I started a new story as well based on Twilight so please check it out. It's called Like A Heartbeat.
Once again, sorry for the verb tense issues. I'm trying this in present tense now.
Disclaimer: Like you don't know
And the beginning may sound really confusing, I was just blabbing.
BPOV
What is pain? There is physical and emotional pain. But the question is, which one hurts more? Physical pain is very broad. You can experience it in ways from being simply hit to being raped. You can be beat so badly that you are put right on death's doorstep. You never ask for it to happen. It happens in a matter of seconds. You could be driving and make one wrong move and next thing you know, you are damaged beyond repair.
Emotional pain on the other hand. It's much harder to heal physical pain than emotional. You are hurt deeper than what you can see on the outside. It takes a giant toll on your body. You can escape Physical pain with pain killers but there aren't drugs that can relieve you of what is deeper. Sure you can take drugs and maybe cut yourself to turn the emotional pain into physical, but it never goes away. If you think about it, both are connected. If you get into something like a car crash, some people get so scared that they can't even go near cars. Long after the physical pain leaves, the emotional pain takes over.
There is nothing to describe the pain I'm feeling right now. It is almost like a cross between physical and emotional. I can feel the hole in my chest ripping apart once again.
Some people might say that the most painful thing is getting into an accident or having to put someone in the ground. No. They don't even compare to what really is the most painful thing. One simple little word can tear the whole world apart. It can turn the best of friends into the worst of enemies. It can lead to death. Love.
You think you love someone, but then this happens and that happens and you find yourself crying uncontrollably. One day you can seem to proclaim your love to each other enough, the next you are yelling at each other.
James snapping my leg. Flying off the motorcycle. The venom scorching through my veins. All those painful things that I've experienced were all physical. I would take them all a thousand times over than have to endure this.
Holding back my tears, I watch as he launched himself through the window. Memories on how he used to come in through my window at night and I would lay in his arms for the entire night. If I could just go back to all the laughs we shared together, not caring about anything as long as we were together.
My legs couldn't hold my weight much longer and I collapsed, luckily, on my bed. The tears came down uncontrollably. This pain hurt more than it did when he first left. The last time when he left, I knew I couldn't do anything about him leaving. But this time, I was the reason he left. If I hadn't been so stupid and told him to leave, he would still be with me. But I wouldn't have had to tell him to leave if he hadn't have left in the first place. Once I had found that ring, I was so determined to find him and go back to the good times with him. But then I realized that he had hurt me beyond repair and as much as I love him, I can't go through that pain again. If he really did love me as much as I had told me, he wouldn't have had the strength to leave in the first place. He would have stayed with me and nothing would have gone wrong.
I reached into my pocket where the ring still was and gripped it tight in my hand, never wanting to let go. He also promised that he would never hurt me again, just look where I am.
I woke up on Monday morning after crying myself to sleep for the third night in a row. I dragged myself out of bed and moved my lifeless body to the bathroom to take a shower and brush my teeth. I ran my brush through my hair roughly and with all the knots my hair accumulated, some strands of hair were pulled out.
I moved back to my room and pulled out a pair of black jeans and a simple white t-shirt. Charlie was already gone so I went down the stairs to an empty kitchen. I grabbed an apple and headed out the door, no longer wanting to be in an empty house.
I got to the school really early and just sat in my truck while I ate my apple, staring out at nothing. I remained in that state until someone knocked, loudly, on my window. I jumped a bit.
"Hey Bella," Ben greeted me.
I stepped out of my truck with my bag and followed Ben over to where everyone else was crowed round Tyler's van.
"Hey, how was everyone's break?" I really didn't care but I was just trying to be nice. (like you guys don't do it)
I just smiled and nodded my head (like what I do in French class) while everyone told me about their break. Angela and Ben mostly spent it with each other. Mike went to Texas, Jessica and Lauren went shopping and Tyler played Halo.
It was fine, that was until the all to familiar silver Volvo came into the parking lot.
Everyone seemed to have seen the Volvo at the same time because they all turned their gazes onto me.
"Cullen's back," Mike said in pure disgust.
"Yeah," I whispered. "We're not exactly talking."
I sensed Mike and Tyler's faces brighten up at that.
"Friday, I'm not doing anything," Tyler attempted.
I didn't respond to his question because I was watching as Alice and Edward got out of the car. Alice didn't seem to have her usual 'jump' with her. And Edward, he just looked like the walking dead. It pained me so much to have to see him like that. Knowing that I was the cause for it.
"I think we should get to class," Angela suggested lightly.
The day went by agonizingly slow. Because Edward went back to his old schedule, I had mostly every class with him. Because I had started sitting with my friends again, Edward was the one that sat alone, where we used to sit. I found it so hard to concentrate on what was going on in all the classes when Edward was just sitting a few seats down from me. I wanted to so badly run to the empty chair beside him and apologize for what I had said to him. But I didn't.
When the final bell rang, I went directly to my truck and drove away. I didn't really pay that much attention to the road but I managed to fin my way back to my house. I went up to my room to start on homework. When I opened the door, I wasn't alone in the room.
"I'm sorry," Alice said sadly.
My bag slid down my arm and dropped onto the floor. I was speechless.
"I'm sorry for everything he has done to you and I really don't like have my best friend not being on speaking terms with me," she continued. "Hell, if it were me, I wouldn't forgive him either.
"I don't blame you," I assured her. "I just don't think that this is something that can be forgiven easily."
"I completely agree."
"But when I went to find Edward, I though that I could forgive and let go, but now I think it over, life just doesn't work that way."
"Bella, I'm not here to try and convince you to forgive him. I'm here because I want my friend back."
"Alice, I would love that too," I smiled up at her.
"Really?" She said with the smile I hadn't seen in so long.
"Just do me a favor." I went over to my night table and opened up the draw. Laying, right where I had left them, were the pictures and the CD. I picked it all up and walked back over to Alice. She saw what I was holding.
"Are you sure about this?" She asked me as I handed them over to her.
"Sorry, I used the plane tickets Esme and Carlisle gave me when I went looking for you," I laughed a bit under my breath. Alice, reluctantly, nodded her head and took the pictures and CD.
"Maybe some day, you can give them back to me. Just not today. Promise me you won't let him know you have them," I begged.
"Not today," Alice repeated.
We just stayed in the moment for a few more seconds. I let the comfort Alice always brought with her sink in. I then gave her a very long over due hug.
"Don't tell him," I said into her ear.
Alice just nodded and was off. Once again, I was alone in the darkness of my room. I took a deep breath, letting everything that had just happened sink in.
Sorry for the shorter chapter this time. I normally aim for 2000 words but i want to save the idea i have for the next chapter. So think of this as a 2 parter! The next chapter might be either a little shorter or the same length.
~Mocking Jay 0916~