Chapter 10
What is Mine
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He'd enjoyed getting to know Claire once more. Re-meeting her and falling in love with her again, as if he already wasn't. Frank was a complication he didn't enjoy, but he could see the cracks in that marriage from a mile away. His marriage to Claire had been nothing like theirs.
They'd fought, yes, and argued, and caused the other pain, but they were passionate and strong. An unstoppable duo, which Frank and Claire obviously weren't. He was a good enough father to Brianna, he thought, but the idea caused him pain. He didn't want another man to raise his child or hold his wife. He wanted them.
Still, it took all his strength not to sneak into their room and kill him in his sleep, no... drag him outside and rip him to pieces for ever touching her. Or challenge him at the very least. But he knew Claire could not be so easily bought. Challenging Frank would only upset her. Especially when Jamie killed him. Still, the option was tempting.
The fact she didn't remember him was torture, but he couldn't doubt that it was true. Claire was not a very good actress, and she'd need to be to play as clueless as she was.
Jamie was conflicted. He wanted her to remember him. He wanted to force her to if he couldn't convince her nicely, but he didn't understand it well enough to guess how to repair her mind.
Plus, he enjoyed his time with Brianna and doubted Bree would be all that comfortable being taken into the woods by a man insisting her mother remember him.
He was shoveling manure in the early morning when the loud, determined footsteps appeared behind him.
"You." Jamie turned to find Frank, no, Johnathon Randall, marching angrily towards him. The man was not as intimidating as the real Jack Randall who never needed to so much as raise his voice to be terrifying. "Who the bloody hell are you?"
Frank did not stop until he was almost chest to chest with Jamie.
"Me. Besides a bandit and a robber of virtue?" Jamie blinked in calm surprise. "Have you also lost your memory?"
"So you know about that." Frank determined.
"Aye, among other things ye probably donna want me telling people." Jamie mused.
Frank didn't let this statement bother him. He stood his ground and maintained his composure. "You will stay away from my wife and daughter for the remainder of our time here. Or I will send a formal complaint towards your master. I do not know the nature of your interest in them, but you are no longer to see them. There are other equally capable hands who can assist them if needed. Is that understood?"
"You are going to need to work on your threats if you're to continue the use of Randall's name." Jamie mused, shocking Frank momentarily. He hated seeing Frank. At first, he thought it would be more than he could bare to see Frank and Claire in a room together. But after visiting them both at tea, he'd seen the clear contrast between how Claire had spoken of her husband when Jamie had first met him, and now. He wasn't sure what, or why, or how, but Frank had lost some of his hold on her, and that gave Jamie all the hope he needed. "Aye, I know. I might not ever have met you, but I do know your wife. And she hated Randall. After everything he did to her, she wouldn't return to him, ametia or no."
"Amnesia." Frank corrected. "How do you know my wife?"
Frank had feared the idea. He thought it had to be irrational to assume who someone was based only on location and colouring. And even though he never explicitly said it, Mackenzie answered that fear by bringing it into reality.
"The real question is, why am I letting you live after taking mine?" Jamie inquired, standing straighter now and glaring menacingly into Franks eyes.
"You." Frank breathed.
"Aye, so you've heard of me then?" Jamie was almost relieved to see the instant recognition and understanding on Franks face.
"How?" Frank sputtered, then regained his composure. "You are supposed to be dead."
"Yes, but no one would let me die." Jamie sang casually. "Now, I am not so bothered by that no more."
"She spoke of you more highly than some stable boy." Frank spat, feeling pent up anger of his own directed at the man who had cursed his nightmares since Claire first told him she was pregnant. The man she never let go, for anything, and was finally standing face to face with him. And now that he knew, he felt ridiculous for being so blind. Yes, he'd feared it, but he thought he'd been creating evidence where there was coincidence. Such as his strong resemblance to Brianna, his Scottish heritage, and his interest in Claire and Bree.
"Ah, but she did speak of me." He grinned pleasantly. He did this to bother Frank, but inside what he felt was the relief of the long hidden pressure that she might really not have loved him. Or that she really had chosen to forget him, or to be with Frank. "But ye did not tell her of me when she lost her memories."
The idea of someone losing their memories was strange to him. You could only lose memories if you drank them away, but even that wasn't strong enough to erase the time they'd spent as man and wife. He knew, he tried. He understood that Claire could drink, but how could she drink that much. Still, he did enjoy the idea of lost memories. Because even as a fantasy, it was much less painful than accepting the possibility that Claire didn't want him anymore.
"I didn't see it as relevant." Frank determined. "It is not as if you hadn't been replaced."
Jamie's feet were set in the ground, preventing him from reaching forward and killing the man by snapping his neck. He assumed this would likely make many people unhappy.
"Replaced, usurped, whatever you want to call it."
"That is my wife, and my child." Frank hissed.
"Was it called gentics...? Aye, gentics would disagree."
"Genetics are irrelevant when you have not been around to raise a child."
"No, but here I am now. Fate seems to have corrected itself, hasn't it. Dual at dawn if you disagree?"
"No." Frank snapped. "Duals are for those who have been challenged. And you do not challenge me, or my claim to my family. I need to prove nothing. They are mine."
"Only because she doesn't remember me." Jamie mused. "I won her heart once, who is to say I canna do it again?"
"You will stay away from my family." Frank hissed through clenched teeth feeling more anxiety than he had since they'd arrived. Fearing something may be true and knowing that it was were two very different degrees of torment. Knowing the man his wife had chosen to be with still existed and was actively in her life was terrifying. "She will not believe you if you try to tell her anything; even if you know where we are from, she will doubt your word. And after you do, she will feel our family has been threatened, and she will no longer care what the truth may be, she will have you arrested and we will be gone that same night. So you may try to interfere with our life, but you will fail. Stay out of it."
This time Jamie didn't respond as quickly. He stood quietly, calculating his options. He didn't doubt the effectiveness Claire would have at defending her family, nor did he doubt her determination and stubbornness. He wanted the truth, though. He didn't want to let her leave again- -he refused to let her leave again, unless she remembered him and decided that was what she really wanted. A few less than legal ideas came into him mind. Claire could be angry but at least she would be his again. And when he brought back her memories, she would laugh and forgive him anyways. Still, he would need to get rid of Frank first. Murdering him wasn't an option because it would surely upset Claire. And he didn't seem to be the type who would sit by idle while Jamie kidnapped Claire and Brianna.
Frank hesitated waiting for Jamie to respond, but after realizing he might not, he decided to try, "If you could have won her heart back, you'd have done it already. Unfortunately, the truth is that between you and I when we both stand in front of her as options, she chooses me."
"She believes she has a child with you." Jamie hissed stepping closer to Frank. Although Frank remained calm, he could not help but instinctively stumbled backwards. "And I have yet to win her heart back, because despite what you might think, I am no a bad man. I will not disturb her happiness if this is truly what she wants. If she wants you. And if I can believe, despite your family, that you can care for my wife and daughter, I willna get in the way. I will sleep better at night knowing they are safe and cared for, even if heartbroken they are not with me. I will not challenge their happiness, so long as they have it. No matter how much I hate you. And I do."
Frank stared at him in slightly skeptical surprise. He wanted to add that he also hated Jamie, but decided not to push his luck in that situation if Jamie was being serious.
Jamie continued, "But you have taken from me what is mine, and that is no something I can allow. So, in exchange for my silence as to your true identify, you are going to buy me out of my contract to the Dunsany's."
"What?" Frank blinked in surprise.
"You heard me." Jamie nodded. "You are going to say your wife and child love me as their teacher, or you need a good hand and are familiar with me, or whatever your heart may desire, I truly do not care, and then you will buy my contract and once we are back in Scotland, you will give me my freedom."
"That is not possible."
"Oh, it is." He said as if he'd put weeks of thought into it rather than just moments. "Due to my parole, I require the Dunsany's determine I am free to leave. The British will undoubtedly argue that I need to be monitored more, but who better to manage me than one of the Kings finest, Captain Johnathon Randall."
"You want me to set you free." Frank breathed. Although, as a historian who'd studied the battle of Culloden, he understood why Jamie had been imprisoned, he found it difficult not to say, "You were sent to prison for a reason. Setting you free early would be immoral and completely irresponsible."
"I was sent to prison to protect my family and my land after being forced into a war which cost me my wife and both my children." Jamie snapped. "Despite knowing how it would end, I still made the sacrifice and I do regret it often but I cannot change it. That does not mean I should be made to suffer more. I could lower myself to your level of idle threats by demanding that you will help me, Frank, or I will expose your false identity so that you may be hung till death for crimes against the crown. But I dinna need to do that because you are going to prove to me that you are a good man. A good enough man for my wife and child. I do not care what sort of man you are on your own, but I willna stand by while my family remains in the hands of a man less than worthy of them."
Frank stared at him for a moment, but the moment was too long for Jamie.
"Will ye accept my bargain?" Jamie wondered, almost hoping Frank would say no so he could justify destroying his life. He wanted to be a good man. He wanted to do whatever was best for his family. That didn't stop the seething hatred he felt seeing Claire with another man. Especially one who looked so similar to Johnathon Randall.
"I set you free." Frank clarified. "And you will leave us to return home."
"No." Frank was surprised by the force given behind the word. "No, I will accompany you back to the stones. I assume that is where you are going, no?" Frank didn't answer so Jamie assumed he was correct. "I will go with you. One part for safety. You may have good intentions, but I doubt you've held a sword or pistol as more than a toy."
"I got us from Scotland to England just fine the first time." Frank argued in annoyance. He was going to add to a statement in respects to his combat knowledge but Jamie cut him off.
"You are traveling with my wife and daughter,"
"My wife."
"My wife, my daughter. I survived seven years in a cave without the redcoats ever finding me, I can do it again, this time with prisoners." He warned. "Besides, you are not from Scotland, you will easily get lost- -don't argue. The second reason I will accompany you is to ensure that you truly are deserving of them. If I must lose them again, especially now that I have finally met my child, I will only lose them if I knew they are better for it."
"Anymore reasons?" Frank asked sarcastically.
"Yes." Jamie took a deep breath and avoided looking at Frank. Other workers passed but at a distance so they did not need to worry about gossip about their conversation. "I have missed her. More than anything else in the entire world. I wassna even sure she was alive. And now she is back... I willna lose another moment with her until I have to... And my child," He closed his eyes for a moment and savored the first moment he was able to publicly claim his daughter, "Brianna, I havna met her before now. I didna know if she was a boy or a girl. I didna know if she looked more like me or her mother. I had never seen her open her eyes, or walk, or heard her lovely voice, and now I have and... I will not lose a spare moment of that until I must." He blinked and looked back to Frank whose eyes were curious, annoyed, and slightly guilty, though he hid it well. "So I will go with you, or we do not have a bargain and you prove yourself a coward unfit to care for them."
Frank was quiet for a moment. He debated Jamies words and wrestled with his own feelings of jealousy and resentment towards the man he'd despised for so many years. He did not want Claire to remember him. But, he thought, this could be the exact closure she needed. If she didn't remember him by the time they returned home, they could rebuild their lives together. And if she remembered once they were home, then she would have her goodbye, and she would understand that Jamie was able, and willing, to survive on his own. Frank felt somewhat dirty at the idea of taking her from him once more. Her and Bree.
He'd been able to justify not telling her before because he wasn't even sure the story was true. He was keeping a dark, painful part of her life a secret. One he couldn't feel confident to be true enough to retell anyways. But now it was different. He knew it could be true. It very possibly was true, and a man striking similar characteristics to the daughter Claire had born from the story was standing across from him stating that it was true. He'd called him Frank. He could only have learnt that name from Claire. It was impossible to deny the reality, but Frank still wanted to.
Claire was angry at him already for keeping so many secrets. Adding more would only make her hate him. She wouldn't be so foolish to believe that he hadn't figured it out. Or that Jamie had said nothing the entire journey. Frank needed to give her a chance to remember him. She could then make her decision, and hopefully she would choose him as she once had. He would just need to earn it again. His best chance was while she didn't remember Jamie. So, Frank decided,
"I will do my best to buy your freedom, and in exchange you may accompany us back to Scotland. But you are not to tell Brianna or Claire anything. If Claire remembers, then we will figure it out from there."
"A bargain, then." Jamie nodded, hesitantly putting his hand out to Frank who had extended his own. They shook quickly and immediately pulled away from each other. "I have chores to do, then."
As Jamie turned to return to the paddocks, Frank called, "I am sorry, by the way."
Jamie froze, and turned his head slightly. He wasn't sure what sort of an apology he would receive, but he was curious.
"I know what my ancestor did to you... Johnathon Randall, that is. And I am sorry for that." Frank said. "Truly I am. I promise you I am nothing like him."
It was hard but Jamie managed a small smirk, "Aye, I ken. Or I'd have dealt with you already."
"You are not what I expected." Frank continued.
"Oh?" Jamie asked, turning once more to Frank.
"She described you are nearly a barbarian. Educated, yes, but depending on force as much as negotiation. I expected you to create a scene, start a fight... lead with your emotions, I suppose."
"Oh, aye." Jamie nodded, curious how detailed Claire had been while describing him and quietly wishing he knew what she'd said. "Ten years ago I'd have carved out yer inners with a rusty spoon. Lucky for you my time in the cave has made me wise."
"Hm, lucky for me." Frank muttered, slightly taken by the statement.
Although it was not easy, it took no more than two days for Frank to honour his side of the bargain. He'd used Randall's savings to free Jamie from his contract, knowing he wouldn't need the savings when they returned to their time, and on the second day helped pack up a carriage for the long ride north.
"I don't understand." Claire told Frank. "I enjoy Mackenzies company, of course, but why?"
"We need a guide." Frank answered simply as he loaded a case under the carriage.
"We didn't need one coming down."
"We were lucky." he argued. "Next time we might not be."
"Alright." She surrendered, much to his disappointment. "I will go check on Brianna."
"Okay, darling."
When Claire had disappeared from Franks sight, he walked around the carriage towards the horses which Jamie attached to the cart.
"Let me ask you," Frank started, "If you loved them as much as you claim, why would you let them leave?"
Jamie managed the horses gear and finished strapping on the bags of supplies before turning his attention to Frank. He then glanced around for near by listeners but after finding none, he answered, "I dinna want them to leave. I hate the idea. I want to kill you for suggesting it. I want to..." He was going to say the same about her leaving again, but reminded himself of her amnesia. Although he didn't understand it, he didn't believe her to be false. If she said she couldn't remember him, then she couldn't. "I want only to take her in my arms and force her to remember me. But upon further contemplation I have determined that is not the right thing to do. These times are no safe for lasses. Not as safe as your time. And now that I have met Brianna, my beautiful, exceptional babe, and I have learned how much she has grown and all the opportunities she has waiting for her, well... well this time cannot offer her that. And as much as it may pain me, I canna send the lass without her mother. So long as I know they are safe and well cared for, I can survive."
"Have you tried to remind Claire of...?"
"I have considered it." He smiled wickedly. "And in a few weak moments I was nearly tempted. But no."
"Why not?"
"If she loved me even half what I loved her, I canna put her through that pain again." He explained. Then he loomed over Frank as he warned, "But do not get me wrong, Randall. I am greedy. And as good a man as I may want to be, I will also take what is mine. If I see you do not treat them right, I will cut off yer head and blame it one a bear."
"I treat them excellently, thank you very much." Frank spat.
They were off shortly after. Jamie, unhappily sat outside steering the horses, but was pleased when Brianna had insisted on joining him to watch. Frank and Claire remained inside the carriage, awkwardly trying to create small talk.
"I am sorry I have not been a perfect husband lately." He told her.
"I'm sorry I cannot remember enough to say you're wrong."
He laughed once dryly.
Meanwhile, Brianna spoke animatedly about her friends back home, her school, and her desire for pets.
"Mama says I can have a dog but daddy says I can't." She pouted. "It's one of the things they always fight about. Not recently, though."
"Do they fight often, then?" He asked her. A part of him felt almost hopeful that they did, another part of him was disappointed. If she wasn't with him, he still wanted her to be happy. He also wanted to murder Frank.
"Yes." She answered softly. "They didn't for a while, after her accident. But then she remembered his other friends who she doesn't like."
"Other friends?"
"Yeah. She never used to mind when they came around. She didn't like when we were home when they visited, but she didn't mind other than that. But I guess she forgot and it made her really sad."
"What kind of friends?"
"I'm not sure." She shrugged. "Most of them are from his work. My favorite is his secretary. She's so nice."
"All women."
"I don't know. He has lots of friends. So does mommy. She just doesn't remember them right now."
"Hmm." He was sure he could paint a picture from what Brianna was saying, and he wasn't very sure he liked looking at it. He tried to suppress his blooming fury so that he could think more critically, but it was not easy. That his his wife, whether she remembered or no. She was his and he had trusted her care to a man who was obviously not fit for the challenge.
Jamie couldn't imagine that Frank and Claire had been able to overcome Claires love of Jamie when she returned to her time. At least that is what he'd hoped. He didn't want to share her heart more than he had to. He loved her and that was enough, he decided.
"What do you wish to be when you are older?" Jamie wondered.
"A historian like daddy!"
Nope. Jamie didn't want to hear it.
"Ech, historians don't do much." He muttered.
"But daddy does."
"Can he teach you to drive a carriage?"
Her face lit up and his mirrored hers. Carefully, he gave her the reins and tried to carefully step her through the instructions. She did fairly well, except a few bumps but it never seemed to cause Frank or Claire much concern.
They stopped at a creek a few hours after leaving to let the horses drink. Frank and Claire had left the carriage to stretch their legs and were shocked to see Brianna holding the reins.
"Mama! Daddy! Did I do good? Did I do good?"
"Dear God, man, are you insane?" Frank demanded.
"Ah, the wee lassie did a well done job." Jamie and Bree shared a small grin before she returned the leather and dismounted to get water for herself.
"Someone could have gotten hurt." Claire mused.
"Good thing we've a healer with us." He answered.
She laughed once and shook her head.
"Not all wounds can be healed." She warned.
"Aye, as I am very well aware."
"How many nights until we reach our destination?" She wondered.
"Oh, I would say... maybe 15."
"15!?" She demanded, sure it could not be so far.
"Aye." He could make it eight days, but he didn't want to. "And we must stop and get supplies in Glasgow."
"How long will that take?"
"I dinna ken what kind of an impression your husband will make in the highlands. He was never a popular man. I doubt it would be safe for Brianna to be near him while in civilization. Or yourself. So, let us say add three days."
"What!?"
"Are we almost ready?" Frank wondered to announce his return.
"Darling, I thought you said we'd be back in no more than a few days." Claire complained in a way he thought was very unlike her.
Apparently, Frank didn't disagree. His response was stammered and confused as he tried to decode the meaning behind her tone. "I-I sup-pose I was mistaken, dear."
She grumbled something under her breathe before marching angrily back into the stable.
"Is that how she normally behaves with you?" Jamie wondered curiously.
"Not in the slightest." Frank answered, unaffected by the casual nature of the comment. Normally he despised seeing Jamie. Now, he was somewhat distracted. "Have you any idea?"
"None." Jamie answered. "Though I am still confused by this concept of amnesia."
"It is caused by serious injury or trauma." Frank explained dimly. "Lately I've been thinking it may be caused by the repressed trauma of her trip through the stones. I am of course not specialized in the matter, but I found it troubling enough to want to forget."
Frank felt another small serge of disappointment when Jamie clearly understood his reference to the stones. It re-solidified his claim that he was in fact the same James Fraser that Claire had known and loved ten years before.
Frank followed Claire back into the carriage while calling for Brianna who insisted once more to sit outside with Jamie. Although he appreciated her company, he found it impossible to focus on with Franks insinuations repeating in his head. What if it was trauma Claire was trying to forget? What if the trauma was caused by Jamie? Had she thought their marriage was so terrible? She loved him, he was sure, but that sureness was based on her refusal to let him go. This time she had. She'd left through the stones, planning to never see him again, and barely given it a second thought.
For the bairn, he tried to remind himself, but that had never stopped her from getting involved in his business before. Not even when he begged her to stay away. This time she'd left. Maybe she'd left hating him... traumatized by their life together. No, he tried to convince himself that was not the case, but then why wouldn't she remember him? How much could she want to forget him that she finally had? He'd never forgotten her. He'd never forgotten Randall, or anyone else who'd cause him pain or torment.
He shook his head and tried to focus on the journey. He was tired of pretending he was strong enough to ignore the situation. He was tired of seeing her with someone else, especially him. He was tired of her not knowing him. He'd stayed strong at the Dunsany estate because he feared his making a scene would threaten Claire or Bree. And he'd been respectful to Frank because he needed Randall to buy him his freedom, and to keep him close to his wife and daughter. Now he was too tired. He didn't want to pretend he was alright anymore. He didn't want to pretend he wasn't burning with anger, hatred, and desire. Brianna's talking was the only thing keeping him strong enough not to finally break down into pieces.
"Are you sure this is the best place?" Frank asked.
"Aye." Jamie answered plainly. Then he decided to add, "Near water but not so near population that we need to fear intrusion."
"I suppose I will build us a tent." Frank decided. He was noticeably hesitant to ask, but also a bit smug as if reestablishing Jamies position in the group, "Will you be needing a tent, Mr. Mackenzie?"
"I am no afraid to sleep under the stars, Randall." Jamie smiled but it didn't transfer to his eyes. "I will leave you to your tent and go down to the river to wash up."
"Is now really the best time?" Frank inquired.
"T'is as good a time as any."
Jamie was happy to be alone for the moment. For the first moment in years without someone watching him or needing him. For the moment, he was free. Free once more of responsibility and honour. He'd consider running on his own back to Scotland, and saying damn to Randall, but he could not pull himself from Claire or Bree. He felt like a shell of a man. A disappointment, as he was sure his father would consider him. And he felt Johnathon Randall laughing at him from the pits of hell.
Once at the water, he removed his shoes and stockings, and sat quietly on a rock and placed his feet in the almost icy water. "I am so verra sorry Claire."
He removed his shirt also and soaked it in the water, scrubbing it lightly before pulling it back over his head.
As he sat, he closed his eyes and debated his situation. He was being a good man, he tried to convince himself. But every other molecule in his body demanded he be the opposite. They're mine, his mind hissed and the desire to claim them once more followed shortly after. They're happy, he tried but his mind refused to believe that. Claire isn't happy. She needs me.
At some point of his internal struggle, he lost a moment of full consciousness as he fantasized about his options and he felt himself fall from the rock into the water. At first, he did not care to push himself back up. The numbing cold of the water, and the promise of eternal paradise if he stayed face first in the water was tempting him. "AHHHHHHHHH" He screamed into the water. Once more he did it and was sure he could be dead in moments and leave his body to float face down, down the river for quiet a while before it started bothering anybody. But the sense of duty over and eventually he pulled himself up. The air felt like it was cutting into his skin with razors but he didn't mind because it distracted him.
He wiped his wet hair back, and splashed his face twice before sitting back onto a lower rock, placing his elbows on his knees, and his face in his hands. He remained in this position, letting the wind pierce his wet skin as he debated his reason for existence. He'd wanted her back. More than anything. He'd made every deal with God that could think of... promised to love her no matter the condition she might be returned in. He'd been thinking that she might be once again returned with another man's child. Not with his child and no memory of his existence. He felt like God was challenging him, and he really didn't agree with the challenge. It was cruel, but maybe, he thought, if he could prove himself worthy, he might be praised for completing God's challenge.
"Oh, Lord."
His head snapped up when he heard the gasp. He knew her voice. Better than he knew most. His heart began racing and he felt warmth returning to his body at the sound of her presence. When he looked back, she was staring at him wide eyed and slightly opened mouthed. Briefly, he considered she might be surprised by his still attractive features (he hoped), or terrified by the marks undoubtedly noticeable through the wet shirt (more likely), but his assumptions were both proven wrong when she plainly stated, "You're bleeding."
This surprised him, but strangely not as much as her reaction as she raced down the mucky hill so that she could carefully examine his shoulder.
"I dinna feel a thing, lass." He didn't shake her off because he enjoyed her touch, and he wished his statement had been true. He felt hurt. Angry. Destroyed. Diminished. Lost. Tired.
"Hold still... here, remove your shirt, let me check."
"I am fine, Sassanach." He moaned as she tore at his shoulder. "Tis no more than a scratch." He couldn't see anything when he looked, and he certainly felt nothing physically wrong with him.
"What happened?" Claire demanded, ignoring his assessment.
"It must have happened when I fell. Dinna fesh yourself over it. I am fine."
"You don't look fine." He snapped. "Remove your shirt."
"Sassanach." He groaned.
"Now."
"Fine." He grumbled, pulling it off slowly, "But only because you are so desperate to remove my clothing."
"An infection during these times would be a death sentence." Her voice was strangely tense.
He had not thought much when he removed his shirt. She'd seen him naked many times before. Her small gasp brought him back to the reality of the situation, and acted as more evidence to prove she was not lying about what an amnesia was.
"Scars from long ago." He explained, feeling oddly tense. More than he had the first time he'd shown her. Probably because her reaction meant more to him now.
"Where...?" She blanked for words.
"When I was eighteen." He answered, making her heart hurt for him. "After I displeased your husband." Although he knew Frank and Johnathon were not the same people, nor the same sort of people if Claire was willing to love him, he found it impossible not to use their lies to his own advantage so that he could openly hate Frank.
It took her a moment to understand. "Johnathon." She breathed, reminding herself of the difference, but also her deception.
"Aye." He mused numbly. "Those are the scars of near endless floggings. Or what felt like that. But it was a long time ago. They dinna hurt no more, I assure you."
"How could someone do this?" She asked, lightly tracing the scars on his back.
"That is a reminder." Jamie answered. "From Randall. That I must be obedient."
"No." She breathed so airlessness that he almost considered she might be married to the real one. No, only an imposture. Her fingers traced the scars and his back, careful not to hurt him. Chill ran up his spine.
"You'll remember I told you that my father had died?"
"I do." She agreed, moving her attention back to his shoulder. It was only a small cut, emphasized by the water, but she figured she should clean it the best she could.
"Aye, well, that was the day he died. Seeing me flogged, the lashes cutting through my skin... it was too much for his heart to handle."
"I'm very sorry."
"It is not a fault of yours." He assured her with a small smile.
She lingered on the skin of his shoulders. Her fingers traced lightly over the curves of his muscles and the lines of the scars. He didn't care to ask why, because he'd missed the sensation.
"Why have you been in a bad mood?" He wondered finally.
"I didn't think it was noticeable." Then she continued when he didn't respond, "I have not been sleeping very well."
"Don't ye have a position or spell for that?"
"Not here." She laughed once. "Besides, it is the dreams that bother me more than actual sleeplessness."
"What do you dream of?"
"I cannot tell you."
"Yes you can." He disagreed. "I willna tell a soul."
She hesitated but decided to sit on a rock across from him.
"I've been dreaming... things a married woman should not be dreaming about with a man who is not her husband." His ears perked up at this. She was awkward while speaking, her cheeks turning red and she never made eye contract.
"I cannot imagine that would keep you awake for long."
"It does when it's so good... I wake up telling myself it isn't real- -that it's wrong all in the same, but... I want him. Badly. And I hate it because... I like the dreams. What sort of person would I be to allow such perverse thoughts into my head when I am married to another man? At first they were simple and easily ignored. But now they are too loud and I am completely confused. I am so tired of being confused."
"Who is the man?" She looked at him shocked, and almost horrified, so he clarified, "In your dream."
"No one in particular." She shrugged. She was lying, he knew, which he thought answered her question.
"Hm." But he surrendered for now. "Should we turn home?"
"Yes, please." She answered hopeful to move on form the conversation.
The night was cold and unpleasant for Jamie, and he found he could not sleep as his ears focused on the tent housing his wife and child. What if they had sex? Did they have sex? From her description of her frustrated dreams, he would think not, but maybe that was how she got over it. He disagreed with that tactic.
The next few days of travel were much the same. They traveled, they camped, Jamie debated whether his actions were worth his survival. He'd done everything he could think of to regain her memories without explicitly telling her, including taking a page from one of Brianna's stories.
Claire had joined him to find fire wood at one of their stops. While walking, they discussed more about themselves, in more detail than before. She was often curious about Jamies wife which was always an awkward conversation. He wanted to tell her who she was, but had determined he'd wait until Frank truly proved himself unworthy before making any sort of move on her. As much as he hated Frank, to the deepest parts of his bones, Jamie could not deny that he cared for Claire and Bree.
"It is tiring." Claire continued as she spoke about not remembering anything. "I will have these moments when I am so sure I know something, or I recognize something... but that is mad and impossible."
"Like when?"
"I keep feeling like... well, when we go to the river to bathe or get water. I feel like I've done it all before, but I have not. Perhaps I am mixing memories with my uncle Lamb, with newly created memories... then I also feel like I know things that I have no business knowing. And I am too embarrassed... I feel to silly, to ask if they are correct."
"Ye should be asking." Jamie informed her. "T'is important to find your memories."
"If I am to be honest," She continued.
"Please do." He picked up a bundle of thick sticks and sandwiched them between another small log.
"I believe... I may be wrong, but I believe I... dreamed about your back."
"Oh?"
"Like, not seeing it, or being told of it, but feeling it. I had thought nothing of it at the time... it was only a dream. But when you showed me, I thought... But that is ridiculous."
"Do you dream of me often without my clothing on?"
She choked out a cough then, and didn't answer.
He laughed at her response and turned to meet her bright red face.
Then, without putting much extra thought into the action, he dropped the wood in his arms, marched forwards, grabbed her tight by the shoulders, pinned her to a tree behind her, and attached his lips to hers. He didn't mean for the kiss to be so rough, or for his mouth to be so invasive, but that's what happened. And although she pushed against him a little at first, she was very quick to surrender to his lips on hers.
He pressed his hips into hers, more to increase their closeness than to instigate sexual desire, but his body responded instantly, and she gasped over his mouth as she felt him.
Jamie felt a heaving, hungry desire as he pulled her closer. One of his hands held her face to his while the other ran lightly up and down her arm, until he hand enough control over her body to wrap the arm around his neck. He thought, maybe, since she'd realized how much she enjoyed the connection between their bodies, that maybe she was starting to remember him. He was hopeful when he first considered pulling away.
He opened his eyes for a moment, and kissed her twice more lightly. Her eyes were struggling between remaining closed and enjoying the passionate sensation that filled her, or opening wide in shock. He pulled her closer and enjoyed the moment, wondering if finally he would have his wife back, as if the kiss would be enough to reignite her memories, or bring more light to the ones already trying to resurface.
He only truly removed his lips from hers when he ran out of air. He felt lighter, though, and more in control, but also guilty. Not for betraying Franks trust, he didn't care about that much at all, but for surprisingly forcing himself on her, even just for the moment.
She responded by leaning against the tree, wide eyed, to catch her breath.
"I apologize, lass, I just..." He started but was paused when she slapped him hard across the face.
"What in the blood hell was that?!"
"You dinna remember?" He asked, wondering how he could have been so breathlessly affected by the kiss when she was so clearly not.
"I remember you assaulting me two seconds ago, yes!" She snapped.
"Brianna." He breathed, taking a step back as she attempted to hit him again. "She told me stories you used to tell her. About princesses put to sleep by curses. They woke up when their princes kissed them. I thought... maybe, if this was a curse..."
Her eyes melted then and the fury was visibly lost.
To his surprise, she even laughed. The sound was music to his ears but he could hardly enjoy it over the strong disappointment.
"You mean true loves kiss?" She giggled. "That only works with people who are in love- -soul mates. And they are from children's stories. Not amnesia patients."
"It was worth the try, I thought." He mumbled, looking down. Claire put her hand on his cheek and lifted it slightly.
"Thank you, Alex, but I don't think that will work." She smiled. "I appreciate your effort, and I have grown very fond of you as my friend, but attempts like that to bring back my memory won't help. I'm sorry."
He struggled to understand why she would be apologizing to him, but decided it didn't matter.
"I am sorry I forced myself on ye." He shook his head and sighed, but did not move for the few moments that her hand lingered on his skin.
Jamie thought it was strange that she was not angry by his actions. He didn't mind the failure because he had only been hopeful that it might work. Stories came from truth, but he was foolish to believe a kiss could stop a curse. Plus, the kiss had awoken a spark in him that he thought died out long before. Although it had only caused him to want her more, it made him realize that honouring his deal with Frank might not be worth it. Besides, did he care if he betrayed a Randall so that they could have his wife and child? No. To hell with Frank, he was taking back what was his.
They camped a few miles outside of Glasgow. There, Frank would send in the official release papers for James Fraser, which had already been signed by Lord Dunsany as a witnesses and character testimony. He also sent in a testimony stating that Mackenzie was welcome back into their service anytime in the future. By the time morning came on the day Frank was meant to deliver the letter, Jamie determined he would need to be gone with his rival, Frank. So the moment light broke, he had pulled Frank from his tent, where Jamie was pleased to notice the married couple sleeping apart.
"I don't understand." Frank grumbled as he tried to comprehend why Jamie had forced him to stand in the cold morning dew. He hadn't even started a fire.
Jamie groaned with irritation. "These men know you. You need to behave as if you were still the same man, one they want to serve and be done with, which I doubt you can do effectively with a wife and daughter around. And it is no secret no one likes you- -Johnathon, ye ken- -and they will be all to pleased to take their anger on the lasses while your back is turned."
"So what do you suppose I do with them?" Frank demanded. "Leave them here?"
"Aye, that is exactly what I think."
"That is ridiculous." He snapped. "I will take them with me and you will watch my back."
"Aye, and how do ye plan to explain to Claire the first man who recognizes us together and assumes us man and wife still? I may be willing to hide the truth from Claire, but I will no lie."
"Then perhaps we don't need to go into Glasgow." Frank suggested.
"Aye, then the extra day to Edinburgh? It would be best to go there anyways." Jamie suggested. "Or did you plan on failing your part of the bargain. You do remember that I can simply kill you, say you got lost in the forest, and reclaim my family that way."
Frank groaned and shook his head. "Of course not. I am a man of my word."
"What is going on?" Claire had a blanket wrapped around her as she escaped the tent, and her hair and eyes were puffy from sleep. Her hair, Jamie remembered fondly, often looked much more of a mess after mornings with him.
"Ye husband is going to Glasgow to deliver a document to earn me freedom from my parole." Jamie answered calmly. "You, me, and the lass will be waiting here."
"What?" Both Frank and Claire asked.
"Aye, ye canna expect we leave them in the forest alone." Jamie told Frank.
"We will come with you." Claire demanded.
"That is up to you, Randall." Jamie said giving him a sharp look. Jamie wanted time privately with them, but he was fairly sure he knew of at least four people currently living in Glasgow that would recognize Claire as his wife. Maybe they could offer her a reminder as to her history.
"He is correct." Franks voice was tone and unhappy. "But they can take care of themselves for a day."
"Three." Jamie corrected, surprising the couple. "Aye, at the verra least three days. You must see that they finalize the papers, and then you will be asked back in to sign them once more." Jamie wasn't sure how much of this was true, but he didn't care much either. Frank would believe him until he had a reason not to. "I dinna know the process exactly, but Ned Gowan, my lawyer," He said to Claire, hopeful that the name might bring some memories. It did not. "Often made them sound like oftly boring processes. In regard to my coming with you, Randall, no one will believe you could really be you if I were there. I hate you, remember, and as much as ye claim to have changed, that fact willna. My entering town with you will only cause suspicion."
There was a moment of tense hesitation in the camp until finally Claire spoke.
"Alright." She decided. "But you should hurry, darling."
"Are you serious?" Frank asked in shock, glancing at Jamie with cold eyes.
"Yes." She nodded surely. "I have seen his back. I doubt anyone in Scotland would trust your identity if they saw you together calmly. And they are already wiry about your position since your disappearance."
"You saw his back?" Frank repeated.
"Aye," Jamie answered, and continued suggestively, "Aye, when she was tending to me in the river. Did she no tell you?"
Frank's jaw locked and he glared hard at Jamie.
"No."
"It was just a scratch." Claire dismissed as if that were the issue. "You should hurry, Frank. The quicker you leave, the quicker you can return."
And Frank obeyed but not before giving Jamie one last, "Do not touch her." Demand as he saddled the horse.
"Oh, I would never touch another man's wife." Jamie vowed putting his hands up as if in surrender.
But Claire was not Frank's wife. Not in that time.
When Frank was finally gone, Claire started a fire and Jamie took Brianna down to the river to teach her to catch fish. They returned with two fish and Brianna was beaming with pride. Jamie, for the first time, felt somewhat content. No, his wife didn't remember him and his daughter didn't know she was his, but he finally had them alone for a few days.
At the end of the day, Jamie played chess with Brianna, slightly annoyed that Frank had taught her not him, while Claire rested against a tree, watching the pair fondly.
I hope you have enjoyed so far. Let me know if you think I should expand upon any parts in this chapter. I know a breezed over a very events, hoping to save some time, so if I should add, just tell me :)
The next chapter will involve the sexy stuff ;)