CHAPTER NINE

Tris

The next morning I feel happy and light. Climbing the ferris wheel with Tobias had been much the same as before… but even better. My heart has soared ever since the moment he said he liked to be with me. I feel like this is really going to happen- he really is going to fall in love with me again. I have been more and more discouraged each day, worrying that I had come back to be with him only to have him not want me anymore.

This morning, we are learning to throw knives. Tobias has just demonstrated and everyone has begun to throw. I remember how last time, I practiced without the knife in my hand first, so I use the same strategy once again, but not long enough for Peter to tease me again. I was always pretty good at throwing knives.

Then again, I don't want any more questions about where I learned to do this, like I received on the first day of training. I pick up my knife and aim about halfway between the center of the bullseye and the edge of the target. The knife lands right about where I aimed it and sticks in the target. I'm still the first one to hit the target at all. I notice Peter narrowing his eyes at me and I smirk at him.

I stop aiming away from the center after a few throws and hit bullseye after bullseye. I feel someone's presence behind me and my gut tells me it's not Tobias. No, it is not the man I love… it is the man whose proximity chills my blood and fills me with dread. Eric.

"Very good, Tris," he murmurs behind me. The way he hisses out the 's' at the end of my name, like a snake, makes me shiver. "You really are quite… fascinating." He is inches away and every muscle in my body is tense now. After I don't know how long, I notice that I'm holding my breath and force myself to exhale, then inhale, then exhale again. I throw another knife, and for the first time, it doesn't go where I tried to aim, but luckily it does still hit the board and stick. Eric clicks his tongue. "Do I make you nervous, Tris?"

I haven't yet answered when I am saved by Al's clumsiness. Eric has finally noticed Al's knives clattering to the floor. Most of them are first hitting the wall several feet away from his target. He's really, really, bad at this.

Eric's head snaps in Al's direction and he stalks away from me. I know what is about to happen, so I feel a little guilty at the breath of relief I release as Eric walks away. I glance at Tobias. He's staring at me intently. His face shows the impassive Instructor Four mask, but I don't miss the worry in his eyes.

I wince at Eric's familiar words as he reaches Al. "How slow are you, Candor? Do you need glasses? Should I move the target closer to you?"

My stomach clenches. Conflicted though my feelings for Al may be, deep in the pit of my stomach, I know that I won't be able to watch him tremble in front of that target. As I continue throwing my knives at the target, sighing heavily and tuning out his and Eric's voices as their exchange plays out. I ignore it all… right up until I hear Eric shout, "Everyone stop!" The knives stop, and a heavy, suffocating silence settles over the room. "Clear out of the ring," Eric says and he trains his cold gaze on Al. "All except you."

"Stand in front of the target." Al obeys, his hands shaking. "Hey, Four," Eric says. "Give me a hand here."

I don't watch this time. I just train my eyes on Al and wait. "You're going to stand here as he throws these knives, until you learn not to flinch."

I close my eyes and try to talk myself out of what I'm about to do. I try. I fail. I don't need to listen to what he and Tobias are saying. I could probably recite the conversation from memory.

I wait for Tobias to prepare to throw the first knife, then I hear my own voice: "Stop it." This is so stupid. So stupid. The last thing I need is more attention from Eric. Al doesn't deserve my help. Yet… here I am, standing up for him once again.

"Any idiot can stand in front of a target," I say. "All that proves is that you're bullying us. Bullying is a sign of cowardice. Are you a coward, Eric?"

Eric's eyes flash with anger, but he also looks slightly conflicted. Regretful. But no matter how he might think he feels about me this time around, Eric's pride is too important to him. "Then it should be easy for you, if you're willing to take his place."

Four won't hurt me much. Just a nick to the ear. I'll be fine. I show no sign of fear as I cross the room to the target, because I don't feel any fear. I can trust Tobias. He won't hurt me any more than he must.

I don't bother trying to smile at Al this time around. I am still too wary of him. But that doesn't mean that I'd want to see him get hit with a knife, and I'm pretty sure he would flinch enough to end up in the way.

I tip my chin up. Eric isn't the only one here who is prideful. I look directly into Tobias's blue eyes. "If you flinch," he says carefully, deliberately, "Al takes your place. Understand?" I nod. This time, I understand that he isn't taunting me; he is helping me reach inside for every bit of Abnegation stubbornness and strength I have deep inside me.

My eyes don't leave his as the knife whizzes through the air and sticks in the board half a foot away from my cheek.

"You about done, Stiff?"

I tip my chin higher. My eyes do not leave Tobias's for a moment. "No," I answer defiantly. The next knife buries itself in the target just above the part in my hair.

"Come on, Stiff," Tobias says. He's just reminding me what happens if I fail, I remind myself, pushing down the resentment that threatens to take over. "Let someone else stand there and take it."

I set my jaw and firmly say, "Just throw, Four." He's trying to communicate with his eyes that he's sorry for what he's about to do, and this time, I see it. I understand what he's saying to me. With my own eyes, I try to tell him that I understand, I trust him, that it's okay.

He throws the knife. I feel the sting, and blood begins to trickle down my ear. I let out a sigh of relief. I know this was the last one. It's over.

"I would love to stay and see if the rest of you are as daring as she is," Eric says, "but I think that's enough for today." He stalks over to me and gently grabs my chin, turning my head to look at him. I suppress a shiver. "I have my eye on you, Tris."

Everyone follows Eric out of the training room, leaving Tobias and I alone. "Is your ear okay?" I don't interrupt him this time. I'm not angry.

"It's fine," I say. I just stare at him. I'm at a loss for what to say next. Tobias crosses the room and pulls a box out of a cupboard, then returns with a piece of gauze.

"If I hadn't cut you," he says quietly as he gently wipes the blood from my ear, "you'd still be standing there. You should be more careful about drawing that kind of attention to yourself with Eric around."

"I know," I say. His eyes pull me in. I feel like I could drown in them. "Thank you. I just couldn't stand to watch Al stand there. He would have flinched, and you would have hit him, even if you didn't mean to."

"Careful, Tris. Dauntless is as much about conformity as the other factions. If you don't pretend that selfless impulse is going away, it will get you into trouble." His hand lingers on my cheek as he pulls it away from my ear. After a moment, he drops it. His forehead is wrinkled, and a crease forms between his eyebrows. "I don't want to see you get hurt."

My mind flashes to that day in the hallway, after he and Zeke found us in the training room, and I gather my courage and do just what I did then: I reach out and press my palm against his, intertwining our fingers. We stand there for a moment and he squeezes my hand. "Thanks, T-" I cut myself off. Shit! I almost said his name! "...Four." I drop his hand, and walk out of the training room without looking back.

My heart is pounding, both in nervousness at my slip-up and the elation of his touch, and I am so distracted that I don't notice that someone is waiting for me around the corner- not until he has grabbed me, pushing me against the wall.

"Did you forget, Tris," Eric says in a smooth voice that makes my skin crawl, "our conversation about insubordination?" His eyes flick from my eyes to my lips, then back.

"No, I didn't forget," I say in a tight voice. "But I would have been a coward if I hadn't spoken up."

"You were brave," he murmurs. His hands rest on the wall on either side of my head, and he lifts one and traces my jawline with two fingers. "But we train soldiers here, not rebels. Do you think you can remember that in the future, Tris?" I nod slowly, my eyes wide. He's looking at my lips again and I just want to disappear.

"Everything okay here?" Tobias's voice floods me with relief.

Eric pushes off the wall and glares at Tobias. I take the opportunity to scurry back to the middle of the hallway. "Everything's fine, isn't it, Tris?" I nod slowly, inching closer to Tobias.

"I think your friends went to the Pit, Tris." Tobias doesn't take his eyes off Eric, and his body is tense. "Maybe you should go look for them there."

"Thank you, Four, I will." I catch his eye for just a second as I hurry away, whispering another nearly inaudible "thanks."

Uriah

I'm coming out of the dormitory when someone literally runs right into me, nearly knocking me over. I look down to see who has landed themselves flat on their ass and am surprised to see Tris. I reach out and pull her up. "Woah, what happened?" From the way she was sprinting down the hall, plus her wide eyes and the overall spooked look on her face, it's pretty obvious that something upset her.

She shakes her head. "It was just… remember how Four had to throw knives at me because I stood up for Al?"

"Tris…" I scold. "You did it again? Was Four upset with you?" That must be why she's so upset. Things were finally going better with them…

She shakes her head side to side. "No, that's not the problem. Eric."

If he hurt her… well, I don't know what I can do about it. I know what I'd want to do about it, though, and it would end with one of us unconscious- hopefully Eric. "What did he do, Tris?" I ask, my fists clenched at my sides. "Did he hurt you?"

"No… he just… he cornered me. It seemed like he was about to actually kiss me! He just… he really creeps me out, Uriah." Her eyes are pooling with tears. "But Four got him to let me go. That's why I was running."

I put a hand on her back to lead her with me toward the Pit. "I didn't like how he was looking at you last night, Tris." But I continue with a smile. "I could tell Four didn't like it much either," I say, wiggling my eyebrows. She smacks me in the arm, but she's smiling now.

I lead her to the dining room for some chocolate cake. I had hoped I'd find Marlene here, but I don't see her anywhere. It's early so there aren't many people in here yet; we sit down at a table that is empty other than Myra moping at the other end.

In between bites of cake, I ask Tris, "Have you seen Marlene around anywhere? I was heading out to look for her when you ran into me."

Down the table from me, Myra snorts. Tris and I both look to her with raised eyebrows. "That's that Dauntless-born with the curly hair and the flirtatious smile, right?" says Myra with more venom in her voice than I would have ever expected to be possible from her. She always has looked so sweet. Then again, so does Tris, and she can get pretty pissed sometimes, too.

"Yeah, why?" I ask.

Marlene rolls her eyes. "She's probably with Edward." Why would she be with Edward? Isn't Edward Myra's boyfriend? I look at Tris for an explanation.

She looks slightly confused, too, but says to me, "Myra and Edward broke up yesterday."

"Yep," Myra agrees, popping the 'p', "and your little friend Marlene was all too happy to comfort him. I see how he looks at her." Myra crosses her arms angrily, but there are tears in her eyes.

My eyes dart to Tris's, and my heart is pounding. "Tris," I breathe, "what if she falls for him? She can't… I can't… this wasn't supposed to happen!" I don't even want to eat my cake anymore. Anyone who knows me well knows that if I don't want cake, it's serious.

Tris shakes her head and reaches across, resting her hand on top of mine. "No… she's meant for you… I know it. We'll figure something out. We will." But she doesn't look so sure.

Tobias

As Tris scurries away from Eric and past me, I barely catch her whispering, "thanks," but I can see the relief and gratitude in her eyes. I only let myself glance at her for a moment before my eyes are trained on Eric again.

"Do you have a problem, Four?" Eric hisses. He's angry. Very angry. He was already mad that he lost the war games for the third year running, particularly that he lost for the third time to me, in addition to our usual mutual hatred of one another.

"No problem," I reply, "as long as you're not causing problems with my initiates. I don't like to see power and size used to intimidate those who are powerless and small. She's just a little girl from Abnegation, Eric." I know that isn't true, not at all. Tris is strong in a way I have rarely seen in anyone. Right now, though, getting at Eric is the only goal.

"I think you should mind your own business, Four." Eric stalk toward me, stopping when he knows he's much closer than I am comfortable with. I need my personal space. "Don't forget who is in charge here."

"Oh, I don't forget, Eric. You make sure of that. You must be pretty insecure to remind me so often." I narrow my eyes at him. "Are you… afraid? That I'm still better than you? That you're still second best?"

His fists clench and his face turns red. "You had better watch your back, Tobias." With that, Eric turns on his heel and stomps away.

I drop into the seat next to Zeke with a deep sigh, scrubbing my face with my hands before grabbing a roll off his plate. "I'd tell you to get your own damn roll, but you look like you might punch me if I do," Zeke says. "What's going on, man?"

"Just… bad day. I had a run-in with Eric. He seems to be interested in one of my initiates and she is clearly uncomfortable with it."

Zeke shakes his head in clear sympathy for my unfortunate initiate.

"Speaking of your initiates," Shauna says, "we had breakfast with Tris this morning, I really enjoyed her. She's sweet but sarcastic at the same time."

I can't hold back my smile. "Yeah, she's brave and smart, too. She was the one I just rescued from Eric. He made me throw knives at her today and she didn't even get mad at me for cutting her ear."

Zeke and Shauna stare at me with wide eyes and dropped jaws. "You threw knives at her?! Why?" Zeke asks.

I explain about how it was supposed to be Al, but Tris, selfless as always, stood up for him and took his place. "She's something else, isn't she?" Zeke says. "No wonder Uriah likes her."

Shauna's eyes harden slightly when Zeke says that, and she turns to Zeke like it reminds her of something. "So, speaking of that… let's invite her to zip lining and get my cousin Jason to come."

It takes me only a second to recall Shauna's cousin. He was the first jumper in last year's initiate class, but I did not train him, he's a Dauntless born. If I remember correctly, he ranked second and has a government job, faction ambassador, I think. Mostly I just remember that whenever all the initiates were together, the female transfers couldn't keep their eyes off him.

Why did she mention inviting both Tris, and then Jason, in the same breath? An uneasy feeling in my stomach is creeping up on me.

"What does Jason have to do with Tris?" I ask.

Zeke turns toward me with a smirk. "Nothing, yet. But don't you think they'd be good together?"

"Not particularly," I say flatly. "I don't really know him well but I can't see it. Why are you trying to set Tris up in the first place?" My pulse has quickened, and I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants legs.

Shauna furrows her eyebrows. I guess I usually don't have much opinion or objection to anyone's love life, let alone an initiate. "Well, you know he and Lisa just broke up a few weeks ago, and I just really liked Tris. She gets along so well with Uriah, I'm sure she'd be just fine with Jason. Is there some reason you think this is a bad idea?"

"I- I don't…" I stammer. I never stutter like that. Crap. "I just don't like it. She's different, but she did just come here from Abnegation like a week ago. And whether there's a rule or not, an initiate really shouldn't be dating a member, she should be concentrating on initiation. I- oh, whatever!" I know I am letting way too much emotion creep into my voice, and I just don't know how to stop it. All I know is, I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of Tris and some guy. "Do whatever you want. Doesn't matter to me." I push my chair back abruptly and quickly march out of the dining hall.

I know I shouldn't tell Tris how I feel about her while I'm still her instructor. If anyone found out, her rank- which is likely to be high, I have a feeling- will come into question. But now Zeke and Shauna are forcing my hand. I can't let them hook her up with the most eligible bachelor of last year's initiate class without making my move first. I'm going to have to come up with some way to tell her about me, and I need to do it soon.