Day Ten
She sees him wander up to the edge of the mesa at the Alibates Flint Quarries and look out at the grass-covered landscape beyond, so she goes up to him and lays a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't look around; simply gazes at the scenery and says softly, "Okay, you win."
She has to hide her grin and the fact that she's been waiting all day for him to say that. Instead, she calmly asks, "What am I winning?"
"This place is gorgeous."
She can't help the chuckle that escapes her lips this time. "So you admit that I chose the right destination to visit?"
"Yeah, you chose right. I'm only saying this once, so I hope you heard it the first time." He slips an arm around her waist, and her heart stumbles over itself. She feels her skin tingling furiously where his hand lies; even though he must've touched her thousands of times by now, and in far more personal places, this touch feels different. Tender. Natural. Possessive, even.
Almost, she thinks, like one would hold a girlfriend.
"If you had a house in the countryside, would the countryside look like this?" he asks conversationally, and she blinks and rests her head against his shoulder.
"Probably not. It appears quite uninhabitable."
"I don't think so. I mean, there are probably snakes all over the place, but light a fire in the yard and you'll be fine."
She laughs. "I mean that it is in the middle of nowhere, Tony. I do not think there would be water and electricity for the house."
"That's the point of the countryside."
"I thought you hate the countryside."
"I do, but it looks kinda nice from over here. If I were to build a house in the countryside, this is where I would build it."
"Hmm. I can't imagine you living here. You would move out within a week."
He gives her an injured look, which makes her laugh again. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"Come on, Tony. You are a city boy, and you and I both know it."
"Well. Guess I'd need to be somewhere near a DVD rental store."
She shakes her head. "Do you only ever think about movies?"
"I was thinking about the countryside, but you threw cold water on my dreams, as usual."
"I … threw … cold water. Is that a saying?"
He clucks in mock disapproval. "Yeah. I meant you kinda dissed my plans and discouraged me from fulfilling them."
"I did not!" she protests. "I was saving you from a life of misery in the countryside."
He chuckles. "Don't pretend to justify your actions, my lil' wet blanket."
xoxo
They drive past the Cadillac Ranch on their way from Texas into New Mexico, and for a long moment she feels as if she's with a young boy when she watches Tony eagerly pull the RV onto the shoulder of the road and run up to the Cadillacs to gape in awe at them.
He tells her about every movie the Ranch has ever appeared in or been mentioned in; she listens because she loves how excited he gets and how carefree he seems when he gets excited. Then he starts to lament their lack of spray paint for the cars, and she has to drag him away before he gets it into his head to drive to the nearest hardware store for aerosol tins.
It is past seven when they finally reach the RV park, so they have quick showers and a quick dinner, and she finds herself mildly surprised when they end up sitting on the bed and sharing secrets again.
She tells him the first not-so-threatening thing she can think of: that she made her first kill—illegally—at the age of sixteen. She tells him whom the orders had been given by and what the method of killing was, but she does not tell him that the mark had been her first boyfriend.
The look he gives her, though, suggests that he knows this was more personal than even a first kill would generally be.
Thankfully, he doesn't pursue, and only offers back what she feels must be even more private than what she had just shared—that he was bullied in boarding school. She feels shivers run down her spine as he tells her tale after tale of being shoved into lockers and strung up on flagpoles and even, on one occasion, framed for theft; tears gather in her eyes when he confesses that through it all, his father had been either clueless or indifferent (he chose to believe "clueless") because the issue had never been addressed in the rare few times that both were at home together.
She finds it silly that he wraps his arms around her after that and apologizes for troubling her with his past because if it had been up to her, she would have gone out of her way to make sure no one ever bullied him again.
Later, as she lets him spoon her while he sleeps, she lies awake wondering how many Secrets Nights they will need to have and how many times she will need to cry for him before she finds the courage in herself to tell him that she's still very much deeply in love with him.
xoxo
Day Eleven
Something must have changed before she could fully grasp it, because she wakes up in the morning with a burning desire to touch him or kiss him or do anything, really,which would tell him about her feelings for him.
She doesn't act on those desires, of course. With the wisdom of a grown woman who has seen too much since the first time she fell in love with him, she understands that sudden declarations will not get them any closer to where she hopes they can eventually be. So she settles for small gestures and small smiles, and fervently prays that one day, she will get to be the one to tell him she loves him.
They visit the Poeh Museum together and are wowed by the works of art on display; as they wander through the exhibition rooms, learning about the histories and cultures of the Tewa-speaking Pueblos in New Mexico, she comes to the realization that she is finally happy. Not just content, but happy; happier than she has been, perhaps, for a long time.
That realization is what pushes her to hold his hand when she sees him get a little twitchy as they later visit the tiny Roman Catholic church—El Santuario de Chimayo. He looks down at her with something resembling surprised gratitude then, and she smiles reassuringly back up at him. When his hand tightens around hers, she comes to her second realization of the day: that she is just as much his comfort item as he is hers, even if he could never admit to it.
What he does admit to that night startles her. With little more than a morose expression and a tongue that occasionally knotted itself, he tells her about the first woman he has ever loved enough to want to marry. Details that she both craves to hear and would rather not know flow forth from his lips, and even though she wants to tell him that she's already learnt some of those same things from Wendy, she does not stop him. She sees that he needs it as much as he does the solace she offers him after he is done.
When he buries his face into her hair and whispers brokenly that the nightmares which have haunted him for years started after Wendy left, though, she finds herself feeling utterly helpless.
She is relieved that he does not ask her to share a secret that night, because she suddenly can't think of anything which would not be a painful memory to either or both of them.
A/N:
The Alibates Flint Quarries is a national monument in Amarillo, Texas, where Alibates flint (a multi-coloured stone that can be sharpened) was once obtained by prehistoric American Indians to be traded or made into weapons. Website: www(dot)nps(dot)gov/alfl/index(dot)htm
The Cadillac Ranch is a line of ten Cadillacs in a wheat field west of Amarillo. They are buried nose-first into the ground, and the public is encouraged to visit, photograph, and spray-paint the cars. The Ranch celebrates the evolution of early Cadillacs. Website: www(dot)libertysoftware(dot)be(slash)cml/cadillacranch/crmain(dot)htm
The Poeh Museum was established (along with Poeh Arts and the Poeh Centre) by the Pueblo of Pojoaque's Tribal Council for the preservation of both traditional and contemporary art and culture of all Pueblo People. Pueblos are American Indian communities; they are named so because Spanish explorers found these communities when they first arrived in the area (Pueblo is Spanish for "town" or "village"). The Poeh Museum focuses on the six Tewa-speaking Pueblos (Nambe, Pojoaque, San Ildefonso, San Juan, Santa Clara, and Tesuque) in Northern New Mexico. Website: www(dot)poehmuseum(dot)com
El Santuario de Chimayo is a compound managed by the Sons of the Holy Family containing two buildings—El Santuario de Chimayoshrine, and the Shrine of Santa Niño de Atocha. It is a place of prayer and to which pilgrimages are made, but also a place of culture in which can be found Hispanic works of art as well as performing Matachines (religious dancers) and La Danza Azteca (the Aztec Dance) groups. Website: www(dot)elsantuariodechimayo(dot)us/indexAlt(dot)html
Thanks for reading; hope you enjoyed!
-Soph