11. L, L, Bloody Hell (Part 1)
"Why are you in the staircase?" Mello piqued with annoyance and amusement when he saw Near flailing adorably for his attention.
"I became stuck in there when I tried to avoid the elevator. There was a passcode lock on each floor," Near answered simply in his slow, calculated monotone while Mello let him out. "You have not seen L yet?"
"I saw him go into the control room, but I got locked out. Matt said something about it being locked separately, so I need him to open it up for me, or I need to wait for L to just come out."
"No, I came here to tell you that our plan has failed, there's no chance of success. We need to get out of here."
"The hell, you say?" Mello growled, smouldering with revenge as Near pulled him stealthfully down the gleaming metal hallway by the sleeve. Matt must have gotten to that little albino runt, and made him think that what we're doing is 'wrong', Mello decided.
"Let's hide in that closet, we'll call Matt from there, and sneak out," Near urgently stated, pulling Mello into a nearby storage area.
"And then go live the rest of our lives in failure? Not a chance, sheepy," Mello snapped in angry compliance, and pushing Near down to the floor of the darkened storage closet, "I can at least still kill Roger. That prick deserves it for burning down our childhood home and trying to send us away!"
"Everyone agrees that killing is always justified, Mello," Near placidly stated, not struggling in the least as Mello pinned his arms over his head, trying to bully a reaction out of him, although at this point everyone should know that Mello's bullying towards Near was just a cover-up for his abiding love.
"Right, as long as you win!" Mello countered, "But if you run away like a shriveling dick then -"
"You get away without having committed any real crimes except break-and-enter and forcible detainment," Near explained coldly, "And even if caught, you spend four years in juvie with no criminal record once you turn eighteen, instead of life in adult-prison for double homicide."
"Double?"
"I told Matt to finish killing the successor," Near stated, "But he probably won't do it. Even though Light deserves it for taking our spot as successor,"
"So, you're still all for this?" Mello gasped, stunned, hopeful, and aroused.
"Of course, we'll regroup and finish this later. But we can't just fly by the seat of our pants when things go wrong. It is not getting caught that separates us from criminals, not some kind of moral justification tripe."
"Oh Near," Mello sighed happily, "All of Matt's personalities would have been all like, 'Bla bla, moral tripe, you are so terrible, Mello!' Near... that's why I lo-"
"Speaking of Matt - Let's call Matt so we can get out of here," Near interrupted, nudging Mello to get off him.
"He'll be ok, we'll call him from outside after we escape. That way we can threaten him that we'll leave him if he doesn't kill the successor. If Light's out of the way then L will need another successor!"
"Mello!" Near seemed hurt, even though Mello knew that he had already thought of it, "I don't want to leave Matt behind..."
"We're not. And what the hell, why are you so attached all of a sudden?"
"Because… I've fallen for him." Near stated this fact equably, but with a slight blush of embarrassment that Mello couldn't see in the dim light of the closet.
"What. The. Fuck?" Mello toned each syllable with utter bewilderment and disgust.
"It is only logical, Mello. He has everything, since his personality is so poorly defined. And yet, it is so much more than just logic... I feel something in the way that he playfully teases me over the phone, our shared love of quiet solitary pastimes, his kindness in the forest, his intelligence, and his looking out for us... I indicated my attraction by teasing back and complimenting his attractiveness by rating the boy who looked like him as very good-looking. Isn't it obvious that I was falling for him all of this time?" Near said softly.
"BULLSHIT! You're supposed to be in love with me, retard!" Mello screamed with heartbreak, rage, and anxiety to cheeze it.
"But, that does not make any sense. Despite your intelligence we have personality conflicts that can never be resolved."
"That just makes things hotter! Opposites attract! The cute nerd and the bad boy! Not two nerds fucking off to the Science museum together!"
Near almost smiled, thinking of spending a nice, quiet day with no fights or drama at the Science museum, but didn't actually smile because of his exaggerated robotic fanfic personality, "You are consistently mean to me. You physically assault and bully me constantly," he indicated, with Mello still on top of him, "You are physically assaulting me right now."
"You were practically slobbering all over me when you were drunk! And you admitted how great I am and my hair is."
"Attraction is not love, Mello."
"I was just about to awkwardly confess my love for you a second ago, fucker!"
"I know, and that was why I cut you off."
With that Mello slapped Near across the cheek, hard. The readers immediately forgave Mello for this abusive outburst. (Because Mello is pretty). And just as immediately they judged Near harshly for making Mello feel bad. (Because he is short and looks creepy.)
"Well, you can't be in love with Matt," Mello pouted, "Because he's already in love with me!" Mello stuck out his tongue childishly at Near and crossed his arms, feeling heartbroken, deflated, and stupid. "He was about to awkwardly confess to me on the way into the building before I cut him off. So, nya!" he said and turned away.
"Wait? I love Matt, but he loves you, but you love me?" Near said, as though thinking.
Mello looked back at him. They continued to stare creepily at each other for about a minute before they both burst out in uproarious laughter at their stupid situation. The laughter continued until it turned to tears.
"Hahah, Oh my god," Mello giggled, wiping away a tear and holding his stomach.
"We're so badly written!" Near, uncharacteristically in stitches, went on.
"Let's get this shit over with before we all meet our evil twins from the moustache-universe."
"Oh my god! That idea practically writes itself!" gasped the author to herself.
"That's because it's already been written," Near explained, "Billions of times."
"Yeah, well, I'm going to spend the next ten hours on Tvtropes finding out how many times and what that trope is actually called… and then getting sucked into four hundred more pages," she sulked.
"Please finish this story some time before the heat death of the universe," Mello whined.
Suddenly, because Mello's such a bitch, light flooded the storage room. A dark slouched figure was silhouetted in the doorway.
"Found you!" L said, "I knew that the security footage had been tampered with and someone was in the building unauthorized."
Mello and Near gaped in shock at their mentor, who they had recently sworn to kill. It was their time, but the significance of seeing L in person for the first time in their lives, and being caught so suddenly, took them both by surprise.
"Oh," L said listlessly, almost to himself, "It's two of those orphans I used to own. Near and… Linda, I believe."
"What? I'm Mello!"
L looked puzzled, "I'm pretty sure there was no Mello."
"I'm, like, the #2 orphan!"
"Ohhhh. Wait, aren't you supposed to be a boy?" L questioned, in his calm direct manner, "Girls can't be successful in orphan-academy, they have cooties."
"I challenge you to a duel for my honour!" Mello shouted dramatically, with anger and apprehension.
"I'd really rather not," L said with his blunt, wide-eyed yet lifeless way.
"Too bad, asshole! And everyone knows that all girls have the clap! I'm a boy!"
Mello sprung to his feet, wielded his katana in several expressive stances, and pointed it dramatically at L, who took a defensive posture. The closet was exceptionally full of drama. Near tried to hide behind some crates, but he could not escape the drama.
With a yell of primal rage, and several other emotions, Mello charged forward, long blonde hair flowing behind him. Then, approaching his unmoving mark, sliced the air gracefully with his katana, just as L fell back into the hallway with a well-executed roll, evading him. When L came out of his curled up ball against the opposite wall he was met swiftly with a Katana blade pointed dramatically at his throat, and Mello stood above him, head haloed in florescent light, his face grim and powerful like a shogun, his hair wafting gently, even though there was no wind inside the building.
"You're beaten," Mello said stiffly, half-knowing that it couldn't be that easy.
L made no response, his eyes only darkened seeing the flinch in Mello's resolve, and with an impressive modified Shaolin butterfly kick from the floor, he propelled his young aggressor off his feet, sending him sprawling back into the closet. L leapt after him, attempting to end things with a punch before Mello regained his wind and his balance. However, as soon as he reached the inside of the storage room the side of his head was unexpectedly hit with a broom. Knocked to the floor, he sneezed from the dust, as Near dropped the cleaning utensil and attempted to scurry back to a safe hiding place before L could finish sneezing and allow his eyes to adjust to the dark, but L reached up and caught him blind by the tail of his costume's oversized suit coat and pulled the boy to the floor. When L's free arm moved to grab him around the neck Near instinctually bit the hand that threatened him, slipped free of the jacket, and scampered away as Mello recovered his katana.
L lept back to his feet, looking unperturbed with his hands full of empty jacket. He glanced back at his opponent across the small and cluttered space, returning to a covering stance suitable against the armed aggressor.
"You're finished, L!" The blonde boy darkly warned, clutching his stomach here L had hit him and shakily standing, bringing his sword back into stance.
They both knew that the fight was just beginning.
The scene was clearly too exciting, and also 2k words long already, so the author decided to end with a cliffhanger while begging for reviews and writing the second half.
AN: I promised this within a week, and I'll be gone for the long-weekend, so here you go. I'm going to go write Chapter 9 of Mellochistic, even though no one reviewed it.