All Those Years Ago
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Mark Schwahn and the CW. I own none of them. No copyright infringement intended.
A/N: This chapter has no direct BL contact, but I am planting the seeds everywhere, so need not worry! There are mentions of them throughout. Toward the end it gets pretty intense, but it also I think answers some questions that many of you have been worried about, i.e. Rachel.
Also, a special thanks to everyone who has continued to read and review this story, especially LongLiveBrucas & Mickei, who have been with me the whole way. It's that support which keeps me writing! I'm hoping this chapter will be received well, and prompt more reviews, since I'm starting to fear some of ya'll are losing interest. These next few chapters are major build up for Brucas, so don't worry if you miss their interaction, it is coming soon, I promise...I just want it to be perfect! So, please give me your input. Hugs!
Weekend Apologies
...I don't wanna know what they said,
About what you did,
Last night on the town and you had
A little too much to drink…
Nathan and Brooke were both cursed with having parents who just really didn't care. The holiday season had always seemed to make that fact all the more apparent. By now, neither of them expected much, if anything, in terms of parental affection, especially this time of year.
So, as you can imagine, Christmas time in their homes was far from warm and fuzzy. As a child Brooke would wake up every Christmas morning, run to her parent's room and leave devastated when neither would be there. It never changed. She always found the house empty except for one huge stack of perfectly wrapped presents, left by her parents, an intended suffice for their habitual absence. Year after year Brooke would sit under the tree, waiting patiently for hours on end, hoping and wishing, by miracle, someone would come home to see her open them up. Of course that never happened. So, this year instead of reliving another disappointing holiday, with the likes of Victoria and Richard, she decided to stay in Tree Hill.
Now, Nathan's family, they were a different story. For him, Christmas time meant that he would have to endure a long and painful week of having extended family in town. As far as he was concerned it was just another excuse for his lovely parents, the infamous Mr. and Mrs. Dan Scott, to embarrass themselves. Tensions were never at bay when those two hung around each other. The added ammunition of sibling rivalry only added fuel to the fire. By New Years Eve his house would feel like World War II had erupted. It never failed. At this point he couldn't imagine anything worse than being witness to that type of craziness. With Brooke staying there too, he knew things were about to get really interesting.
"Ding, Dong!" Nathan heard the doorbell ring, officially signaling the unfortunate arrival of this year's madness.
Who in their right mind would come this early? He wondered to himself, and then it all made sense.
"Cooper!" He could hear his mother call downstairs, welcoming her youngest brother into the house.
"Hey there big sis, how's the kid?" He replied, referring to Nathan.
"Go see for yourself, he's been moping all day, in his room. You still know where it's at right?"
"Of course I do."
…
It was moments like that, which made Nathan contemplate running away to be with Haley in New York City. It was times like these when he wanted more than anything to forget that Haley ever chose the tour over him. Yet, no matter how badly Nathan may have wanted to run or hide, forget or ignore, trying to do so right then would have been useless. By then his Uncle Cooper was standing in the doorway of his bedroom.
"How you doing, Uncle Coop?"
"I hear better than you, you little bitch!" He teased, making his way over to the couch where Nathan sat. "By the way, I should beat your ass for looking like this, you handsome bastard! I mean, here I was starting to feel good about myself… I'm a race car driver, making a couple bucks, had a smoking hot lady, who I almost married by the way… and now I gotta compete with this?!"
"Dude, stop it."
"I'm serious, what's wrong with her? What, d'ya fall for a blind girl? Cuz hey, if you did… that's cool, I can dig it, you just gotta let me know what I'm workin with."
"She's not…" Nathan assured him, passing over a picture of Haley to prove it.
"Okay, so she's not blind…my bad…then what is it?" Pausing for a minute to look Nathan over. "Oh man, it's your gear, isn't it?"
"Huh?"
"Ok, drop your shorts, let's have a look." Cooper proclaimed, pretending to be obligated by this realization enough to examine his nephew's package for inadequacies.
"Man, you better quit playin with me." Nathan warned, as he slid over to the spot farthest from his uncle.
They both laughed. In the meantime Brooke had bounced in unannounced, hearing the latter part of their conversation and plopped down in between them.
"Hot Uncle Cooper!" She cried. "What a nice surprise…And, just in case you were wondering, I'm fairly certain he's well equipped down there." She added with a smirk, winking at Nathan.
"Oh, well then." Cooper acknowledged, looking back and forth between the friends, unsuccessfully trying to gage she and Nathan's relationship. "Moving along…hey, let me see that picture of your girl again."
After studying the photograph for a while the connection finally hit him.
"I knew I had seen this girl before!" Coop explained, gallantly. "Look…"
He then pulled out his I-phone and displayed the youtube video, where he had seen Haley before, for all of them watch.
(MTV interview with Chris Keller & Haley James)
"Alright, I'm Zac Efron with Totally Live Requests. We're here today with new comers Chris Keller and Haley James, who's single, When the Stars Go Blue drops next Tuesday." The host explained, turning his attention from the audience to Haley and Chris, in the process interrupting the singers' playful laughter. "So I know you two are fresh off the tour…so, how are you guys hanging in there?"
"Uh…" Haley started, nervously, looking toward Chris for encouragement.
"We're doing marvelously," Chris explained arrogantly, grabbing Haley's hand in an obvious gesture to the camera. "What more could a guy ask for?"
"Oh, right." The announcer nodded, moving the questions along. "So, it's clear you guys have great chemistry; obviously a great sound, now tell the truth, you a couple in real life?"
Haley and Chris laugh.
"Well, actually…" Haley began to refute.
"You know, the music never lies…" Chris interrupted with a huge grin, talking over a stunned and awkward Haley. He then puts his arm around her and squeezes tightly to emphasize their bond.
"Say no more, folks! You heard it here first…"
Irritated by the antics of Chris and feeling betrayed by Haley, Nathan immediately demanded that Cooper shut off the video. He then grabbed his keys and stormed out of the house, leaving Brooke and Cooper to sit alone in shock.
….
On the other side of town Lucas had decided he needed to stop by Keith's shop. Since the news of Parker's paternity had surfaced, there hadn't been much time for male bonding between he and Keith. In the past, whenever Lucas had needed advice, Keith had always been there.
Biologically, Keith Scott was not Lucas's father. But, if you ever saw them together, you would have never guessed otherwise. With Dan out of the picture, growing up, Keith had really been the only father figure Lucas knew. For that they loved each other like father and son. And though Keith had never been known to be a man of many words, the opposite of Lucas, he still managed to know all the right things to say. That was why this day Lucas called up on him.
…And, I promised myself that I
Wouldn't catch you if I could,
And leave it all on a grey ending,
New beginning, and I hope it goes away…
"Lucas?" Keith said, as soon as he saw his brooding nephew. "What brings you by the old shop?"
"Eh, I was driving by…thought I might catch ya." Lucas explained. "Need a hand?"
"Sure." Keith threw a wrench at Lucas and they began to work.
"Can I ask you a question, Keith?"
"When have I ever denied you that privilege?"
"True." He laughed.
"So shoot, what's up?"
"It's this hole thing with Parker…and Rachel… and Brooke. I've just been trying to be so strong, trying to be too strong for everyone…and it's killing me. When Rachel gave me the news I was crushed, yea, but I knew what I had to do. And, I promised myself that I wouldn't put that burden on Brooke …that I wouldn't drag her down with me, you know…I thought that she deserved that."
Keith put his tools down and walked over to his nephew, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder.
"Do you love her, Luke?"
"Yea, I do. I mean, the truth is I care about Rachel, a lot…but I love Brooke, I wanna be with Brooke, not Rachel."
"Well I think you just found your answer then kid…I'm getting pretty good at this, aren't I?" Keith smiled broadly at the thought.
"Yea. You are."
"Listen, it's a special thing, saying 'I love you' to the people you love. Because you never know when you'll lose them, or when they'll lose you. The only thing Brooke deserves from you it is the truth…remember that."
"Thanks, Keith!"
…
According to Brooke, the one redeemable thing about the winter holiday season was the Annual Boy Toy Auction. I was the one time a year that the stakes were set right.
Normally finding the money for tonight's bidding would have been simple…it's a five-letter word, D-A-D-D-Y. However, this year, with her parents off in California, she had to do something unfathomable… save money. From working at the café, over the past month, she had set aside a considerable amount of cash. Her theory: the more money the boy costs, the more money they're worth. However, given Nathan's current situation Brooke felt inclined to squash her original strategy, and instead plan a night especially for the two of them. She knew he was hurting…and so was she.
…She closes her eyes, and says,
"One more drink to ease the pain,
Just to get it off my mind.
And, I apologize before I drink tonight,
Before I drink tonight."…
Is there a better way to ease the pain of love lost than to drink your sorrows away in the company of a friend? She thought. I think not…
"Come on, let's get those bids up, it's the Annual Boy Toy Auction. All right I've got $25, do I hear $40?" Brooke heard the familiar sounds of Coach Whitey Durham, as she entered the bar. "Oh come on people, this is for charity!" he announced, from the stage.
"$40!" Said some random blond in the corner.
"$40. Coming up, right there. Anybody got $50? How about $50?"
"$50!" Yelled another girl.
"$50. And remember for the next five hours, till midnight tonight, these boys are at your beck and call. How about $55?"
"$55!"
"$55, it is. Going once. Going twice. Sold for $55. Pay your money and get your boy."
Making her way into the corner, where Bevin sat with the rest of the cheerleaders, Brooke realized how foreign this world had become to her. She couldn't remember the last time she had gone out with Bevin, or Theresa, or any of the girls on the squad for that matter. These girls had, at one point, been all that she knew of life. It's amazing what a year can do…and how much can really change in the course of that time.
Before she could reminisce any longer the howls and screams of the crowd got her attention. It signaled to Brooke that soon she would have to join in on the fun.
Whoever was being auctioned off at that point must have been important, who it could be? She wondered. Well they're at least hot…to get that much attention.
"Can we get our first bid? I hear $70, right over there." Whitey called, pointing to the bidder.
"Damn." Bevin said, nudging Brooke.
"What?" Brooke asked, confused.
"$50. Going, going."
"Aren't you gonna bid on Lucas…he is your broody to your cheery."
"$75." Said a voice in the background.
Damn why did Bevin have to know me so well sometimes! Brooke thought. She barely knows her head from her ass! I'm surprised Luke's doing this…well; then again it is for charity.
"$75. Do I here any higher?"
"I'm holding out for Nathan…Lucas and I are just friends." Brooke lied. "Who the hell is bidding on him? Bevin…bid on him, okay bid it."
"What?"
"You have to bid it, I want you to buy Lucas."
"Why?"
"To keep him away from them. …bet it all!" She instructed her friend, throwing up her hand, just in case.
"Uh…$84.53?" Bevin screeched out.
"Going once."
"$100." Said the mysterious female voice in the back.
"$100. Going once."
"Who is that bidding on Lucas? I'm sorry Brooke I don't have anything else."
"That's okay. Thanks for trying."
"Going twice. Sold to the woman in the back for $100 American. The highest man of the night, Good job Lucas!
With that the redhead emerged from behind the group of girls exposing her identity; being, of course, none other than Rachel.
"You've got to be kidding me!" Brooke fumed. "That little slut, skank, ughhhhh…whore." She groveled under her breath, stomping her foot on the ground.
"I thought you and Lucas were just friends?" Bevin reminded her.
"We are. Yea, you're right."
I guess I'll have to keep telling myself that! She thought. No sense in getting hysterical over a boy, right?
"Alright, we're down to our last boy toy, so loosen up those purse strings, pucker up those lips and remember, this is for a good cause." Whitey was back at it. "You're on, Nathan."
"$200!" Brooke screamed out, fighting the desperate roars of the other ladies.
It wasn't like her to mess around with money. Besides, why should she make the poor girls suffer, thinking that they might have had a chance with Nathan? That would just be cruel. So, with the clearest margin of victory, sealed in her honor, the cheery brunette paid her dues and went to collect her man.
…
To most people in Tree Hill Rachel Gatina may have seemed tough, harsh, and even cruel at times. Though behind that persona, there was a story, that nobody, not even Lucas, knew. It was one that had changed her life forever and made her into the "bitch" she was known as today. That story was the uncensored and unabridged, "Tale of She & Cooper Lee."
…It was about a year ago,
This time when things were lookin' good,
Got caught in the moment, and I didn't
Look too far ahead…
However, to fully sympathize, or at least try to understand the motivations behind the elusive Ms. Gatina, one would have to venture back even farther into her history. For there one might unravel the mystery she was unwilling to share; the answer, guarded beneath secrecy and years of deeply rooted pain.
Much of the agony, which led to that awful transformation, was due to the twisted relationship between she and her mother, Regina. While never a perfect one, the true turning point in Rachel's life had been her father's death, which occurred when she was only nine years old. Afterwards, her mother hastily remarried the first man who offered up his American Express card, Luther Crane, a recent widow himself. The man, who quickly became her stepfather, had two teenage daughters of his own: twin girls Amelia and Isabella. Being the workaholic he claimed to be, and more than likely a cheating whore, Luther was never around. Therefore, the responsibility of caring for and raising their three daughters had rested solely in the incapable hands of Regina.
In what almost sounds like the makings of a backwards Cinderella-ish scenario, Rachel, by default, became the "ugly duckling". So, as you may have guessed, the vivacious sex-bomb hadn't always been the way she is viewed today. That's not to say, by any means, she was ever ugly. In actuality, up until the end of her sophomore year, she had been fairly average in appearance. However, looking "ordinary," to the standards in which you or I might consider attractive, had been forever engrained in her mind as being unacceptable.
Having been blessed with such stellar role models, much like those of Brooke, she had learned the hard way that it was excellence and more importantly outer beauty, not inner beauty, which earned the most attention and praise. While constantly compared to the likes of Amelia, who could have passed for Giselle Bucheon's body double, and Isabella, who resembled Keira Knightly to a tee, Rachel grew to despise the way she looked. So, after being tormented by her mediocrity for years she, the once so proud "daddy's little girl", underwent extreme plastic surgery in the summer before going into her junior year.
The "Rachel" that emerged, the "new and improved" version, quickly captured notoriety within her family. For the first time since her father's passing, Regina seemed to take an interest in her daughter's life. At that, her mother wasted no time. She had taken it upon herself to contact modeling agencies, finally pawning her daughter off to the highest bidder.
Eventually, the mother-daughter team left Luther, forging a new destiny. Being a model had been incredible. Rachel traveled the world, taking part in exotic photo shoots, becoming more and more vain as the months prevailed. When the summer ended the Gatina ladies made a home for themselves in Tree Hill. It was at about this point in time that the buxom beauty was first introduced and began to date both Lucas Scott and Cooper Lee.
The former, being Mr. Scott, was the same good-hearted young gentleman we know him as today. The latter, being Mr. Lee, was, and still is, far from admirable. In part, to each of these men's defense, Rachel had never been completely honest with either of them. To Cooper, Rachel had pretended to be much more mature than she really had been. Her travels and augmented appearance had allowed her to easily fake the wisdom and looks of a 26-year-old. She instantly fell for the charming racecar driver's good looks and bad boy independence. Not to mention the fact that he was quite satisfying in the sack.
Whichever way it happened, the relationship between she and Cooper quickly took off into something more emotionally demanding than either could fulfill. He routinely left town and pursued other women, though he always came back to her, and she always let him back in. He was never devoted to her in the way that she had wanted, and deep down it hurt her more than she knew. Inevitably, when things with Cooper got rough, she turned to Lucas. In many ways he became her crutch. The funny thing was she never loved Lucas the way she loved Cooper. In the end she learned to love the way that Lucas treated her and looked at her, but she often confused that with true love.
…But, it's not unusual for someone,
Like yourself to cross the line.
And I crossed so much fucked up shit.
Turned around and took what you had known…
When Rachel found out that she was pregnant her whole world flipped upside down. Even though, admittedly so, she could have been a lot safer, she was still very much a naïve young woman at the time. She had knowingly been playing a risky game of deception and lies, yes. She had been treating herself to a life of foolish and destructive behaviors, essentially living as two separate identities. Maintaining them both had become too difficult and she wanted out.
Rachel knew the baby was undoubtedly Cooper's. She was way too far along for it to have been Lucas's. In her mind it presented the perfect scenario, the cliché happily ever after. And, at first Cooper had been responsive to the news. He settled down a bit, started planning for the future, even proposed to her. Rachel thought she was about to get everything she wanted. So, when she finally mustered up the courage to confess her true age, something she knew she couldn't have hid any longer, she fell apart when he no longer wanted her in that way. To test him, or rather punish him, Rachel swore that she had had a miscarriage. Given that chance to escape Cooper capitalized on it and left town for good, leaving Rachel heartbroken and still very pregnant.
When it all came down to it, she had always known that she by far lacked the capacity needed to carry and raise the child on her own, without help. So, at her mother's advice, or condition, they relocated for the remainder of her pregnancy, in order to keep the baby a secret. This way, they both felt, she would have time to sort these matters out. Though, to be honest, from the beginning, it had been Regina's intention that Rachel would give the child up for adoption. After all, the world of modeling had been affording their extravagant lifestyle, something she was not keen on giving up, and she knew bringing a child into that equation would ruin everything.
Unfortunately for Regina, when the day came, Rachel decided otherwise. Blame it on Darwin, with that damn idea of evolution, but that precious little baby boy looked like a spitting image of Cooper. Well, okay, he didn't really look that much like him, he was all of a day old, but to her that image meant the world. She loved her son instantly, as she always had his father. So she named him Parker Lee Gatina, a tribute to her late father. The following fall she enrolled at Tree Hill High, and the rest of the story we know all too well. More lies, more secrets.
…Was about a month ago,
It got a little out of hand,
And, I saw it was coming this time,
But I was tangled up in place…
It had never been her intention to lie to Lucas or make him believe that Parker was his. It all sort of happened at once. He had been so sure that Parker was his and for a split second he made her believe it could be true. When she realized what had actually been done it seemed too late to take it back. To make matters worse, it would have been impossible to convince herself that Lucas wouldn't be a great dad. From the moment he held Parker that fact was clear. What hadn't come as easily, as she had hoped, was his affection for her.
Yes, he did not love her in that way anymore, it was clear the end was near for them, she could feel it…it terrified her. Feeling trapped, not knowing what else to do, Rachel made sure that Lucas would have to spend at least one last night with her, as her "boy toy".
"There's my stud!" Rachel called, as Lucas walked toward her unenthusiastically.
After quickly offering up the money she owed, it was made official…she owned him for the night.
"You ready?"
"Uh, actually Rach, can you hold on a minute? If you don't mind…I really need to say something to Brooke."
"Doesn't she have a date with her own "boy toy" to tend to? She just bought that hottie half-brother of yours, ya know?"
"Really?" He sighed, as she nodded.
"Whatdya say we hang out at the Rivercourt, instead, like old times?" She smiled, trying to cheer him up.
"Yea. Sure…let's get some beers first."
"Now you're talking."
And then she drove off.
…
Trying her hardest to mask the pain of having just watched Lucas drive off with Rachel, Brooke smiled brightly for Nathan. Since he was still clearly in denial over the Haley business she wanted everything to be perfect.
"I've always known you had a thing for me Davis, but $200?" He boasted; seeming more like the old Nathan Scott that usual.
"Oh you're such an ass! Can't friends just wanna spend some quality time together? We haven't had Brooke and Nathan time in forever…" She pouted.
"Yea, you're right…I was only kidding anyway. So what's the plan? I know you…you've probably got it scheduled right down to the minute." He said, searching her eyes for validation of his statement. "Am I right?" He smiled, cockily.
"You got me." She mocked, throwing her hands up in the air acting as though he should arrest her, guilty as charged.
"You better watch out…I might not play good cop." He warned, right before swinging her body over his shoulder into a "fireman's carry", then running to his car, ignoring her pleas to be let down.
"Ah! Nathan!" She screamed, kicking and punching him the best she could. "Let me down you baboon! You know, I own you tonight…not the other way around, mister." She added in her most authoritative voice. Though it didn't really didn't seem to do much at the moment.
Finally placing her down, Brooke gave him one good whack across the chest, which he completely deserved, and moved into the passenger seat. Nathan responded to her pitiful effort with only a short, but hearty laugh. Her force, while mighty for her petite frame, was in no way threatening to him.
"So, what's the deal? Where are we goin?" He asked, curiously.
"Well…just head to our spot. It's a secret 'boy toy'…"
…
Back at the Rivercourt Lucas and Rachel found a spot on the bleachers and had been sitting alone chatting, with beers in their hand for some time now. The effects of the alcohol had begun to loosen up the once-lovers. For a brief point in time it would have seemed that Rachel had forgotten about her little predicament, and Lucas about Brooke. Though, as with most moments, it quickly passed and both were left with their own depressing realities starring back at them.
…She closes her eyes, and says,
"One more drink to ease the pain,
Just to get it off my mind.
And, I apologize before I drink tonight,
Yeah, before I drink tonight."…
"So, how's about that game?" She finally suggested, noticing Lucas's more than average broodiness taking him over.
"Good idea. What game?"
"Okay, here's the idea: you miss a shot, and you drink." She started to explain the rules, checking the ball in his direction.
Before she could get out the rest he got off a shot, lofting the ball in the air toward the hoop.
"You make a shot…" She continued, waiting to see if his shot went in.
"And…" He turned to her with expectant eyes, after the ball had effortlessly sailed through the hoop.
"Well…then I drink." She answered his prying eyes, while grabbing her can and taking a long swig of beer. "Ahh, so refreshing." She teased, as Lucas shot another. "Maybe this was a bad idea?" She remarked, taking another drink and joining his laughter.
….
The set up that Brooke had prepared at their spot, under the bridge, was great. She had basically transported a full-service mini-bar down there to make sure that all the makings for a perfect night: food, booze and entertainment, via a deck of playing cards, were waiting.
Nathan she figured, always easy to please in that regard would be thrilled. Well, at least she hoped as much. It would be hard bringing up the subject of Haley without Nathan becoming too defensive. She was fully aware of this unmistakable outcome. After the other day's events it seemed that he had fallen back to square one, Denialville. In fact, she could still hear that last conversation they had with Cooper, only moments after seeing Haley and Chris on TV. It was as if she had a tape recording of it playing on repeat constantly in her head.
"Look guys, if there's one thing I know it's that love is a pretty great thing, maybe even the greatest thing. But it's gotta be true love, the real deal…for the both of you." He had explained, so pointedly.
"What if it was? What if it still is?" Nathan and she had countered, respectively.
"Well if it still is, then, you fight like hell for it. But the harder question is, what if it isn't? Trust me, that one's a bitch."
At this point, all that Brooke was certain of was that she and Nathan were hurting. Denialville wasn't a particularly friendly place to be, but misery does love company…and they were both lonely. Why shouldn't they take this opportunity to comfort each other? They were, after all, best friends. What did they have to lose?
So, several drinks later, well into their night together, Nathan officially reached his maximum point. His pain had been so overwhelming that past week, building up into the monster that was eating away at his heart and soul that night, he absolutely could not handle it any longer. Immediately sensing his change in body language, Brooke forged a new, much bolder plan…to get their minds off of everything.
"Come on." She instructed, grabbing hold of his hand, pulling him slightly behind her towards the lake.
Catching on to where she was going with this idea he followed hesitantly. "Are you nuts? It'll be freezing!"
"Scared?" She taunted him, with a devilish grin…slowly taking of her shoes and socks.
"No." He responded defensively, anxiously watching as she inched closer and closer to the water.
"We don't have suits…you're not gonna wear that in are you?" He asked, nervously, referring to her clothing.
"Of course, not…" She replied, moving carefully, trying not to slip while she took off her jeans and top, then turning to face the opposite direction of where he stood.
Nathan's eyes instantly widened with both curiosity and desire. He hadn't given into his carnal needs in way too long. His defenses were weak. It didn't help that everything Brooke did, every movement she made, seemed sexual on some level, whether she intended it to be or not. She couldn't help it and he most certainly didn't blame her for that. Most of the time, these days, she didn't even notice her affect on the opposite sex. And before that moment he certainly hadn't expected the control her naked body would have on him.
"Nathan Scott…when did you turn into my grandpa?" She teased, breaking him out of his thoughts. "Get in here already!"
"Uh, alright." He gave up, sliding in next to her. "Oh fuck it's cold!"
Snickering, at Nathan's womanly response to the cold water, Brooke offered some words of encouragement. "Come on pansy ass…let's race!"
"Have you completely lost your mind?" He asked, though by then she was already meters ahead. "Oh no you don't!" He caught up to her and pulled her back.
"Nathan!" She screeched as his arm grabbed a hold of her, making it impossible to escape. "Not fair…" She pouted.
Her charms easily persuaded him to let go, which only instigated further antics. After coming up for air, on a spontaneous truce, the two friends couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous they were acting, like rambunctious kids. It was fun though, and for the time being, it was doing the job of serving as a distraction. So they continued to horse around.
"Hey…Brooke." Nathan finally broke into their playful roughhousing, speaking for the first time in a more serious tone, almost apologetically. "I gotta tell you something." He moved closer to her, now standing only inches apart.
"Yea? What's up?"
"It's about Lucas." His gaze turned solemn. "I heard him talking to Rachel the other day…I know this is gonna sound crazy… but if you didn't hear it from him I wanted it to be me who told you…"
"What?" She questioned intently. "What is it?"
"Rachel has a kid…and Lucas is the father." There he said it, holding her shoulders now for support. Not sure how, how bad, she would react to the news.
Upon hearing those words the brilliant, beautiful and once so brave, Brooke Davis, practically collapsed into his arms. In a single tear, which fell down her face unnoticed, she let go of her faith in love. In that moment it had become crystal clear…hope was gone. With so many thoughts going through her mind she only had to know one thing.
Had Nathan also betrayed me? Had he known this all along, like Lucas?
"How long have you known?" Brooke asked.
"Just a week or so. I could never find the right time. Look, I'm sorry it took me this long. I know we don't keep secrets…it's just."
"I get it…" And she did. She had never been more grateful to have Nate as a friend.
Although emotionally numb from the news, the physical reality of the cold water began to penetrate deep into their bones. From standing still for so long their body temperatures had plummeted, falling to unbearably cold levels. Jumping out first, Nathan impulsively pulled Brooke out of the frigid waters. They both ran over to their clothes.
Unable to move any further she stood shivering. "Wha wh when di di didd it gg-et so ca-ca-cold in there?" She asked, her teeth chattering so much that her words were barely audible.
"I told you that was a stupid idea." He replied, rolling his eyes. "Here." He said, taking her naked frozen frame into his; offering his own body as heat.
"It's really over…isn't it? Brooke finally whispered, interrupting their silence.
"Haley said she was sorry. Said she loved me and it wasn't about Chris. She just…needed some time to figure everything out…" He mumbled out, in agony.
Stunned at his display of raw emotion, so similar to her own, Brooke quickly reacted, pushing them to a seemingly impossible closeness. "Haley probably does just need some time." She promised, lightly.
"You believe that crap?" He sneered, frustrated at how naïve she could be yet loving her for the attempt. He was now completely unfolding before her very eyes. "What's there to figure out? If she loves me and I love her…well then, there's nothing! It's not supposed to be like this B. Love's supposed to, I dunno…"
She knew it, as well as he did, there wasn't anything anyone could say or do to stop the pain or make it right. It's true, sometimes you just needed to let it out…and most of those times all your want is someone, a friend, to stop and listen. So, doing her best to be there for him, she desperately wiggled her arms around his waist, securing him tightly within her embrace and resting her head into his chest. It was the only thing she could think of in that split second that might have helped to calm him down. She was right it did…but not for long enough. At the sound of his enormous sigh the emotional flood gates opened again; this time with less strength to his words, as if he had been half defeated already.
"She said she was with Chris…on national TV! You saw it, Cooper saw it… I saw it with my own eyes…" He trailed off with the last part, glancing down at Brooke, for the first time, since he had first pulled her to him, their eyes met.
Her shivering had subsided by then, leaving them no reason to continue holding on to each other. Yet, as they stood together in the moonlight, something held them motionless and content. His crystal blue-grey eyes were left piercing through to her soft hazel ones, exposing weaknesses beyond their cracked exteriors.
Nathan looked so broken, so vulnerable…almost like a lost puppy dog. It broke Brooke's heart to see him suffering like that. She knew exactly how he felt. Like him, what she really wanted to do, more than anything was pretend her feelings for Luke didn't exist anymore. She wanted to believe Nathan and her could move on but, the truth was…they hadn't…neither had… and there wasn't a chance in the world of that happening if they continued to act the way they had been for so long; both holding on to the idea of a love that may never be equally reciprocated.
Sure, Lucas hadn't gone on MTV to announce his relationship with Rachel worldwide, like Haley had basically done, but really none of that mattered. Betrayal is a powerful force and in the end it hurts all the same.
…
It was getting late and Rachel was only getting sloppier by the minute. Playing a drinking game that entailed any sort of basketball shooting with Lucas had definitely been a bad idea.
"So, that's the last of it." She explained, smashing down the empty can, drunkenly.
"We gonna call it a night?" He asked, taking the ball from her.
"Or…" She smirked, kinking up her eyebrow. "We could play something else…like strip basketball?"
"I can't…"
"Is this about Brooke?" She asked, peeved by his lack of interest. "She's on a date with someone else!"
Looking upset he looked down at his feet before speaking. "Listen, Rach…I love you…you're a great girl. You really are…and a great mother to Parker. It's just…I'm completely in love with Brooke. She's the 'one'. She's a huge part of my world…or at least she used to be…and she's slipping away."
"Wait, did you really just say, "she's the one…as in you honestly think there's only one person on this entire planet that's right for you? That's ridiculous. How could you possibly know that now?"
"She just is. I can't explain it. I just… feel it. You know, Pascal says: 'the heart has reasons that reason cannot know.'"
"And yet Pascal isn't with Brooke tonight is he? And neither are you…Nathan is." Noticing his obvious sensitivity to the subject she softened. "Sorry, low blow…okay…here, take your shirt off."
"Rachel." He warned, expecting the worst.
"Oh gosh…I'm not gonna rape you sissy boy…I mean please, it's not like I haven't had ya before." She took pleasure in reminding him of that. "Alright, so you say Brooke's the 'one'; your soulmate." She started explaining, standing behind him now, with his shirt in hand. "Well, if that's the case, call upon destiny or… providence… or whatever forces are gonna bring you two together and make the shot…blindfolded."
"What?" He protested, half laughing. "Who's the ridiculous one?"
"Come on! If she is really your destiny…well then you can't miss." She insisted hastily, while walking toward the basket. "Okay, can you see me now?"
"No." He told her, clearly telling the truth since he hadn't flinched an inch when she just flashed him.
"I trust you. Now, follow my voice. Brooke's the 'one', right? So…make the shot."
Lucas took his time before shooting, bouncing the ball once in place, aiming his shoulders to the best of his current handicapped capabilities…and then he just went for it.
"Wh-what happened?"
His shot was so perfect it was almost magical. The ball went through the hoop, all net. No backboard, no rim.
"It went in…she's all yours." She admitted, sadly, quickly turning to take off toward her car.
"Rach!" He yelled, after pulling his shirt off his eyes and seeing her make a beeline for the parking lot.
"Don't worry about me…seriously I don't deserve it!" She screamed back.
"You're drunk…stop! You could kill someone…or yourself. Let me drive." He attempted to reason with her.
"That last part you won't care too much about in a second. Okay…because I did the worst thing. I lied…I lied to you the night of the ball. Parker isn't yours!" She confessed, jumping into the drivers seat, revving the engine and just barely pulling out before Lucas hopped in beside her.
"What the hell are you talking about…Parker isn't mine? I heard your mom…he has HCM, the same genetic heart condition as me!"
By now Rachel had already made it out of the parking lot and was heading down the dark road ahead of them, at a dangerous pace. Any false move could send the two of them skidding off the street or worse into on-coming traffic.
…And, we're all a little careless.
Sometimes, I know it's hard,
This lonely drink that's callin'.
It's calling out for you,
No, it's calling out for me…
"Seriously pull over and let me drive." Lucas begged her. Hoping, somehow through her constant tears and heavy cries, that she would listen to him and reconsider.
"I was just, you were just…you came to me!"
She wasn't making much sense trying to explain her actions. She couldn't, even Rachel was confused, and the alcohol had left her mind so fuzzy.
Why couldn't he have just let me leave…like I told him to! She thought, pulling out a small picture of Parker, which she always carried in her wallet. I'm sorry baby, it's gonna have to be just you and me again, from now on.
"So this is somehow my fault? You lied to me…for this long, and it's my fault! No! How could you? I believed you!" He yelled, showing signs of his resentment.
Lucas was getting more and more angry at every moment of her silence, and she knew it. Gaining a little bit of courage from the image of her son, she now held in her hand, Rachel took a deep breath, and tried again; hoping for the best in this situation, but fearing the worst.
…With this lonely drink,
I apologize tonight…
"When you came to me, that night of the masquerade ball…asking about Parker?" She said, looking to him for acknowledgement, which she got in a nod. "Something about you had changed and I guess I just…froze. You looked at me the way you used to, Luke… I missed feeling like that…special." She paused, waiting to see if he would respond, but he didn't. "You were so certain that he was your son and I didn't know why. Now I do…but I promise, I had no idea then…I'm so sorry. Its just…I-I thought maybe just maybe if you had looked at me like that once, you could look at me like that again, and we could be a family…It's stupid, I know. But, you were so amazing and willing to help with Parker and…I took advantage of you. I didn't plan to, but I did…and I can't take that back now…." She admitted, wiping her tears away with her arm. "I messed up and I know that. None of that changes what I did…I understand if you never want to talk to me again."
Embarrassed, Rachel looked back down at the picture of Parker. She turned it upside down, exposing the name on the back, "Parker Lee Gatina." It made her smile.
"Rachel!" Lucas screamed, grabbing her attention back. "Look out!"
The instant she looked up, focusing back on the road, her eyes fixated on the object of Lucas's concern; heading straight for them was another car. Before she had the chance to react otherwise, her instincts took over her and she jerked the steering wheel in the other direction, sending the car spinning towards the rail of the bridge. Desperately she slammed on the breaks, trying to stop the momentum of the vehicle, but it was already too late. Breaking through the side of the bridge they soared off the edge, heading straight for the water below them.
Witnessing the horrific accident, and partly feeling responsible, Cooper immediately stopped his own car, jumped out and ran to the edge that Rachel's car had fallen off. Seeing the car plunge into the water, he panicked.
"Rachel?" He shouted. "Rachel!"
Cooper stood shocked, pulling out his cell phone and calling 911. Running over to his side was Nathan, following shortly behind him, was a now hysterical Brooke.
"What the hell just happened?" Nathan yelled to his uncle.
"It was dark…the driver was in the middle of the road, it almost hit me, then she noticed me and swerved into the side there." He explained, showing them where the car went in, getting more nervous.
It was dark out but the bridge had bright lights, which made the scene visible enough.
"That's Rachel's car!" Brooke cried, noticing the license plate, before the car had completely submerged.
"There was a guy with her too, a blonde?" Cooper added.
"Lucas!" she gasped, looking at Nathan, who was already pulling off his shirt to jump in after them.
"I called 911. They should be here soon…"
"I can't take that chance…that's my brother down there!" Nathan exclaimed, diving in, without another thought.
"Nathan!" Brooke screamed. "No, Nathan!"
The next few minutes were probably the longest, most excruciating, moments that Brooke had ever experienced. It terrified her. Knowing that she could potentially lose Lucas or Nathan, or worse both, in only an instant. She feared the worst, never getting to hear their voices again, and kneeling out of exhaustion, she wept.
Please God; don't take them away from me! She prayed to herself. Just please, give me the chance to have them hear how much I love them, both. Please…please…please. I'll do anything, just bring them back to me…
After what seemed like an hour, though in reality it hadn't been longer than a couple minutes, the ambulance finally arrived. Cooper was busy giving the details to the paramedics when Brooke looked up and saw Nathan and Rachel floating by some logs, no Lucas in sight.
"Over there!" She managed to get out, pointing over to her friend, before breaking into sobs again. "Do something!"
Cooper immediately jumped down and pulled his unconscious nephew and former fiancé out of the water. From there the paramedics took over, performing CPR.
Knowing Lucas had to be still trapped in the car, Cooper swam down to get a look. There he saw him. Swimming around to the other window, the one Nathan must have already kicked in to get Rachel, he reached him. He then tried to pull Lucas out, but the boy's seatbelt wasn't releasing properly. So, grabbing his pocketknife, he cut through the seat belt and freed him.
"Help!" He breathed once they had made it to the surface, trying to get the paramedics attention, as he ushered Lucas's limp body toward the side.
One of the men quickly brought Lucas on to dry land and began triaging. "I can't find a pulse! Get him in the cab."
Brooke watched on, hopelessly useless, as they loaded her friends into the ambulance and sped away. Standing alone now, she was left with only her sorrows. There were many lives in the balance, and no certainty in anything, this she knew.
…
William Shakespeare once wrote: "My grief lies all within, and these external manners of lament are merely shadows to the unseen grief that swells with silence in the tortured soul…Death lies on her like an untimely frost upon the sweetest flower of the field."
Walking up to the hospital that night, Brooke was reminded of words she had once read; from a book Lucas had suggested she read not long ago.
"Only those who avoid love can avoid grief…"
And that she felt strongly of, because death leaves a pain and heartache that no person, or amount of time, can heal, but love…true love, leaves a memory, which no one can steal.
"The point is to learn from grief and remain vulnerable to love." --John Brantner
So there, in front of the emergency room doors, she stood. Afraid to move any further, fearful of what may come about once she entered. Yet clutching her arms to her chest, Brooke forced herself to move forward…on the belief that, Robert Fulghum's words were true:
"Imagination is stronger than knowledge - myth is more potent than history - dreams are more powerful than facts - hope always triumphs over experience - laughter is the cure for grief - and love… is stronger than death."
She promised herself…for Nathan and Lucas, she would remain forever vulnerable to love.
****Lyrics from this chapter were from "Weekend Apologies," by Thriving Ivory****