Author's Note: Hi everyone, thanks so much for the amazing response that I got from the last chapter. I just want to let everyone know that the story begins earning it's Mature rating in this chapter. Consider yourself warned. Thanks for reading, Mutt

Chapter 10:

Touched

I sat alone on my bed, brushing my hair out. I wanted out of my clothes, into something more comfortable when I'd gotten back. I also wanted ten minutes alone, without the tension that the ensuing conversation would bring. I was now debating with how much I should tell Sirius. This might just be a mirage, something that looks solid and life giving from a distance, and then when you get close, evaporates into the mist. I didn't want to get his hopes up, if nothing was ever going to come from it. I was willing to carry that pain all on my own for now. Like so many I had carried for us over the years.

I could see the sun rising through the slats of the shutters on the windows. We were alone, in his bed at the my family's summer house. We weren't coming out here this year, too many plans for Jamie's wedding had to be taken care of. My parents knew where we were, and I was fairly certain that they knew what we were doing. They would see him later this morning. I didn't want the sun to rise, I didn't want today to begin. I closed my eyes to the brightening beyond the window, and curled myself deeper into his chest. He purred in delight at my wiggling closer to him.

"I thought that you were asleep," I said in a quiet voice. There wasn't anyone in the house, and yet, we felt the need to whisper to one another.

"I don't want to sleep, I've got the rest of my life to sleep, Lolly. Tonight, I want to remember every minute of being with you," he told me, and I started to cry, against my own wishes to do so.

"Don't, don't do it. We'll run away. We can hide somewhere and just be us and we won't do magic, and no one will be able to find us, please," I begged him.

"I won't do that to you," he said as he pulled me on top of him. "You'd never see your parents or your brother again. I can't take them away from you."

"But I want you, I always will want you, and after today, I can't have you. Please, please for me, lets run away," I begged, but he held firm.

"Ellie Potter, listen to me and listen to me good. You are the only woman that I will ever love. You are my heart and my soul and we are tied to one another. I will find a way back to you, never doubt that. I love you more than words can express, and as soon as I can get myself free from her, I will be back to you. No matter what you hear or what you might think, this is the truth. I will share my life with you," Sirius spoke in such clear and concise words that I had no way not to believe him.

"Then love me again. Let our final moments be this way," I asked and he pulled me down to kiss him. We made love for the last time and shortly after sunrise, Jamie and Remus came to the house. Remus provided Sirius cover story, that he'd been out carousing with his friends. Jamie was there to scoop up the puddle of me that was left behind from our parting.

Mummy and Daddy would be in attendance at the wedding, along with Remus and Lily, Jamie was staying here with me. The pain was overwhelming, I knew when their union had become official, and I knew when she had him that night as well. I remained silent, not letting my howling screams of agony break free from me, instead, they simply echoed with in head. My skin felt as though it was peeling away from my flesh and my heart was consumed by fire. Jamie watched me, saying nothing, but his eyes, oh his eyes told the story of how he wished he could protect me from the pain I was feeling.

And then the memory goes black; where Jamie finally did do something. Something that haunts me to this day.

"Lolly, you okay there dear?" Sirius asked. I hadn't even realized that he was sitting on the bed with me. I hastily wiped the single tear that had slid down my cheek away, not wanting him to ask me what I was thinking about.

"Yeah, um, just have a stubborn knot," I lied.

"Oh, well, we're ready to talk downstairs. I even made you some evening tea," he said, running his hand over my back. I really didn't want to do this now, I would much rather just lie down and let him hold me. But I needed to tell him something, and I had to the bottom of the stairs to decide just how much something that was going to be.

I sat down on the overstuffed sofa and tucked my legs up under me. It had been a warm day today, nice for May; but now I could feel a chill coming over the sash of the windows, wicking away the sun drenched warmth from the day. Sirius must have sensed this, as he brought me the afghan that my Mum had knitted for me when I moved into my flat and draped it across my lap and then handed me my tea. I loved chamomile and mint tea, and it really did make me feel better, partly because it reminded me of my father and evenings sitting and talking with him.

Remus sat across from us, in the chair by the fireplace; Sirius was at my side, his arm wrapped around me.

"Okay, Ellie, what the hell happened at work today?" I couldn't help but chuckle at him.

"Well, several things. Let me start at the beginning of the day. I had to check in, and of course, Raleigh Rowle is the one working at the desk," I started and the boys both rolled their eyes at Rosemund's younger sister. She's always been unpleasant, and she'd tried to go after both Jamie and Remus while we were in school. "Quite. She tried to have me arrested on charges of Adultery. Officers from the MLE came down, and told her that they couldn't arrest me, and I was free to go. It was humiliating, but nothing like that will happen. However, something good did come from my the experience," I told them and they both looked at me puzzled. "I ran into Amelia Bones again."

"Right, you had lunch with her?" Sirius asked and I nodded.

"I did, and it turns out that she's been reviewing the documents related to Sirius Betrothal" I told them and they both looked puzzled. "All the documents."

"Okay, but your father and several other solicitors have looked at them, and we've never found anything. Why would it matter that Amelia was looking?" Sirius asked and I couldn't help but smile at him.

"Well, it would appear that there is indeed a bit that's been overlooked in the past. In your Fidelity Contract, there is a clause regarding an heir," I explained, and let the words hang in the air. Sirius started shaking his head.

"No, it's in the Betrothal one. Rosemund gets more gold if she produces an heir. That's why I'm so happy to be living here with you, she was doing everything short of Imperiusing me to get me to sleep with her."

"Yes, I knew about that one; however, there is one in the Fidelity Contract. What Amelia found was that if you were to produce an heir, you would be required to marry the child's mother." I felt like I could watch the wheels turning in Remus head.

"Wouldn't that mean Rosemund?" Sirius asked. I started shaking my head at him.

"Amelia didn't think so. Everywhere else, she's named but in this particular clause, her name is quite obviously absent. It would have been just like your father to make sure that there was a Black heir, rather than worry about the mother being your wife."

Sirius couldn't seem to wrap his head around what I was saying, but Remus broke out into a wide smile. "So, Amelia thinks that if you can get pregnant with Sirius child," my head nodded my assent, "he'd be free to divorce her and be contractually bound to marry you, as the mother of his child?"

"I believe that's where she's headed," I responded.

"And she's talked with someone else in the MLE about this? Has anyone else reviewed her findings?" Remus queried, always the contemplative one.

"I believe that she has. She took the findings to Dumbledore, who remarked that he didn't understand how he'd missed it," I retorted, to which Remus smiled even more.

"That's amazing. Wow. She's got quite a mind on her," he exclaimed, sounding very impressed.

"It would appear that she does," I affirmed. I turned to look at Sirius, who was still looking quite confused and uncertain.

"I still can't quite...even if this is true, how am I going to get you pregnant?"

"Well, that part...um...we haven't quite figured it out yet. Amelia was going to do some research on with a healer on it and I am going to do some potions reviews to see if I find anything and we have someone working on Charms that might be effective in this area. It's sort of her area of expertise," I said, hoping that Remus wouldn't ask who. I was feeling quite chicken, and I thought maybe I'd just let her show up and then I wouldn't have to feel bad about telling him that the girl that broke his heart was coming to visit. I watched as he opened his mouth, and I knew that I'd have no such luck.

"Who, Ellie?"

"Grace." Remus closed his eyes and sat up straighter, looking down into his tea cup. "She's coming by tomorrow."

"Oh, I see," he whispered, and then was silent. I looked at Sirius and I could tell that my face had a pained expression on it. I hated doing this to Remus, but I really think that if they talked over what happened five years ago, they might find a way to reconcile. "I think that I shall head up to the hunting cabin then, make sure that the supplies are ready for this month's change."

"Remus, please, don't go." I asked him.

"I don't want to see her, Ellie."

"I know that she hurt you, but she misses you. Please stay, say hello. I can use all of the support that I can get, plus with you here, she might not get too carried away," I asked him and his eyes met mine.

"You think that she wants to see me?" I nodded.

"I do, I wouldn't lie to you about this." He didn't say anything, he just went back to staring at his tea cup.

"What do you mean about her getting too carried away?" Sirius asked, knowing exactly what Grace was like. I could see the smirk on his face.

"Well, see, she's concerned about me, because you're living here." I told him, being as intentionally evasive as I could.

"Why? What's she concerned about?" I could feel the blush rising from my neck and I wanted to bury myself under the blanket; which is exactly what I did.

"Ellie Potter, what are you hiding from?" Sirius said with a laugh of delight in his voice.

"Gracie is concerned that the only way I have to...deal with my tension from sleeping with you is running; and she thinks that I need a better way. Soshe'sbringingmetoystohelpme." I blurted out as fast as I could. Sirius ripped the blanket off of me, but I had tucked my head into my shirt so that he couldn't see my face.

"All I got there was tension and toys. Ellie, is Grace bringing you sex toys?" Sirius said, sounding delighted. I nodded.

"Oh my goodness, Ellie Potter is going to have..." he yelled.

"Finish that sentence and I will put a silencing charm on Remus and I and then kiss you so that you have to hear the Caterwauling yourself," I threatened. Sirius immediately stopped and shut his eyes and mouth tightly to hold in the laugh he had inside.

"Please, let me get this straight. My ex-girlfriend is bringing you...aides, tomorrow," Remus asked and I nodded. "And you want me here?" I nodded again. "Why in the hell would I agree to that, Ellie?"

"Because you want to help me out, help us out?"

"I can't believe that I'm agreeing to this. You know that if it were anyone else, Ellie..."

"I know, thank you."

We talked for a while longer, and I promised to keep them in the loop about what our little research group yielded. I was trying so hard not to get my hopes up, but I could see in Sirius face that he was excited, which frightened me. I didn't know if we could survive having the promise of a future there once again, only to watch it fade away again.

As we talked, we came up with more things that needed to be considered, and Sirius even proposed going to some of his families seedier contacts to see if there was anything that was available, but not necessarily above board. I dissuaded him from doing that, something told me that we needed to keep this as secret as possible. After we were in bed, Sirius wrapped his arms around me and turned my face to his, our noses a hair from touching.

"Lolly, tell me, is this something you want? Do you want to have a baby?"

"I don't want to have a baby, love. I want to have your baby. To be the mother of your child...it is all that I have ever wanted since I was thirteen and you first kissed me. I knew that I was in love with you that first night." His fingers caressed through my hair and down my neck and I could feel the gooseflesh erupting all over me from his touch.

"I was so nervous that night. Jamie was inside, having to do extra chores with your Mum and he was angry that I didn't stay to help him; but I wasn't the one who'd tried to charm the silverware to dance. Man, it was nasty, having to polish all of it, by hand. Anyway, I knew that he was going to be stuck inside that night, all night; which meant that I could find you and spend some time alone with you," he explained.

"How long were planning on kissing me?"

"Um...well...I wanted to the summer before, but you were only twelve and I didn't think that it was right. Then I wanted to for like all of our third year, but we weren't ever alone, except for that one day, when Remus was in the hospital wing and James and Lily both had the Fidgeting Fever, so we were walking to class together."

"When we had to go down to Care of Magical Creatures in the snow? I remember that day, you carried my bag for me, you told me that you were afraid I will slip on the ice if I was carrying it."

"That's the day, I kept trying to stop you before we got back to the castle so that I could kiss you, but you said you were cold and you just kept walking faster," he reminded me.

"Sorry, but if I remember, it was really cold that day. Why did it take you so long to finally kiss me then?"

"I was afraid that you wouldn't like me the way that I liked you, and you were my best mates sister; if it didn't work, it would have been a mess." I was intrigued by what he was saying, so I got up on one elbow and looked at him, kissing his temple.

"So, why did you finally kiss me that night?" Sirius pulled me down so that I was nearly lying on top of him, and we were surprised that there wasn't any screeching going on in the air around us, so we let it go. I felt so safe and warm in his arms, pressed up against his chest.

"I couldn't wait any more, I had to know. If you weren't going to like me that way, I needed to know; but I really hoped that you would. I knew I'd find you up in the tree house, reading those potions books that you'd snuck out of the house again," he said and I could feel my cheeks redden. "Don't, it was endearing how hard you were always working on them."

"I found you sitting there, practicing cutting roots. You looked so beautiful, biting your bottom lip like you still do when you're concentrating. Lolly, it was...you were chatting away, but I had no idea what you were saying." He was looking at me with such intensity that it was taking my breath away now to remember it.

"You took my hand," I reminded him, "and you told me that there was something that you wanted to talk with me about. I was afraid that you didn't want to be friends with me anymore, because I was a girl. Then you told me that you fancied me, and that you wanted to try something. That's when you kissed me."

We were both panting for breath at this point, staring at each other. "I've wanted your lips on me ever since," I confessed. "I thought that I was flying when you kissed me that first time, it was...god I miss the way your lips feel on me. I want it so badly," I whispered, tears forming in my eyes.

"Tell me, tell me what you want," Sirius breathed back, as his fingers moved along the edge of my earlobe and down along my hairline on my neck.

"What?"

"Ellie, tell me what you want. Tell me what you desire, please," he begged. I wasn't sure what it was the he wanted to hear, or even if this was such a good idea, but I was so overwhelmed with emotions, I wasn't thinking to clearly.

"I want you lips on me, everywhere. I love when you kiss down my neck and then kiss where your mark is on me," I whispered.

"I love doing that," he moaned back. "I love your breasts, the way they feel, the way they harden when I touch them and they taste," my breath caught as he spoke, I could almost feel what he was saying. "My Lolly, they are as sweet as your mouth, but not as sweet as..." my eyes popped open, and I must have shifted enough on him that he stopped talking before he finished his sentence.

"It tasted sweet?" I asked him. He'd only done that twice and we'd never really discussed it afterwards.

"Like honey, my sweet, sweet Lolly. What I wouldn't do to taste such sweetness again."

"You will, I promise." I closed my eyes again, because I could feel his hands rubbing up and down my spine and it was making me pant. His hands grasped the top of my pajamas, and I was surprised when he pulled it up and off of me. We were entering dangerous territory here, both without our shirts, me lying on top of him, in our bed, clearly worked up. I quickly grabbed his wand from the bedside table, as it was closer than mine, and put up a Silencing Charm, just in case. I didn't want to wake Harry, or deal with the sniggers from Remus.

I could feel my breasts pressed up against him, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out how this wasn't making the charm go off, but I wasn't going to complain either. It felt so good, so very right. We were meant to be with each other this way, but stupid laws had gotten in our way.

I was getting quite aroused, and I could feel he was the same way. I knew that we should stop, this wasn't going to end well and we'd both be awake half the night, feeling frustrated; but I just couldn't bring myself to stop.

"Tell me," I whispered. "Tell me what you want, love."

"I want to love you, Lolly. I want to slide in you and stay there, forever. I love the way that I feel when I'm with you. It's like heaven on earth, my dear sweet Lolly."

"Oh," I groaned. "I want that to, the way that you feel when you're with me," I panted. "I love how your arms feel against me, so strong and when your weight is on me..." my breathing was rapid and shallow now, and we were getting far too close, this had to stop.

I slid myself off of him slightly, I couldn't stay there, feeling his hardness against me and not do anything else.

"Don't, please, don't pull away, Ellie."

"Sirius, I can't, we can't..." I rambled. "You've got to be getting uncomfortable there, and it's not fair to you."

"I can take care of this." He said quietly, but he made no move to leave the bed. It took me a moment, but then it dawned on me what he was suggesting.

"I can't really help you, I'm sure that would be going too far," I postulated.

"I know," he answered, "but you could hold me, and stay here with me, while I..." I scooted back toward him and curled myself against him, my one arm wrapping across his chest while the other went down to caress his wrist. I watched as he slipped his pajama pants down and let himself go free.

It was remarkable to watch this, to feel this close to him. I whispered how much I loved him, how I wished that it was me touching him, and I promised that as soon as we could; it would be my hands on him, my fingers embracing this most intimate part of him. When he was done, I watched as he cleaned up and redressed himself.

"Now, my lovely Lolly, what can we do for you?"

"Uh, a three mile run? Sirius, I never...um...I run for a reason."

"Oh, you...really?"

"Yeah, never really got the hang of it?" I said, holding my hands up. "Thing was, you were the first one to ever...and you were always there to do it for me, and then after...I just never had the desire to. Maybe I do need Grace's goodie bag?" Sirius chuckled at my last statement.

"Well then, I give you an I owe you for tomorrow night, once the goodies are here," he promised and we curled up to go to sleep, letting words of love be the last things we said for the night.

Grace and I were sitting on our bed the next evening, the door was shut and she had spread her goodies out for us to look at. I was mortified at the sheer array and volume of what she'd brought. I never knew that such things came in so many varieties and colors.

"This one here, I picked it up in Ibiza when I went for holiday last year, well I picked up three of them, just because it's so good. It vibrates and warms up, quite nice to the touch, see," she tried to hand it to me. I looked at her a little concerned.

"You haven't...used it before...have you?" I asked sheepishly.

"Of course not, silly. This is a new one, I didn't bring you anything from my goodie drawer at home, only from my overflow stock," she explained and I took the pink item from her. I couldn't believe that I was holding such a thing, I had never been more embarrassed. I looked at my clock, I only had to endure this for another twenty minutes, and then the guys would be back with Harry so that we could have some tea and dessert before Harry's bedtime.

"Now, these are some gels and things, that will help keep you from getting chaffed," she pointed to potion phials and tubes with some of the most ridiculous names that I could ever think of. I wasn't sure if my blush could get any deeper, but looking at names now, I was pretty sure that it was indeed deepening. "This one here is my personal favorite, and I understand that it's quite good for the guys as well." She handed me a red glittering tube and I couldn't even bring myself to wrap my fingers around it.

"It didn't seem to be an issue last night," I mumbled, remembering Sirius from last night, but it must have been loud enough for Grace to hear me, as she pressed her hands together and bounced on the bed.

"Really, what happened? Tell me, everything," she demanded. I wasn't sure that I wanted to kiss and tell, well there actually wasn't any kissing involved, so I guess that I was holding and telling. I buried my face and decided to tell her as quickly as possible.

"We were talking about the first time that he kissed me, and it lead to a discussion of what we both missed and we were both pretty worked up and I laid here and held him while he..." I waved my arms around, hoping that she wasn't going to make me finish the sentence.

"Oh, that's good, and then did he, hold you while you did the same?" I shook my head. "Bastard, a gentleman always makes sure that a lady finishes."

"Sweetie, it wasn't his fault. I'm sure that he would have, I just...well, I usually run," I explained and it took a moment and then Grace seemed to get the full implications of what I was saying.

"Wait, let me get this straight, you can't?" I nodded at her. "Have you ever been able to?"

"Not on my own," I confessed. "Sirius was able to, before everything, but well, I haven't since..." she flung herself down on the bed, groaning.

"Oh my Merlin, Ellie. How did you survive? Oh, we are so getting you the right one here and then I'm going to explain to you how to work it right. Bollocks, never?" I shrugged my shoulders at her, not really sure what the big deal was. It had been four years, I wasn't really missing it.

"Okay, looking at all of them here, which one was closest to the right size?" she asked, and I looked at her horrified. There was no way that I was going to disclose that information to her. What if he was abnormal or something? I didn't want Grace knowing about it.

"Grace, that's just...no, I won't tell you that."

"Ellie, it's not like I'm going to tell him that I know, come now, dear. I just think that if we're going to school you in the fine art of self gratification, we might as well do it with the tool that most resembles what you're going to be playing with, eventually. Believe me, if we start out with the wrong one, when the real thing does come along, you'd just have to learn all over again. Now, look around here, and tell me which one most resembles what you saw last night."

I rubbed my eyes again and wished that I could just send her and her goodies away, but I knew that wasn't going to happen until she'd provided me with something. I figured it was better to just get this over and done with, I never had to take the thing out of the drawer in the bathroom in the future. I looked over the multi colored implements in front of me and thought I might be ill. There were several that were obviously too small or too skinny. I finally narrowed it down to two, and then after a moments more of deliberation, picked up a deep purple device. It was somehow both stiff and squishy at the same time, and it feel odd in my hand.

Grace's mouth got wide and her eyes were as big as the buttons on my winter cloak. "Holy smokes, Ellie, are you sure?"

"Um, yeah, why?"

"It's just...bloody hell Ellie, he's, oh sweet girl, you're in for some fun when the two of you can finally...really? You're completely sure?" I had never seen Grace gobsmacked, it caused a slight smile to cross my face, and a rather satisfied sense of ease to enter me.

"I'm sure Grace."

"Well, then, if we're going to get the two of you together, we've really got to get you ready for it. Um, this model has a built in lubrication system, so you just need to charm it, as well as a gentle vibration mode. All you have to do is tap it with your wand to get it started. You will have to magically replenish it when you're done, but I will teach you the incantation. Wow, I am...Ellie, you are one lucky girl."

Grace spent the next ten minutes explaining the charms and how to activate them, and then gave me some tips on using it. I did eventually feel my blush recede slightly, but only slightly. I was never so thankful to hear the chime go off, letting me know that the others had returned and that Grace and I needed to be headed downstairs. She packed her extra things up, and I slipped all of my newly acquired accessories into my bedside drawer and we went downstairs. I lead the way, as Grace was exceptionally nervous about seeing Remus.

As soon as I got to the bottom of the stairs, my eyes met Sirius, but before I could say or do anything, a little pair of arms was around my legs. "Ehwwie, Ehwwie, we eat now?"

I picked Harry up and kissed his cheek, "Yes we will, my little man; but I want you to meet someone first. This is my friend Grace, can you say hello?"

"Hello Gwace, I Harry."

"You certainly are. I haven't seen you since you were a little baby. I used to room with your Mummy and Aunt Ellie at school."

"Mummy in hweawen with Daddy and angels," Harry told her and Grace nodded.

"I know sweetheart, now, how about if you show me where that dessert is?" Grace held her hand out to the toddler, and I set Harry back down on the floor. He immediately too her hand and then walked her over toward Sirius and Remus.

"This is Mus and Doggy, they wib here too." Grace ignored Sirius, as her eyes were locked on Remus'.

"Hello, Remus. I haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?"

"I've um, I've been fine. Busy. Living with these three is," he paused and the air was getting thicker by the minute. "Busy."

"I can see how it would be." They both just stood there, staring at each other. I swear that I could feel the electricity prickling between them and I smiled and looked at Sirius, biting my lip. I wasn't sure how we should proceed here, but I really didn't want to distract them. Thankfully, Harry chose that moment to interrupt the silent conversation that was going on between them.

"Mus, you promise me tea. I want tea," the toddler pleaded, and it was enough to break Remus' gaze.

"Right, um, tea, sure Harry. The kitchen is this way," he added with a nod of his head toward the door. Remus grabbed Harry's other hand and the trio headed toward the other room. As they left, Sirius came over and wrapped me up in his arms, kissing my head.

"Well that was very...enlightening. I think that it's safe to say that they both missed the other?" he asked.

"Oh, most definitely, you could have sliced through that tension with a knife. I think that we should just stay out of the way and let things happen all on their own," I suggested.

"Speaking of tension, how were Grace's presents?" he asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Oh, well, for that you're going to have to wait until later, Mr. Black," I added with a giggle, completely unsure if I would ever take the purple toy from my nightstand with Sirius around. "Come on, before they eat all of the carrot cake," I added as I pulled him toward the kitchen.