Author's Note: Wow, I honestly thought I uploaded this. I apologize!! I'll make it up by uploading the next chapter in a few minutes.

Jayne

I could hardly wrap my brain around it. I don't even know how I gorram thought of it.

I was wrong. That's what it was. The only explanation that seemed like it fit that I thought up was completely and totally wrong. I sighed. What a relief.

Then, River walked in. She looked like she was focusing extremely hard on something. I furrowed my brow at her as she walked over to the comm.

"Crew meeting in the dining hall," she said into it, the sentence ringing loudly through the ship, and hung it back up. "Jayne," she greeted on her exit.

I shook my head, glad that I realized that I was wrong. Imagine that - walking into the mess and tellin' people I switched places with the crazyboy doc. They'd have me committed. Hell, I'd have me committed.

With this good feeling in my head, I started over to my bunk for a change of clothes. Can't believe I fell asleep without a shirt - makes me feel like maybe I had a girl over the last night but couldn't remember.

I walked into the mess hall, humming, being the last one there. Someone was doing something in the kitchen, but there was foodstuffs on the table, so I just grabbed some and sat. I propped my feet up on the table and slowly came to the realization that people were staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Simon?" Mal asked me, a scary look of concern cloudin' his however-already-wussy features. I furrowed my brow at him and took another bite of... foodstuffs.

River stepped up in front of us. What was she doing? She still had that concentrated look on her face, as if she was tryin' to will something into existence.

"I don't have to tell you why I called this meeting," she said in a calm, strained way. I stopped mid-chew and glanced at the Captain. River called this meeting? Why? And why was Mal just sitting there lookin' at her? "And I don't have to tell you that I'm..." She hesitated, taking a deep breath but still staring at some unknown point. "Your Captain."

And Mal just sat there!

"You gorram kidding me?" I asked loudly. "You're just gonna sit there an' let her say that?" I looked at Mal.

"Jayne?" River turned her gaze to me. "You bein' a bit slow this morning?"

"What about you?" I asked, turning to the rest of the table. "Why are you people lettin' this moonbrain stand up there like that? What happened to our kinda-okay captainy system where Mal told us what to do and Zoe told us how to do it? Where does Crazy Girl figure in?"

The person who was in the kitchen emerged from the kitchen. All memory of whatever it had been that I was yelling about melted away as the smallish size of my brain contained the one thought it was able to. And I have no idea how it was able to do it. My mouth dropped open and my eyes widened. I was staring at me.

As in, me me. The good ol' Jayne Cobb. Smelly clothes and stubble. And a mug of tea.

Subtract the mug of tea. Mugs of teas and Jayne Cobb don't mix. Not ever.

"Now that we're all caught up," River began, annoyed, "Let's get to the problem at hand." She paused, regaining something as she stared at the back wall. "We all know that something's happened. We don't know how or why, but in the 'verse life is tricky and this is just another trick. We've gotten out of rougher scrapes."

Goh se bie dio-se. River was sounding more like a leader and less like a half-phrased maniac.

"But before we can do anything," she continued, "we've got to know who we're talking to." She glanced at each of us, something odd happening with her breath, before returning her gaze to that fixed point.

I glanced around the table. I noticed first off that Kaylee wasn't smiling, then that Wash was, in a really creepy way. I stared at me. Mr. Jayne Cobb stood just outside the kitchen - with tea - watching River. I'd swear he was me if he was a mirror, but he wasn't. I had checked.

"Wait, I don't get it," I spoke up, "Why're there two o' me?"

"There ain't," Kaylee said impatiently in her sweet voice.

"Yeah, there he is, right over there." I pointed at him, and he rolled his eyes.

"I'm not you," he said simply. In my voice. My manly, husky voice. I stood up from the chair. "And what happened to my voice?" I asked the table, remembering its strangely high pitch. "Is this 'mess with Jayne Cobb' day?"

"Where's Simon?" River asked suddenly, ruining my one-sided shouting match.

"What?" Mal asked, "He's..." The Captain motioned at me. I glared at him, clutching my foodstuffs.

"No," River shook her head and took a breath. "Inara. Where's Inara?"

"I'm Inara," other-me helped. I stared at him, as well as Mal, Kaylee and Zoe. Wash let out a giggle.

"No, that's not what I mean," River said, still staring ahead. "Your shuttle! He's in your shuttle."

Kaylee looked like she realized something. "Why is he till there?" she asked.

"Maybe his doctor-size brain couldn't take the change," River replied with a smirk. She turned to leave. "Anyone willin' to take part in the intervention, come with me," she called back. Pausing, she added, "Zoe, you better come, too."

Kaylee, Mal, and other-me got up and left. I looked at Wash and Zoe.

"Cap'n called you," I pointed out to her, thinking about her odd choice of clothing.

"No, he called Zoe," she replied.

I paused. "But you are Zoe," I said.

She laughed and shook her head. "I don't understand how your brain worked out the whole breathing thing," she mused.

I knew that was an insult, but I knew better than to hit Zoe. Instead I glared at her and took another bite.