Got bored…so here you go! Next chapter is going to be the Citadel, I think.
The scars on Kallian's face did nothing to detract from her beauty. At least, that's what Ashley was thinking when Kallian returned to the nest after her session with Miranda. She was smiling, and there was a spark in her eyes that hadn't been there since she woke up from the coma. And, if anything, the scars only focused her attention more on the vibrant green of her eyes. Black hair that had fallen out of its pony tail hung on the side of her face, and beads of sweat glistened on her lips. When she saw Ashley, she grinned before grimacing.
"Well this hurts."
Ashley laughed and approached. "You need a shower. Go, I'll be here when you get back."
Shepard moved to step forward but then groaned. "Ash? I can't move."
"That's the first time you've actually asked me to help you. Or was that you asking?"
"Please?" Ashley walked to the door and hoisted one of Kallian's arms over her shoulder.
"So this is better than using a crutch?"
"Well I keep thinking that I won't use a crutch, and then I get stuck somewhere without it. So no, this is probably worse."
"Come on." Together they walked to the bathroom, where Ashley helped Kallian undress and helped her into the water. She was not expecting to be pulled under the water with her.
"Shepard!"
Shepard's lips found hers before she could continue protesting, and Ashley quickly forgot about her wet clothes as Kallian moved her hands to take Ashley's shirt off. Her hands slid down her shoulders until they rested above her waist, and Ashley gave a quick intake of breath before finally breaking the kiss.
"Shepard…we shouldn't."
The captain's lips moved to her neck, and Ashley groaned. Giving up all thought of resisting, she gently pushed Shepard back. Shepard's face fell until Ashley grabbed the sides of her sports bra and pulled it over her head. Then their lips crashed together once again.
…
Eventually they stood there under the water contentedly. Shepard was leaning heavily against the wall, Ashley washing her back. It amazed her how beautiful Shepard could be, even after everything that had happened. Her skin, usually tanned, was pale in the harsh bathroom lighting. The paleness highlighted the dark scars and bruises that marred her body, and accentuated the effects of the extended bedrest Shepard had been on. Once sculpted muscles had retreated somewhat during the coma state, but her body itself had remained unchanged. Water cascaded off Shepard's shoulders and Ashley very nearly grabbed her to turn her around again.
Instead, she gently kissed Shepard's neck. "I didn't think our first time since the night before London would be shower sex."
Shepard turned of her own volition and pressed her lips briefly to Ashley's. "You've been thinking about our "first time?"
"Oh shut up, Skipper. You know what I mean." She brought her hand to Kallian's face and traced the scars there. She rubbed them with her thumb before her eyes softened and she kissed her again.
"Come on. I'm sure you have a lot to do since you declared yourself acting captain without consulting me or Dr. Chakwas.
"Don't start this. We both know each other's arguments."
"You can't walk, Kal. Do you really think it was a good idea to relieve Garrus?"
Shepard's eyes darkened and she stepped out of the shower. She hated having to have Ashley help her walk and dress when they were arguing, but she couldn't get to the closet without her.
"Can we wait to have this conversation until we are both clothed and dry?"
Ashley said nothing but put her arm around the captain's waist and helped her into a uniform before doing the same.
Eventually, Kallian spoke. "I didn't relieve him from full duty, Ash, but if the Council is going to have me giving a speech, the crew needs to see me somewhat returned to duty. I can't take all the time in the world to heal, the galaxy won't let me."
"You can take more time. The galaxy can screw itself…And you're wrong. It's you that won't let you rest. You still have that weight on your shoulders, the weight of the whole war. The war's over, but you still feel like it's your job to save everyone."
"I can't not, Ash. I have too much to-" Kallian trailed off, knowing that Ashley wouldn't like where she was going with her logic.
"Too much to what? Atone for? I know that's what you think."
"And what? Is that wrong? I killed three hundred thousand batarians, Ashley. I let countless asari die on Thessia. If I was a little faster at anything I did, I could have saved thousands of more lives. It goes through my head all the time. I see one more child, one more sister, brother, daughter, whatever saved if I'd been any better at what I was doing. They're not just numbers to me. I see their faces.
I am the cause, I am a stockpile of
chemical
toys, my body
is a deadly gadget,
I reach out in love, my hands are
guns,
my good intentions are completely
lethal.
"Who wrote that," Ashley whispered quietly.
"Margaret Atwood."
"I didn't know you were still reading poetry."
"I started again after Horizon. That one stuck with me."
"I don't think that is what she meant, Skipper. Your good intentions saved us all."
"I didn't save anyone. I wish everyone would stop saying that! I'm a soldier, I did my job, just like everyone else did theirs. I just could have done mine a little better."
"Stop with all these what ifs, if onlys. You did everything you could have. If you think you're just a soldier, than you shouldn't act like your some sacrificial martyr on whom all the blame for the war's setbacks can be blamed. You want to go with what ifs? What if the Council listened to you? What if the Alliance didn't hang you out to dry? What if I made sure that your warnings didn't fade away after you…died? There are so many what ifs, Shepard, and they can be asked about each individual. If everyone did something a little differently, then yes, maybe things could have changed. But even God doesn't work that way."
Shepard closed her eyes and leaned back against the wall. When she opened them again, they were tired. "It's getting late, I should start catching up on all the reports if I'm to be reporting in in a few days. And I need to contact Hackett…We'll talk later." Their eyes met briefly before Shepard grabbed her crutch and went to her desk.
"I'll grab you something to eat, I'm sure you didn't stop at the mess after your session."
As Ashley left, she finished the poem Shepard had been reciting in her head.
Each time I hit a key
on my electric typewriter,
speaking of peaceful trees
another village explodes.
She wondered how often Shepard had recited those lines when she rested during the war. Or when she rested now.