Ways to annoy Esme Cullen

Make Renesmee bend all of her silver cutlery

Make Edward runaway and make him blame Esme for it

Ask her how she survived jumping off a cliff and bug her for it for a month

When she finally tells you why say 'well that wasn't very amusing!'

Tell her that Renesmee prefers Renee than her

Tell her that Bella never liked any of her present

When she gets really sad, tell her that being sad and depressed just makes the menopausal stage sooner

Then tell her 'sorry Esme, you're not menopausal yet are you?'

Read an article about control freaks in front of Esme

Then tell her that being a control freak means that a person has a mental disorder, hinting that she is one

Ask her why she treats Edward, Alice, jasper, Emmett and Rosalie like they were her real children constantly

Then say 'oh I know! You're being possessed by a really old woman who is obsessed with children! I get it now!' then walk away

Dare her to not tidy anything in the Cullen house for a year

After that year, make her clean the whole place all by herself without using any vampire speediness

After she finally finished cleaning the whole house, mess up the place again and do an evil laugh

Sign her up for a domestic helper job but don't tell her about it

Then one Monday morning, tell her that she has somewhere to go to but don't tell her where

When it's nearly the end of the day, and she's really desperate to know what she was supposed to do earlier, tell her about her new job

Then call her the employer in front of her and say 'I don't mind if you fire her Mr., I don't think she's very reliable anyway'

Take a photo of Esme's confused face and post it everywhere saying 'this is what Esme looks like after she lost her job.'

Tell her how all the nurses in the hospital really think about Carlisle

Ask her what kind of special vampire she has

When she tells you that it's 'love', tell her that anyone could do that then say 'What kind of power is that?' then walk away

Then start talking about how pathetic her power is

Ask her if she hates her previous husband

If she says yes, tell her that he's going to pay for it

Come up to her with a skeleton and ask her 'what should I do with him? I know! I'll burn him!'

Before she stops you, burn the skeleton and do a really evil laugh

Then ask her 'are you happy now?'

When she looks like she isn't, tell her 'don't worry it wasn't really you're husband. I couldn't find him so I dug up his son instead :D'

When she gets even sadder say 'what's the matter? Is it not his son? Damn! I should have dug up the one next to it or the one opposite it! Wait here I'll get it!'

When she stops you say 'why? I thought you hated him. Make up your mind woman!' then walk away looking annoyed

Make all the Cullen kids fight then make them leave the house

Ask her if she wants to adopt a werewolf too

Have an argument with her so you can say 'go and jump off a cliff!'

Replace all of her clothes with clothes that mothers mostly wear e.g. aprons, really weird dresses

Then make her wear them

Make Alice say 'gosh Esme! You have really bad fashion sense. You're worse than Bella!'

Don't give her anything on mothers' day

The next day, tell her 'oh sorry Esme, I forgot to give you a present yesterday' but still give her nothing then say 'it's not mothers' day anymore'

Reviews please! I'm getting really discouraged of doing more cos I have loads of coursework to do. So I need reviews people!