A/N: Alright, I found the courage to update this. I am really really sorry about the long wait. I was nervous about this chapter and got caught up in my other fic instead. So thank you so much to everyone who has stuck around, who has subscribed and reviewed. It means so much to me! I am really really scared about continuing this. Probably 90% of Elena's nervousness in this chapter is actually my own LOL. So please be the kindest people on earth and tell me what you think.

Also, I still don't own TVD, sadly. And any quotes I use in here from Paul Auster's "Book of Illusions" obviously belong to the brilliant mind of Paul Auster. BTW, that is an amazing book. And Everyone should read it in their lifetime so if you haven't yet, go get it!

No more talking… let's dance :)

10. WAKE UP

Elena stood in front of the door to Damon's room, suddenly hesitant and rubbing her elbow lightly. She had started going short distances on crutches. It was strenuous on her arm but she detested being carted around in a wheelchair. It made her feel dependent and useless. Charlotte came up behind her, resting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Elena smiled quickly at her. She didn't know why she was suddenly nervous. It was probably simply the accumulated stress of waiting for so long. Harper pushed the door open and strolled into the room with an enthusiastic stride.

"Mr. Salvatore, I have two beautiful ladies here who want to see you. I'll give you guys a minute and come back in a while with your lunch." And with that he left the room.

Elena had fixed her eyes on his face, trying to read him, trying to gauge his reaction, but his forehead and normally so expressive eyes were still covered in gauze and the rest of his face did not give away any reaction.

"Well," he finally broke the awkward silence, "if you guys are strippers, that's just gonna be a colossal waste of effort."

Charlotte chuckled lightly and rushed over to his bedside. "Sorry to disappoint," she said with a smile in her voice. "It's just old Miss Pierce and young Miss Gilbert. Fully clothed."

"Well at least I'm not missing out on anything," he replied. Charlotte's hand reached for his arm to touch him reassuringly and suddenly his immobile form moved and he quickly grabbed her arm to hold it in place. For a second he looked like his abrupt movement startled himself. When Charlotte sat down on his bed with him, petting his hand lightly before turning back to Elena, he slowly let go of her hand. "So how is the young Miss Gilbert? Other than fully clothed?" he asked.

Elena still stood awkwardly between the door and his bed, at a distance to the pair. He looked just like he had all week, half his face hidden under bandages, tubes and wires protruding from underneath the white blanket that covered the rest of his body. Only now he was awake, he was speaking, he was making inappropriate jokes. Elena felt an inexplicable feeling of anxiety well up inside her. Charlotte looked at her, seeing the panic in her eyes.

"She's fine," the older woman finally said. "But she should sit down. Come sit, Elena." She waved her daughter over to a chair next to the bed while speaking.

Now put on the spot, Elena started moving over in their direction, the rubber pads making slight squeaky noises on the linoleum floor. When she reached the chair, she dropped into it clumsily, her cast scratching the wood lightly.

"She doesn't sound fine," Damon said, turning his head in the direction of where he assumed Elena was sitting.

Elena sat in the chair, feeling uncomfortable but Charlotte gave her a look that was obviously meant to push her to speak so she finally gathered her courage and answered him: "No, no. I'm fine. Really."

"What's with the crutches?" he asked, not satisfied with her efforts to reassure him.

"It's nothing. I have a broken leg. It's already healing," she said, trying to sound as confident as possible. He still seemed unconvinced and was about to speak again when the door flew open and Harper stepped back into the room.

"Alright, Mr. Salvatore, time for lunch." Elena thought she saw Damon tense up slightly.

"I'm not really hungry," he said quietly.

"Doctor's orders," the male nurse replied good-humoredly.

"Well, you should probably go eat lunch, too," Damon then said in the direction of Charlotte. "Thanks for stopping by, though." Charlotte took a deep breath before smiling slightly and moving to get up.

"No, we just got here," Elena said abruptly, not understanding why they would leave already. She had so many things she wanted to tell him. She knew that he would not have any other visitors and she wanted to be there for him. She wanted to know how he was, what injuries he was suffering from. She wanted to talk to him about Stefan. Most of all she wanted to thank him for saving her life. "We can just wait," she tried.

Damon was still for a moment before replying: "That's nice… but it's not necessary."

Elena was going to object again, but Charlotte was faster. She got up quickly and shot Elena a conspirative look. "Yes, I think we should go," she announced. "My plane is leaving soon. I should get ready." Elena looked at her wide-eyed. Her plane was not leaving for another few hours. Why did she want to go? "But I'm so glad I got to see you before leaving. I'm so relieved you woke up." Elena could tell the older woman was fighting back tears. She watched her lean down quickly and place a gentle kiss on Damon's cheek before letting go of him and saying: "I'll come back soon. You just get healthy, okay?"

"Yes, Ma'am!" Damon agreed, giving her a slight smile.

"Come on Elena, let's go," Charlotte said, already heading towards the door. Elena was at a loss for words but got up laboriously to follow her mother.

"Bye, Damon," she said while turning around to leave.

"Bye," he answered, still not moving in his bed.

Outside the room, Charlotte was waiting for her daughter, giving her a compassionate smile. "Why did you want to leave?" Elena asked her, confused. She had seen the sorrow in the other woman's face. She would have thought her to be more reluctant to leave Damon.

"He wanted us to leave," Charlotte said pacifyingly as they started to head back to Elena's room. The feeling of hurt that Elena felt shoot through her entire body must have been apparent on her face because her mother gave her a knowing look. "Don't worry. He just woke up to this entirely new condition, he's still adjusting. And he's uncomfortable."

"What do you mean?" Elena asked, confused.

"Elena, he can't see." She watched her daughter to see if she caught onto what she was trying to tell her. "How is he going to eat lunch without spilling his food everywhere? The nurse will probably have to feed him." Elena's eyes widened, tears threatening to well up. "He doesn't want us to see that. He doesn't want you to see that. He has never been weak. He has never been helpless. He has never depended on anyone. This is hard for him. Don't make it harder."

Elena's voice cracked when she spoke. "But it's only temporary, right? He'll see again."

"I don't know," Charlotte answered sadly. "You should ask him the next time you go see him."

"Maybe I shouldn't go again," Elena replied, a single tear that had defied her efforts to stay in control now rolling down her face.

"Of course you should," her mother was quick to reassure her. "Just because he can't accept your help that doesn't mean he doesn't want or need it. Just like your friendship."

Elena stared at her mother, wanting to believe what she was saying. "How can you know this?" she asked.

"Well, I've known Damon for a long time now. And then, after Katherine's accident I spent a lot of time at the hospital. I couldn't stand the idea of leaving my daughter there alone but I also started to feel useless, just sitting by her bed, doing nothing all day. So I spoke with the nurses and I started to volunteer. Just a few hours every day. I was helping out with the caretaking and most of the patients were elderly. I have met quite a few people who have lost their eyesight. It is never easy, whether it be through accident or sickness." They had reached Elena's room and she was grateful to be able to lie down again. Her leg felt heavy from the blood that was gathering in it and being able to put it up was a relief. She also felt the strain on her elbow from walking on the crutches. "The world is a scary place when you suddenly can't see anymore," Charlotte continued. "Did you notice how he grabbed my hand?" Elena nodded. She had noticed, but she had thought he was simply happy she was there. "We constantly gauge our surroundings. Usually we do it with our eyes. We measure distances, we anticipate dangers, we assess other people's reactions. Damon can't do this right now, not in the conventional way. He can't see. And he's not used to using his other senses, like hearing. So to him, the world in confusing and unpredictable right now. He doesn't really know where you are in the room and it makes him uncomfortable. When I sat down and we touched, he could place me. He could feel where I was without having to rely on his hearing. And he could sense if there are big mood swings because they would have resulted in me changing positions. It's little things like this that help him feel less lost right now."

Elena nodded. She remembered how disoriented and scared she had felt when she had woken up and her vision had been blurred. She couldn't imagine waking up to complete darkness.

Elena sat in her room, looking out the window at the evening sun. Charlotte had left for the airport a while ago. They had said a teary goodbye and she had waited by her window to see her mother get into a cab to drive off. Before fully stepping into the car, the woman leaving had turned around and searched the façade of the hospital and, upon seeing Elena stand by the open window, had smiled brightly and waved. Elena couldn't believe how close she had gotten to her mother in only a few days' time. She couldn't believe she actually thought of her as her mother. Of course she couldn't replace Miranda in her memories. She couldn't fill the hole her death had left. But she could find a new, a different position in her life and fill that. And she had done so quickly. Elena could see that Charlotte was hurting, too. Her daughter, the only one she had known, had been in a coma for over a year now and the two men she had started to accept as sons had turned into the worst versions of themselves. And still she found it in her to be so accepting of everyone, to see the good in them and to help them through their dark times. She had gone to see Stefan. Elena couldn't imagine going to see him right now. She wouldn't have known what to say and she surely didn't want to listen to what he would have to say to her. She felt inspired by her mother's strength and she wanted to use this inspiration to help Damon. If her mother could forgive these two men for everything they had done, she would surely be able to find it in herself to forgive the man who had saved her life and to be there for him when he had no one else. Determined, she got out of bed and limped through the now mostly empty hallways towards his room.

When she knocked on his door there was no answer, but she could hear the TV running on the other side so she decided to walk in anyways. She opened the door carefully and stepped in warily. She saw him move slightly on his bed and realized that he wasn't able to see her.

"Hi, it's me, Elena," she said, remembering what Charlotte had told her about his need to gauge his surroundings.

"Hi," he said, sounding surprised. "You're back."

"Yes. I figured… I don't know… that maybe you felt lonely and would like some company." She inched closer towards his bed.

"Oh I'm fine," he said dismissively, "I have a TV."

"You're watching TV?" she asked slightly amused.

"The news. You don't need the images to understand what's going on. They just narrate everything you see anyways."

"The news all day, huh? Doesn't that get depressing?" she asked, trying to make conversation and feeling like she was failing miserably.

"Yes, it's the news that's depressing me," he replied sarcastically. Yes, she was definitely failing miserably.

"Would you like me to sit on your bed?" she asked, changing the subject and remembering that Charlotte had said it would make him more comfortable.

"What?" he asked, startled. She could see his jaw tense and she just knew he would be frowning if his head weren't covered in bandages. Then his jaw relaxed slightly and his mouth turned into a smirk. "Are you propositioning me, Gilbert?"

"No!" she replied, completely flustered. "I was just…" she heard him chuckle and was actually glad he couldn't see her flushing bright red. She waited a moment to calm her nerves before speaking again. "I just want to know how you're doing. The doctors wouldn't tell me anything."

"I guess I'm fine now," he said reluctantly. "Healing. I had a blood clot in my head that they had to drain."

Elena nodded before realizing that he wouldn't see it. "Yes, they did tell me that. But I was wondering about your other injuries." She took a deep breath, trying to keep her voice calm. "Will you make a full recovery?"

"That's what they keep telling me," he said, sounding reassuring but Elena suspected that he was uncertain himself. When she didn't speak, he sighed and continued. "I have a skull fracture but it's apparently uncomplicated and doesn't worry them. My left leg is broken in two places, as is my left arm. My hip is cracked but not broken. I have a few broken ribs that were pressing onto my lungs. That's why I'm still hooked up to all the wires. They want to make sure I don't fall back into a coma or suffocate because my clot comes back or a rib decides to poke me again." He was saying it playfully but Elena found it hard to breathe. "Three of my fingers are also broken, two on the left hand and one on the right hand. And my optical nerve has been hurt. Apparently when I hit my head during the accident, the force of the impact travelled through the optical nerve which absorbed the excess energy. Also the blood clot additionally bruised it. I also have vitreous hemorrhage which means that blood seeped into my eyeball basically." He stopped speaking again, apparently waiting for her to comment. The callous way in which he spoke about his injuries made her think that he probably wanted to shock her, therefore she refused to give him the satisfaction and simply remained silent. "But the nerve hasn't been severed, so it should heal and I should be able to see again. Or so they tell me. Same with the blood in my eyes. It should just go away. But they can't tell how long it will take. It could be days or months. They might have to operate again."

"But you'll see again," Elena said, glad that he would probably not retain any lasting damage.

"Most likely," he acquiesced.

"I'm so glad!" she exclaimed. "And I… well, I'll be here and help you until you are healed. Whatever you need, you know."

"Well thanks but that's what the nurses are for, you know." He replied in what seemed to her an unfriendly tone.

"I know. But I want to be there for you. I mean, you don't have anyone else visiting…"

"I don't need your pity, Elena," he said tersely.

"That's not what I meant," Elena started but was cut off right away.

"Let me spare you the trouble, Elena. You don't owe me anything, I'm not dead, so you don't need to feel survivor's guilt. And we're not friends, so you don't have to care. I'll be fine. You can go back to school and be happy again. Forget about all of Stefan's and my drama."

"Of course we're friends!" she protested.

"No, we're not," he disagreed immediately. "You're my brother's – ex – I suppose. We happened to be in the same car accident, but I don't need your pity and I don't need your help."

Elena felt tears well up in her eyes. She didn't understand what just happened. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't… I just…"

"It's fine. Just please leave me alone right now? I'm tired. I'd like to sleep." As if to underline his statement he turned off the TV and pulled the blanket up to his chin.

Elena was stunned but also humiliated. All week she had been thinking about the moment when he would wake up and they would talk for the first time. She would never admit it, but she had imagined he would be as relieved about her survival and recovery as she was about his. She had thought that the traumatic accident would have probably shaken him up and that he would have realized the error of his ways, that he was wasting his time making everyone around him miserable and that he needed to get over his pain and embrace life again. And she had imagined that she could be there helping him while he went through this process. But he was saying they weren't even friends and asked her to leave. She was sad, but more than that she was embarrassed for having felt a connection to him through this shared trauma that he, very apparently, didn't feel. She turned around quickly and left as fast as her handicapped state would allow her.

The next day was a Monday and neither Jenna nor Jeremy could come to the hospital in the morning so Elena spent it sitting in bed, wondering how her talk with Damon had gone so awry. He had seemed somewhat sociable at first, had even seemed genuinely happy when Charlotte was there earlier. He had asked about her and had shown concern… Why had he suddenly cut her off? She had tried to make him more comfortable, had even offered to sit with him, as Charlotte had explained, but he wouldn't let her. How had they gone from slowly approaching each other to complete rejection? She was baffled and glad for the distraction when Caroline and Bonnie stopped by in the afternoon. They brought her news from school as well as a new reading assignment.

"So how are you? Charlotte left?" Caroline finally asked, after having gone on and on about how Mr. Saltzman had seemed distracted in class today and how she thought that he was in love with Jenna and that was the reason.

"Yes, she did. She said she would try to come back soon, though." Elena told them. Then, after a short pause, she added: "Damon woke up."

Her friends looked stunned. Bonnie was the first to find her voice again. "How is he?" she asked.

"I don't know. Good I guess. The doctors are hopeful he'll make a full recovery," Elena recounted.

"You don't sound very excited," Bonnie observed. "I thought you'd be happy he woke up."

"I was," Elena admitted. "We had kind of a fight I guess."

"He just woke up and the first thing he does is fight with you?" Caroline butted in. "That's so typical."

"What were you fighting about?" Bonnie asked, sounding a lot more leveled than their blonde friend.

"I don't even know, really," Elena began, shrugging. "I was just telling him that I was glad he was going to recover and that I would help him with whatever he needed and he just… he said we weren't friends and he didn't need my help." She didn't like how upset she was sounding.

"Of course the great Damon Salvatore doesn't need anybody's help!" Caroline exclaimed. "Just be glad he doesn't consider you a friend. Now you don't have to feel guilty about his sorry ass lying alone in the hospital. When are you being released?"

Elena stopped listening for a second. That was what Charlotte had said, wasn't it? That he didn't want help, he didn't want to feel weak or like he depended on anyone. And that's what she had made him feel like, wasn't it? She had told him she wanted to be there for him because no one else was and that she wanted to help him. She could see why he had pushed her away. It still hurt. But she made a decision. She would not let him get away with it. She had seen glimpses of someone else, of something more. Glimpses of a young man who had hope for a good life and who had people he cared about enough to do anything to make them happy. He deserved to be that guy, he deserved to be happy and maybe she wasn't the right person to get him to that point, but right now, like it or not, she really was the only one around. And she would not let him push her away and retreat back into his shell of loneliness and disdain.

"Elena!" She was snapped back by Caroline calling her name.

"What?" she asked, having missed what seemed to be a substantial part of the conversation.

"I was asking if you were going to the dance," Caroline explained.

"The decade dance? That's like months away," Elena replied, a little confused.

"Well, now that Stefan's out of the picture, who are you going to go with?" Caroline kept prodding.

"I don't know, I…" Elena was at a loss for words.

"We should wait until she's released at least," Bonnie chuckled.

"I'm just saying… People are asking." Caroline hinted.

"People?" Elena asked warily.

"Yes. You are quite popular with the man folk, you know," Caroline said, giggling.

Elena rolled her eyes slightly. "I don't know I just… I don't think about that right now."

"Fine, I'll wait until you get out of here. But then I will make you have this conversation with me, no matter how much you try to resist!"

"Maybe we should get going," Bonnie suggested, seeing the reluctant look on Elena's face. "You look tired and we still have that paper to write, Car."

The blonde begrudgingly accepted and with lots of hugs and see you tomorrows and air kisses Elena was left alone again. Jenna and Jeremy stopped by for dinner and Elena tried to get some information about her teacher out of her aunt but was sadly unsuccessful. She did catch Jeremy throwing her a cheeky smile and a conspirative wink, however, and made a mental note to make him report back to her on that issue at a later time.

After she was finally alone, she put her plan into action. She put on the bathrobe her aunt had brought her from home and squeezed the book she had to read for class under her arm. Then she made the tedious way on her crutches to Damon's room. Standing in front of it, she felt nervous again. But this time, she wouldn't let it weaken her. She had a plan now and the feeling of having a purpose alone made her feel a lot more confident. She knocked on the door but didn't get an answer. Again she could make out the sound of the TV from behind the door and without hesitating further, she stepped into the room.

"Hi Damon, it's me, Elena," she said, while closing the door behind her and making her way towards the chair by his bed.

"Uhm, hi," came his answer, sounding somewhat confused. "What are you doing here?"

"I'll sound stupid. I just… I hate being alone in my room. It's so quiet, especially now that it's dark outside. It makes me uneasy. I was just wondering if I could sit here for a while. Just for the company." She waited for him to reply, holding her breath lightly and when no answer was forthcoming, she figured a little more persuasion might be necessary. "I have this book that I have to read for school so I won't bother you at all. I just don't want to be alone right now."

Again there was a silence, but this time he finally gave her an answer. "Uhm okay, sure," he said, obviously unsure about what this would entail.

"Great, thanks," she said and lowered herself gracelessly into the low chair. After she had settled in, she started reading. She heard Damon sink back further into his pillows and waited to see if he would try and talk to her at some point.

After what had felt to Elena like an hour but had probably only been about ten minutes, he still hadn't addressed her and she was getting a little impatient. "Damon?" she asked quietly.

"Yes?" came his reply.

"My leg is starting to feel really heavy. Would you mind if I sat down on your bed so I could prop it up?" She tried to sound as casual as possible.

"Getting a little demanding there, aren't we?" he smirked. She couldn't help but notice that he hadn't said no.

"I'll just sit at the bottom of your bed so I can lean against the foot end. I just want to stretch my leg out. I won't bother you, I swear." Again she held her breath.

"Alright fine," he conceded. "But no funny business. I'm watching TV." He smiled lightly and she could have jumped for joy at seeing him joke again. At least he had stopped completely blocking her off. She got up as quickly as possible and heaved herself onto his bed. He moved over slightly to give her space and she grabbed her leg with her hands to haul it onto the mattress. The pain had gotten a lot better by now but she still wasn't really able to move it. She scooted up to the foot end and leaned against it, her legs stretched out in front of her. Damon was lying under the covers but they were thin and since they had both broken their left legs, she could feel the warmth of their relatively unharmed right legs radiating off each other. His feet reached down to the spot next to her where they were forming a little mount under the blanket, while hers stopped at his hips. When they had settled down, she started reading again and he turned his attention back to the TV.

This time it was him who broke the silence. "What are you reading?" he asked.

"It's for lit class," she replied, dropping the book into her lap. "The Book of Illusions by Paul Auster. Have you read it?" He only shook his head. "Well, he's supposedly one of the best contemporary American authors. I have to write a paper on this at the end of the term."

"No more Gone with the Wind?" he asked with a small smirk.

"No, I'm done with the Ashleys and the Rhetts of this world and concentrating on finding the truths behind the illusions instead." She smiled.

"Is it any good?" he asked.

"I don't know. Well, I started to read it but I'm having trouble with it actually. Could I read it to you and get your opinion?"

"That's cheating, Miss Gilbert." He chided her playfully.

"No it's not," she said with a smile, shoving her knee lightly against his in a reprimanding manner. "I'm just asking your opinion. It's crowdsourcing."

At that he had to laugh lightly and then nodded, turning off the TV. "Alright fine, read me your book."

A wide grin was plastered on her face as she flipped the few pages back to the beginning and started to read: "Everyone thought he was dead."

They had been sitting like this for a while. Elena reading and Damon just lying there, listening to her voice. Once she looked up and realized that she couldn't even be sure if he was still awake or if he had fallen asleep. He was slightly propped up on his pillow, facing her but at a great distance and completely immobile. She looked at him quietly for a second, a little proud with herself.

"Why have you stopped reading?" he suddenly asked and she shot up slightly, startled at the sound of his voice.

"I just… I wanted to thank you, Damon."

"For what?"

"For saving my life. The way that you turned the car, before the impact, that saved my life."

He quietly contemplated this for a while before answering. "It was a reflex. I told you you didn't owe me anything."

"I know," she replied quickly. "I'm still thankful."

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