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ScottishRose1028 was my lovely Beta! Thanks BB!
And HippieStar is my awesome pre reader!
Bella had slept later than she had ever slept before. School was wearing her down, being pregnant was making her tired, and the dreams she was having kept her from finding a good night's sleep since she had left.
Saturday mornings never meant much to her before. She didn't realize that people like her brother-in-law became like children once the weekend rolled around. She walked out of her new bedroom to find Emmett with a large bowl of cereal laughing at the cartoons that played on the television.
"Just ignore him," Rose said, switching on the vacuum cleaner.
"ROSE!" Emmett yelled over the loud engine as she went over the same spots on the carpet, leaving behind lines.
Rose pushed the vacuum upright and shut it off. "What?" she asked, clearly annoyed as she placed her hand on her hip.
"Can't you see I am watching TV? You just vacuumed yesterday," he pointed out.
"And you got crumbs all over," she said pointing to crumbs that could barely be seen.
Rose put the vacuum back on and Emmett picked up the remote to increase the volume on the TV.
"Hey Bella," he smiled at her as he shoved a big spoonful of cereal in his mouth.
Bella waved at him shyly as she weaved between him, Rose, and the vacuum.
Bella had been to a doctor about her pregnancy, and she didn't really feel comfortable with him. Rose suggested a midwife which Bella felt much more comfortable with. Being pregnant was a natural thing, and Bella wasn't used to all the unnecessary tests they had. With the midwife, there were no ultrasounds.
Rose encouraged Bella to have one, to find out the sex of the baby, but Bella refused.
Once Rose turned off her new favorite toy and Emmett had put the volume down to an acceptable level, Bella made her way out of the kitchen.
"Sit," Rose demanded.
"Okay," Bella shrugged, sitting next to Emmett as her sister towered above her. Bella looked up at her in confusion. Rose sunk down to sit on the wooden coffee table in front of the couch.
"What are you doing, Izzy?" she asked. Because since the day she picked her sister up, she hadn't gotten much information out of her.
"What do you mean?" Bella asked.
"What are you planning to do? About the baby, about the baby's daddy...it's like the million dollar question!" Rose exclaimed, waving her arms in frustration.
"Oh...well, I don't know," Bella told her meekly.
"That's bullshit. What do you WANT to happen?" Rose clarified.
"I want Edward to get better, I want him to leave and be with me. So we can be a family," Bella told her. It was easier then she thought to say. But of course, it was much more complicated.
"Tell us about Edward, I don't know anything about him, aside from the fact that he is fucked up."
"Like what?" Bella asked.
"Anything you know about him!" Rose exclaimed. "It's like pulling teeth to get information out of you!"
"He is twenty-one...he struggles with things that happened in his past, things he won't even talk to me about!" Bella told her sister in aggravation.
"Twenty-one?" Emmett questioned. Bella nodded. "Yeah, what you want to happen, won't happen out here very easily. Us English folks tend to look down on statutory rape," Emmett scoffed.
"Rape?" Bella questioned. "That is nuts. Why would you even think that?" she asked, appalled.
"Bella, age means something here. If you're over eighteen you are considered an adult. If you are under eighteen you are considered a minor, and men get in trouble all the time for having sex with minors." Emmett told Bella the harsh truth. Age wasn't just a number.
"He didn't rape me," Bella still argued. "He would never," she said shaking her head, still confused, still trying to grasp the consequences Edward would face in this English world.
"Bella, he can't just be with you like that. There are laws, and rules, and stigmas. And he would be...he wouldn't be looked at in the best light. People wouldn't understand why he slept with such a young girl. I mean...didn't he..." Emmett struggled himself to come to terms with the facts.
He didn't think too highly of Edward for sleeping with someone Bella's age.
"What?" Bella asked.
"I just...it makes me wonder, what type of twenty-one year old who was brought up outside of the Amish starts sleeping with a somewhat naïve sixteen-year-old girl," Emmett told Bella and Rose.
"It's not like that, he is not like that. Are you suggesting he took advantage of me? Because he didn't!" Bella began to get defensive.
"Bella...I just find it all a bit sketchy. And out here in this world...I'm not going to be the only one." Emmett told her the blunt truth. "I mean, you said it yourself, how well do you actually know this guy?"
"He isn't like that. He isn't creepy or sketchy," Bella tried to defend him. "Rose," she said in a pleading tone, "he isn't like that," she begged her sister to believe her. She wasn't entirely sure why she felt the need to make Rose believe her, but in all honesty; she was starting to question who Edward truly was. That if maybe she could convince Rose, she could convince herself.
"Iz, what did he tell you about himself, exactly?" Rose asked.
"That...that he gets angry. That he...fights," Bella told them. "I know he was struggling and lost his temper one night with his girlfriend," Bella told them. "He didn't mean to hurt her. It was just an accident," Bella said, not giving the details of what had happened to push Edward to the choice he made to leave.
"Bella! He sounds dangerous! Does Daddy know about this?" Rose asked.
"He knows everything about him, Rose! He is trying to help him be better! Something awful happened to him to make him like this! He doesn't want to be like that. He protected me! And when he would get upset...I could calm him. Me." Bella told them both.
"He can't be near that baby," Rose told Bella, her tone authoritative as she pointed to Bella's stomach.
"He wouldn't hurt me. He wouldn't hurt the baby! But he would be afraid he would. I need him to find the answers he came looking for. That is why I left. I have until June...right after I deliver I will go back, see how he is...hopefully, he is better," Bella told them.
"And if he isn't?" Rose asked.
"I don't know Rose. I will know when I see him. Until then...I just have to take it a day at a time," Bella told her sister.
Rose and Emmett were both against any plans Bella had to go back to Edward. They worried that she was taken advantage of. Or that he could hurt her and the baby. They didn't know him the way Bella did.
Bella got dressed, and announced her plans to hang out with Mike, Lauren, and Angela at the mall for the day. She couldn't get much more English, and she liked the idea of spending the afternoon normally.
Rose gave her some money, and soon Bella was gone with her new friends.
Bella soon found out she didn't like shopping. She spent the majority of the day with Mike while Angela and Lauren went into every store. Searching for the perfect shoes, purse, the perfect anything for absolutely any event.
She was happy Mike was with her. He kept her laughing as they watched people walk by them. "I'm getting hungry," Bella said as her stomach growled.
"I can hear," Mike commented. Lauren and Angela came out of Forever 21 with all of their bags, talking about which store to hit next.
"Why don't we take a break and get some food," Mike suggested. "Gotta feed the pregnant lady," he winked at Bella.
"Thanks," Bella said rolling her eyes.
As they walked toward Ruby Tuesday to get some dinner, Mike asked if they all wanted to see a movie afterward. "My treat," he whispered to Bella with a small nudge.
"Sure," Bella smiled.
"Sounds good to me," Lauren added.
"I can't," Angela frowned. "But you guys have fun; I promised Eric I would come over tonight."
After dinner, Mike, Lauren, and Bella headed to the movie theater. Mike sat awkwardly in the middle of Lauren and Bella throughout the movie. As he wanted to put his arm around Bella, Lauren inched her hand closer and closer to his.
Bella couldn't believe how late it had gotten. "I can't believe it's past ten," she said with a yawn. She climbed in the back seat since Lauren had called "shotgun" – something new Bella had never heard of. Bella didn't mind one bit, riding in the backseat didn't bother her.
It did, however, bother Lauren a great deal when Mike dropped her off first. Bella climbed into the front seat as she said goodbye to Lauren.
"Gosh, it's getting cold," Bella noted to Mike as she got back in the car.
"Yeah, where is your coat?" Mike laughed, taking in Bella as she wore only a long sleeved Henley that she had taken from Edward.
"I didn't think we would be gone this late," Bella shrugged.
"Here," Mike said, shrugging out of his coat. He wrapped it around Bella before she climbed back in his car.
"Thanks," she said, slipping it on.
Bella and Mike rode back to her apartment building in a comfortable silence. He parked the car as close to her building as he could. Being a gentleman he got out and opened the door for her and extended his hand to help her out of the car. As she stood, he still did not let go of her hand. She wasn't uncomfortable holding his hand, but she knew it meant more to him than it did to her. She slowly withdrew her hand from his and wrapped the oversized coat around her waist.
"Let me walk you up," Mike said motioning toward the door to her sister's home. It was a nice apartment complex and being on the first floor afforded them the luxury of having a door that lead directly into the apartment.
"Sure," Bella said, as they walked forward. Once they had reached the door, Bella pulled out her keys and began to look for the right key.
"I had a nice time," Mike said leaning close to Bella.
"Thanks, so did I," Bella smiled at him. Mike leaned down and kissed her.
Bella pushed back. "Mike," she said rejecting him. She shrugged off his coat and handed it back to him. "You are a great friend, I just...I'm just not looking for more than that right now," she explained as he took the coat.
"Can't blame a guy for trying," he smiled as he walked backwards. "See you later," he waved.
Edward and Sarah sat underneath the tall tree by the school house. His Pennsylvania Dutch was getting much better even within the short few weeks Sarah had spent with him.
"Can I ask you something?" Edward asked her, putting the newest lesson on the back burner.
"I suppose," she said, closing the book on her lap.
"What did you do for your Rumspringa?" Edward asked. He was curious about what type of person she was.
"Nothing crazy. Nothing like Isabella," she said shaking her head.
"What did you hear about Bella?" he asked. This was not the direction he wanted the conversation to go, but he couldn't not push for more information.
"Party, drugs, sex, drinking," Sarah told him.
"So, what did you do?" Edward asked again.
"I liked to watch movies. Not very exciting. But I liked to watch films," Sarah explained, her shyness seeping through.
"Movies? Like which ones?" Edward asked. He could talk to her about movies if he had seen them.
"It's a Wonderful Life, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Pocketful of Miracles. Simple desires fulfilled, aspirations realized. What I like most about those movies is the fact that no matter how far off the pedestal the character fell, they always got a second chance. Forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts the Lord has given us – with it comes understanding." Sarah told Edward.
"I could use a second chance," Edward muttered. "Even a rainbow would be nice," he said pulling up a few blades of grass.
"My father says, "If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with a lot of rain." And no offense Edward, from what I've seen of you so far, you'd better buy yourself a good umbrella."
"That is reassuring," Edward smirked, throwing the blades of grass at her. "Got anymore wise words for me?"
"I was brought up a proper lady. I wasn't meant to understand things. I'm just meant to look pretty, and then someone nice will marry me," Sarah said, avoiding his question for more advice.
"Doesn't it matter if you love him?" Edward asked.
"I will grow to love him. Within everyone is a person. I believe all you have to do is keep an open heart, and accept people, and love will come."
"And that is good enough for you?" Edward asked her.
"Of course I hope to be lucky enough to find someone like Mary Alice has in Jasper," Sarah confided in Edward. She wanted to go the extra step and say she wanted him, but she was too shy, too reserved to do that.
"Do you know why Bella left?" Edward asked her out of nowhere. Aside from him, Sarah had seen her the most the month before she left.
"She didn't tell me, but I heard what they speculate," Sarah shrugged.
"What exactly do they speculate?" Edward asked, raising an eyebrow.
"That she got in some trouble with Paul, who just married one of the Black girls. I heard he told her he would not marry her so she could stay, forcing her to go." Sarah told Edward the not so far from the truth story.
"Paul?" Edward questioned. "No," he said shaking his head. "She would have never..." Edward trailed off.
The dreams. The baby. The baby crying. James. She was running from James.
Did James do more to her then she let him believe? Did James rape her, and leave her pregnant, forcing her to leave? It hit Edward like a ton of bricks. His dreams were trying to tell him something.
I would have helped her!
"She would have told me that," Edward said, without thinking.
"Edward, she didn't tell anyone. She was too ashamed. It would have ruined too many lives." Sarah told him.
I would have taken her to get an abortion if she needed, or claim her and the child as my own, begging Charles to let me marry her right away. Whatever she wanted – I would have helped her Unless she thought I was too broken...
Edward had an intense urge to find her, to demand to know what was really going on.
"It's all gossip Edward." Sarah said, in her attempt to calm the ignited man that stood over her. "There is probably no truth to it. I shouldn't have spoken of it again. That is very sinful."
"Just took me by surprise, that is all." Edward said, extending his hand down to Sarah. "Ready to go?" he asked her as she placed her hand in his.
Edward couldn't get the dreams of babies and James out of his head. Why else would she leave? If she believed that it was his child she would have told him. But if she didn't want anyone to find out what James did to her, she would run away.
When Edward got back to his new home he didn't hesitate to question Charles about what he had heard.
"Did you hear what people are saying about Bella?" He asked, as soon as he saw him out in the barn. His tone was accusing and Charles didn't fail to notice that Edward called her Bella. Not Isabella, or Izzy like everyone else, but Bella.
"Can't pay attention to gossip, Edward," Charles said.
"So, you have heard. You just don't care?" Edward accused again.
"I know you care for my daughter, Edward," Charles said seriously. "I know how she attempted to see you...in a less than acceptable way. I don't know the extent of the relationship you had with my daughter. I don't want to know. She is gone now, Edward. She may come back, and she may not. She is very young still in many ways," Charles said shocking Edward into silence.
Edward swallowed thickly.
"Edward, everyone is tempted. Everyone falls down. Everyone gets a second chance. You are still here for a reason. When Rosalie left, I was angry. I am not perfect. Take it from someone who spent the better part of last spring angry at the world, it's not worth it. It might numb the pain a little bit, but it's just a distraction. My point is: if you do it right, Edward, loving somebody is going to hurt and the sooner you let yourself feel that, the sooner you'll be able to love again," Charles said.
"Move on?" Edward questioned.
"She did," Charles told him bluntly. "You are still here," he pointed out. "Sarah's here." Charles said cocking his eyebrow.
"You think that is the answer? Court Sarah?" Edward asked.
"I think the sooner you let yourself feel the pain of your past, the pain of hurting people you love, the pain of being hurt by someone you love, the sooner you can overcome your past. I think when you let people in, let them love you, you will begin to heal." Charles told him.
"Love heals all wounds?" Edward asked, with a small smile. He found it to be a bit corny.
"You don't feel worthy of being loved. Let someone love you, see how you change," Charles said, unaware that Edward already knew that was the truth. He already saw himself change by allowing Bella in.
But now she was gone. He wasn't going to give her up without a fight.
"I love your daughter," Edward admitted to Charles. He wanted to find her. Be with her. Let her heal him.
"I knew that," Charles said. He hesitated for a second before giving Edward the information he wanted, "There is a letter...from Rosalie. It has her address on it. If you want to go find her start there." Charles told Edward. "It's in the table drawer in the living room."
"Thank you," Edward told him.
"And Edward," Charles said stopping Edward, "You are welcome to come back if it doesn't work out."
Edward nodded at him in thanks as he turned to leave. He had brought some money with him just in case, and with it he planned to rent a car to get to Bella.
He searched through the table finding the letter, he took out a pen and wrote out Rosalie McCarty's return address.
He didn't waste anytime changing back into his jeans, before he began to walk down the country road, holding his thumb out to the few cars that passed by to hitch a ride.
Eventually a buggy stopped. "Edward?" Jasper and Alice asked.
"Hey," he said. "I need to get to a car rental place or something," he told them.
"We can take you," Alice said making room for Edward.
Edward climbed in and thanked them. "You're leaving?" Jasper asked as the horse began to trot down the road.
"I don't know, I want to find Bella," he told them.
"Took you long enough!" Alice exclaimed, sharing a smile with Edward, as Jasper focused on the road ahead of him.
What would he say to her? Would he ask her to come back with him? Stay with her? What if she told him to leave? That she wanted nothing to do with him.
And Edward's worst fear: what if his dreams were true? What if James did rape her? What if she was carrying a child that resulted from a rape?
Knowing how she was brought up, he feared she would struggle with the thought of wanting to get an abortion. She would most definitely think that it was murder.
What if she was wallowing in the same guilt he had been? In that moment Edward swore to tell her everything.
I want to thank everyone that has been rec'ing and reviewing! It means so much to me! Amcas Rec'd this on her blog – Whynotpattz – check it out.
I'd love to know what you all are thinking! I will post a teaser on the Twilighted thread, and if you can't get onto the thread and review and need a teaser please let me know, I will send it to you.
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