A/N: Welcome back! Gotta thank everyone for the amazing reviews, the amount of support for every chapter still blows me away, so thank you! For this chapter, we have a little moment planned for reader interaction. My beta michaelfmx and I, found a song that we felt fit the Sarah we had created in this story to a tee. And we used the song in this chapter in a very special way. That being said, I would encourage you all to listen to the song called 'Arms' by Christina Perri before or during the scene it is used. Just a little cheesy bit of fun. Alright moving on!
RobM, Hurricane Ellie was all for you buddy. :)
I hope you all enjoy this chapter and thanks once again for the amazing support.
December 31st, 2009: Echo Park, 0700 Hours:
Sarah had managed to suppress her disturbing memories of the night she was shot during her last mission in Moscow for a few months. But this particular morning, she hadn't been so lucky. Attributing it to the fact that she no longer had to suppress the memories in order to focus on another mission, Sarah was currently reliving the memory through her dreams. But this time, she wasn't on the receiving end of the bullet. Carina and Cole flickered in and out of her peripheral vision, shouting things she couldn't understand as bullets flew around them. Sarah was frozen in place, unable to move as she watched Chuck take her place on the mission. He was hiding behind a small dumpster on the far side of the alley, aiming his gun and shooting randomly at Volkoff's men, who had him surrounded. Sarah saw the bullet heading towards him with startling clarity, picking it out of the rain of other bullets as if it were a fireball and not a small piece of metal. She tried to scream for him to move but her voice wouldn't come. She was helpless, forced to watch as the bullet pierced his side and knocked him to the ground. Carina was beside him in an instant, shouting for him to stay awake, her hands pressed against his wound. Sarah watched, feeling hot tears sting her eyes and her breath beginning to come in gasps. She still couldn't move, couldn't speak, and her body tingled and buzzed and then, all of the sudden, her eyes shot open and she lurched upright in bed. It took a moment for Sarah to realize that she was in Burbank, not a cold alleyway in Moscow bleeding to death. As the panic coursing through her body began to ebb, she looked over at Chuck who lay beside her, breathing steadily, his body wrapped tightly in their shared blanket.
Sarah closed her eyes and took a deep breath to steady herself. She was still trembling, still fighting the bile from rising in her throat as she remembered what it had felt like to see Chuck lying in the alleyway in a pool of his own blood. As much as she wanted to ignore the dream and let Chuck rest, it had shaken her to her very core. She needed to see him awake, hear his voice, have him reassure her that he was okay.
Since when have I ever been so needy? Sarah asked herself. She pushed the question aside for now. It was natural to experience some PTSD after missions, but having Chuck take her place in the nightmare had been rattling, to say the least. And she hadn't expected to continue having 'spy-related' dreams after returning to Burbank.
"Chuck," she whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder and leaning over to kiss his cheek. "Are you awake?"
"Mmm," he mumbled, clearly not fully conscious. "Sure...I'm ...awake."
He started snoring lightly again and Sarah blinked away relieved tears. She curled up behind him, pressing herself as close to his body as she could and resting her cheek against his shoulder. Chuck must have felt the shuddering breath she released because he suddenly shifted and looked over his shoulder at her.
"Sarah?" He caught the glassy shine in her eyes and turned over completely, now wide awake. "Hey, what's the matter?"
"I had a nightmare," she said simply, adjusting her cheek against his shoulder and slinging one arm over his narrow waist. "I just needed to know that you were okay."
"Oh, Sarah." Chuck wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his chest, his lips brushing against her hair. "Do you want to talk about it?"
She shook her head, content with listening to his heart beat and reveling in the warmth of his body. Chuck seemed to understand so he continued holding her in silence, his hand running up and down her back soothingly as he murmured words of comfort . When they finally fell back asleep, Sarah's nightmare didn't return, in fact, she didn't dream at all. She fell asleep in Chuck's arms and she woke up a few hours later in the same position, fully convinced that her boyfriend was very much alive. And even still, the anxiety generated by her nightmare didn't quite fade. As they both rose for the day, Sarah found her spy senses had returned in full force and were more acute than usual. She was on edge during her shower and even more so during breakfast when the sound of the toaster made her reach for a kitchen knife. Even so, she continued telling Chuck over and over again that she felt fine. He didn't look convinced.
When Ellie called around ten a.m., her voice fraught with panic, Sarah's unease came roaring back in full force.
"Sarah?" Ellie opted to skip her usual pleasantries, her voice shaking with what Sarah thought might be tears. "Oh thank god."
"Ellie? What's wrong?" A million scenarios went through Sarah's head at once, all of them ending in Ellie being hurt or captured. She crossed the living room and peered out the window, searching for any sign of movement in Ellie's apartment across the courtyard.
"Sarah, I need your help! It's an emergency."
"Talk to me, Ellie," Sarah demanded, her heart threatening to pound its way out of her chest. In her head, she began running through a list of objects she could grab from the kitchen or living room to use as a weapon. "What's the matter? What do you need?"
"Champagne!"
"...What?" Sarah wasn't sure she'd heard Ellie correctly. Champagne?
"I forgot the champagne! Sarah, you can't have a New Year's Party without champagne! But I have to set up the decorations with Devon and cook dinner, and Morgan and Anna are both busy today, they can't help me. Sarah. I need you and Chuck to run to the store for me. Please, please, please! I'll pay you back, I promise."
Sarah was speechless. She'd been so on edge this morning that she'd expected Ellie's panic to be the result of something nefarious. But she just needed them to go to the store? Sarah felt ridiculous. Why had she immediately assumed Ellie's panic was in regards to something dangerous? How was she ever supposed to shake her spy sense and assume normalcy first? Could she ever do that?
"Yeah, of course, Ellie. We'll pick up everything you need. Why don't you text me a list."
"Thank you!" After a few more consecutive 'thank you's' and a rapid goodbye, Sarah hung up the phone and looked back at Chuck, who was trying to hide a smile and failing miserably.
"Hurricane Ellie's in town," he teased. "It happens every time she hosts a major party. In fact, I'm surprised you didn't see her during Christmas. She must have been really trying to make you feel at home."
Sarah shook her head and glanced down at the list Ellie had just sent to her phone. "Looks like we're going to need to make a grocery run."
"I'll warm up the car," Chuck offered, grabbing his keys and kissing Sarah's temple as he passed. As soon as he'd left, Sarah sighed and rubbed her forehead. Two spy-related freak-outs in the span of a few hours wasn't a good sign. It was going to be a long morning.
o-o-o-o
Sarah kept a close eye on the black van that had been following them since the entered downtown L.A. It had mimicked their every turn, keeping a steady distance of approximately thirty yards and Sarah was growing wary. Her mind raced through the list of possibilities of who might be following them. She'd cut her ties with the CIA and her cover as an agent. She shouldn't have been traceable. Chuck on the other hand...Maybe someone was after Carmichael Electronics' burgeoning assets.
Chuck was oblivious to the possible danger, singing along to the radio and pointing out places he wanted them to visit together as they passed. Sarah nodded and smiled, but her attention was still on the car behind them. If it was someone dangerous, then it was her job to protect Chuck and that meant reverting back into agent mode.
The black van followed them into the parking lot of the grocery store, parking a few spaces away from them. Sarah stepped out of the car and hurried around to Chuck's side, grabbing his arm and half-dragging, half-leading him into the store, away from the hulking man that had just stepped out of the car.
"Don't think I've ever seen anyone this excited to get groceries," Chuck teased, stumbling when she tugged on his arm a little too hard.
"On the contrary," she shot back. "I would much rather be back at our apartment. So the sooner we finish here, the sooner we get home."
"Alright," he chuckled, still looking a little confused. Sarah patted his arm and glanced over her shoulder at the large man who was still following them. She couldn't get a good look at his face due to the sunglasses he wore, but the grimace twisting his lips was enough to make her even more wary.
Chuck led Sarah to the liquor aisle and the large stranger followed, perusing bottles of champagne with his sunglasses still covering his eyes.
"Which one do you think Ellie will want?"
"I'm not sure," Sarah tried to keep her tone even, her entire body tensing when the man took a few steps closer to them.
"We should narrow it down. Moet & Chandon or Dom Perignon?"
"Um...the second one."
"Ellie likes Moet & Chandon, I think."
"Okay then that one." Sarah was getting agitated now, she wanted to leave this aisle, and it was clear in her voice. Chuck flinched and looked over at her.
"You okay?"
"Yes. Yeah, I'm sorry," Sarah said, relaxing when the man grabbed a bottle and disappeared around the corner of the aisle. "I'm just as unsure as you are though. Should we call Ellie?"
Chuck narrowed his eyes at her and then resumed his examination of the bottles. "Nah, that's alright. I'll just pick one." Sarah nodded and kept her eyes on the aisle as Chuck picked the Moet & Chandon.
"Alright, we need some hor d'oeuvres now. Follow me." Chuck led the way to the next aisle, stopping so suddenly that Sarah nearly crashed into him. "Excuse me," he said and Sarah peeked around him, coming face-to-face with the towering stranger that had followed them. Immediately, her hands bunched into fists, every muscle in her body coiling like a tight spring ready to snap. She was about to force her way in front of Chuck, fully prepared to fight this man in the middle of a public grocery store if he was a threat. But the man's ugly grimace disappeared, replaced by a beaming smile, and he lifted a large hand to pat Chuck on the shoulder.
"No problem, man. Tiny aisles." The man nodded to Sarah and stepped around them, heading to the checkout counter and tossing a 'Have a nice day' over his shoulder. Sarah sagged against the shelves and closed her eyes.
"Hey, what's the matter? Sarah?" Chuck's hands were on her shoulders and she leaned forward, resting her forehead against the middle of his chest as he wrapped his arms around her comfortingly. "What's wrong?"
"I'm losing my mind..." she murmured.
"What?" Chuck drew away and held her at arm's length. "What do you mean?"
"I can't seem to get myself out of spy mode," she said in a near whisper. "I had the nightmare about you this morning, and then Ellie called and I could have sworn she was being held hostage from the way she sounded. And just now, that man, I've been watching him follow us since we got downtown. I thought he was tailing us...You, specifically. I don't know what's wrong with me."
Chuck's eyes were round, his lips a thing line. He obviously hadn't realized the magnitude of what had been going through Sarah's head all morning. "Hey, nothing's 'wrong' with you. You were a spy for a long time, Sarah. I think it's probably natural that your instincts might kick in here or there."
"But in a grocery store in Burbank?"
"Hey, you never know. That guy did look pretty intimidating," Chuck said with a grin. When Sarah didn't smile back, he switched tactics. "Sarah, nothing is wrong with you. You're adjusting to a new kind of life here. It will take time, but I think you're doing great. And remember that you have me to lean on when you're having an off day."
She finally smiled, and Chuck leaned down to kiss her gently. "Now, how about we get this shopping done and find some time to relax at home before Hurricane Ellie has us help set up the party." Sarah nodded her agreement and followed Chuck down the aisle, throwing one last look over her shoulder at the pleasant stranger who she'd come close to assaulting. Suddenly, the party didn't sound so appealing.
December 31st, 2009: New Year's Eve Party, Echo Park, CA:
Sarah watched from the sidelines as the New Year's party got underway. Morgan and Anna had turned on the TV to watch the ball drop in New York, although that wouldn't happen for quite awhile. Devon was helping Ellie put away what was left of the appetizers that everyone had devoured earlier in the evening, and started setting out plates for the dinner instead. Chuck and Casey chatted nearby, although about what, Sarah wasn't sure. Carmichael Electronics, if she had to guess.
Sarah wanted to join the party, but her nerves were still raw from the events of the day. She was so frustrated with herself for falling back into her spy mindset, but more than that, she was worried she'd never be able to shake it. And if she couldn't shake it, then how could she start a new life with Chuck? It wouldn't be fair to him if he constantly had to worry about Sarah reverting to her old self. He had dealt with that enough already. She wouldn't do that to him, no matter what it took. Dinner started a few minutes later, but Sarah did little more than push her food around her plate, hoping to appear like she'd eaten something, so as not to offend Ellie. She caught Casey's eye across the table once or twice. He seemed to be watching her, his clear blue eyes cutting right through her amiable façade. After the plates were cleared, and everyone had gathered in the living room to watch the party in New York, Casey grabbed Sarah's attention and gestured for her to follow him.
Although Sarah had worked closely with John Casey ten months ago to protect Chuck from his psychotic boss, Ted Roark, she still didn't know the man. Not well, anyway. So when he pulled her aside during the New Year's party at the Woodcomb's apartment it was clear that he wanted to have a private word with her. Sarah wasn't sure what to expect but her guard was up. Out of all the people she'd been reacquainting herself with over the last week or so in Burbank, Casey hadn't made much of an appearance.
"Look, Walker," he began gruffly, once he'd drawn her away from the rest of the party and out into a quiet corner of the courtyard.
"Sarah's fine," she interrupted.
"Uh...Sarah, right. Look, I wanted to talk to you about the decision you made in New York, to come back and find Chuck." Sarah knew that she probably wasn't equipped to respond to much that Casey might have to say, but hearing that he wanted to speak with her about something as personal as her relationship with Chuck truly shocked her. Casey didn't seem like the type of person who enjoyed sharing personal thoughts, let alone talking about someone else's feelings, and besides that, he hardly even knew her.
"A long time ago," he continued without her input, "I was married to a woman named Kathleen." Sarah listened with rapt attention as Casey relayed the story of his marriage that crumbled under the pressure of service to his country. A few similarities between her experience and Casey's began to emerge as he continued, and by the time he reached the end of his story, Sarah realized why he'd pulled her aside in the first place.
"Back then, I had a choice to make about my future. And I chose wrong." Casey paused, allowing Sarah a moment to absorb all of the information he'd just given her. "If I could go back and tell Kathleen everything...About how I felt about us and our future, I would. But I made a mistake and I lost that chance. You," Casey paused and looked Sarah straight in the eye with unnerving intensity, "You didn't make the same mistake. Not when it really counted."
Sarah remained silent. She wasn't sure what Casey wanted her to say or even if he expected her to add anything.
"Sarah, I couldn't help but notice the way you've been acting tonight. I know that look, all too well. You're wondering if you can do this….If you made the right decision to try to have a 'normal' life with Chuck. I just wanted to let you know, in case you're worried or doubting the choice you made, that you did the right thing." Casey lifted his whiskey glass and swirled it a little before downing the last few sips. "I think you and Bartowski are going to be very happy together. Don't give up."
Sarah had never been one to cross personal boundaries with strangers, but at that moment, she wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around Casey and give him the biggest hug she could manage. Instead, she reined in her emotions and offered him a grateful smile.
"Thank you, Casey. That means...more than you know." Casey grunted, his own smile a little nervous. But Sarah was telling the truth. The fears and self-doubts that had plagued her since returning to Burbank lessened with each passing day, but they were still there. And hearing such a personal story from Casey made a significant difference in her confidence.
"You're welcome. And...It's John, by the way."
"John," Sarah corrected, her smile widening. Casey shuffled his feet, grunted uncomfortably, and suggested they head back to the main room. But Sarah knew she wouldn't be satisfied if she didn't let him know just how deeply his story had touched her. So before they parted ways in the living room, Sarah placed a hand on Casey's arm and squeezed, murmuring another 'thank you' that he acknowledged with a short nod before lumbering off towards the beer cooler. Sarah stayed by the entrance to the hallway, watching the party unfold before her. Morgan and Anna were chanting the countdown to midnight...an entire minute too early, but no one was stopping them. Devon was handing out noisemakers and prepping handfuls of confetti to toss in the air, although Sarah imagined Ellie hadn't been too happy with whomever made that suggestion. Chuck was chatting animatedly with his sister, but he paused when Sarah returned, straightening and turning to scan the room, almost as if he'd felt her enter. A huge grin lit up his handsome face when he saw her, and it melted Sarah's heart. By the time she reached his side, the actual countdown had begun, but Chuck was more concerned about where she'd been.
10...9...
"Casey wanted to talk with me. About Kathleen," she explained, resting her hands against Chuck's chest when he looped his arms around her waist.
"It's a good story. Puts a lot of things into perspective doesn't it?" Chuck asked, lowering his voice and brushing his nose against hers.
6...5...
"Yeah, it does."
3...2...1...
"I love you," Chuck said as the room exploded with noise and confetti. He didn't give her a chance to reply but pressed his lips against hers and smiled. Sarah's heart pounded in time with the 'pop' of the noise-makers and she melted into Chuck's arms, feeling the weight and pressure she'd put on her own shoulders beginning to lift.
"Happy New Year," she said, once he'd pulled away. It was a fresh start, a new beginning for both of them. But especially for Sarah, who considered this moment the beginning of her new life.
January 20th, 2010: Echo Park, CA: 2030 Hours
Sarah plopped down onto the couch with a sigh, lifting her sock-covered feet onto the living room coffee table and waiting for Chuck to join her after he finished prepping snacks for Monday Movie Night. Since the day she'd moved in, Chuck had made it a priority to introduce her to all of his passions...his nerdy ones specifically. They had spent the last three Monday nights watching various superhero films. Tonight, they were starting on the Iron Man series. Chuck assured her that she'd love the cocky and affluent Tony Stark, but Sarah was more convinced he would remind her of agents she used to know...whose attitudes she couldn't stomach.
Sinking further into the couch, Sarah allowed the stress of the day to lift from her shoulders and sore muscles. She'd just returned from the nearby gym where she'd signed on as a part-time fitness instructor. She'd only been working there for a couple of weeks, but already the job was wearing on her. Training young women to fight every day, young women with bright eyes and determined faces, reminded her too much of her early days in the CIA. If she was going to stay in Burbank, she wanted to keep anything that reminded her of her old life as far away as possible.
But, for now, it gave her something to occupy her time while Chuck was busy with his company. Since signing with Insomniac Games, it seemed as if Chuck's workload had tripled and his days had gotten even longer. Carmichael Electronics was definitely taking off. So on her days off from the gym, Sarah joined him there, spending hours helping Casey update the security system and tormenting Courtney whenever the opportunity presented itself….actually, if she was being honest, she created most of the opportunities. Not horribly; just a feigned smile here and a passive aggressive comment there. Sarah knew she shouldn't be so cruel to the poor woman, but she couldn't help herself. Especially not when she still found Courtney occasionally skulking around Chuck's office when she thought Sarah wasn't around.
In fact, just last week, when Sarah had joined Chuck in his office during his lunch break, he'd been pulled away by one of his employees, leaving Sarah to occupy the office by herself while she waited. Minutes after he'd gone, there'd been a soft knock on the door, a salacious 'Mr. Bartowski?' and then Courtney had appeared in the doorway, a few buttons of her suit jacket undone, revealing just enough cleavage to tease. Sarah was almost impressed. Almost. The woman acted like she'd taken lessons from Roan Montgomery's Seduction School. But then, Sarah had taken lessons from Roan Montgomery, and Courtney had made one very big mistake. She'd stepped on the toes of a jealous former agent. So, in the most pleasant tone she could muster, Sarah invited Courtney into the office, grinning inwardly when a flash of fear crossed the woman's face.
"Chuck just stepped out," she'd said, offering Courtney her seat while she took Chuck's chair. "But he'll be back in a minute or two. Care to wait with me until he gets back?"
Courtney had stuttered, blushed, and nervously buttoned her jacket, all while trying to find a way to excuse herself. Sarah had watched with barely contained glee, giddy when Courtney fled a minute or two later just before Chuck returned and asked what Sarah had done to send Courtney running down the hallway.
Sarah smiled at the memory. In a way, she considered it a mission to protect Chuck from a seductress like Courtney. It was almost like having an asset. She was pulled from her thoughts when Chuck plopped down onto the couch next to her and the cushions bounced under his weight. Setting a gigantic bowl of popcorn down on the table in front of them, he lifted the remote and wiggled it in the air. "You ready to start?"
"Just a sec," Sarah said lifting herself off the cushion and tackling Chuck against the couch. He fell back with a laugh, curling his arms around her while she dotted his neck and chin with kisses. When she was comfortable, snuggled between his side and the back of the couch, she grinned up at him and tapped the remote with one hand. "Ready."
Chuck laughed again, his eyes full of warmth and love and so many other things that she couldn't put words too, but made her feel like she was the most precious thing in the world. Chuck turned on the movie and they watched together in comfortable silence for the first few minutes, Sarah's feet rubbing against his every so often while they snuggled.
Suddenly, Chuck paused the movie during a fast-paced action sequence and tilted his chin to look down at where Sarah rested against his chest. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"You don't have to answer. I mean I get it might be classified information and all that, but I'm so curious!" Sarah watched him with an amused smile, waiting for a question to emerge from his rambling. "Did you ever do that?" Chuck pointed at the screen when Sarah looked confused. "Any of that? Car chases? Fistfights? Gadgets? All that spy stuff in the movies...Is it real?"
Sarah had to fight to smother her giggle. It was such a nerdy thing to ask, but she should have known Chuck wouldn't be able to contain his curiosity for long.
"You want to know if I was ever in a high-speed car chase...specifically with a convoy of Humvees traveling through the Afghani desert?" Sarah asked, raising her brows and nodding towards the paused movie.
"Oh god, that would be so cool," he murmured, watching Sarah with a glazed expression as she propped herself up on one elbow to look at him. "But any car chase works."
"Then yes."
"Really? Where? When?"
"Paris. 2007. A year before we met, I was chasing down an arms dealer and he jumped into a car. So I followed."
"Oh my god, that's so cool! Did you catch him?"
Sarah snorted. "Of course I caught him."
"How about a hand-to-hand fight? Did you ever train with a sage old man in the wilderness? Like Bruce Wayne?"
She laughed. "I wouldn't go that far. Maybe Casey has."
"Do you really think so?" Chuck's eyes sparkled with genuine excitement, and Sarah's heart bubbled over with love for the man beside her.
"Maybe." She shrugged a shoulder and drew her fingers along his cheek softly. "But I didn't. We did have a training dojo, though." A goofy smile suddenly bloomed on Chuck's face.
"What?"
"My girlfriend is such a badass." His voice sounded almost dreamy. "I'm just the luckiest guy in the world, that's all." Sarah was about to thank him for that comment with a kiss when Chuck jerked and his face lit up again.
"Oh! I have another question!" Sarah sighed. For as nerdy and adorable as her boyfriend was, he was failing miserably at reading her signals. "Do you really have those radio watches? Or what about little spy cameras like the ones in On Her Majesty's Secret Service?"
"Tell you what, how about you put in one of your favorite 'spy' movies and I'll tell you what's real and what's not."
"Deal!" Chuck said, nearly knocking her off the couch in his hurry to change the movie. "How do you feel about James Bond?"
"Whatever you want."
Once Chuck had changed the film and joined her back on the couch, this time with his head resting comfortably in her lap, he stroked her knee and smiled up at her. "You're the greatest. Thank you, baby." Suddenly, Chuck's smile faded and he sat up, his expression worried. "I'm sorry."
His mood had shifted so quickly, that Sarah wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. "Sorry for what?"
Chuck's cheeks turned red and he looked at the television screen nervously. "For the...name. We haven't really talked about pet names. I know that some people don't really like them, I should have asked before I said anything. I remember that Bryce used it the last time you were here-" Sarah gave him a stern look. "I know, I know. No mentioning the fake relationship. But I couldn't help but notice you kind of cringed when he used it. I wasn't sure if it was him or the name or both."
Sarah never liked it when Chuck compared himself to Bryce or brought up the fake relationship that had put such a strain on their own, but she couldn't help but be touched that he'd been so sensitive to her feelings, even back then.
Truthfully, she hadn't really even noticed him use it...probably because he said it so often when he was half-asleep. Even so, the fact that he was so concerned about her comfort level, filled her with warmth. "It's okay, Chuck. Really it is. It's not the first time you've called me that, you know."
Chuck's brown eyes rounded and his lips thinned. His expression was so comical that Sarah had to stifle a laugh, careful that she didn't make him think she was laughing at him. "I've called you that before?"
"Yes. Mostly when you're half-asleep. It's...cute. I like it." She paused. "And to be honest with you, no, I never did like pet names before you. They felt fake to me. But...the first time you used it...even though you were half asleep...it felt different. Like it carried the weight of everything you felt for me. So yes, I like it." Sarah looked away from him, feeling ridiculous even saying these words, but he cupped her chin and drew her face back to his.
"You do? Promise? You're not just saying that?"
"No, Chuck. I mean it," she said, a slight blush rising on her cheeks.
"Okay," he grinned, kissed her, and settled himself back on her lap. "Good. Because I like calling you that."
As the movie went on, Sarah stopped watching for inaccuracies and focused on the man lying in her lap, her hand trailing through his curls. As happy as she was right now, she felt the niggling unease in the back of her mind again. The anger that always came up when she realized she still couldn't put into words how much she cared about him, when every day he was more and more candid with her. She had to find a way to express herself. Maybe the issue was that she was over thinking it. She knew she loved Chuck, she felt it, but saying it out loud seemed so terrifying. What if she said it wrong? Was there a wrong way to say it? Sarah sighed and returned her attention to the movie. The words would come eventually, they had to...
February 10th, 2010: Echo Park, CA: 2100 Hours
Valentine's Day was in less than a week and Sarah was panicking. Ellie had given her plenty of advice about what to get Chuck for the holiday, but it was weighing heavily on Sarah's mind that she had still yet to tell him that she loved him. And Valentine's Day was all about those three words, it was on all of the damn decorations. Sarah was frustrated, but she didn't want that frustration to be the reason she told him either. It had to be real, organic. She needed to stop over thinking it...
Devon had gone all out for Valentine's Day this year and decorated his apartment a week in advance, showering Ellie with a special gift every day in a sort of Valentine's countdown. She was now seven months pregnant, unable to fly in her third trimester, so Devon's plan to take a trip to the Pocono's hadn't panned out. But he was making up for it as far as Sarah was concerned. In fact, she was a little intimidated by how far Devon had thrown himself into dedicating the entire week to his wife's comfort and happiness. She wasn't sure what to do if Chuck expected the same from her. Not that he'd said anything, in fact, he seemed perfectly content, and he kept sending Sarah amused glances whenever Devon brought out a new present or sappy comment.
They were at the Woodcomb's apartment now, with Morgan and Anna, spending the night together playing a simplified version of the Newly Wed Game to celebrate the upcoming holiday. Much to Sarah's surprise, she and Chuck were doing quite well. She'd been worried that she wouldn't know the answers to many of the questions, as they could be quite specific. But most of them had been relatively easy and the only two they'd failed seemed inconsequential to Sarah in the larger context of a relationship: 'What was the first car your partner ever owned?' (Who cared about cars that much?) and 'What is your partner's favorite flavor of ice cream?' (Sarah didn't know what ice cream had to do with anything, but apparently Chuck had very specific tastes because she hadn't even known that the ice cream he listed existed).
Now the score was tied between her and Chuck and Ellie and Devon, as the last question came up, Sarah's competitive nature kicked in. She wasn't going to lose tonight. It didn't matter to her that Ellie and Devon had a baby on the way and had been married for a year, she was going beat them and win.
"Alright teams, last question, winner takes all!" Morgan "Guys, what do you find most physically attractive about your partner?"
Sarah glanced at Chuck and he gave her a soft smile before scribbling something down on his board. She knew what he would write, he'd told her before. But if Ellie and Devon scored a point too then the game would be tied. Morgan and Anna had long since given up the game since Morgan was more interested in being the announcer.
"Ready guys? Okay, girls give your answers."
Sarah turned her board around as did Ellie. Sarah's read, 'eyes', and Ellie's read, 'lips'.
"Guys?" Morgan gestured for Chuck and Devon to flip their boards around and sure enough, both had gotten the answer correct. "Tied game! Good work everyone, you all love each other very much," Morgan said in an exaggerated announcer's voice. Ellie threw her arms around Devon's neck and laughed. Sarah, however, was paralyzed by Morgan's words. She did love him, she did. She just had to say it.
She turned to congratulate Chuck and just before she kissed him, he murmured, "I love you." Sarah's heart sank into her stomach, even as their lips touched because the words were stuck in her throat... again. When she pulled away, meeting his expectant gaze, her heart began to pound, blood rushing through her ears, drowning out the voices of her friends.
Say it, just say it, he's waiting. Say it. "Thank you." Damn it.
Disappointment darkened Chuck's expression, but only for a moment. He quickly schooled his features and smiled contentedly, his beautiful brown eyes crinkling at the corners, and then pulled her into a tight embrace. Sarah squeezed her eyes shut as he held her, frustrated by being unable to say the words, worried that she never would and wondering how long Chuck would want her if she couldn't. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Ellie watching them, a saddened expression twisting her face. She'd obviously inferred what had just happened, Sarah had voiced her concern enough in the last few weeks whenever they'd spent time together. But when she met Ellie's gaze, the older woman just gave her an encouraging nod and a small wink, and Sarah remembered what they'd discussed just a few days ago when bouncing around ideas for Valentine's Day gifts. The words would come when she was ready and she shouldn't push herself, Chuck would be patient.
After all, he'd waited this long for her, he could wait a little bit longer. Right?
Valentine's Day, Echo Park, CA: 2100 Hours
Sarah hadn't seen Chuck all day. Their schedules had kept them apart at work; Chuck being in-and-out of meetings with directors from Insomniac Games, and Sarah helping Casey with a security breach by a group of amateur hackers trying to leak Chuck's game. It was late and she was getting antsy now, waiting for him in their bedroom, wearing the fancy get-up she'd bought in the hopes of making his eyes roll back into his head. She covered the red and white bodice and fishnet stockings with a simple black robe. It would be revealed later, but first, she needed to tell him how she felt about him. Her iPod was queued up, the room was filled with the soft glow of candlelight and the smell of incense. Chuck had gone to the bathroom nearly thirty minutes ago, saying he'd be back after he cleaned himself up and grabbed her gift, leaving Sarah to battle her apprehension alone.
Her mind wandered back to the last Valentine's Day she'd spent in Burbank...alone, listening to Bryce snore like a jackhammer. Back then, she'd wondered how Chuck would treat her on that special day, but she had given up hope of finding out. Everything was different this year, and Sarah realized it was probably the anticipation, not fear, that was making her so nervous. Who'd have thought that they would come this far?
That realization was part of the reason she'd decided to share this song with him. That and the fact that it expressed her feelings for him so much better than she could ever hope to. She simply wasn't good with words and trying to use them to unravel her powerful emotions would be too much. At least at this point in their relationship. But he told her he loved her so often, and she so badly wanted to say it back. This song had helped her make up her mind to return to Burbank, so she figured it would help her break down the last of her walls and tell him that she loved him too. And the lyrics explained her inner thoughts in a more eloquent way than she could ever hope to convey. As soon as Chuck heard it, he would know exactly how she felt...at least, she hoped it would.
Finally, the door swung open and Chuck came in holding a small silver box. He was dressed in a pair of soft black sweatpants and a simple blue t-shirt and his clean curls shone slightly in the candlelight, likely still a little damp from the shower. His face was clean-shaven and she could smell the cologne he wore from where she sat on the bed. It wasn't the classiest look her boyfriend was capable of, but Sarah didn't think she'd ever seen anything sexier.
"Hey." He smiled softly, closing the door behind him and dropping onto the bed beside her. "Sorry I took so long. I didn't want to spend our first Valentine's Day together smelling like a barbarian. Here. This is for you. Happy First Ever Valentine's Day." Chuck grinned and held out the silver package to Sarah. She pulled carefully at the wrapping, revealing two small silver charms. One was a little heart and the second was a silver surfboard.
"I thought you could add things to your charm bracelet that stood for big moments," Chuck explained. "The heart for today, obviously, and the surfboard for..." Chuck trailed off and reached into the pocket of his sweat pants. He pulled out a folded pamphlet and handed it to Sarah. "This."
"Malibu Surf School," Sarah said, reading the title of the pamphlet.
"Yeah, I thought, since you were concerned about finding a job outside of the CIA, that you might like to be an instructor. You were so good at teaching me, Sarah. You could really make something out of this." He touched her arm to bring her attention away from the pamphlet and up to him. "But only if you want to. Sarah, you're still discovering what it's like to be a real person. I don't think you should worry about jumping into a career as soon as possible. Explore a little, find yourself. A job will come in time. I can help with any finances in the meantime."
"I can't believe you did this for me?" Sarah murmured.
"I know you've been struggling to find the right job. But I really do think you have time, Sarah. Maybe the gym didn't work out like you wanted it to, and I know doing security with Casey can't be the most fun. But you'll find something that you'll fall in love with, don't get discouraged just yet."
Sarah couldn't help but be reminded of the first speech she'd given Chuck when they had met on the beach and he had still been working at the Buy More. Back then, she had been the one to support and push him, and now the tables were turned. And he'd done all of this for her without her having to tell him how she was feeling.
God, she loved this man so much. This man who cared so much about her that he spent his own time helping her find somewhere to focus her mind and career. This man who always put her needs before his own and loved her unconditionally even when she couldn't say it back. And as all of these thoughts passed through Sarah's mind, she realized that the fear was slipping away. She was ready.
"Thank you." She kissed him softly, set the charms and pamphlet on the nightstand next to her charm bracelet and then grabbed her iPod. "I have something for you too. But I couldn't exactly wrap it."
"Okay," Chuck's eyes flitted from the iPod to Sarah's face and back again. "Are you...going to sing for me? Or….or dance for me?" Sarah could see that last thought was taking root in his mind and his imagination was starting to wander. She could see it in the way his eyes glazed over. She could play on this, but now was not the time.
"No," Sarah chuckled. "You're the singer, not me. As for dancing….maybe we can save that for another day. But I would like to share a song with you." She flushed a little at how cheesy this all sounded, but one quick glance at Chuck's enthralled expression set her mind at ease. He nodded eagerly, and made himself comfortable on the bed, lying back against the pillows and giving her a thumbs up to show he was ready. Sarah took a deep breath and pressed play. Chuck closed his eyes as the music wafted through the small stereo connected to Sarah's iPod and filled the quiet atmosphere of their room.
I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start.
Sarah watched Chuck's face. A smile grew on his lips when the music started as he heard the opening lyrics, and he peeked out at her from the corner of his eye.
You put your arms around me and I believe
That it's easier for you to let me go.
Sarah's heart twisted at the words. Ever since returning to Burbank and even before, in New York, she'd worried that Chuck would turn her away because she couldn't give him what he wanted, but he'd done just the opposite. The words still rung true for Sarah though, if he decided to leave her, she wasn't sure how she could stop herself from crumbling, but Chuck was so different now, so capable. Chuck's eyes opened fully when he heard the words and his brows knit together. He sat up in bed a little, unwinding his arms from behind his head and crossing them over his chest instead as he listened.
You put your arms around me and I'm home.
She'd known those lyrics to be true the first time she'd heard the song before going to New York, and they felt even more poignant now. Chuck had quickly become her home, and it was because of him that she'd done so well outside the CIA. She'd come to realize that without him, she would have been completely lost. Chuck listened to the rest of the song in complete silence, and when it ended, he turned to face Sarah, his expression conflicted.
"Sarah..."
"Wait, I have something to add," she said, holding up a hand to quiet him. He nodded and sat back again, listening intently. "Chuck, it shouldn't have taken me this long to say what I'm about to say, but I've never felt this way before, and to be honest with you, I haven't really known how to deal with what I feel for you. It's a lot and it's new and it's...indescribable. But I want you to know that you're my home, Chuck. You have been since the moment I first met you. I still remember driving you home and spending hours getting to know you and your family. I'd never done anything like that before I met you, Chuck. You were a home when I didn't think I needed one. And you still are, now that I know I do." Sarah steeled herself, waiting for the palpitations of her heart, the nervous sweat, the rapid breathing, but none of it came. Her heartbeat quickened, but not out of fear, rather anticipation. "I love you, Chuck."
Chuck's eyes rounded and his lips parted, his arms dropped to his sides and he moved onto his knees to kneel in front of her. "Sarah...God, it feels so good to hear you say that. I never wanted to push you, I know it's been a crazy couple of months, but part of me was so worried that you were considering leaving or that you didn't think you belonged here. I kept worrying that I would wake up and you'd be gone again, which I know is stupid, but I couldn't help it. And...and...just...I love you too." A smile broke out on Chuck's face and he gripped her shoulders, pulling her into a passionate kiss that she returned as best she could with her own smile restricting what her lips could do at the moment.
When they broke apart, Chuck gestured to the iPod. "That song is beautiful. I'd heard it before, but never like this. I never really listened to what it was saying. Thank you. I can't tell you how much it means that you shared your feelings with me like that."
"I thought you might like it."
"Oh, I did."Chuck pause for a moment as if considering whether to ask the question that was on his mind. "Can I ask you how you thought of it?"
"It's a bit of a story," Sarah shrugged, setting her iPod on the nightstand with her gifts and pushing Chuck down onto the mattress so that she could cuddle against his side. Running her fingers along his ribs lightly, she touched her lips to his ear and whispered, "Are you sure you don't want to save it for later?"
He chuckled, a visible shiver passing through his body, but shook his head resolutely. "We have all night, baby. And I'd love to hear how you heard that song and why you decided to share it with me."
Fair enough. She should have known that Chuck would be more interested in a deep conversation than sex right now. And he was right. The night was only just beginning. So she settled against the pillows, tucking one hand underneath her cheek and gazing at Chuck's face as she spoke.
"I heard it before New York. A month or so after I left Burbank. It came on the radio." The irony was that Sarah had never listened to the radio before she met Chuck. But he and his family had turned it on so often during the beach trip in Malibu, and sitting in the car with them while they'd all sung along was something Sarah would never forget. After returning to Langley, she tried to recreate the feeling by playing it on her own. It hadn't been the same. "I didn't really listen to it at first. I caught a few words here and there and the melody was nice. But that was it. A few weeks later, I went to a coffee shop with my partner, Carina, and heard it again."
"Wait, wait, who's Carina?" Chuck interrupted.
"A friend of mine. We go back a long way. Before I ever met you."
"Will I get to meet this elusive Carina?"
"Maybe. Can I finish my story first?" Chuck made a motion of zipping his lips and tossing the key and Sarah rolled her eyes, failing to suppress her smile.
"Anyway, I really listened to the song that time." Sarah had to chuckle at the memory. Carina had been so mad that Sarah had spaced out, focusing on the lyrics of the song instead of listening to Carina fawn over Cole Barker. Then she'd called Sarah a sap and they'd left the shop soon after, but not before Sarah had decided to spend some time listening to the song on her own. "When I had a chance to listen to the whole thing alone in my apartment, I realized how deeply it spoke to me...And about what I'd gone through in Burbank with you. It was a big reason I decided to go and find you in New York."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I realized that, no matter how you reacted to seeing me again, you deserved an apology. You deserved to know how I felt and why I did what I did."
"So, if we play the Newlywed game again and someone asks me what your favorite song is..."
"This one. Easily." Sarah smirked.
"Good. I think it's mine too." Chuck drew his thumb across her cheek, letting his fingers linger near her jaw. "I love you."
"I love you too." The words came so easily that Sarah didn't know why she'd been so hesitant to say them in the first place. Her heart soared when Chuck beamed and rolled her underneath him, his hands finding the belt on her robe.
"What say we save conversation for later and celebrate that little revelation?" Chuck teased, brushing his lips against the spot underneath her jaw that he knew made her shiver.
"Are you telling me you want to stop talking?" Sarah teased back, even as her eyes fluttered shut when Chuck kissed her neck. "Who are you and what have you done with Chuck Bartowski?"
"Ha ha," he murmured, his voice muffled against her skin. "We can keep talking if you want to." He braced himself on his elbows and looked down at her with an earnest expression. She could see the passion in his eyes, though, and knew they probably mirrored her own. Talking could wait. They both wanted this.
"Later," was all she said before she reached up and tangled her fingers in Chuck's hair, pulling him down into a heated kiss. Before Sarah was entirely swept away by the feeling of Chuck's body against her own, her last conscious thought was how good it would feel to finally be able to whisper how much she loved him as they made love on her first-very successful-Valentine's Day.
o-o-o-o
Chuck woke up the next morning curled around his very beautiful, very naked, girlfriend. He cracked a single eye open to the check the time on their alarm clock and then closed it again, wrapping himself more tightly around her and burying his face in the waves of blonde hair on his pillow. Their first Valentine's Day had been perfect, and it only deepened the love Chuck already felt for the woman lying beside him. That's when he remembered what she'd told him the night before, that she loved him. That she always had, in a way. And his heart soared as he recalled how often she'd said it as they made love. It had been a whisper, a passionate cry, a giggle. It had been everything.
Overwhelmed by the powerful emotions that still lingered from last night, Chuck shifted slightly, brushing Sarah's hair aside and placing soft kisses along her neck. He heard her murmur and then she wiggled in his arms, pressing herself back against his body. Chuck's eyelids fluttered and a groan rumbled deep in his chest. He began placing kisses along her neck and shoulder with more fervor, his hands wandering along her sides, down her thighs, and around her abdomen.
"Chuck?" Sarah said suddenly, her voice still a little gravelly from sleep.
"Mmmm?" he replied, his lips still moving against her skin, his mind quickly losing the ability to focus on more than the sensation of her body pressed against his.
"Can I ask you something? About what you said last night?"
She wanted to talk? Now? Scratch that. Sarah Walker wanted to talk about feelings? Chuck was so shocked, that he stopped what he was doing and propped himself up on his elbow to look down into her face.
"Yeah, of course. What is it?"
Sarah rolled onto her back to look at him and then bit her lip nervously before she spoke. "Last night, after I played the song for you. You told me that you'd always been worried...That I would leave. That you'd wake up and I'd be gone."
Chuck was surprised to learn that she was still thinking about what he'd confessed. And for how long? All night? But it was a fear he hadn't been able to shake, especially when she'd refused to return his constant 'I love you's'. A large part of him had been worried that she was keeping quiet to protect his feelings if she decided to leave him again.
"It's stupid, I know," he began. "But I couldn't help it. It just kept creeping into the back of my mind."
Sarah shook her head fiercely. "It's not stupid Chuck! I don't want you to ever think that anything you want to tell me is stupid." She reached up and cupped his face, drawing her thumb across his cheek. "How long have you felt that way?"
Chuck dropped back down onto the bed beside her and sighed. "Since you came back with me from New York, I think. After the hotel and then the train station, I was worried. And then you seemed so nervous and uncomfortable here. I wanted you to feel like this was a safe place, a home, but I wasn't sure I was doing enough."
"Oh, Chuck," Sarah smiled and kissed him gently before speaking again. "Remember what I told you last night? Burbank isn't my home. You are."
"I know that now," he said with a grin.
"I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me how you're feeling..."
"Well the same goes for you," Chuck replied. "If we had both shared what we'd been thinking about earlier than last night, I think we could have worked through our fears together." He paused and then added, "And in the case of the last few months, I don't think you should worry about your spy senses, Sarah. Your life in the CIA shaped who you are and your life here in Burbank will do the same thing. Don't try and hide that side of you just because you don't have to actively use it anymore. I want you to feel safe sharing those memories with me too, because they're a part of you, Sarah. And I love all of you. No matter what. Bartowski lovin' is not exclusive," he teased, wiggling his eyebrows at her and diving in to kiss her cheek when she giggled.
"You're right," Sarah agreed after a moment, toying with the hem of the blankets. "But I've grown up keeping my emotions and feelings to myself. It's going to take a while to break a habit like that."
"Then let's make a pact," Chuck suggested, stilling Sarah's hands and holding them against his chest. "No more lies, no more secrets. We tell each other everything. Every emotion we're afraid the other might judge. We're open books. Deal?"
"Deal," Sarah agreed, giving him a smile so large, it lit up her entire face. Then she paused, her smile becoming more subdued and shy. "I love you."
"God, I love you too," he replied, as she slid a thigh over his hip and pulled herself onto his chest. Chuck cupped her face and pulled her down for a kiss, satisfied in the knowledge that, as they made love this morning, absolutely nothing-no buried emotions or fears-would be held back.
April 2nd, 2010: Westside Medical, Burbank, CA: 0000 hours
Sarah hated the smell of hospitals. The chemical cleanliness and scent of scrubs always put her on edge. It didn't do anything to calm her nerves that she and Chuck were there to meet the newest Woodcomb/Bartowski for the first time. Ellie had been in labor a long time, they'd gotten to the hospital at eight p.m. and it was now close to midnight. Chuck informed her that sometimes women could be in labor up to fourteen hours-which terrified Sarah more than it reassured her-and that four hours was really nothing in comparison. Finally, a nurse in light green scrubs came into the waiting room to greet them and take them into Ellie's recovery room.
Sarah let Chuck step inside the room first, feeling herself begin to tremble as she crossed the threshold. She wasn't sure why she was so terrified, it wasn't her own baby she was about to see, but the idea of holding-and possibly hurting-something to small and breakable set her on edge.
Ellie looked stunning for someone who had just gone through four hours of labor, and Sarah made sure she told her that. She stood by her friend's bedside and stroked her damp hair back out of her face.
"How are you feeling?"
"Great. All things considered," Ellie replied. "Do you want to see her?"
"It's a girl?" Chuck asked, his voice sounding a little shaky. "I get a little niece?"
Ellie nodded and smiled at her brother, while Devon clapped him on the back. The nurse returned with a small pink bundle and handed her to Devon, while Chuck and Sarah sanitized their hands. Devon handed Clara to Chuck first, and Sarah noted that her boyfriend seemed to have a natural instinct when it came to handling children. He cradled her head in one large hand and cocooned her little body with the other.
"She's beautiful guys. What's her name?"
"Clara Marie Woodcomb," Ellie said, meeting Chuck's gaze when he lifted his eyes from Clara's face.
"Marie...Almost like mom's name."
"Yeah." It was the only word Ellie could manage before her voice became choked and tears filled her eyes. Devon crossed the room to soothe her while Chuck held his arms out towards Sarah.
"Want to hold her?"
Panic coursed through Sarah's body and she took a step back as if Chuck were offering her a nuclear bomb, not a baby."No. I don't think I should."
"It's okay, Sarah," Ellie said from her bed, her voice still a little weak. "You can hold her. I trust you."
I don't really trust myself, Sarah thought but nodded anyway. She didn't want Ellie to think she was disgusted by her newborn child. Chuck smiled encouragingly and gestured for Sarah to hold out her arms, helping her cradle the baby before stepping away. Sarah stood there frozen, her arms locked around the child in a vice-like grip. Chuck had to remind her to breathe, a small chuckle bubbling from his lips. Sarah tried to glare at Chuck for laughing at her, but couldn't manage more than a glimpse for fear of losing focus on keeping Clara safe.
"See, you've got her, baby," he encouraged. Stepping behind Sarah, he readjusted her arms so that she was holding Clara a little more intimately. While he did, Sarah looked down into the baby's small red face. She looked so peaceful, and Chuck was right, she was beautiful, with a tiny button nose, pink lips, and wisps of her father's sandy blonde hair. The baby was warm, Sarah could feel her heat through the pink blanket. She was soft too; the hand that cradled her head ran across the delicate skin, careful not too press to hard and hurt her.
"Wow," Sarah murmured, looking up at Ellie and Devon, a grin breaking out across her face. "She's amazing."
Chuck, still pressed against Sarah's back, placed his hands on her hips and kissed her temple. "You're doing great," he whispered.
Overwhelmed by Chuck's confidence in her, the feeling of holding a newborn baby, and the smiles from her friends, Sarah turned her head to face Chuck and said, "I love you."
It wasn't until she heard a soft gasp from Ellie that she realized she had yet to confess that to Chuck in public. Valentine's Day-and night-had been full of 'I Love You's', but Sarah still kept her feelings mostly to herself in public, even when they were around people she trusted. It wasn't intentional, but her feelings for Chuck were hers, and expressing them in front of others still made her a little uncomfortable. She didn't realize until now how long Ellie must have been waiting to hear those words; to know that she and Chuck were entirely committed to one another.
"Oh Sarah," Ellie squeaked, more tears filling her eyes and Sarah had to chuckle at her friend's rampant emotions. Chuck laughed softly as well and cradled Sarah against his chest, looking down into Clara's face and picturing the day he'd see his own baby there.
August 13th, 2010: Carmichael Electronics Office, Burbank CA, 1200 Hours:
Morgan stood up from his desk and stretched, glancing at his watch to check the time. His lunch hour had started five minutes ago, but he'd been too absorbed in the programming assignment Chuck had given him to notice. Grabbing his lunch bag, Morgan strode out of his small office and made his way down the hall towards the main entrance, planning to enjoy his lunch outside. It was a beautiful day after all, and he'd been stuck inside programming for four hours.
As he passed Chuck's office, the door swung open and an arm popped out, gripping him by the front of his shirt and yanking him inside.
"AHH!" Morgan cried out as he stumbled into the office, dropping his lunch sack and its contents all over the floor. He looked up to see Chuck slamming the door shut behind him, his face haggard and slightly panicked. "Chuck, what the hell, man? You scared the crap out of me! What's with the theatrics?"
"Morgan, I need your help," Chuck began, taking slow steps towards Morgan, his hands raised slightly as if he were trying to tame a wild animal. "I also need you to keep what I'm about to tell you a secret."
"Uh..."
"Can you promise me, Morgan?"
"Um...well..."
"Morgan." Chuck's face was serious, his brown eyes too wide and little glassy. "Promise."
"Okay, I promise! What the hell is going on?"
Scurrying around his desk, Chuck pushed aside some papers and spun a magazine around for Morgan to look at.
"Rings," Morgan said looking up at Chuck and then back down at the magazine. "You want me to keep a ring catalog a secret?...Oh my god! Chuck!"
"I know," Chuck said with a tired smile. "I'm going to propose to Sarah."
"Dude!" Morgan's voice nearly cracked. "I'm so happy for you guys! How are you gonna do it? Where? When?"
"Hold on, slow down, buddy. I need the ring first and that's where you come in."
"How can I help?"
"All of these rings look great, how do I pick the right one? There are different cuts too. Did you know that diamonds have different cuts? How many diamonds do I get, Morgan? Is there a meaning to how many diamonds are on a ring?" Chuck was spiraling, his fingers gripping the pages of the magazine so tightly that Morgan was afraid it was about to tear.
"Maybe...Devon would be the guy to ask. You know? He's been through all of this stuff before. He might be able to give you the best advice."
"Great idea!" Chuck said, grabbing the magazine and his coat and bolting for the door. "I'll go right now. You don't mind taking the wheel for me today do you? Thanks, buddy. I owe you!" And then Chuck was gone, the door slamming shut behind him. Morgan sighed and shook his head, bending over to pick up his discarded lunch and plopping down at Chuck's desk to eat.
o-o-o-o
"Well the answer to your question is easy bro," Devon said when a frantic Chuck rushed into his apartment and interrupted his baby yoga session with Clara. "All you have to do is imagine what the ring will look like on her finger. If you can see it, then it's the right one."
"That really works?" Chuck asked, pacing the living room.
"Of course it does, but you've gotta calm your mind first. Why don't you join our yoga sesh? It'll be good for you." Chuck looked at little four-month-old Clara in a baby upward dog position and shook his head.
"No thanks, I think I'll go home and brainstorm. Sarah's down in Malibu today, so I should have some time." Devon watched him go, raising Clara's little hand in a wave.
"Say bye-bye, Uncle Chuck!" Clara, of course, just gurgled in response, but Chuck was already halfway out the door anyway. He clutched the catalog between his fingers as he walked across the courtyard. Morgan had been right, not only did he have the ring to worry about, but the time, the place, the mood. God, this was all so huge and he needed to make sure it was right. He wasn't going to get engaged again. This was Sarah, she was the one. It had to be perfect. Luckily, he had plenty of time alone to think.
Around mid-July, Sarah had finally followed through on applying for a job as a surfing instructor, and she hadn't looked back. Chuck rarely saw her around the office anymore, but that was alright, she was doing what she loved and the anticipation of seeing one another after the day was done was so much sweeter. Plus, she always smelled and tasted like the fresh salty sea air when she came home, and Chuck found he loved the smell and the way her skin and hair seemed to glow after an entire day in the sun.
Stepping into the empty apartment, Chuck wandered to the living room couch and sat down, setting the magazine out in front of him and flipping through the pages. He tried following Devon's advice, but nothing was sticking quite yet. Deciding to take a break and relax, like Devon had suggested, Chuck stood and headed for the towel closet. A nice long shower would be just what he needed to clear his head. When he opened the closet door, his eyes fell on the one towel that didn't match the rest of them. The pink one. The one that Sarah had given him almost two years ago, the one that had made him feel like he still had a piece of her after she'd left. And suddenly, as he held the towel in his hands, the proposal fell into place in his head. The time, the place, the mood. He knew exactly what he wanted to do. He had thought of the perfect spot and the perfect moment. Now all he had to do, was find the perfect ring.
Thank you all for reading. The next coming chapter will wrap this story up in a nice little bow. I will see all in the next installment!