I thought I posted this. Sorry about the delay. Your reviews are greatly appreciated and I thank all of you who have stayed with me throught two stories and are bravely taking on a third (and probably a fourth...)

Thanks again. It does mean a lot to me!

OW10

Julia remained a while after Raoul had departed for the night. Her daughter was staying with Hermine and Archie for the night, as she and Hermine had plans to beautify themselves. As much as I wanted to pay utmost attention to Julia, I couldn't keep myself from thinking about Christine.

Specifically, I was thinking of her two daughters. Julia noticed my distraction and frowned.

"You are coping much better than you think," she said, placing her hand over mine.

I raised my eyes to her and nodded.

"Far better than Monsieur de Chagny," she said under her breath. She sighed and her shoulders dropped. "That poor man."

"His appearance is a strange occurrence to me," I said, rubbing my hand over my face. His presence still left me on edge, and now that it was only Julia and me in the study, I realized how tightly I had curled my toes in my shoes and had balled my hands into fists beneath the desk.

Julia looked at me, her hazel eyes hinting at words left unspoken. She nodded and glanced at the painting on the wall. "He's having a very difficult time," she offered. "More so than anyone would expect."

I was no fool. He had obviously told her more—confessed or professed. For his sake, it damned well better have not been that he professed anything.

"Why is that?" I asked rather boldly.

Julia gave me an arched look. "You're like a pig rooting around, Erik," she said.

"I'm not rooting around. I'm flat-out asking."

She didn't look at me when she spoke next. "You're the only person in this city that he still knows."

Her words infuriated me, as at first I thought that she mocked me, but when she turned to look me in the eye, I knew she was not jesting.

"That's impossible," I scoffed.

"Not as impossible as you think."

"He is a man of money and authority, Julia. He knows every damned person who owns a title."

Julia didn't argue. She merely shrugged, which grated on my nerves far worse than if she had refuted my words. To add to her irritating ways, she said, "Perhaps you're correct," under her breath.

She made me second guess myself.

"When did he tell you this? The other night?"

My interrogation made her noticeably uncomfortable. "He was in no state to tell me anything at all," she said. She sighed hard. "But yes, that's when he mentioned how important it was to come to you."

There was more hurt in her words than I would have ever imagined. I regretted pushing the issue once I saw that Despite her willingness to offer me comfort, Julia herself wasn't at ease with all the talk about Christine.

I rose and moved to sit beside her.

"This is not a time for jealousy," she said with a wan smile. "I've always known how you felt for her, but I honestly think that you are able to cope with this much better than Raoul."

"Because she was his wife," I said quietly. The misery I expected to follow my words never came, though I still felt a sting of bitterness at the bottom of my heart.

"And you have a child with her. That counts for much," Julia said. She tilted her head to the side. "But I wasn't speaking of marriage or children." Julia held my hand in hers and I could feel her engagement ring against my knuckle. It was all the reminder I needed of whom my heart belonged to.

"Continue," I said, lacing my fingers with hers.

"He told me that everything in their lives was always a struggle from the moment he wanted to marry her to the day she died," Julia said softly.

"I've assumed as much." He had married below his station. Famed soprano or not, she would find little welcome within his aristocratic society.

Julia stared at our joined hands and I did the same. "He's a very lonely man, Erik. His title and status have not assured him a good or easy life."

I blinked at her, unsure of what to say or how to react. He was the last person I ever would have thought suffered. His life meant nothing to me…at least in the past. I wasn't certain how I felt about anymore. There would never be a time when I would call him a friend, as our rivalry had cut a deep, bottomless rift through our lives. What was he, then?

Julia's grip tightened, as though she wished to brace me for what she was about to say. "The last thing he said to me the other night was that there are two kinds of loneliness. The first is when no one is around. There is nothing but one's own thoughts and ability to occupy the hours."

I shuddered and forced myself to nod. Many of my days beneath the opera house had been spent in complete solitude. My sense of time became distorted; spring was suddenly autumn, winter turned to blazing summer and I had no idea how long I remained isolated in my lakeside home. My goods were delivered to me, and other than my necessities being dropped across the lake, I had no need for others. Music, reading, sketching…those were my friends .

"But the other is when you are surrounded by people and yet you feel as alone as ever."

My breath hitched in my throat. The times I remembered with greatest clarity were when I stood in the basement below the stage and listened to rehearsals. Sitting in the theater in my private box gave me a false sense of being a gentleman. My clothes were just as well-tailored as anyone else's in attendance, but the differences between me and the Dukes and Counts were painfully clear each time I sat in Box Five. They could have been picking rags or sweeping chimneys, but they were men able to face the world. What was I but refuse crawling through the shadows? Seeing the world was much different than living in it. The memories made me shiver.

"It's worse," I mumbled. "The second one is worse. Knowing that the world exists around you and that you aren't part of it…there is no other hell quite like it."

Julia nodded. "He's very familiar with the second kind."

I stared at her face. "Are you asking me to pity him?" I snapped.

"You're being quite defensive and that's unnecessary," Julia said. "You wanted to know what he said, did you not?"

She was correct, but I merely shrugged. I had every right to feel defensive, as Raoul de Chagny had gone to her house to speak with her alone. Perhaps to Julia I was overreacting, but in my mind I needed no other reason to resent him. Julia was mine.

Julia placed her hand on my cheek. "You old bear," she chuckled. "You're somewhat charming when you're jealous."

I looked at her and found that her playful words brought a strained smile to my lips. She found comfort in my pretense, as she knew that my heart and soul belonged to her and no other.

"I don't know what to feel for her," I said as I pulled her onto my lap. "Especially after this evening." Bringing her hand to my lips, I kissed her, smelling perfume on her wrist. Sandalwood, the familiar scent of the woman I adored, eased my mind. "Honestly, I doubt I would have been able to care for her."

Julia linked her hands behind my neck. We sat quietly for some time, the sound of our breathing filling the silence. My eyes were drawn to her stomach, and as I placed my hand over her belly, Julia looked at me and smiled. She placed her hand over mine. It would be weeks before we knew anything at all, but suddenly I was hopeful that we would have our families joined, not only with Alex and Lisette.

"I'll walk you home," I suggested.

I wondered what the coming days would bring, but in that moment I felt peace. Julia had chosen me, and for that I was a very fortunate man indeed.

Julia leaned against me as we both stood. "Stay with me," she whispered.