Neverfading

By: Mitternachto

--

Neverfading – Chapter 10 – Distance

--

I didn't go to school the following week.

I was in my room, locking myself away from everyone. I had told Charlie that I skipped school due to "a bad fever and sore throat", and amazingly enough he believed me. Maybe he had noticed something was wrong with me.

Because something was indeed very wrong with me. Or more like it, nothing seemed to be right with me.

The latest nights had been filled with the strangest, scariest, most disturbing and yet most amazing dreams ever. It was like my brain suddenly had exploded, and images, thoughts and feelings were spread everywhere. I dreamt a lot, and every dream was like a spellbinding story - scary, romantic, thrilling and sad. Every night was a new adventure.

I hadn't told anyone about these strange dreams. Not that I didn't want to – I longed for Edward with all my heart, but I had distanced myself from him on purpose. I didn't want to see his face filled with sorrow anymore – he was sad because he couldn't find any way to help me, or even discover what was wrong with me. Because I refused to tell him.

The image I'd seen in my dream, the image with Amaranth resting peacefully in Edwards lap, wouldn't disappear.

I was afraid. Very afraid.

-

Edward had called again while I was in the shower. Charlie had answered, and once again been forced to repeat that "Bella is sleeping, I can't disturb her, she's feeling very bad".

Of course I was feeling bad, feeling bad for hurting the person I loved most in the world.

But there was no other way.

I simply couldn't let him see me in this shape.

I was just as pale as a vampire now. None of my original brown color remained in my messy hair, it was all purple now.

And every morning when I woke up, I was afraid that my usual eyecolor would have been replaced by crimson red.

I was in shock. I could do nothing but watch myself slowly turning into a vampire look-alike. For I was hoping – with all my heart – that I wouldn't turn into a vampire for real. Not in this way. I wanted Edward to be the one changing me. Not a creepy, french, sadistic ex-girlfriend.

So therefore, I locked myself inside my room. Just waiting.

Every night, Edward would come to my window. He'd see that it was closed, and that the curtains were preventing him from seeing anything. He'd slightly knock on the window, but I wouldn't open it. After a while, he'd go away. This repeated itself every night. I wondered why he didn't just smash the window, take me in his arms and run away with me.

Time passes quickly when you want nothing to change.

A week turned into weeks, and weeks turned into a month.

When I had been away from school for almost six weeks, Charlie had enough. But he didn't react like I'd thought he would (calling the principal, getting me out of school and throwing me back to Phoenix).

It all started one morning when Charlie was at home. I'd lost count of weekdays long ago, but I think it was on a Saturday.

The doorbell woke me up.
At first I didn't react. Edward had already tried that, but I had refused to let him inside my room, locking both Charlie and Edward out.

But this time Charlie sounded happier than he'd done in the latest weeks, and the stranger was brought inside. I didn't care very much, not until I heard footsteps outside my door.

"Bella, dear, you've got a visitor. Please stop these childish games and open the door."

I ignored him. Though, I couldn't deny that I was a bit curious who it was. It didn't sound like Edwards footsteps.

Then the stranger spoke, and at the sound of the strangers voice, I felt a sudden urge to smile. I felt relieved – this was actually a preson I wanted to speak to. A person I even had thought about contacting. So I slowly got up on my feet – unstable and shaky – and staggered towards the door. I unlocked it.

Carlisle stepped into my room.

Charlie gave him a discrete nod, and quickly closed the door and returned to the living room, apparently thinking it would be best to leave us alone.

I turned around to face him, unintentionally holding my breath.

He looked at me and smiled. He was so beautiful, it hurt to look at him. I had been isolated from beauty for so long that now that I saw the handsome doctor, I felt an ever stronger longing for Edward.

"Bella, I haven't seen you for ages. You've got us worried sick. Edward is barely getting out of his room nowadays, he's scaring us."

At the sound of his name, something burst inside me. Tears started flowing down my cheeks, and I threw myself at Carlisle. I didn't know why, but I needed someone to take care of me so badly, someone to say that it was all going to be okay, and that I shouldn't worry.

Carlisle seemed a little chocked by my sudden approaching, but he started to softly pat me on my shoulder. I started crying.

"How is he? How is Edward?"

Carlisle tried to look normal, but I could see that he was worried about his son.

"He's… I don't know how to describe it… he's in a lot of pain. He has convinced himself that it is his fault that you don't want to see him anymore, and he seems to constantly try to figure out what he has done wrong."

I gasped. "No! It's not like that! I… I wanted to spare him… it's not his fault, it's mine. Oh, I should've known he'd somehow find out a way to blame himself."

Carlisle smiled. "We've all tried our best to talk to him, we were pretty convinced that this was some kind of self-secrifice from your side, if you excuse us. But he won't listen. Charlie called me this morning – he sounded so upset and scared – and asked me to come over here and take a look at you. For your information, he has completely stopped believing that you're suffering from a 'sore throat' for six weeks. It was a pretty lame excuse, if I may be so rude."

I let out a chuckle. "You should know, doc."

He laughed.

But then I got serious again.

"Carlisle, what's happening to me? Look at me, this isn't normal! Oh, well it is for you guys, but not for me. Uh, this might sound rude, but humans aren't supposed to look like this. I'm all pale and…"

He shush-ed me.

"I know, bella. It certainly isn't normal. But we can't talk about it here, Charlie might hear us. Look, I want you to come with me to our house. I will explain to you there. Try to explain, at least."

I hesitated. I wasn't sure about this, but at least Carlisle seemed to hold answers to a few of my questions. I realised that I had no choice, and that if I refused, Carlisle would probably take me with him anyway.

I stared into his face. His golden eyes were gentle, and I knew I could trust him. But there was something there… Something told me that he was worried about me. Or maybe I was just seeing things in my head. If there was someone in this world who would know what was happening to me, it was Carlisle. He had the experience of three lifetimes.

So, I nodded. I got over to my wardrobe to get dressed, and Carlisle left my room to talk to Charlie. They were both waiting for me in the hallway, Charlie looked concerned. I don't know which excuse Carlisle had made up for him, but he didn't seem to care.

I got over to my father and hugged him. He held me close, and I felt a sudden urge to comfort him. But Carlisle was waiting.

We got out of the house, and I could see Charlie in the window.

I didn't see any sign of Carlisles black Mercedes. After a while I realised that this meant running. I suddenly got nervous. When Edward was running with me, I always climbed up on his back and he carried me. Would I have to do the same way with Carlisle?

He seemed to guess what I was thinking, and as soon as we were out of sight for Charlie, he turned to me.

"May I?" He held out his arms.

I could only nod.

He placed me on his back as easily if I had been a feather. I clinged to him, holding my breath, and wooooosh! He started running.

It felt almost the same way it used to do with Edward, only that Carlisle seemed more gentle, and also ran a bit slower. I guess he was afraid I would throw up.

The forest was filled with different smells, and together with the smell of Carlisle – he smelled heavenly, a mix of vanilla and men's perfume – it made me sleepy.

I'm not sure when I fell asleep, but I do remember that Carlisle had to softly call my name as we started to approach our goal.

"Bella, you've got to wake up now."

I grumbled something like 'I'm not sleeping' but then I could spot the Cullen's house between the trees, and suddenly I was all awake.

To be honest, I was afraid of meeting Edward. How would he react? We had not seen each other in six weeks, he had to be furious with me.

I slowly climbed down from Carlisles back, and followed him up to the front door. He opened it.

"Bella!"

Esme ran towards me, and threw her arms around my neck

"Oh, Bella we've been so worried! What on earth have you been up to?" She didn't sound mad, only relieved. I'm sure she would have cried if she could.

I smiled and mumbled something unhearable. I was looking around in the room.

No Edward.

Esme noticed that I was looking for him.

"He's up on his room, dear. Go to him."

I couldn't reply, my mouth was completely dry.

As I walked up the stairs to Edwards room, I realised that I was afraid. Afraid that he would hate me, or never wanting to see me again. How could I've been so stupid?

Usually, we couldn't be apart from each other for more than a few hours, how on earth would he react after I had intentionally shut him out for six weeks?

I stopped outside his room, and took a deep breath.

Then I opened the door.

Edward was lying on his couch, and if I hadn't known better, I would have thought he was sleeping.

He looked awful. Dark rings under his eyes told me that he hadn't been hunting for quite a while. His skin was so pale, almost gray and transparent. He scared me.

As I entered the room and closed the door, his eyes slowly opened. When he saw me, he threw himself up on his feet.

I freezed. He was thirsty and I smelled very good.

But I didn't have to worry.

He came up to me, as close as he could. He looked into my eyes, and I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks. I had almost forgotten how beautiful he was. It hurt me to see him like this, though. So sad.

Then, a sudden change in his eyes told me that he wasn't mad at me at all. I threw myself in his arms, and started crying.

I don't know how long we stood there, as close to each other as possible, but I never wanted it to end.

Everything was going to be fine now.

Edward was with me.

That was all I needed.

To be continued…

Authors Comment:

Hellu guys! I guess I'll start as I use to, by apologizing for taking so long.

Finally things are starting to get exciting. The faceoff with Amaranth is getting closer and closer now that Edward and Bella are together again.

I hope you keep reading and commenting!

Thanks again for having patience with me : P