Chapter 10 - Unexpected meeting
The night was cool and pleasant as he leaned on his bedroom's window, staring at the moon and feeling the soft breeze on his skin. The anxiety was almost driving him crazy when he finally heard his door opening. He stood watching as she closed the door and then approached him.
Susan smiled awkwardly, the moonlight revealing the flush on her cheeks. She was so adorable... He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her passionately, but he didn't know if it was appropriate. In fact that whole situation itself was not appropriate at all, Susan being in his room that time of the night...
Then she came closer to him and took her hand to his face and caressed it, as he gazed into her eyes intensely. She slowly moved her hand to the back of his neck, pulled his face toward hers and kissed him.
The kiss started softly, gently. But in no time the desire to make it deeper became irresistible. Susan parted her lips lightly, silently asking to deepen the kiss, and he eagerly granted her request. Their tongues met in an utterly sensual way, moving slowly yet passionately. His hands held tightly over Susan's waist, making her shiver slightly under his firm touch.
When he felt he was about to lose control, he decided to stop the kiss, but the desire inside of him prevented him from being successful. His lips indeed left hers, but they were still placing kisses on her skin... First on her chin, then on her throat, and finally on her neck.
Susan gasped and shivered again, this time more strongly. And in an extraordinary effort, she managed to make her voice out in a faint whisper as she kept caressing the back of his neck.
"Oh, Caspian..."
Ben opened his eyes and groaned as he stared at the roof above him. It had been a dream, and now it was over. Oh, no... His heart was racing. Damn, why did I have to wake up right now?
Ben sat on the bed and sighed, running a hand through his hair. He had just dreamed of Susan. And it was so good... After some minutes cursing himself for having woken, he laid down again and closed his eyes, trying to remember the dream, which was not very difficult. He could remember perfectly the feeling of having Susan in his arms, the feeling of kissing her... Oh, I wish it were not a dream...
It was inevitable that he ended up having a dream like that with Susan, especially after what he felt when he held her in his arms the day before. He experienced such closeness that made him want more, but he didn't know if he could be with her that way again. And being with her as he had been in that dream seemed simply impossible...
That dream was different from the ones he had had with Susan before. The previous dreams were vague, as if shrouded in mist, and he could barely distinguish Susan except for her eyes. But this time was different. The dream was clear, it was more like a memory... But it had obviously been a dream.
And, like almost every ordinary dream, it had some curious elements... Firstly, there was that room where he was in. It definitely was not his real room, and it was quite hard to define it. It looked like a medieval-style room... But it was not totally strange for him. It looked familiar, although Ben has never been in a room like that before. But the weirdest thing of the dream was the name by which Susan called him. Caspian...
If dreams were the result of people's inner desires, this dream was easily explainable. He loved Susan and wanted to have that kind of closeness with her – although it seemed impossible –, so he dreamed of it... Besides, Ben always had some sympathy for medieval themes, which was certainly an explanation for that room's style.
But what about Susan calling him Caspian? No one called him by his middle name, and it was often reduced to an initial, which is why many people didn't know what the C of 'Benjamin C. Whittaker' meant. Despite that, he liked that name, and always thought it matched him perfectly, although he didn't know exactly why. But, of course, his sisters never lost an opportunity to tease him about it...
"Ben, you have to thank heavens every single day for having been conceived at the Caspian Sea... I wonder if mom and dad had chosen a cruise in the Atlantic Ocean, or perhaps in the Pacific Ocean, for their second honeymoon... You would be screwed!", Hilda teased him once.
"Benjamin Atlantic Whittaker or Benjamin Pacific Whittaker? What would be worse?", Marion continued, then bursting into laughter.
Ben loved his sisters, and their relationship had always been very affectionate. But they definitely could be pretty annoying sometimes... I just hope this joke never reaches John's ears, or I'll be really screwed... Ben felt a chill to think of that possibility. So he decided to think of more pleasant matters and started remembering the dream again. I wish it would be true some day... Susan and I...
"Until when will you manage to hide your feelings from her, Ben?", John asked in the last conversation they had. "You two have been always so close lately, I swear I don't know how you resist. I at least keep some safe distance from Danna..."
"I've already told you, John... I don't want to risk our friendship, I don't want her to reject me again."
"I don't think she'll reject you again, Ben. She likes you, there's no way to deny it. Marianne and Danna are always 'complaining' about Susan having 'abandoned' them for you..."
"But it doesn't mean she likes me the way I like her. She likes me as a friend."
"Maybe you're right, but it's a start... But you know what? I think she already likes you more than that... She just didn't realize it yet."
"Hmm... Have you ever thought that this might also apply to Danna?"
"I'll never be able to give you some love advice without it turning against me immediately, huh?"
"No."
"I suspected it."
Ben smiled. Perhaps his friend was right... Maybe it was foolishness to continue feeding the fear of being rejected again. Until when would he bear to be so close to Susan without taking any action? Until when would he be able to hold back this feeling that was growing so intensely each day? Sooner or later it would become painful to him, being with her without being able to touch her in a loving manner, to hold her, to kiss her...
It was almost morning, but the thunders outside announced a monotonous rainy Sunday, perfect for studying a little, as Susan said the day before, anticipating the Sunday's weather based on that gray Saturday. Ben decided to use the idea, since he hadn't even opened any book since the beginning of the semester... But he definitely didn't need to wake up so early for that, so he decided to go back to sleep, drowning in the memories of his sweet dream...
Susan spent the day studying the topics of the first two weeks of classes. The previous weekend she hadn't studied anything, since she spent nearly all her time with Ben – one of the reasons why Marianne and Danna complained to her recently. And it was Ben who she couldn't stop thinking of now... Every two or three pages she read, his image came back to her mind.
She was never tired of remembering Ben's gesture of affection on the cemetery, holding her and comforting her when she needed it most. And what she felt when he held her was exceptional... She felt loved and protected as she didn't feel since a long time ago... To tell the truth, until then she only had felt that way with... Caspian.
Susan could clearly feel Ben's heart beating wildly when she held him tighter... She could even feel some change in his breathing... It definitely meant something. Did he still have feelings for her even after she proved not to be worthy of being loved by anyone? That was her opinion about her coward act after all...
She was feeling more confused than she ever felt in her entire life. On the one hand, her heart rejoiced at the thought that Ben could still be in love with her... Her need to be next to him was growing stronger each day. His presence made her feel so good...
But on the other hand there was the real reason behind everything. It would be very wrong to feed Ben's feelings – whatever they were – when what really attracted her was Ben's similarity to Caspian. She could hide this and take advantage of the situation, but that would be a horrible attitude... Her conscience would never approve it. That would not be fair to Ben. He was so good, so tender, so sensitive, so kind, so... perfect. She needed to find a way to restrain her attraction to him, or she would end up making him suffer.
I so wanted to be able to talk to someone about it... If Lucy were here she would understand me, she could give me some advice...
Susan didn't want to talk to her friends about this matter. She would have to be extremely careful with her words not to reveal anything about Narnia... No, it was easier just not to talk to them. And all the people related to Narnia somehow were now gone... Her siblings, Professor Kirke, Miss Plummer...
It was almost dark and the storm was finally over. The sky was almost clear now, and the night promised to be beautiful. Susan closed her books and decided to take some rest. She had studied almost all day. Then she went to the window to check outside and she was pleasantly surprised when she saw Ben's car across the street. He was outside, leaning on the car, looking toward Susan's window, and the smile that appeared on his face when he saw her was absolutely ravishing.
Susan smiled back and almost couldn't contain her joy on seeing him. She quickly left her room and went down to the street to meet him.
"Ben, what are you doing here?", she asked with a grin on her face, causing Ben's heart to quicken at her beautiful smile.
"I spent all the day studying, and when I finished I noticed the rain was gone... So I decided to take a walk and then I came here to see if you had already finished studying too..."
"How long are you here?"
"I just got here...", he lied. He had been there for at least half an hour, looking at her window and trying to take some courage, deciding whether to call her out or not.
"I just finished studying, and now I have absolutely nothing to do..."
"I was thinking...", he started, clearing his throat. "There's a film that just opened and I read very good reviews about it, but it's a suspense film and..."
"The Third Man?"
"Exactly! Have you heard about it?"
"Of course, I'm dying to watch it! I tried calling the girls to go with me, but they only like dramas and romantic comedies... Not that I don't like them too, but I like other genres as well."
"Would you like to watch it with me?", Ben asked without hesitation, in a rare moment of courage. Actually he wanted to invite her to watch some romantic movie, but he decided it was not a good idea... Not yet. It would probably sound like a date to her.
"Are you asking me out on a date, Ben?", she asked with a mischievous smile on her lips, but she soon regretted the joke. She was already used to tease Ben, and he teased her sometimes as well, like friends do. But this time it sounded a bit different... Especially because Ben blushed immediately, causing Susan's heart to flutter in her chest.
"Err, I... Well, I just wanted... I..."
"I'm just kidding, Ben!", Susan smiled nervously, trying to fix the situation after seeing Ben's reaction. "Of course I want to watch it with you! Just give me a minute, I need to change. I'll be right back!"
Susan quickly returned to the dorm, leaving Ben speechless.
Just kidding...
Ben leaned against his car in a comfortable position, totally prepared to wait at least 40 minutes for Susan to change her clothes and get ready to go out. Surprisingly, Susan returned only 20 minutes later – contradicting Ben's expectations. And when Ben caught her sight, he found himself completely unable to verbalize anything. Actually he was unable to do anything but admiring her.
"Ben, I'm ready. We can go now."
He didn't answer and kept staring at her as if hypnotized. So beautiful... Susan was in a simple yet beautiful rose-colored dress. It was slightly low-necked, but it was enough to trigger certain fantasies in Ben, especially now that he was still under the effect of his last dream... The dress came down right below her knees, revealing her beautiful calves, which were gracefully balanced on a pair of beige high heels that matched perfectly her delicacy. Her hair was loose, like Ben had never seen before. She always used something to tie it, but this time her locks fell freely about her shoulders. She was stunning.
"Ben...?", Susan tried to 'wake' him up.
"You look so beautiful... You are so beautiful...", he said, unable to hold back his admiration.
Susan blushed intensely with the compliment and briefly looked away. But soon her eyes came back to his, and she kept staring at him, their eyes completely locked.
"Thank you...", she replied in a low voice, surprised with the reaction that came from inside of her chest. A pleasant feeling warmed her heart and made it beat faster at the intensity of his gaze. And what a gaze... His eyes were dark, mysterious, and they seemed to hide so many secrets... And she suddenly felt the need to discover them.
Ben kept staring at her, till shyness finally overcame Susan, causing her to lower her gaze, smiling awkwardly. Ben realized he had embarrassed her, but he preferred to let things like that, instead of apologizing or recant. She was beautiful, enchantingly beautiful, and she definitely deserved to know that.
"Well... Shall we go?", Ben finally asked.
"Yes, let's go..."
"Ben, the film was fantastic!", Susan said excitedly.
"Yeah, it was! It's been a long time since I last watched such a great film!"
Ben and Susan headed to the snack bar across the street and, while waiting for their meals, they talked about the most interesting parts of the movie. Suddenly, something caught Susan's attention. At a table in the opposite side of the hall, there were a woman and a boy, who seemed to be about 6 years old. The woman was looking intently at Susan and Ben, and the expression on her face was of utter bewilderment – exactly the same expression on Susan's face now.
Susan couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing at all. But, thinking further about that matter, it was not totally impossible to find her there. They were in the same world after all... She looked at the woman and the kid for some more time till she finally took courage.
"Susan, is there something wrong?", Ben asked, a bit worried.
"No... It's just... I've just saw someone I haven't seen for a long time... Would you mind if I went over there to greet her? I'll be back in no time."
"No problem, I'll be waiting here."
"Okay. I'll be right back."
Susan stood up and took a deep breath as she walked toward them. The woman saw she was coming, and now her expression was totally unreadable. Distrust? Shock? More confusion? It was impossible to define.
When Susan came near the table, the woman stood up as a sign of respect and greeted her with a light bow.
"Queen Prunaprismia..."
"Queen Susan..."
"Please, no need to call me like that here... I'm not a queen in this world...", Susan smiled.
"Neither am I... Actually, neither here nor in Narnia...", Prunaprismia said with a hint of sadness in her voice.
"Let's just leave our titles aside...", Susan said sheepishly.
"Okay... You know, I never expected to find you here...", she said, clearly surprised.
"Me neither", Susan said, as surprised as Prunaprismia. Then she looked at the boy. "Is he your child?"
"Yes, that's my boy... Son, say hello to Susan..."
"Hello, Susan! You are pretty!", he said lively, grinning at her.
"Oh, thank you...", she said, smiling fondly at the boy. "And you're a very handsome boy!"
"That guy with you... Is he...?", she didn't finish her question, but her inquiry eyes did it.
"No, it's not him. But he really looks like him, doesn't he?"
"Yes, he does! It's amazing... Are you sure it's not him?"
"Yes, I'm sure... Ben was born here, and he always lived here in London. It would be impossible."
"So it's a huge coincidence...", she said, looking at Ben without being noticed by him.
"Prunaprismia... I would love to be able to talk to you now, but...", Susan looked at Ben's direction. "Could we meet another day?"
"Of course! I never thought that one day I would cross with you or your siblings here, although we live in the same world now... But since I met you, I'd love to have a longer talk with you..."
"It will be a pleasure. Are you living in London?"
"No, we're not... We arrived yesterday and we'll stay in town for a month. My husband is here because of his work, and we just came with him. I got married again a few years ago..."
"I see... It will be great to talk to you. Can we meet tomorrow? I'll be at college by the morning and part of the afternoon, but I can meet you after class."
"It's perfect."
They set the time and the place for their meeting, and then Susan left. Then she returned to her table, and the shock was still on her face.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yes... It was an old friend. It's been such a long time since I last heard of her that I honestly didn't think I would see her again someday...", she explained.
"I see...", Ben said before looking at the direction where Susan had come from.
Prunaprismia was still looking at them, and when Ben saw her, he felt something even stranger than when he saw the pictures of Susan's siblings on the cemetery. Then, he saw when she left the table with her kid and made her way out of the snack bar. Ben followed her with his eyes, completely astonished, while a scene began to form inside his mind: there was that same woman, dressed in an antique-style nightgown, holding a crossbow and aiming at him.
"Ben?"
He didn't hear Susan's voice, such was his shock. The scene was still playing inside his mind, and a pained expression came over his face as he saw the woman's arrow reaching his arm.
"Ben!"
Ben heard Susan's voice this time and looked at her, looking completely confused.
"So-... Sorry..."
"What happened? Are you okay?"
"Yes, I am... I just...". How to explain this to Susan? "I thought I knew this woman from somewhere and I was trying to remember from where, but it was useless... I think it was just an impression..."
Susan was surprised at Ben's reaction before Prunaprismia. Did it mean something? Did he rememb-...? Susan didn't complete her thought, since she remembered the conclusion that she had come to before: it would be impossible for Ben and Caspian to exist simultaneously in different worlds if they were the same person. It must be just coincidence. He must have known someone like her, just that...
"You seemed to feel some pain... Are you sure you're okay?"
"It was just a beginning of a headache, nothing to worry about...", he said, obviously lying. He realized he must have shown some pain on his face when the arrow reached his arm on his 'daydream', but he definitely couldn't tell her what really happened. I'm sure she would think I'm crazy...
After that, they ate their meal and then Ben took Susan to the dorm.
"Thanks, Ben... I thought the entire day would be a complete failure, but you saved my night!"
"No... It was you who saved my night..."
Susan smiled sheepishly, as she remembered one thing...
"Ben... Do you forgive me?"
"Forgive you for what?"
"Well... for the Panda thing the other day... I sort of helped John to tease you... I should have stopped when I noticed you were mad..."
"Susan, I would never be mad at you... John loves to tease me and I really get mad at him sometimes. But you... It's just impossible..."
"Really? You didn't get mad at me?"
"Of course not... Besides...", now he stared deeply at her eyes, "I think I like my nickname now, you know..."
"You do?", she asked, puzzlement written on her face.
"Yes. Because it amuses you... I love everything that can make you smile", he said, deciding it was time to let his heart speak now. It wasn't any love confession yet, but it was a good start if he really intended to let her know about his feelings some day.
Susan blushed slightly and smiled, enchanted by Ben's sweetness. She was about to lose herself in his dark gaze when suddenly he got closer to her in a way that made her heart race, but he just placed a tender kiss on her forehead.
"Good night, Susan...", he said, clearly wanting to do something else.
"Good night, Ben...", she replied, a little disturbed.
Then she walked towards the entrance to the dorm and stopped at the door, casting a last look at Ben, who had just entered his car. He smiled at Susan again and left.
Susan got to her room and went straight to the shower. She took a long and relaxing bath, then dressed a comfortable pajama and went to bed. But she was very far from being sleepy. She just wanted to lie down quietly, in the dark, only the moonlight lightening softly the room. She just wanted to be alone with her thoughts, and assumptions, and feelings...
Earlier that day, she had decided she needed to find a way to restrain her attraction to Ben, maybe getting away from him for a while. But his arrival was enough to make her completely forget about her resolution, and she let her heart rule her acts, as she so much longed for his company.
Gosh, what is happening to me...?
Susan remembered the way Ben looked at her tonight, more than one time... And she remembered how she felt it.
I almost melted looking into his eyes... Oh no, I can't deceive him this way... I can't do this to Ben, it's Caspian who I love. I can't be so selfish to take advantage of him just to feel close to Caspian... He doesn't deserve this.
But, damn, I can't help it! I can't get away from Ben. I want to be next to him, always... I can't even think of getting away from him. I've suffered so much already, I can't go through this one more pain... I have no strength to do it...
After her 'mental monologue', Susan, feeling sleepy already, came to the conclusion that she couldn't bear to be away from Ben, but, for his sake, she needed to find a way to restrain and hide her feelings for him, which were for Caspian actually. At least she still believed so...
Hello, guys! Thanks again for the amazing reviews! I absolutely loved them! Thank you all! :D
Please keep reviewing! :)
P.S.: The Third Man is a real British movie that was released on theaters on September 1949, and it has won several important prizes and awards. Since I decided Susan and Ben would watch a movie together, I thought it would be nice to put a real one on the story instead of creating one by myself... XD
REVIEW REPLIES
Sazz – Glad you liked it! John loves to tease Ben, but he will regret it as soon as Ben starts teasing him too, especially next to Danna... =P Thanks for the review and for being my fan! XD
edding – Thank you so much for the compliments! I hope you liked this chapter too! :D
Florence – I swear I would update everyday if I had time... =P Actually Ben is not clearly seeing his Caspian identity yet, but he will surely think he's going crazy instead... XD
Flavia – Oh, it was not that stupid, it's normal we end up forgetting some parts, that's okay... :) Thanks for the review!
Aslan Lover – Hum, I guess this chapter answers your question. Things are changing already... :)
Your1Fan – OMG, please don't do it, think of the sustainability! LOL I love the Chronicles too, but I just read it one time... and a half. XD But I do need to finish re-reading at least VDT before the movie comes out... Which means I have 36 days now! Thanks for the review! :D
Narniandreamer – Glad you like my country, thanks! :D But World Cup? What is it? *pretending not to remember to forget the shame* =P
Aleeah – Yeah, he's already remembering a few things, but he has no idea where these 'dreams' and strange memories came from. Thanks for the review and thanks for liking my story! :D