After dinner, they all move to the sitting room to watch the unveiling of the training scores. Katniss keeps out of the way as they do, still a little unsure of herself after telling everyone about her private session. Effie had been appalled at the news. Cinna had been pensive and shared a few enigmatic, but significant looks with Portia. Haymitch had laughed. He wasn't making fun of her, though. He seems genuinely pleased with what she had done. Whether that is because it made her stand out or his contempt for the Capitol, she does not know.
Katniss is relieved when Peeta sits next to her. His proximity still makes her slightly uncomfortable, but in a way she has not felt before now. It is, in addition to reassuring, surprisingly pleasant and almost exciting. She doesn't pull away when he moves his leg so their knees are just barely touching. The small connection sends tingles up her back and she crosses her arms to try to hide the embarrassing number of goose bumps that have formed on them.
She has never paid much attention to boys, or anyone for that matter. It had been difficult enough getting to know Gale. Growing up in the Seam has made them both skeptical of other people. It is easier to be distrustful than to waste time trying to figure out who can be trusted and how much you can trust them. She has gotten by trusting her parents and Gale and has never needed anyone else. She doesn't need a boy to hold her hand or tell her she's pretty. Peeta shifts, causing his knee to brush along hers. She really doesn't need it. He glances at her and it makes heat rise in her cheeks. It isn't a need. Maybe it just took her until now to realize that there is a part of her that wants it.
"Oh, here they come," Effie squeals.
Katniss looks up at the screen to see a picture of the boy from 1, whose name is Marvel apparently, come up on the screen. He and the girl from 1, Glimmer, both get high scores, as do Cato and the girl from 2, Clove. She wonders what they did in their sessions. She remembers Cato being handy with a sword, but wishes she had paid more attention to the rest of them instead of ignoring them out of spite.
"I saw Marvel using spears and Clove throwing knives," Peeta says, as reading her mind. "We better watch out for that. She's almost as good as you."
"Cato was using a lot of swords in training, so that's probably what he'll go for," Katniss tells him. "I think I remember Glimmer being a decent shot with a bow. If I don't beat her to it, I hope they have more than one."
They spend the rest of the show recounting what they know about each tribute. Haymitch adds relevant information about mentors and common strategies used by each district. Effie starts taking notes on a bright pink pad of paper that she pulls from her purse. When she sees Katniss watching her, she smiles brightly.
"Just a bit of market research, you could say," Effie tells her. "I have to know what I'm up against if I want to help you two."
Katniss stares blankly. Maybe there is more to Effie Trinket than she thought, just like Haymitch.
"From District 11…Rue..." Katniss' head snaps back to the screen. "...with a score of…7."
"Wow," Peeta says. "Guess she's got something up her sleeve we'll need to watch for, too."
"I don't think so," Katniss replies.
"Well, she must have gotten a 7 doing something clever."
"No, I mean I don't think we'll need to watch out for her."
Haymitch's eyes are scrutinizing as he says, "Be careful, sweetheart. Other tributes may seem innocent, but don't forget about Joanna Mason."
"No," Katniss says again. "Rue's not like Joanna."
"Katniss, you don't know these people," Peeta reminds her.
"Just like I don't know you."
Peeta physically withdraws at her words, but no one has time to reply as his picture comes up.
"From District 12…Peeta, with a score of…8."
"Oh, Peeta!" Effie says, clapping her hands in excitement.
Congratulations come from around the room at his score, but Katniss keeps her attention on the screen. She has moved her knee away from his and drawn her legs into her chest to avoid further contact. Her picture replaces his.
"From District 12…Katniss, with a score of…11."
The announcer even sounds surprised. Katniss thinks she misheard him until the number "11" comes up beside her face. There is a second-long pause before the room erupts in excitement. Effie is up and dancing. Cinna pulls Katniss into a tight hug and Haymitch is laughing.
"I thought," Katniss starts as Cinna releases her, "I thought they hated me."
"They must have liked that wonderful fiery personality of yours," Haymitch says. "Having a girl with a temper as lethal as her skill with weapons can make things interesting. If everything else goes well, you're gonna get a lot of sponsors, kid."
"To Katniss Everdeen," Cinna says, raising his glass, "the girl on fire!"
The adults toast her, but all she can do is stare dumbly at the screen.
Beside her, Peeta stands up and mutters, "Congratulations."
She turns only to see him leaving the room. His shoulders are slumped and his hands are buried deep in his pockets. It crosses her mind to go after him, but Haymitch starts talking.
"Alright, so tomorrow we prep for your interviews. You'll spend the morning with Effie, doing all that etiquette stuff, and the afternoon with me for strategy. Breakfast at 8am sharp again. Now, get to bed. You've had a long day and I need to think about how exactly we're going to approach this."
Katniss hurries into the hallway. Her hand hovers over her doorknob as she looks towards Peeta's closed door. She moves closer to the knob, but as she does, the guilt in her stomach grows. With a groan, she steps over to Peeta's door. She takes a deep breath and knocks. Peeta appears a moment later, looking surprised to see her. His eyes quickly fall to the floor.
"Need something?" he asks.
It takes her a moment to put out the fire that flares up inside her at his weary tone. He provoked her, after all. And it's not her fault that she grew up hunting and he didn't, so obviously she was going to get a better score. Baking isn't exactly the most desirable skill, even if it is called the "Hunger Games." She takes a deep breath, but Peeta speaks first.
"Katniss, look, I'm tired. I-"
"I'm sorry."
"What?"
"I'm sorry," she repeats a little more forcefully.
"For what?"
She blows a heated breath from her nose. "I'm sorry for snapping at you. I didn't mean it."
"It's okay." He's still not looking at her. "It's true. We don't know each other that well. I could turn out to be a cold-blooded killer. We have only known each other for a few days."
"Well, years technically."
"Yeah," he laughs. "I don't think we've ever actually spoken so it hardly counts."
"Why are you being like this?" Katniss demands. "I'm trying to apologize. You know how hard that is for me?"
"Yeah, I know how hard it is for you to be nice."
Her arm flexes involuntarily before she regains control.
"Yeah, go ahead, hit me," he says snidely. "My mother would be glad to know someone's keeping me in line since she's not around."
Katniss immediately goes rigid. Mrs. Mellark has never given anyone the impression that she is a kind lady, but that she lacks motherly compassion entirely is quite a different beast. Katniss now remembers red marks on his cheeks, long sleeved shirts on hot, muggy days, and ginger movement even outside wrestling season. She thought nothing of those things because she really had never given much thought to him or his home life. She figured boys would be boys. Now that she knows the truth, she feels guilty.
Her emotions must show on her face, because he says softly, "I'm sorry. It's not fair of me to compare you to that. You don't have to be sorry, though. My mother never cared much for me, but I still had it better than a lot of other people. I was just another mouth to feed, but I still got fed."
"Peeta, I had no idea."
He shakes his head with a little smile. "How could you? We didn't really run with the same crowd, remember?"
"I know, but-"
"Katniss, it's fine. It's not like I was expecting someone to come to my rescue. Like I said, I still had it better than a lot of people. Every time it happened, I just counted my blessings to remind myself how much worse it could be."
"I can't even imagine what it's like having a mother that doesn't care for you, though."
"It's alright. You get used to it, I guess. It just becomes part of life."
"Well, if you go home, I bet she'll be feeling pretty shitty, then," she says in a weak attempt to lighten the mood.
He does smile a little bit, but it falls away quickly. "You know what she said to me right before we left? She said District 12 might actually have a winner this year. She said, 'she's a fighter, that one.' It's funny because I thought she always hated you. I guess she was just excited about the possibility of having more food for a year."
Katniss does not know how to react. His father had been so kind to wish her luck despite his own son going into the arena, too. Peeta told her he just wanted one of them to go home so 12 could be a little better off. Then his mother just wants more food. Katniss feels a rush of gratitude for the family she has – her loving parents and precious sister. She knows she would not be nearly the person she is today without them. Then, of course, Peeta, even amidst the adversity of his mother, still managed to take his father's kind example. Before she has a chance to consider her actions, she steps forward and throws her arms around Peeta's chest. He stiffens as he did earlier that day, and then she feels him laugh as she returns her hug.
"Your mood swings are really hard to keep up with," he tells her.
"I've been really stressed lately."
"I can't imagine why."
Their tones are light, but as Peeta replies, he holds her a little tighter. She's glad he doesn't let go because she doesn't want him to see the tears forming in her eyes. He sighs and rests his head against hers.
"This sucks," he says.
Katniss bursts into laughter. The expression squeezes a few tears out and she steps back to wipe them.
"What?" he asks with a short laugh. "It does."
"I'm not arguing. It's just a funny way of describing our, ah, rather unfortunate situation."
"'Rather unfortunate?' Now that's a funny way of describing it."
She smiles at the good-natured look in his eyes and says, "This helps a little bit, though. Laughing, I mean."
"Well, it's about all we can do at the moment."
"Yeah. Oh, by the way, Haymitch said to be at breakfast at 8 again tomorrow. We're doing interview prep. The morning is etiquette training with Effie."
"That sounds like fun."
"I can't wait. And the afternoon is strategy with Haymitch."
Peeta stretches up and holds onto the top of the door frame. "Sounds like a long day."
His hands are flexed and his forearms to firm from holding onto the frame. The sleeves of his t-shirt have fallen back to reveal the lines that define his biceps. His chest is stretched up and his shirt is pulled tight around his sides.
"Katniss?"
She pulls her eyes up to his to see that he is smirking. Her face immediately burns and the carpet becomes incredibly interesting.
"Yeah, probably a long day," she tells the floor, "so I'm gonna go to bed. Goodnight."
Peeta catches her wrist as she turns. His hands are warm.
"Goodnight, Katniss," he says softly.
She looks back at him. His smile is so genuine and understanding that it makes all the embarrassment drain from her face.
"Goodnight, Peeta."
He grins before stepping back into his room. Katniss does have a good night. The thought of Peeta's hand and smile keep her warm. She doesn't stop herself from wondering what his lips would feel like on her cheeks again or on her lips. Even the idea of etiquette training stops seeming so bad since he'll be there with her.
"I know how to walk," Katniss states flatly.
"But Cinna has you wearing heels tomorrow. That makes it quite a different story," Effie replies. "Besides, you must walk like a young lady."
Peeta snickers from the couch. Katniss shoots him a dirty look.
"You will have your turn for posture and decorum, Peeta," Effie informs him. "Now Katniss, just put these on and walk the length of the room a few times. If you don't have any trouble, then we will move on."
Katniss grumbles as she puts the bright red shoes on her feet. She starts to walk and immediately understands what Effie meant by "a different story." Walking normally is unstable. She keeps hitting the heels on the floor, which does nothing to help her balance. She is about to snap at Peeta for laughing yet again, but Effie come beside her.
"The trick is to walk more on your toes. Watch me."
Effie prances to the other side of the room and back. Her stride is practically a march, but she seems much steadier than Katniss was. Katniss swallows back her pride and attempts to "walk like a young lady." As much as she hates her reflection in the window, she has to admit that it makes walking in such impractical shoes easier. After a few more minutes of practices and posture adjustments, Effie lets her sit down.
"Wonderful," Effie says, though her exasperation wears through her smile. "Your turn, Peeta."
Katniss takes off one of her shoes and throws it at him. He only grins wider.
"Manners! Come here, Peeta. Do stand up straight. Don't stomp your feet."
Katniss isn't sure who the morning is harder for - Effie or them. When it's time to break for lunch, Effie's hair is slightly askew, Katniss' feet and cheeks hurt, and Peeta - well maybe it wasn't so hard for him since he's naturally charming. He spent most of the time laughing at the ridiculous things she had to do.
"You're not smiling," he teases her as they walk to the dining car."You know, scowling gives you wrinkles. Now, walk like a lady. Put your shoulders back because it makes your-"
His own laughter cuts him off. Katniss blushes as she recalls Effie's comments about certain parts of her anatomy. She elbows Peeta in the ribs, but he doesn't stop.
"Yeah," she says, "well I'm surprised she didn't try to give you any tips of how to enhance the size of your-"
"Hurry up and sit down," Haymitch interrupts from the table. "We've got a lot to cover."
Peeta gets in a last snicker, earning a shove from Katniss, before they sit down.
"So from the ruckus and the lack of Effie, I take it that this morning went well."
Katniss scoffs.
"Well, sweetheart, you'll be happy to know that's not the important part of tomorrow night. Yeah, be polite, but be real - which I obviously say conditionally since we're doing this whole love affair. You guys need to be recognizable in the arena, both physically and personality-wise so the audience can stay connected with you. Now, since all of Panem is going to be watching tomorrow, it'll be the perfect opportunity to go public with your relationship. Peeta's going to be the one to do all the confessing for a couple reasons. One, he's got much better control of his emotions than you do. More importantly, he'll be going last and we want this to be the last thing they see on the show."
"Okay, but Katniss brought up something the other day that I wanted to ask you about," Peeta says. "What about the other tributes? They were all glaring at us after the parade and the careers were pretty nasty to us during training. Now Katniss got the highest training score. They don't like us, so we already have targets on our backs. Shouldn't we be careful not to provoke them too much more?"
"You're a threat," Haymitch replies. "At first, it was just competition for people's attention and sponsors' money. With Katniss' score, and even yours, they now know you're a physical threat, too. I won't lie to you. They'll want to hunt you down. They can do that because they have numbers. You're not gonna like this, but you might want to consider taking a few allies. I can talk to some other mentors. Your best bets, though, are probably 3, 7, and 11, maybe 4."
"4?" Peeta asks incredulously. "Careers?"
"I know the mentors. They're not like 1 and 2, but we'll have to see what sort of tributes they've got this year."
"I don't like this," Katniss says. "I don't trust them."
"It's not about trust. It's about staying alive. Look, I'll talk to the other mentors and we'll revisit this later. It is a good point and it shows that you're thinking about this the right way. For now, though, let's focus on the interviews since those are incredibly important regardless."
Katniss crosses her arms. It's hard enough to trust Haymitch and Peeta. There's no way her father could have known that Haymitch would try to stretch her small stock of trust so thin. It makes her feel vulnerable and she hates it. All it would take is turning her back once on one "ally" and that would be it. She has enough people to worry about with just her and Peeta.
"Alright, Katniss," Haymitch says, "Caesar Flickerman is going to interview you first. You can be sure that he'll ask you about Peeta. Don't give anything away. Keep them guessing. They'll hang on your every word, especially since you already have their attention as a competitor. What you still need is their emotional investment. They need to love you. They need to see enough of you to see you as a real person, not just some fiery tart with a bow."
She should be angry at Haymitch's description of her, but she's too distracted by him saying that she'll have to make people like her. Haymitch himself hardly even likes her. Peeta's just kind, which is very unlike people of the Capitol. There's a reason she has so few friends.
"Luckily for you," Haymitch continues, "you have your sister."
Her ears perk up.
"You made quite a stir at the Reaping - across the distracts and the Capitol alike. You can bet that Caesar will ask you about her, too. When he does, just be honest. I think I'm right in saying that even you will be able to pull off real human emotion talking about her."
The three of them spend the next few hours hashing out the love story and addressing details like what to avoid talking about and how to effectively play a Capitol crowd. They spend the most time on the big reveal. Peeta asks how to leave a big impression and Haymitch suggests simply, "Kiss." Katniss is less thrown by his response than she thought she would be. She's not even particularly adverse to it. It makes sense. She makes a point to not look at Peeta, though, because she knows it might shake her calmness.
So when Caesar asks Peeta about their relationship, he'll smile shyly and say that he doesn't think he could express it in words, so he'll show them. And then, he'll kiss her.
After dinner, Katniss sits on her bed and looks out her window. The mountains look impressive in the fading light. They would be pretty if she had time to appreciate pretty things. She wonders how many things she has missed and will miss because of her lot in life. The distant future was never a huge concern until now - now when it's not only uncertain, but hardly a possibility. She would probably have grown up and continued to take care of Prim. Prim will likely get married, though. Gale, then. She could live life with her best friend. Who kissed her. Who seems to want to grow old with her much differently than she can see herself growing old with him. He will find someone else. He and Madge seem to get on well enough, regardless of his prejudice against people from town. Katniss had held the same prejudice at one point. Gale's disgruntlement had rubbed off on her. Besides her mother, Madge, and Mr. Mellark, she had never really met anyone from town who she liked. Well, she hadn't really met anyone from town at all.
There is a knock on the door and Katniss yells, "What?"
"Uh, it's me. I mean, it's Peeta. Can I talk to you?"
"Yeah."
Silence.
"Peeta?"
"Oh, um, do you mind if I come in?"
"I thought that was implied when I said, 'yeah.'"
"Oh. Sorry."
He pushes the door open and slides in against the wall. He glances at the door nervously.
"You can close it if you want," Katniss says.
Once the door is shut, he leans back against it. He hasn't looked at her yet.
"Need something?" she asks in a mockingly glum tone.
He smiles and finally looks up. He takes a few steps so he's by the foot of her bed. Then, he puts his hands in his pockets, making him look anxious again.
"Is something wrong?"
He shakes his head, but his eyes fall to the blanket.
"Spit it out, Peeta."
He replies, "You really know how to put people at ease, you know that?"
"One of my many talents."
"Yeah."
He's giving her that weird look again. She doesn't think she minds his attention, but she doesn't know how to react to it. This captivated curiosity makes her the bad kind of uncomfortable. She can't remember anyone gazing at her the way he is right now. It makes her feel exposed. It makes her feel like she's being scrutinized and considered at a level deeper than anyone has ever dared.
"So what did you want to talk about?" Katniss asks, hoping to break his stare.
"Oh, um, well, kind of the interview. You didn't really say anything, so I was just wondering how you felt about how, uh, about how things are going to happen."
She looks away from him, just as she did when they were talking about it with Haymitch. How does she feel about it? Her mother and father have given her plenty of kisses. How different could it be really? Cheek or lips, it's all just skin. Peeta's skin, though. On hers. The skin of Peeta's lips on her lips.
"It's just a kiss," she says quickly.
"I guess. Have you been kissed before?"
"No," she answers immediately. "Well, yes."
"Gale?"
"How'd you know?"
Peeta looks surprised. "Oh, well, everyone figured you guys are a couple."
"A couple? Oh, no, not at all. We're just friends."
"Who kiss?"
"Kissed," she corrects. "Once. Well, he kissed me. I, uh..."
She was shocked. She didn't react. She just froze. Gale didn't seem to notice, though, or at least he didn't care much that she didn't kiss him back. He must have known that he would be catching her by complete surprise. Maybe he knew that she wouldn't have let him unless he did surprise her.
"You what?" Peeta asks.
She shakes her head. "Nothing. He just kissed me after the Reaping. And then he left. And that was that."
That is that. She will never see him again. Maybe it's better this way. She won't have to hurt him by telling him that she doesn't feel the same way. He can go on with the full range of "what ifs" without her souring them with her very unromantic feelings towards him.
"Did you kiss him back?"
"Why does it matter?"
"I was just wondering."
She regards him for a moment. He's keeping his face very neutral.
"No," she answers, "I didn't."
He can't hide the tenseness leaving his shoulders.
"I thought you wanted to talk about the interview," she says.
"I did. I am. We are. Sort of. Well, that's part of it."
He starts pacing. Katniss does not know what to make of his erratic, uncharacteristic behavior. It's doing nothing to quell her own discomfort, which is strange because he's been able to calm her down before this. She folds her arms and draws her legs into herself. He must notice, because he stops and looks at her with something like desperation in his eyes.
"No, I'm sorry, I'm being stupid," he says. "I've just never done this before and I don't really know how it goes. I also didn't realize how terrifying it is."
"What is?" she asks carefully.
"Can I...can I sit down?"
She nods, but curls up a little tighter. He sits down near the end of her bed. It takes him a second to gather his thoughts, and then he looks at her seriously.
"I've learned that you appreciate bluntness," he says, making her smile a little, "so I'm just going to say it. Whether you liked it or not, I've enjoyed getting to know you over the past week. I've really enjoyed it, actually. So much that if we were back in 12, I'd like to continue getting to know you. For a long time. I like you, Katniss, and I wanted to tell you before all this stuff happens. I'm not expecting anything from you. We've only really known each other for a few days and even I'm a little surprised at my feelings, so I'm not expecting you to tell me that you feel the same way. I just wanted you to know that I respect you a lot and I'm sorry that the first time I get to kiss you is for an audience rather than just for us."
She's blushing and her heart is pounding all the way up into her throat. This is exactly the opposite type of surprise from what she felt with Gale. She's actually happy. She's that along with scared. The feelings racing around her body are completely foreign, especially the sudden urge to press her body up against his and kiss him in that open-mouthed way she has overheard girls talking about at school. She is so unsure of how to react to everything that she forgets to keep her mixed emotions off of her face. Of course, she only realizes her mistake after Peeta is nearly at the door.
"I'm sorry if I upset you or anything," he says quickly. "I just needed to get it off my chest."
His hand is on the doorknob when she says, "No, Peeta. Don't go."
She had intended to say "stop," but her impulsive words are closer to what she means. She slides off her bed, but when she stands, she realizes that she has not figured out what to do next. He smiles at her.
"Funny enough," he says, leaning his back against the door, "this is actually one of the things I like about you. You're so strong and set in your convictions that new things get your feathers all ruffled."
"You mean I'm stubborn?"
"That's one way of putting it, but that's not really how I see it. You're just trying to do right by the people you love. You're doing what you can to survive, even if it means putting on an act, so you can go home to your family. You're not too quick to trust people and you're incredibly defensive, physically and emotionally, because that helps you protect your family, too."
"I think you're seeing me in a better light than you should."
"Exactly. I see you in better light so I can see you better than you can see yourself. You don't give yourself enough credit."
There is no lie in his eyes. His tone is too earnest and his responses are too natural for him to be lying. What she can't figure out is why he is telling her all of these things. She doesn't know what would make him feel like she needs to know. One or both of them will be gone within a week and at that point, it won't make a difference. Fleeting things like emotions are not worth dwelling on in this world.
"Pretty sunset," Peeta says, looking out the window.
It is. Now, even Katniss cannot deny that the mountains look incredible. They're silhouetted on the horizon, dark against the fiery sky.
"The light really makes you look wonderful," he whispers.
She stops thinking. Her feet move her to Peeta and her arms reach for his neck at the same time as her lips reach for his. It's overwhelming, but it makes her give a sigh so soft that it's nearly a whimper. His hands are hot and wonderful as they move up her back to hold her against him gently. The soft caressing of his lips makes her senses numb to everything in the world except him. Every part of her is so overloaded with new sensations that she wouldn't be able to feel anything else, anyway. It's new, it's exhilarating, and it's perfect.
After only a few seconds, the kiss ends. Peeta pulls back, panting. She leans forward, try to keep his lips for as long as she can, and stumbles into him. He catches her by wrapping his arms further around her. It is then that she notices the way that her hands are clutching his shirt and how she doesn't want to let go.
"Wow," he breathes, looking dazed. "I honestly wasn't expecting that."
"Me either."
"Why'd you - I mean, well, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but why did you do that?"
"I'm...not exactly sure," she admits.
"You know, I wasn't trying to get you to kiss me when I said all that. I don't want pity."
He withdraws his hands and she shakes her head quickly, saying, "No. It wasn't pity. It just, I don't know exactly what made me do it. I wasn't thinking. But I don't think, well, I don't know."
He smiles sadly as he removes himself from between her and the door. She feels panic start to rise in her chest. She didn't mean to hurt him. She did want to kiss him. She fantasized about it last night. For some reason, she just can't get the right words out. This must have been what he was talking about when he said that revealing feelings for someone is terrifying. For Katniss, revealing any emotion at all is difficult. Her feelings towards Peeta are that much more troublesome because they're new and she hasn't even worked out what they are in her head. The only thing she knows is that he's different than anyone she has ever met before.
"Goodnight, Katniss. I'll see you tomorrow."
She just nods. He looks at her for a second, and then disappears through the door. She isn't sure how long she stands there, but by the time she can move, her back is sore. When she falls on her bed, she stares at the ceiling. She replays the kiss over and over in her mind. It was nice. It was a lot nicer than Gale's. Whenever she thinks back to Gale's, it's with discomfort and a twinge of guilt. At the thought of Peeta's, she smiles, but feels regret, too. She regrets not telling him that she liked it and that she's actually looking forward to his interview because she'll get to do it again. Now he probably just thinks she did it because he likes her and she was just having a rare kind moment. That was part of it, but certainly not all of it.
Her mind becomes tired from keeping up with the thoughts racing around it. There are only so many ways to remember Peeta's lips and so many times she can attempt to sort out what she is feeling. She drifts off to sleep at some point long past the sunset. The next morning, Cinna and her prep team come to wake her up to get her ready for the interview.
