Chapter 10: Truth Hurts

The next ten days were some of the most peaceful the group had ever had.

Judith said her first word one morning when Carol was changing her. With a bright smile she opened and closed her fingers and said "dada." Carol, her own smile beaming with bittersweet joy, rushed over to Rick, who was talking to Daryl at the time about setting up a run to get some sports equipment. As soon as Judith was in her father's arms she looked up at him and said again, "dada." After a few hours, though, the word changed from "dada" to "dar dar," as if she had really been trying to say 'Daryl' the whole time. Judith then fluctuated between saying both words, directing them at the appropriate person, as well; she was already a genius.

Michonne found a stray tabby cat out in the field on an afternoon when she was on patrol outside. The orange kitty bounded right up to her without any fear, pawing at her boot, and looking up at her with bright green eyes that couldn't be resisted by anyone. The cat had no bite or scratch marks, and so Rick said that it could stay in the prison with them for the time being. The cat made meals out of whatever scraps were thrown its way and the mice and rats that were always lurking in the tombs. Daryl jokingly called the cat Fluffers when he was scratching it's head the day Michonne brought it in, and soon enough the name stuck. Carl was thrilled to have something to play with when he got bored, and managed to scrounge up some thread, which he tied to a stick for the cat to chase.

Glenn and Maggie even decided that it was the wise choice to tell the group about Maggie's possible pregnancy. There were some gasps around the circle that night, and furtive glances were thrown at both Rick and Judith, but after about an hour everyone lapsed into celebration. Rick, supportive as ever, said he would do whatever was necessary to make sure that both mother and child had a safe and successful birth, and keep them both strong before and after. Hershel patted Glenn on the back, saying that even under the circumstances he was glad to finally be getting some grandchildren, which made Maggie blush and smack his stump, a grin present on her face.

The only one not in high spirits was Carol. She barely looked at Daryl, at least as much as the rules of common decency allowed, and her nightmares had only gotten worse. She didn't sleep very well, and not all that much, for that matter, and it showed on her face. Her cheeks were starting to get that sunken-in look, and dark circles formed under her eyes. Her internal monologue was one long string of self-loathing sentiments, and every day she felt more and more foolish for having kissed Daryl, or loved him at all. She should have realized sooner that he didn't want her, but she'd deluded herself into thinking that their feelings were mutual, and now she's was torn up about it.

On that tenth night, the group sat around their small indoor campfire, Beth's voice resonating through the prison like an angel's. Rick and Daryl sat apart from everyone else, as usual, choosing to perch on the staircase together instead; besides, they got all the warmth they needed from each other. Daryl had his crossbow laid aside, for once, with Fluffers taking its place in his arms. The cat purred contentedly as Daryl stroked its back, its eyes slipping closed and staying that way. No one noticed the way Carl kept looking at the two men, nor did they pay any attention to him as he left the circle. Carl had been leaving the group to "spend time with Judith" lately. He did go visit Judith, and he did sit there for a long amount of time, but he was really thinking of how he could confront his father about what he'd seen.

That night Carl sauntered away from the group, but instead of making his way toward Judith's box, which they now kept downstairs so that they could include her in their nighttime bonding, he made a beeline for the stairs.

Rick looked up from watching Daryl pet Fluffers and smiled at Carl. "Hey, kiddo."

Carl swallowed his nervousness, pushing the words out of his throat. "Dad, can we talk for a second, in private?" He nodded toward Rick's cell upstairs.

Rick, confused by his son's request, nodded and stood, moving out of the way to let Carl pass him. Carl stepped awkwardly around his father, his thoughts a tornado of confusion in his head. He'd gotten this far, but now what would he say?

Carl sat down on the edge of his father's mattress, and Rick joined him there, the tension between them almost a living thing.

"What's on your mind, Carl?" Rick figured he should probably try and start the conversation with a light tone; better safe than sorry, anyway.

Carl chewed his lip for a moment, still figuring out the best way to word his thoughts. In the end, though, none of that mattered, because he ended up blurting out, "I saw you and Daryl kiss, dad, and then saw you two holding hands as you walked through the field. What's going on?"

The blood drained from Rick's face, his veins freezing to ice. He didn't think anyone had seen his and Daryl's private moment, least of all Carl. Of course, this would have been awkward with anyone, but with his son it was like the pits of his own personal hell had opened and swallowed him whole. He didn't want to go through this, not now, not like this. He wanted to sit Carl down and talk to him man-to-man, months from now. Life never did give you what you wanted.

Carl was patient, watching the emotions play out on Rick's face as he waited for an answer. After about three minutes, though, he worried that his dad was trying to think of a suitable lie to tell him. "I just want the truth, dad."

"Truth hurts, kid." Daryl appeared in the entryway, causing both Carl and Rick to look up. He'd heard their conversation from the stairs, his sonic ears picking up their hushed words, even over Beth's singing.

Rick looked almost relieved to have some back-up on this issue, and he patted the space next to him for Daryl to sit down. Daryl obliged him, turning to face Carl full-on.

"Listen, Carl, truth is we're kinda… a couple now. Not like we meant fer it to happen, it just sorta fell inta place. But I'll be up front with ya: I love Rick. He keeps me steady in this fucked up world a' ours." Daryl inconspicuously covered Rick's hand with his own, giving it a light, comforting pat.

Rick had managed to find his voice by that time, and he met Carl's eyes. "It's a'right if you don't understand right away. This ain't the way I wanted you to find out, anyway."

"What about mom, Dad? Don't you miss her at all? What would she think of this?" Carl glared at both of them. He wasn't sure how to take this whole thing, so he ended up snapping at his family.

"Course I miss Lori. Every damn day I think about her. But I think she'd accept me, even now. I think she wants me to be happy, wherever I can find happiness, Carl. Look, I'm not askin' for you to immediately get over your mom and be okay with this. I just… I just want you to accept me, Carl. Don't hate me just 'cause I'm choosin' Daryl over one a' the ladies in our group." Rick reached out to rest his hand on Carl's shoulder, but Carl shrugged away and stood up.

"I'll have to think about this for a while. I need some time to put away the mem'ries of you and mom." Carl kept his head bowed, his eyes fixed on the floor.

"Take all the time you need." Rick's voice was whispered, the lump in his throat making it too difficult to speak normally. As Carl left, tears brimmed in Rick's eyes. He lifted his hands up to his face, pressing his palms to his eyes to keep the waters back, and sighed heavily. He understood that this would probably be hard for Carl to deal with, he was just afraid that Carl would start giving him the cold shoulder until one of them died, and he wasn't sure he could handle that.

Daryl, who had remained mostly quiet and merely fidgeted with the hem of his vest, spoke up now. "Kid's gonna come 'round soon enough, Rick. You'll see." Daryl wrapped an arm awkwardly around Rick's waist; it wasn't an ideal position, but with his hands up to his face it was probably a better bet than the shoulders.

"I hope so." Rick mumbled, flopping back on the bed beside Daryl.

"Want me to stay with ya tonight?"

"Nah, that's alright. Kinda wanna just be alone with my thoughts right now."

Daryl gave Rick's abdomen a parting pat before he slipped out of Rick's cell to go to his own perch.