to remind myself- enchanted castle- of course.

It had been hours since I had taken my place on the large chair by the fire. It smelt like him, like the Beast, but it wasn't a repulsive smell. There were places where the fabric had broken and let out its insides. But it was so worn out that it felt like the softest surface ever.

I had taken a chance, and told the Beast some of my past, in the interest of learning about his, but keeping some details and stories to myself. Some things I just didn't feel comfortable reliving. But I shared about the mother I had never met, whose pendant I wore, and of my father, and listening to him read to me when it snowed out, and we couldn't go out of the house, and of the hours dedicated to my learning to read. My father insisted that there was very little he could leave me with materially, but the gift of reading he could share with me, and it would be something no one could take away.

At first, the Beast had stood by the fireplace, looking intently as I told him my stories. His eyes were hungry, hanging unto every word my lips uttered as if he didn't want to miss a single one, as if this was the most stimulating conversation he had had in years. I guess it must have been, having been all alone for so long.

After a while, he had brought another chair from the library closer to mine, and took his place on it.

It occurred to me it was the first time he had sat down in my presence.

A calm came over me as I delighted in my fondest memories, and in finding such a receptive ear in the Beast.

I even forgot that I didn't trust him completely yet.

"Tell me more" he urged me after a long pause when I drifted off into my own thoughts as the death of my father came to mind.

I didn't want to talk about that, but it was all I could think about now. I felt my chest grow tight, and I looked down in an effort to hide the redness and wetness of my eyes. I rejoiced in the darkness of the room that provided even more privacy to my show of emotions.

While I had always been able to suppress them in the years before, they were refusing to be pushed down again. I couldn't tell if it had just become too much for too long, or if the prospect of spending the rest of my life here brought me this feeling of finality, like hiding it had no purpose or point anymore.

Or perhaps it was the fact that this was the first real conversation I'd had with someone who knew I was girl, and for once, it didn't matter if he saw me cry. He'd only chuck it to my feminine sensibilities, and I didn't care if it made him uncomfortable.

But I felt his gaze on me, unwavering and following my eyes.

I took a deep breath and looked up, deciding to be unashamed of my tears, and looked him right back with defiance, daring him to look away from my tear stained cheeks.

But the fur above his eyes had wrinkled, as his eyebrows came together and upwards, in an expression I hadn't seen on anyone in a very long time.

I could hardly name it.

Empathy.

I felt my own expression soften as my I saw his eyes glued on me, only compassion in them, though he could have no idea what I was thinking about.

I watched him softly get up and start walking towards me.

I put my good foot down from above the chair and got ready to stand up myself. What was he doing? My instincts told me to get ready to fight or flee, but my heart wanted to go out of my chest and towards this creature, the first one to have come closer rather than farther at a show of emotion since my father's departure.

I watched his paw pick up a large cloth from a nearby sofa and bring it towards me, offering it with outstretched paws, waiting for permission before coming any closer.

I nodded and watched as he laid it across my lap, then picked up the corner of it and brought it ever so slowly to left cheek, and then to my right, in a clumsy attempt to dry my tears.

I felt my heart ache at the gesture, ache acutely, for I had forgotten what it felt like for someone to be gentle with you, to take care of you, to look into your eyes and see themselves reflected back.

And I made a stupid, stupid decision in that moment.

I didn't care if this monster in front of me was a cursed prince, or not. I couldn't explain why, but I decided it would not be the worst thing in the world to be stuck with him for the time to come.

In fact, I felt lucky that of all the cursed castles in the world, I had come to his.

I looked into his blue eyes, and tried to tell him what I couldn't say with my words.

That I was grateful.

But I saw him crouch away and place himself in his chair.

"Tell me more" he asked again. "How do you know how to fight so well?"

"Ah" I replied feeling a smile at the thought of how confused he must have been when the armor around my face fell away and revealed my feminine features and long hair. "I was in the war. They trained me" I replied.

But then there was only more confusion in his features.

"Do they allow maidens to join the war efforts now?" he asked, his beastly voice denoting his strong disapproval of such a notion.

"No" I clarified. "That is much the same as it was before. I… blended in with the teenage boys and pretended to be a man for the duration of it" I added.

I saw his eyebrows go up and he couldn't hide his admiration then.

I felt my chest swell at finally being able to share with someone my pride in my achievements in spite of my being a girl.

"You could have died" he said after a few seconds.

"So did many other soldiers" I said, reminding him that that was what war was all about. You had to be ready to give your life.

"But they were…"

"Men, I know" I finished for him. "Their lives were just as valuable. And… I had no other choice. I was an orphan. It was either that, or marry a horrid, hideous man".

I saw his eyes drop to the floor. How many times had he used those words to refer to himself?

"Of course, I am referring to his inward person" I clarified more gently. "It had nothing to do with his outward appearance" I added.

I watched him nod, but I knew I had not convinced him.

He hated himself for what he was, and could not imagine how anyone else could not.

He had comforted me earlier, and I wished I hadn't hurt him in return.

I stood up on my good foot and carefully hopped to where he sat.

As I approached, his eyes lifted to mine in confusion and apprehension.

I wasn't sure what I was doing, but I knew I could not leave him feeling awful about himself, not when he already surely done that plenty without my help.

"What are you doing?" he asked me as I tried to sit at his feet. "You'll open your wounds" he added.

"Will you help me, then?" I asked in response.

He took my elbows in his paws and supported me as I descended unto the large rug below.

He hesitantly took a seat back in his place.

I then took his paw in my hands, noting how small they looked in comparison to his.

"You've been kinder to me, than… anyone, ever, really. If you think I would judge you based on your appearance now…" I began but remembered the way I had spoken to him yesterday. "I am sorry if I gave that impression before" I said with gulp, feeling ashamed to be putting myself so lowly before this… person? Beast? I didn't know anymore.

I felt my cheeks redden and become warm as I waited for a response.

It felt like hours before he spoke again.

"I am… I was… a… person… a long time ago" he finally said, struggling to find the right words.

I nodded and tried to give him a kind smile.

"Vincent?" I asked for the second time that day.

He looked at me, and didn't reply at first.

"How… did you know?" he asked, rather than giving an affirmative answer.

"Your… eyes" I replied, finding myself to be the one struggling to speak now.

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