Sei said as she stood up and began putting her clothes on. "Look, I just want to know why you left without so much as a goodbye, then we can move on with our lives"
"So you want to move on?", Youko asked, already feeling panic.
Sei screamed a scream of frustration, then stormed back at Youko. "You're the one who fucking left me, Youko"
"I left because I had to!"
"Why? I want to know, why?"
"Because you're you! Because I know I wouldn't matter! You've been pulling away for as long as I can remember! I had to leave, or you would've left me!"
Sei was stunned, as she tried to process what Youko had just revealed. "I...would've left you?"
"Yes. You...you've stopped talking to me...we've stopped being partners along time ago...and I didn't want to continue with just pretending"
"What...I don't know what you're talking about"
"For the longest time...we don't communicate...we shut things out and pretend there are no issues...you...you spend so much time working"
"I was working for us!"
"Well you sure failed to make me feel that way!", Youko yelled back.
Sei was at a loss for words. She sat down, with the whole weight of Youko's words on her shoulders. "You have no idea...no idea, Youko"
"That's because you never tried to make me understand, Sei. I was constantly trying to--"
"You know what your problem is? You never, for once, believed that I was capable of loving you", Sei blurted out, in effect shifting the topic.
"I...No...that's not true", stammered Youko.
"You constantly tested me, placing me in situations where in I always had to prove my love for you...why can't you just..." Sei's voice began to trail off, and all she wanted to do was run away. But something, was pulling her down to where she was seated. Exhaustion. She was just too damn tired from weeks of emotional rollercoaster.
"I was the girl you brushed aside...the meddler". Youko looked away and wiped a tear off her eye. "You knew all along how I felt...yet you chose not to reciprocate...and then all of a sudden, you..."
"Sei...what happened?", Youko asked breathlessly after breaking her kiss with Sei.
"I don't know...I don't know...I just...all I can tell you , is that I feel it, Youko. You and I...I've been rather...uneasy when you've stopped being the meddler in my life", Sei replied, as she ran her finger on Youko's lips. "I missed you terribly...I couldn't stop thinking about you...and here you are, with me now...Youko...it's like i'm seeing you for the first time"
"But---"
"Shh...please trust me...I'm not playing games with you..."
"You're the girl who saw right through me from the start. You weren't curious of me because of how I looked. You meddled because...if you didn't, no one else would...and that saved me, so many times", Sei narrated. "I was blinded by my experience with Shiori, but--"
"Maybe that's the problem. I'm not Shiori"
"Oh, for chrissakes, Youko! Why on earth would I want you to be like her?"
"I saw how you looked at her"
"And?"
"Nothing"
"damn it. Say it!"
"You never once looked at me that way!"
Sei gasped, shocked by Youko's revelation. She moved closer to Youko, with every step deliberately made. "That's because I was young and stupid! I looked at her, and treated her, like...like a god...that...that wasn't love...that was closer to idolatry"
Sei's demeanor became calmer, as she finally understood, at least one source of Youko's insecurities. She had, as far as she could remember, never compared Youko with Shiori. The latter for Sei, was all a distant past, but she had forgotten that it had the strongest impression on Youko. And for the first time, the always confident, and cool Youko had unraveled a weakness she had fought so hard to keep hidden.
Youko remained still as Sei moved closer, stirring now and then to brush the tears away from her eyes. "I don't know if pity--"
"Stop. Stop right there", Sei hushed, while she shook her head incessantly. "There is nothing about you that I pity. I could never pretend to love you out of pity, Youko. I'm not that cruel", she said, as she stopped and knelt in front of Youko, holding the latter's trembling hands. "Shiori was my first heartache. That doesn't mean, she was my first love. It's you, Youko. It's always been you"
"Why...wasn't I enough, then?"
Youko froze as Sei unexpectedly broke down and buried her face on the raven-haired girl's lap. "Sei?"
Sei stormed into the office, and headed straight to Hitomi's work station.
With a sly grin on her face, Hitomi greeted Sei emphatically. "Good Morning, Sato-sa--"
"Don't you smile and greet me like we're friends, you bitch!", Sei exclaimed. And with that came a slap on the face. The whole department came into a disarray, with Sei continuously slapping Hitomi, who was now on the ground. "I'm gonna fucking kill you!"
It was only Kimura Shinako who was brave enough to stop the scuffle. "Sei! Get off her! Now!", Shinako said as she struggled to pull Sei away from Hitomi.
"You bitch! You fucking bitch!", Sei continued, as she was literally being dragged away by her boss.
"What the hell are you doing? Are you planning to ruin your future?", Shinako asked, as she shoved Sei inside her room.
"I'm already ruined! She ruined me!"
"What? I don't understand. Calm down, Sei". Sei was shaking, and was on the verge of tears. One embrace from Shinako was all it took for Sei to break down. In between sobbing, she began explaining what happened the night before.
Before Sei could finish her story, another din was heard from the outside. Hitomi, now empowered, began threatening to file a lawsuit on Sei. "Where is she? I'm calling the cops! This is assault!", Hitomi screamed.
Shinako shook her head in reaction, and sighed. "Wait here, Sei. And don't you dare step out of this room".
The moment Shinako stepped out of her private office, silence ensued the whole floor. "What's your problem, Hitomi?"
"Where's that subordinate of yours, Shinako? Take a good look at me, my nose is bleeding, and my lip has been cracked. She'll be spending the night in jail, so hand her over to me", Hitomi haughtily spoke.
"Oh? I wouldn't dream handing her over to you, unless you want more injuries in your body, Hitomi"
"Your pet is going down, Shinako"
Shinako, who rarely smiled at her colleagues, flashed a grin that made everyone else in the department shiver. "Perhaps you'd like to consider this, Hitomi. Dare lay a finger on Sei, and you will be butting heads with me. And you must know, I'm a sore loser, and so I do everything in my power to win"
"Is that a threat?"
"It's a fact. You reek of dirt, I can detect where you are miles away. You don't exactly want people to know how you got promoted under Mr. Igarashi's team, do you?"
Hitomi turned pale at what Shinako was implying, and could not answer back.
"I think we are done here, Hitomi. Remember, stay away from Sei, and we'll all be fine", Shinako said, with a triumphantly smug look on her face. With that, she turned away, and headed back to her room, with the rest of the office workers wondering what Hitomi did.
Hitomi, on her end, shamed and injured, ran out of the office as fast as she could, handing her resignation that very same hour.
"Now, Sei", Shinako said, throwing a pack of cigarettes on the blonde girl, who was slumped and hunched on the floor, still crying. "So, Youko found a note from Hitomi?"
Sei nodded, as she tried to stop herself from sobbing.
"No wonder you look like trash. Where the hell did you stay last night?"
"Car...", Sei said, as she lit a cigarette stick. It was her first time to smoke, but she wasn't about to tell her boss that.
"Christ, you could've gone to my apartment. Look at you", Shinako said with so much sympathy.
"I didn't want to impose"
"Nevermind that. My question is, how much truth was there in that note?"
"None. I would never...". Sei felt her eyes and throat swelling again, and so she could not finish what she wanted to say. Instead, she bravely inhaled the smoke, to deter her from talking.
"So why can't she believe you?"
"Because the note is too damning", Sei replied, gripping her hair in frustration. "God, I don't know what happened. Why me?"
Shinako sighed in response. "I believe, an apology is in order"
"Huh?"
"Hitomi was my subordinate before you came in. Her skills, are pretty decent, if I am to be kind in assessing her. But she's no where near your level. When I found your curriculum vitae, I knew I found a diamond in the rough. I asked her to be transferred to another head. She's...taking it personally...after all this time...because...well...there's another reason why I was eager to have her transferred...she kind of..."
"Kind of...?", Sei asked. She looked at her boss curiously, as the normally very calm and collected young woman turned red.
"She...had a little crush on me"
"No...shit..."
"Okay, so she was obsessed"
"Better. Thank you"
"And I think...and while this is just a conjecture, I don't think it's far from the truth...there had been low whispers about you and me...and I feel it's coming from her...and that note she made...is probably one of her ways to get back at you, for seemingly taking me away from her"
"Damn it"
"I'm sorry"
"Why are you apologizing?"
"Because I should've just fired her, but instead, the softie in me took over", Shinako said with a smile. "And so now you're in trouble with your girlfriend, all because there's a little Mother Teresa in me"
"I don't think any of this is your fault, Shinako. If for anything, you just saved my ass out there"
"It's my job to protect my subordinates. Though next time I'd appreciate it if you don't go on a cave woman mode in settling disputes"
"Gotcha. So, some people think we're dating?"
"I wouldn't worry so much about that, Sei. That's just stupid gossiping. If I were you, I'll start thinking of how to win Youko back"
Sei groaned, and ran her hand through her hair. "I don't know if I can...there's no way she'll believe me"
"How come?"
"Because everyone thinks I'm a flirt, and no one believes a flirt when it comes to fidelity"
"Being a flirt, doesn't automatically make you a cheater"
"Tell that to Youko...I don't think she's ever trusted me...and that note...she was probably expecting that in a way. It's like confirming all her fears"
"well, then, I suppose, the only way, is...swallow your pride and apologize"
"What?"
"What have you got to lose? You already said it. She doesn't trust you in the first place. So suck it in and just apologize, even though you are innocent here"
"Tch"
"What other options do you have, genius?"
"...None", Sei said in defeat. "Alright...I guess..."
"Take the day off, Sei, and fix your life"
Sei smiled for the first time since last night. "Have I mentioned before that my petite seour's name is Shimako?"
Shinako's eyebrows arched in amusement. "Is that so?"
"Yeah...when you mentioned your name, I trusted you right away...it's a good name... because it's so close to my petite seour's", Sei said, before she left.
"I hope Shimako and I bring you good fortune, Sei", Shinako muttered after hearing the door close.
That night, Sei came home to Youko. She had never felt so naked, so humiliated, being in front of her lifeline, begging forgiveness for something she had never done. "Please...forgive me...that...that won't...happen...again...I swear"
"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other"*, Sei mumbled, after gathering composure. She stared at Youko, begging for the latter to understand those words, without having to explain anymore.
*Pablo Neruda