AN: So updates are going to be a bit slower. It was pointed out to me that it may not be good for my health to write 24/7. Speaking of that, I'd like to mention that I do stop to eat, sleep and shower every once in a while. . I suck at these. ANYWAY, hope you enjoy.
Chapter 9
Knock, knock, knock…
Mikasa opened her stormy eyes and raised her head from her pillow, murmuring, "Come in, Armin."
The blond opened the door with a small, sheepish smile. He came into her room with two loaves of bread in his hands, one of which she gave to her. When she wrinkled her nose, he told her, "You need to eat if you want to get better."
"I know," she muttered begrudgingly, taking a small bite out of the bread.
Armin pulled a seat up beside her bed, setting his in his lap and looking over her slowly. It was the third time that Armin had visited her since she was taken away to the medics on Corporal Levi's orders. He had told her that she looked filthy and that alone was reason enough to send her away. Though she fought it, she figured it might've been a good idea to rest before she was called to trial. She wasn't allowed to see Eren anyway.
The medics had been surprised when they saw that she had already started the healing process. Her healing had progressed to the point she didn't need stitching. There would be scarring, they warned her, especially if she didn't take it easy. Mikasa didn't mind, though when they attempted to take away her scarf she nearly bit the offending doctor. They dressed her with a poultice to ward off infection and they wrapped her larger injuries with bandages. Some of them started to stain with maroon from the blood that would seep out every now and again from cracked scabbing tissue.
"That one on your face looks nasty," Armin commented, his blue eyes glimmering with worry. "Does it hurt?"
"No," she answered, touching the scabbed over gash on her cheek. It had followed almost right along her cheekbone. "It's just ugly."
The blond frowned. "Eren's going to hate himself for that."
"Eren doesn't need to know if he doesn't remember," she retorted. "He has enough to deal with."
The memories of his eyes were carved into her memory. They had shone white for moments after his transformation, and unlike his previous time in the Titan body, he acted as though he wanted to kill her. He hadn't been himself, she thought almost desperately. She wanted to believe he had been overcome with the second transformation out of weariness, or that the sickness he felt after his first shift was somehow related to the way he acted. Why would he want to kill her?
Mikasa knew she could be a pain to him sometimes, but was she that bad?
Armin watched her uncertainly. She could tell he didn't want to lie to his best friend, and had it been a different situation she wouldn't have lied either.
But still, those eyes…
"He's going to find out," Armin pointed out to her with a frown. "He's not going to be happy if he finds out and you lied to him. They're probably going to bring it up in court."
The girl made a face. She hadn't thought of that. "If they do, then there's no avoiding it. If not, then he doesn't need to know."
"You're being stubborn."
"Probably," the girl agreed, sighing. "But that doesn't matter. He doesn't need to know if he doesn't already know."
They held each other's gaze for a few moments before the blond sighed and rested his face into his palm. He didn't want to hurt Eren any less than she did, but he reckoned the brunette had the right to know. Not only for truth's sake but also so that he could learn to control his Titan-shifting ability. "So, what?" he asked her. "You're just going to say it went off without a hitch?"
"In my report I said that he took a few swings at the buildings," Mikasa answered him. She had already thought it out. "But he doesn't need to know it was me he was swinging at."
"If it doesn't come up in court," Armin stated with as much force as he could. Despite being his child hood friend, Mikasa was not someone anyone wanted to make enemies with. She could be scary, but he liked to think that she wouldn't hurt him. "I'm going to tell him."
The girl glared at him, but that was the extent of her reaction.
"He deserves to know," he concluded, bringing the discussion to a close – much to her distaste. She hadn't touched the bread aside from her first bite, and he told her, "Eat it. We have court soon."
Eyes fiery with irritation, she took another bite.
"I killed your daddy, Eren."
Eren woke with a jolt, shaking his bed as he sat up quickly. Migraine pulsed in his head with a vengeance, and he moved to massage his scalp. His wrists stopped abruptly, though, and he noticed that he was shackled once more – to the wall this time. He supposed he shouldn't have been frustrated to have been thrown into the cell again, given the situation at hand. The boy looked down at the iron cuffs about his wrists and wondered how hard it would be to snap them off entirely as Mikasa had. With soldiers at either side of his cell door, though, he didn't dare try it.
He remembered the man in his hallucination. He was not frightened, but was more unnerved by his words than anything. If it was indeed a hallucination, then that man had been a figment of himself from deep down. Dreams and the likes have a nasty habit of revealing to oneself their own dark secrets. He hoped that it was just that, though. A hallucination or a dream, that is. He remembered not being able to control his own body, swinging at Mikasa with a bloodlust she didn't deserve. The way she had looked at him was haunting; she was the last person he ever wanted to fear him. Though he had a tendency to be a brat, he would never go out of his way to harm her. She meant too much to him. In fact, she meant everything to him.
Mikasa was all he had left. Though he didn't consider her as a sister, or a mother, she was significantly important to him. He couldn't imagine life without her at his side, and didn't ever want to. He needed her. Eren wondered if she felt the same way towards him. She was always the one taking care of him, always getting him out of trouble and helping him along – but did she need him at her side? Or was he just someone she felt obligated to take care of?
He needed something else to think about.
"I need to use the toilet," he said to one of the guards.
The guard glared at him. "You already went a little while ago."
"That was like five hours ago," he muttered under his breath. "Can I have some water please?"
The second guard looked back at him with a loathing that irked Eren to his core. "Know your place, you fucking monster," the man snarled before turning back around.
Monster.
Eren wondered how he looked to these men. Was he really that scary looking? How would other people see him now? The boy frowned, looking down at the calloused palms of his hands. Was he a monster?
Armin and Mikasa had never been afraid of him, he realized. When he was swept off to the dungeons they had fought and ended up right in with him. Despite her injuries, Mikasa stood up in front of Eren and Armin and held out her arms for God knows how long, risking getting shot herself. Armin had put together an argument on the spot in order to cover Eren's hide. If not for them, he would definitely be dead by now.
The thought both comforted and irritated him. He didn't want to be someone that needed to be defended. He wanted to be someone others relied upon – the protector. He was terrified of appearing weak and incompetent.
I'll take everything you've ever loved away from you.
She's pretty, don't you think?
Wouldn't that be hilarious?
You think she'll move again? You think?
"Damnit!" Eren screeched, jerking hard against his restraints as the memories of the hallucination flashed through his mind. Whether or not the man was real, whether or not what he saw was real, he had been totally helpless. He couldn't stop the visions, he couldn't warn anyone as to when they would start. Pain was his only warning before he was thrust into one, and it would never be long enough for him to do or say anything.
"Do that again," one of the guards hissed, "And I'll cut your head off."
"I really wish you wouldn't!"
The guards looked to their side quickly, startled by the rich female voice. Eren heard light footsteps before a woman with very thick goggle-like glasses strapped to her head. Behind them he could see twinkling brown eyes, the eyes of a scientist meeting its experimental rats.
He gulped.
"Hi! Sorry to keep you waiting for so long," the woman told him as another soldier came up behind her. "But, on the bright side, it seems like you'll be able to get out of here soon!"
Reluctantly, Levi had gone to the court case that day, urged by Irwin to participate. He sighed as he stood beside the blond commander, two heads shorter than the man but just as fearsome. He crossed his arms over his chest as the courtroom doors swung open, and two soldiers from the Military Police walked him on inside. Levi had a difficult time respecting authority figures simply because they were authority figures, and the Military Police had never been a bunch he found to be particularly worthy.
The pigs would stand behind the walls, each of them top ten in their class. Selfishness took them as far away as possible from the outside world. He saw the need for having good soldiers in the Police force and at the reach of the king – but if they wanted to keep men alive on the outside, they needed the top of each class to show up.
Levi respected the Jaeger boy despite his nickname for the trainee. Pruney wasn't exactly a dignified nickname. But then, it was also an improvement over his usual "brat". Perhaps he'd just call him Jaeger.
The boy looked at him briefly, eyes wide. He was afraid to die.
To die at the hands of man was the biggest dishonor.
The man narrowed his eyes. He looked across the courtroom at the other two brats that'd been with Pruney when he came out of that stinking Titan body. Levi had heard of both of them, the blond brain that'd be the next brilliant military strategist and the ever-stoic dark-haired prodigy in battle. Shadis had gone to lengths to praise Mikasa in front of him, expecting that Levi would be interested. Perhaps he was. Perhaps he wasn't. He didn't care about her as a person, but if she was a good soldier, she would make for a great apprentice.
A legacy. Levi smirked to himself. The idea left a bitter taste in his mouth for some reason.
The Generalissimo that would be judging Pruney today was an old man. Levi watched him closely, wondering if the head of all three divisions had chosen to go to the Military Police along with all the other pigs.
The man's beard bothered him. It was long and grey-white so it looked dirty. He sighed. He wouldn't be able to focus on anything else all trial long.
Excellent.
"Well then, shall we?" Zacklay said evenly as he sat down. Levi watched his beard move as he talked. "You're Eren Jaeger, correct? And you're a soldier sworn to sacrifice your life for the cause, if need be… Is that right?"
Levi definitely preferred Pruney to Eren.
Zacklay continued to read from his papers. "The usual law practices are inapplicable to you, I see… So now it's left to me to decide whether you live or die."
Pruney closed his emerald eyes as he nodded slowly. He wanted to show no fear. Respectable.
"Objections?"
As if it mattered.
"None, sir," the boy responded softly.
Obviously.
Levi sighed and shot an irate glance at Irwin. This was trivial and absolutely moronic. The entire court case was a sham. Pruney had single-handedly blocked a hole that no man would have been able to block for years if at all. He saved lives. He killed Titans. What the hell was all this about? So what, he could turn into a Titan. Woop-dee-doo.
"It's good to have your understanding. Your case is unprecedented, very controversial," Zacklay told Pruney with a serious but neutral gaze. "There are people who call you a demon that will kill us all, and there are other people who call you our savior, our guide, our hope. As expected, it proved impossible to keep your e…"
Levi yawned.
"…an official announcement about your existence is issued, it will signify…"
I need coffee.
"Listen," Irwin growled quietly when Levi had started pulling at the Scouts emblem on his sleeve. He rolled his eyes back towards Zacklay, bored out of his mind.
"…We're here to decide which military division you will be entrusted to; the Military Police, or the Scouting Legion." Zacklay turned to look towards Nile Dawk, a useless soldier if there ever was one. Levi had been in the same training squad as him. "We'll hear from the Military Police first."
Nile Dawk began by introducing himself, which wasn't necessary. Everyone knew who allowed the Police to run. Levi only began to listen after that drabble as the chief said, "We think that swift disposal is in order. Once thorough research of Eren's body is concluded, we will execute him. He will die a martyr and a hero to all humanity."
A dead hero. That only served to further destroy man's morale. How many more heroes would be put to death before the last hero was spent? Heroes had to live to keep the hopes of men and women up. In Levi's opinion, that offer was nothing more than taking what the boy had done, spitting on it, and then leaving it out to dry. Rude.
"The people of importance regard him as a threat. Yet, in this situation, those people, including royalty, still stick to their noninterference policy in regards to matters that do no…"
More feebly-thought out excuses.
Levi was more interested in the boy's reaction to being told he was a savior. He looked angrier than surprised, and certainly not elated. Was it because he felt he didn't do anything to deserve it? That being morally obligated to do something meant it wasn't any more an act of heroism than holding a door open for someone?
Or closing a door, for that matter.
Levi hated politics.
"No need for that hero's worship!" some pastor sort shouted in the midst of Nile's speech, attracting the Corporal's attention. "He's a vermin who tricked the Divine Wall, bestowed upon us by Lord's wisdom, and invaded our land. He must be executed without further ado."
Tricking a wall? Beautiful logic.
When the Corporal looked to Eren to see his reaction, he was amused to see the annoyance on his face. Was the boy taking the pastor seriously?
"Pastor Nick, to order, please," Zacklay ordered, looking sternly upon the pastor. "Next, let's hear the opinion of the Scouting Legion."
Irwin was right into it, answering without a pause. "Yes, sir. The 13th Commander of the Scouting Legion, Irwin Smith, reporting. We officially ask Eren to join us and use his Titan power to help us to return Wall Maria back to the human race."
He stopped, leaving an empty and anticipating silence in the room. Levi smirked.
After a moment, the commander said, "That's all."
"Are you sure?" Zacklay asked, raising his brow.
"With his Titan power it is possible for us to reconquer Wall Maria. I would think that the preferable option in this situation is clear enough," Irwin responded solemnly.
The two held each other's gaze for a long moment before Zacklay asked, "From where do you plan to sortie to your exploration mission this time? I believe Pixis is already finished walling up the gate of the Trost district. Correct?"
The eccentric old man smiled. "Indeed, but… It probably won't be opened again."
"We hope to depart from the Karanese district this time," Irwin explained, devoid of emotion but very confident. "And then, we will have to tentatively search our way to the Shiganshina district once again."
"Just wait a second here!" a fat cat screeched. The noise grated on Levi. "Shouldn't all the gates in all the districts be walled up this time? That Colossal Titan can only destroy the part of the wall where the gates are! If we get rid of all gates, there won't be any place for him to break in anymore! Or are you so territory-hungry that you don't give a damn about us, the corporation leaders?! All you do is spout unachievable, idealistic nonsense that will lead us to our demise! You have no right to be called heroes."
Levi met the fat cat's gaze with deadly boredom. "You talk big, you swine."
"Wh-"
"Firstly, what guarantee do you have that the Colossal Titan can't break down another chunk of wall somewhere else? Just because it hasn't kicked in anywhere else doesn't mean it can't," the Corporal pointed out. "Also, where's the guarantee that the Titans will sit quietly for us to finish walling up the gates?"
His eyes narrowed. "We…us… You must mean my friends who risk their lives, protecting you while you and your other pig friends fatten up in safety. Some people are driven to starvation because of the lack of lands, and you gluttons never even thought of that, did ya?"
Levi hated those kinds.
The cat tried to speak, but suddenly and serving only to further Levi's annoyance, the pastor shouted, "I've had enough of this blasphemy! You vile insect! The Wall Rose is granted to us by Lord, and it is not in human rights to maim it!"
And yet it is acceptable for Titans to do so?
"You lowlives saw that wall, that embodiment of unspeakable magnificence of Lord's wisdom, and you still don't get it?" the pastor rambled on and on.
This was going to last forever.
"Let's get back to the business at hand," Zacklay said sharply, cutting the pastor's speech effectively. The old man looked towards the boy kneeling in the center of the room, his hands bound behind his back. "I have a question for you, Eren."
"Yes, sir?" the boy asked, polite as ever.
"It seems there is hope for you to join the Scouting Legion. However, as a soldier that you've been up till now, do you really believe you can put that Titan power of yours to good use?"
"Y-yes, sir! I do!"
Does it matter?
"Oh?" the man questioned, looking down at the boy sternly. "On the other hand, the report on the recent mission to plug the gap in the wall says that, following your transformation into a Titan, you swung your fist three times, aiming for Mikasa Ackerman."
Oh, it matters.
The boy's eyes widened and he craned his head to the side to look towards the aforementioned girl. Mikasa glared at the woman beside her, eyes narrowed dangerously as she scowled. They shared a glare.
"Is Mikasa Ackerman present?"
"Yes, sir. I'm here," the girl answered, turning her eyes up to Zacklay.
"Is that true that Eren attacked you?"
Levi watched interestedly as the girl struggled over something internal. He had seen the same look before in Petra long ago, when his own abilities had been called into question. She was wondering whether or not to lie, he decided. Nearly killed three times, and she still tried to protect him.
The Corporal noticed that Eren was watching her intensely as well, pinning all his hopes on that she would deny the statement. He recognized that desperation. It was not the desperation of a man who wanted nothing more than to live, though Pruney certainly did want to live. That was the expression of a man who realized, though he wanted nothing more to protect his loved ones, that he had harmed them.
Undoubtedly, Mikasa was also hurting. Not because of the injuries, though Levi did notice the black and blue patterns all over the girl's face and neck. Her dark hair fell around her face in such a way that concealed a cut on her cheeks, but Levi could see it now that he stared at her face.
"Yes," she finally murmured, "That is true."
"What a turn," someone in the crowd commented.
Eren looked away from her and then at the ground slowly, his eyes wide with horror and self-loathing.
Mikasa wasn't done speaking, though. "However, before that Eren, in his Titan form, saved my life twice. The first time was when I was swallowed by a Titan, and he ripped me out of it specifically. The second time was when he carried Armin and me to the HQ. He also fought off the Titans around the HQ to protect the rest of our forces long enough for us to escape. These facts are also true, and I would like you to take them into consideration as well."
Eren's face didn't change.
"I wouldn't be so quick to consider them, these instances are described in your reports, but I came to the conclusion that there's a lot of bias and wishful thinking in them and not enough objectiveness. They lack documental value," Nile Dawk countered, and though what he said was true, it still pissed Levi off. "Also, I know the reason why you're in Eren's corner. When I was looking up Eren's background, I came across a record of an incident from six years ago. It sounds unbelievable but when these two were both only nine, they stabbed three adult human-traffickers to death."
Levi noticed the dark look on the girl's face when that topic was brought up. Her eyes flashed, and she looked like she wanted to release all her rage on the man.
Welcome to my life, the Corporal commented dryly in his mind.
"Their deed is understandable to some degree, their motif being legitimate self-defense, but ultimately those kills raise doubts in Eren's basic human nature. The question is; should we really trust him with our most talented people, our funds and the destiny of all human kind?"
"Get ready," Irwin muttered as people began to talk among themselves, commenting against Eren's favor.
Levi sighed, just as he was going to climb over the rail and into the center of the room.
Someone said, "We should execute the girl too, just to be on the safe side. There's no way she can be perfectly human…"
The Corporal noticed Eren's rage boiling in him. He watched with interest as the boy snapped.
"NO!" Eren screamed, silencing everyone in the courtroom. Everyone stared at him in terror, but he had their attention. The boy continued in a growl, "I may be a monster, but Mikasa had nothing to do with that. Nothing at all."
The boy looked towards Mikasa and they shared in each other's emotions. She looked surprised at his defense over her; as if she had truly thought deep down that the boy had meant to harm her.
"And you know what? All you've done so far is speculate one-sidedly and taking guesses that are convenient to you only. You won't get anywhere near the truth if all you do is disregard the reality of things," the boy continued, very much impressing Levi. He had Nile Dawk stare at him with fear. That was enough to make Levi like anyone. "And besides, what are you all so scared of? Have you ever actually seen a Titan?"
"Oh," Levi approved, smiling to himself at the boy's foolish bravery.
"What are you going to do if the strong stop fighting for you?" the boy asked rhetorically, closing his eyes now as he swallowed back his fear of death. "If you say you're scared to fight for your own survival then at least lend your support to those who fight and die for you. You're all a bunch of damned, spineless cowards... Stop being idiots already, and invest all you've got in me!"
The Corporal heard the clicking of a gun being readied for fire, and he wasted no time leaping over the railing then. Levi was between the boy and the rifle in an instant, and the man slammed a hard kick into the boy's face. One of Pruney's molars flew out of his mouth.
Not enough, the man scowled internally. He took no pleasure in beating anything but pigs and Titans.
Levi switched to his other foot and kicked the boy in the gut several times before grabbing his short brown hair. He swung around, smashing his knee into the boy's face hard enough to break his nose. He heard a struggle in the corner where the boy's friends were and knew immediately that he had made an enemy of Mikasa Ackerman. The man didn't care, finishing the beating by resting his foot on top of the boy's head. He forced Pruney to the ground, forcing him to bow to him and everyone else in the courtroom.
Messy business, Levi thought as he noticed the blood all over the floor. Coming from the boy's nose, no doubt.
"This is just my opinion, but when it comes to teaching somebody discipline, I believe pain is the most effective way," the Corporal said evenly, seemingly devoid of emotion. He added to Eren alone, "What you need most at the moment is not a lecture, but a practical lesson. You will not learn as humans do. You need to be beat down like all other wild animals. You're also an easy target for my kicks, now that you're kneeling."
Mortified silence followed as Levi kicked the boy hard in the ribs, snapping one or two of them in the process. The Corporal ended it there, stepping back and putting himself between the boy and the rifle once more even though he heard it being lowered. Slowly, the boy managed to pull himself up. Jaeger's face turned slowly and Levi noticed the glowing of his deadly, emerald green eyes. He smirked.
"Levi…"
Looking over his shoulder, Levi glared at Nile Dawk. "What?" he barked, and the officer startled.
"That's dangerous," Dawk said slowly, unsure of himself. "What if you're inviting his hatred triggers his transformation into a Titan?"
That logic nearly made Levi laugh. He grabbed the boy's hair again and pulled his head back, slamming it against the metal pole that held him still so everyone could see his face. He was careful to twist his hair, effectively making Pruney close his eyes.
"Are you saying that dissecting or shooting him won't invite his hatred and trigger a transformation?" he asked, tilting his head. He pointed his sharp gaze at the rifleman, who lowered the rifle in fear. Smirking, Levi continued, "You know, it would seem that after he transformed into a Titan he killed off at least twenty other Titans before he ran out of juice. Those are just the confirmed kills, by the way. The fact that he possesses intelligence can spell serious trouble for all of you, if he were to see you as the enemy. If that happens, he'll be your problem and I won't come to save you. What are you gonna do in that case? Will you really be able to kill an intelligent Titan if you've never even fought one of the dumb ones all your life? Hm?"
Despite his normal behavior, Levi enjoyed theatrics.
"Zacklay, I have a proposition," Irwin said, taking the opportunity immediately. "A lot of things are unclear about Eren's Titan Power, so until we know more about it, it will always represent a certain threat. In the case Eren is put under Corporal Levi's watch, he will be able to take countermeasures in order to protect humanity. Rest assured, a man as skilled as the Corporal will handle the matter accordingly and without hesitation at the crucial moment."
The judge smiled at that. "Will you really be able to handle the boy, Levi?"
"Of course," Levi responded, trying to sound a little insulted at the doubt. "The only problem is that when it comes to that point, I won't be able to do anything but kill him."
Out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed Mikasa's face take a deadly, threatening look. He glanced at her, recognizing the outrage there. Every time Levi was threatened by another soldier, Petra had made that face. The Corporal had certainly earned the girl's hatred, but he could use that. The man had plans for her if she was really as strong as her commanding officers said she was.
Mikasa Ackerman was the second person ever to complete the last exam with perfect scores.
But, the girl had completed it slightly faster than what he did.
"Let me pass judgment, then," Zacklay began.
"Sir, please wait a moment," Dawk interrupted rudely. "Irwin, what do you plan to do about the inland situation?"
"I fully realize that our activities in the lands beyond the walls depend on the stability of our society. As such, it was never my intention to disregard the problems inside," Irwin answered, glancing towards the judge. "That is why I have another proposition to resolve that tension. I plan to calm the inland peoples' worries by proving to the public that Eren can be a valuable asset to mankind in our next expedition. I would like you to postpone your judgment until then."
That turn caught Zacklay's interest, and the old man dipped his head in a nod. "So you want to take him to the outlands… It's decided, then. Eren Jaeger is to be put into the Scouting Legion. However, he is to return here again depending on the mission results."
Levi looked towards Pruney, hiding the slight happiness he felt at his verdict. He let go of the boy's hair, and his green eyes opened. They were no longer glowing.
"Gotta watch that temper," the Corporal said to the boy softly, so only he could hear. "Your eyes give you away."
"Are you okay?"
Eren blinked back into consciousness, turning his head to look into Mikasa's stormy grey eyes. He hadn't realized she had sat beside him, or had even come into his room for that matter. The concern there only made him hate himself more, he realized. How could he have turned on her of all people? Rather, how could he have allowed himself to fall prey to that hallucination? He tightened his jaw and looked away from her, ashamed.
I'll take everything you've ever loved away from you.
Watch her die!
"Eren-"
"If you're about to say that you're sorry for something, I'll destroy this couch," the boy muttered, glaring at his hands. "You didn't do anything wrong. You've never done anything wrong."
The girl sighed, and he saw her hand reach out to him. When she paused, wondering if to touch him would stir his anger; Eren took her hand in his and laced his fingers with hers. He brought her hand up to his face, bowing his head and pressing the back of her hand to his cheek. Mikasa shifted closer to him, and he wondered why she would still care about him after his attack.
What had he done to deserve this girl's devotion?
"I was actually going to tell you that it's okay," she whispered, resting her head against his shoulder. Her words would have comforted him but he didn't let them, and he felt a pang of hurt instead. She squeezed his hand gently. "You're just getting the hang of your Titan power; it's going to take time for you to master it. You can't become an expert in something in a few hours."
"That doesn't excuse trying to kill you," he pointed out, watching her from the corner of his eyes. "Not even close."
Mikasa sighed. "I could tell you weren't yourself."
Blinking, the boy asked, "What?"
"Your eyes glow green in your Titan form," she explained softly, looking at their intertwined hands. "When you transformed the second time, they glowed white while you were attacking me. Your face kind of twisted like it does when you have one of your visions."
White eyes.
"I did have a hallucination," he blurted. "But that doesn't mean-"
"Whether or not it's a hallucination," Mikasa interrupted, tilting her head up so her stormy eyes met his. "That doesn't matter. I could tell that you didn't have full control over yourself in that moment. I almost wanted it to be that you wanted to hurt me," she admitted with a frown.
"Why?"
"Because that would mean that it was you who wanted to hurt me," she answered softly. Eren stared into her eyes for a long moment. They were filled with worry and longing. He subconsciously squeezed her fingers as she continued, "It worries me that you're not fully in control. You could hurt yourself."
Narrowing his eyes, he growled, "Won't you worry for yourself once in a while?"
Her eyes widened a fraction, and she opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted when Eren leaned close to her. He pressed his lips gently against her forehead in a kiss, her skin soft beneath his touch. Warmth bloomed on her skin and as he pulled back he saw that she was blushing. There was a plethora of emotion in her eyes; shock, confusion, desire. It was the only time he had ever seen Mikasa dumbstruck.
"Don't join the Scouting Legion," he whispered, startling himself. Mikasa had always seemed infallible and hadn't noticed until now the worry he felt if she were to join. "Go to the Military Police. You'll be safe there."
"I'm not going to the Police," she told him, looking away. "I want to be a Scout."
"Only to protect me," he pointed out. "And if you're in the Scouts, and I transform… If I lose control…"
Eren's voice trailed off when he noticed the smile of Mikasa's face. She stared at the ground with a light blush on her cheeks, her rosy lips quirked upwards at the corners. It was tiny, and if he hadn't known her as well and long as he did, he would never have seen it. The girl didn't seem to notice as she shook her head slowly.
After a moment her smile was still there, and she looked back at him. Once again her stormy eyes captivated him, and he felt himself drowning in emotion. "Years ago, you saved my life," she told him softly, holding him paralyzed with her stare. "All I had before I met you was my family, my mom and my dad. Then I had that taken away from me. Everything I had loved up until then, ripped away, and the cold and emptiness I felt in the hours that they had me would have killed me. Then you came knocking at that door, and you saved me from that emptiness," she whispered, her fingers coming up to touch the fabric of her scarf. "You drove out the cold. You gave me something to care about. I had purpose again, and a family that accepted me.
"Then that day happened," her fingers trembled in his hand, "I lost my family too, that day, Eren. But not all of it. You were there to keep away the cold. You saved what was left of me. You took a weak girl under your wing and you made her strong. Some days I wish I didn't need you as much as I do, because I know how much it can annoy you. But I can't, because it has always been you, Eren. You were always a hero, my hero. I'm not joining the Scouting Legion just so I can protect you, but also because I don't know what will be left of me if you're not around to protect me."
Eren's eyes widened at her. It was the most she had said to him in the past few years, the most emotion she had ever displayed since he had met her. When she looked away from him, he returned to his senses and he reached to touch her cheek.
"I…" Eren struggled to find the words to say to her.
"I'm joining the Scouting Legion," she insisted softly, pulling her hand from his. Abruptly standing, she was about to leave but he seized her wrist.
"Stop," he told her, "I- Ah, shit…"
"What?" she asked softly. She didn't turn away from the door.
Eren didn't know what to do, but he knew he had to do something. All he could think of was laying out all his cards on the table, go for broke. But he hadn't even thought through his feelings for her, he argued with himself. And why was he jumping to this conclusion of all other conclusions? She wasn't declaring her love for him, just explaining herself. Right?
Defeated, Eren let go of her wrist. "Don't worry about it."
Mikasa nodded, and left him standing in the room, a mess of thoughts and emotions.
After the court case, Armin wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. With Eren swept off to some room to talk to the Scouting Legion and Mikasa wandering to see if she could find him, he was left to roam. He wondered how Annie was. He hadn't seen her much since Trost, and he missed her presence and sharp remarks. The blond didn't notice his feet had carried him in the direction of the barracks, and when he arrived all he could think about was showing her the books his grandpa had given him.
Renewed with excitement, Armin quickly ran into the dorm. He kept his books beneath his bed, afraid of the opinions of others were they found and read. So he withdrew the book detailing the world outside, blowing a dust bunny from its stiff leather cover. The book was all he had left of his grandfather, and he cherished it.
He wondered how Annie would react upon seeing the illustrations of the book. Would she be as excited as Eren had been when they were young? Would she care?
The boy jogged towards the girls' dorms when he heard a voice coming from around the building.
"No!" the voice of Annie snapped. Armin whirled to see if she was okay, wondering if anyone would be fool enough to harm the girl. He stopped when she continued, "I'm not doing it Bertholdt. I don't give a damn what he said, I'm not following him anymore. If you're so damned worried about it, do it yourself."
"N-none of us are as skilled as you," Betholdt stammered.
Armin frowned, and turned back towards the girls' dorm. He respected Annie enough to stay out of her business, if that was what she wanted. He didn't need to worry for her safety. What would he be able to do anyway? Bertholdt wasn't the kind to harm a fly, either, nervous as he was. So he sat at the front steps to the girls' dorm as he waited.
Moments later, Bertholdt stormed out from behind the building. The Titan of a boy stopped, noticing Armin out of the corner of his eyes. He peered down at him, a nervous sweat building on his face.
"Hey," Armin greeted with a friendly smile.
"H…hey, Armin…"
"Hey!"
The two turned and saw Annie stomping their way. Her ferocious blue eyes fixed on Bertholdt as she approached, her face twisted threateningly. She stepped right up to the dark-haired boy, barely half his height but staring at him as if he were an insect. Bertholdt swallowed, spun around and left right then.
"B…bye?" Armin asked, giving the girl a questioning look. "What was that for?"
Tension released from her face when Bertholdt was out of sight, and she let out a long sigh. The girl looked at him, and to his surprise she looked happy to see him. Her silvery blue eyes reflected the setting sun, coloring them with oranges, blues and pinks. Armin smiled at her as she came to sit beside him, accepting her lack of answer as an answer.
"What is that?" she questioned softly, pointing at the book in his lap. "I didn't know you had a book."
Books were a rarity.
"It's an old book my grandpa used to have just hiding away in his storage," he replied, opening the book so they each had a cover resting on their laps. She watched him flip through the smudged, old papers to where the clearer text and illustrations were. He noticed her eyes widen a fraction at the picture of the ocean with the oddly shaped rocks protruding from its depths, some with holes dug through their centers.
"What is that?" she asked, touching the paper gently. Her fingers felt the brittle page and the ink blotches that marked it.
Looking to the text beneath the illustration, Armin had to squint to read out loud to her, "An expanse of ocean with oddly shaped islands standing on very thin pillars. Supposedly, the water wears away the rock with time."
Annie blinked and looked up from the page at him. He could tell she was curious, and maybe even pleased to be shown the book, but he could see conflict in her eyes. The boy had gotten better at being able to read her, and knew when she wanted to say something but couldn't for some unknown reason.
"Here," he said, pushing the entire book into her lap. "You can have it."
The girl's mouth opened and closed like a fish, it was the first time Armin had ever seen her struggle to speak. She whispered, "Why?"
Armin gave her a small smile. "Because it's important to me."
Annie gave him her usual look of dry, non-humor. "That makes absolutely no sense."
Looking up, the boy watched as the sun began its decent behind the wall. He blushed lightly as he told her, "Yes it does. That book was what began mine and Eren's dreams to go outside and see the world; it's the reason why I enlisted. Essentially, it's the reason why I met you and you're also important to me. So I want you to have it."
"Why wouldn't you have given it to Eren or Mikasa?" the girl asked softly, fidgeting with her messy pony tail. "Eren would've probably killed to have it."
"Maybe," Armin responded with a grin. "But it's you I'm giving it to, so he'll have to deal with that himself. Besides, you're a different kind of special to me."
She made a face. "A different kind of special? Are you saying you think I'm retarded?"
"Absolutely not!" Armin exclaimed, and then laughed softly to himself. He scratched the back of his neck nervously before he forced himself to meet her eyes. He sighed, kicking himself for his lack of bravery before he murmured, "Trost was terrible, and everyone almost died. It made me realize that in this world, people die too quickly and things are left unsaid, undone. I didn't want to die or you to die without at least telling you… I have feelings for you, Annie. They've been around since you told me you'd kick my shins if I asked you more questions."
Annie closed the book gently, her fingers curling around its leather cover and brushing over the pages between. She smiled at his joke, but it didn't scratch the pain in her eyes. Armin hadn't expected that sort of reaction… In fact, he hadn't really expected a reaction at all. He would've liked to be kicked in the shins more than see the hurting look on her face.
"I'm sorry," he told her, and he deeply meant that. He never wanted to hurt her. He didn't think it was impossible to hurt her.
The girl shook her head. "Don't be. I guess I knew."
"I'm not very subtle," he agreed with a sheepish grin.
The blond girl smiled and nodded. "Not even close. Who tries to make conversation with someone they don't know, someone who doesn't talk, just because they like being threatened with a thorough shin-kicking?"
Armin chuckled. "Call me quirky."
"Armin's fine," she replied.
They sat together in companionable silence, staring at the spot where the sun had been just moments ago. The orange of the sky was beginning to darken into purple behind the two. Girls passed them by as they went to their beds for the night, shooting them weird looks as they climbed the stairs. Neither of them cared. She had moved closer to him to make room for more people, and they eventually squished into the side of the dorm, him against the wall.
When no one else was in sight, Annie asked under her breath, "Why me?"
"Why do I have feelings for you?" the boy looked into her eyes as he answered, "Annie, there's no single reason for my feelings for you. You're made up of tons of different thoughts, feelings, memories, characteristics… The only thing that could answer you exactly is just to say that because you're you."
Turning to look away, Annie just shook her head. There was a small smile on her face. "You're a dork, you know that?"
Armin nodded, smiling to himself. He could live with just being Annie's friend…or whatever he was to her. He enjoyed her company in any form, whether or not she was in a good or bad mood didn't matter to him. As long as he didn't bother her, and as long as she wanted him around, he was happy.
"You should choose someone else," the girl croaked. He heard the waver in her voice as she conflicted with herself, and he nudged her lightly with his elbow.
He said, "Don't be like that. Besides, it doesn't work that way."
"No, really," Annie breathed, her fingers flexing around the top of the book. "I'm not who you think I am. There's no chance that someone like you can understand the feelings of a frail, weak girl like me. I'm a failure as a warrior, playing the soldier game… You should stay away. People who come near me get hurt."
"You can go ahead and hurt me all you want," he responded with a shrug. "I'm not leaving until you tell me to."
The girl nodded, her eyes closing.
"You're not a failure at being a soldier," he continued on, giving her another nudge. "You saved lives in Trost, Annie. I think, although you try to distance yourself from people, you do sincerely care about them. I saw your face when Mikasa and I jumped into the room. If you didn't care you wouldn't have worried as it is."
Armin noticed her eyes snap open, filled with realization.
"Stop hating yourself," he sighed and looked up to the sky. "You're probably not the person you think you are."
"I keep trying to push you away," she pointed out after a few seconds, as if trying to make heads or tails for herself. "I keep trying to run away and leave you behind but somehow you keep grabbing me at the ankles, pulling me back towards you… Armin, I have one thing to ask."
Armin nodded.
"Promise me, when you figure me out, to remember me as the person I am to you now," she asked of him softly. Her long, pale fingers gripped his sleeve. "Remember me like that; because that's the person I want to be."
"I don't think I could think of you in any other way."