Chapter 10
Howard wanted to lock each and every memory of the morning after the zoo trip away forever and never take them out again. From waking up at four in the morning to some brash man blaring "What are you doing here!? The zoo is closed!" to explaining himself, blushing and still half-asleep. Then the phone call to his mother, feeling like a twelve-year-old in the Headmaster's office. And finally, getting to ride the three hours home while listening to his mother lecture him. All through this Vince clung to his front like a baby koala, refusing to be put down, even when Howard attempted to several times. On second thought, maybe that last one wasn't so bad. Seeing a disheveled young man with a sleepy child in his arms had seemed to calm the zoo employees. He was certain they were ready to ring the police until they noticed the boy. And his mother stopped lecturing him when they arrived home, which was a miracle in itself, and all through her tirade she had kept shooting looks at Howard and Vince that he didn't even want to try to translate.
Arriving home, and effectively storing away the memories of the past few hours, Howard ignored his mother and her looks entirely and instead focused on the kid. He still seemed out of it, and Howard suspected he might not have slept as much as he let on. Carrying the boy, still tucked in his jacket, up the stairs, Howard sat on his bed. He unbuttoned his jacket and laid the boy down on top of the duvet, red jacket pulled over him. Vince curled on his side in a tight ball, arms finding the sleeve holes on the jacket and sliding into them practically on instinct. His hands only reached halfway, leaving the rest of the sleeves to fold across the bed.
Deciding that they were just not going to school today, Howard heaved a sigh and let himself be lazy. He lay down on the other side of the bed, not bothering with the duvet either, and just let himself drift in and out of sleep, snoring from the kid lulling him into a relaxed state.
A rainy summer's morning found Howard sitting on his bed leafing through the paper in search of prospective jobs. Vince lay across the floor on one of Howard's pillows, reciting the French words that Howard had written down for him days ago. Even though it had been over four months ago, Howard hadn't forgotten his gift to the boy, and he was determined to have the child speaking one language fluently.
Howard had indeed managed to graduate from school, passing some classes with flying colors and barely scraping by in others. But he was officially done with school, something that for a few weeks had filled him with a sense of contentment. That content soon gave way to panic as Howard tried to envision the rest of his life he had ahead of him. He was nearing eighteen, he very well couldn't be living off his mother any longer! He needed a job, and soon. How else would he be able to get a car and an apartment? But as was Howard's luck, he had been searching high and low for openings anywhere and everywhere in the districts outside of Mitcham, and had come up empty. There had been a few interviews he'd went to, mainly for jobs in Sutton, but none of them ever called back, so Howard resigned himself to searching again and again. He was stretching his search further and further from Mitcham.
He hadn't told Vince any of this; in fact he didn't tell the boy anything about his dreams of leaving this London cesspool and never looking back. He knew the minute he was out of the house his mother would more than likely pack up and move herself somewhere nicer; a small apartment in a big city with parties and clubs open all night, perhaps. This house was always meant to be temporary. Howard himself wasn't sure where he'd end up, but if something went well with one of these blasted interviews, he might be able to kiss Mitcham and everything in it goodbye forever.
And there was his dilemma. Everything in Mitcham, including one small little boy whom half a year before he'd sworn to take with him on his upward journey through life. There were a few mad moments, mostly when Howard was lying awake at night, when he honestly considered just taking the kid with him. He doubted the guardians would notice. But of course that was stupid. If they or someone else did notice, Howard would be getting a one-way ticket to prison for kidnap. Also there was the fact that Howard was entirely uncertain as to where he'd live or how he would feed himself once he was out on his own in the world. Once he took that initial step out the door he would never look back. No matter what, Howard would never be one of those that ran back to their mommies, unable to handle it alone. Howard knew it would be difficult, and didn't even want to contemplate how impossible it would be to care for a child through all of that. How young parents did it was a mystery to the young man, and he just wasn't cut out for it. No, for the kid's sake, he'd have to remain here in his home, where he had food and shelter and an education to gain.
Howard would attempt to keep in contact as much as possible, of course, but he had a feeling the kid might not take the news of Howard's plans so well. Since school had let out Vince had spent literally every day at Howard's. He began bringing with him small things once more, and just last night had stayed on, despite Howard's protests that his guardians would worry. Vince had shrugged the questions off, and then snuggled down into Howard's bed and promptly fell asleep. Howard just didn't have the heart to wake him and force him out of the house, although he was certain the kid was faking it. Instead he'd slumped to the hallway closet to gather spare blankets and pillows to make a bed for himself on the floor of his bedroom. He had a sneaking suspicion that this was to become a new habit of the kid's, this staying through the night.
Howard pulled himself from his thoughts, pencil still poised, hovering over the papers and fliers laid out on his bed. He looked down at Vince, spread out on the remains of Howard's makeshift bed, going through the words one more time. He seemed determined to learn the language, which Howard was delightfully surprised at. He'd soon have the kid speaking full sentences at this rate.
If Howard were to be honest with himself, he'd admit that he could spend the rest of his life in this summer. If it could just go on forever, he'd very well go on with it. Spending mornings cooking breakfast for Vince and himself as his mother got ready for her job. Whiling away the hours teaching French to Vince, who was quite sharp when he applied himself. Howard could even spend the rest of eternity sleeping on the hard floor of his bedroom, relinquishing his warm bed to the kid.
But, as Howard kept reminding himself, nothing could last forever. This summer would end. The kid would be starting up a new year of school, and if Howard's plans went right, he'd be out of here soon after. The kid would be fine. He'd survived this long on his own without Howard, and he would get on just as well once Howard was gone. Now, if only Howard had enough confidence in that thought so he could tell the child. Howard felt like a right coward for being so weak when anything near the topic of his future came up. Any time Vince asked about his job hunting, Howard would stutter out a meek response and then launch into his own questions on how far along the kid was in his French lesson for the day. When his mother brought up the subject, Howard practically sank through the floor, and muttered out half-sentences.
No, if Howard were to be honest with himself, he really could spend the rest of eternity just like this. He was afraid. He was positively petrified at the idea of being completely and utterly on his own. Alone without a house to come home to, or a pantry filled with food whenever he needed it. He'd have to buy his own food, his own clothes, his own house. He'd have bills; maybe a rent payment, if he got an apartment like he planned. There was no certainty of getting plenty to eat every day. That had Howard wanting nothing more than to stop time and just spend the rest of his days here in the safety of his home with his mother and Vince, the only two people he cared for anymore. The entire world could go up in flames for all he cared, so long as he could spend forever in this house with these two people, he'd be alright.
Shoving the papers and these increasingly pathetic thoughts away, Howard stood from the bed and moved over to the small window. He looked out into the street below, rain pelting down. Howard then turned to Vince, who had gone silent to watch him, and sat down with a grunt on the floor beside him to coach him on what he had learned so far. Yes, he'd have this kid speaking fluent French in less than a month, at this rate.
Haaagagaga: Sorry that was so short. It's sort of like the window into the middle half of this fic. Things have been going very slowly in this first half, but they pick up in the middle and then rocket off to the moon in the last half, I assure you. I already have an ending planned out and several chapters outlined, so fear not!
Have been having a bit of writer's block, though, so any comments/critiques/flames are very appreciated, and really do help me to write faster! I always perform better if I know I have an audience :)
Listened to Enjoy The Silence by Depeche Mode for this one. That song really fits Howard's feelings at this moment in his life.