Author's note: I love these two, but they're infuriating at times. Castle's cautiousness and willingness to wait, and Beckett's reluctance and mistaken belief that she can't have her quest and also her own life. Thankfully there are other forces at work this time, and they've set a strict deadline.

"Hey," Beckett said, as Castle got out of the taxi in front of her building. She was already waiting outside, hands thrust into her pockets against the chill.

"Hi," he replied, giving her a brief smile as he examined her expression carefully.

"What?" she asked after a moment, her brow furrowing in suspicion, but he only shrugged.

"I wasn't expecting to hear from you today. Not that I'm not glad to hear from you – I am. It's just… a little unusual."

She tilted her head slightly, which only further piqued his curiosity.

"Everything alright? With you, I mean?" he asked, and she considered the question for a moment.

Not really, she thought. I'm having dreams about my mother, and my former partner – both of whom are dead. And I'm feeling weird lately. And it's Christmas.

"I'm fine," she said, daring him to argue.

"OK," he replied. He knew not to push her. "So, any thoughts on where you want to eat?"

"I know a place," she said, nodding in the direction of the nearby intersection, and they both began to walk.

"Up to much this morning?" she asked, and he smiled.

"Been up writing since before seven. I'm really getting through it. Rook is… well, you'll see when it's out. But it's good."

She grinned. "I bet. I'll try to contain my curiosity for now."

He shot her a look, then happily began telling her about how he'd bought a whole set of matching accessories for Alexis's new scooter.

She walked along by his side, content to listen to him talking about his daughter. They drew up to another intersection, and Castle showed no sign of stopping, entirely caught up in what he was telling her.

Beckett saw the large van out of the corner of her eye.

Castle was about to step from the edge of the sidewalk when she grabbed his elbow, making him stop and look around at her in surprise. The van blasted past just a couple of feet in front of him, and he paled.

"Oh, yikes. Thanks," he said.

She shook her head at him, exasperating masking the momentary feeling of ice in her belly, then looked down the street at the rapidly disappearing vehicle.

Jumbo Removals, the painted livery on its shutter tailgate said, in bright yellow writing against a deep blue background. There was a picture of a cartoon elephant wearing a workman's cap and overalls, holding a cardboard box and winking.

Coincidence, she thought, but she unconsciously tightened her grip on Castle's arm.

"Get the license plate?" he asked, with humour in his voice, and she looked around at him again, raising an eyebrow.

"You shouldn't be allowed out on your own," she replied, and she knew roughly what he was going to say before he spoke.

"Why Detective Beckett, is that an offer to accompany me around town more often?"

She rolled her eyes, but managed to resist the temptation to jab a finger into his ribs.

His teasing grin faltered after a couple of seconds when she hadn't yet broken eye contact or released his elbow, and again she heard a church bell tolling somewhere in the distance.

"Maybe I should, Castle, if I ever want to read that new book," she said, and he smirked.

The crossing signal changed to WALK, and the small crowd of fellow pedestrians around them moved off. Beckett paused for only a moment before making her decision, then released his elbow and instead looped her arm through his, tugging him onwards.

It took him a moment to get his footing, and she could see in her peripheral vision that his mouth opened and then closed again, but he didn't say anything.

The cafe was blissfully warm, its windows fogged with condensation. They were seated not far from the counter, and there were already two coffees in front of them.

Castle picked up his mug and held it in both hands, letting the steam drift up in front of his eyes. He watched her across the table.

What's going on with you today?

It had taken another ten minutes or so to reach the cafe, and Beckett's arm had been linked with his the whole way. He'd been stunned at first, expecting her to let go as soon as they stepped back onto the sidewalk after crossing the intersection, but if anything she'd just slightly tightened her grip.

He'd tried to enjoy it, he really had, but his first instinct was to worry about her, and what might have happened. Kate Beckett did not do public displays of affection, and she refused to ever show any vulnerability, or leave herself open to teasing. She was fiercely protective of her tough and no-nonsense image. The more he thought about it, the more concerned he became.

She did finally release his arm when they reached the cafe, letting him open and hold the door for her as usual, and he was dismayed at how much he instantly missed the contact.

Don't go there, Rick, he cautioned himself, pushing the emotion away. They'd been seated right away, and the coffees arrived quickly.

Now he used the veil of the steam to surreptitiously observe her. She was looking down at her own coffee mug, elbow on the table and her chin resting on the heel of her palm. Her long lashes were exquisitely outlined against her cheeks, which were still flushed a delicate pink from the cold air outside. Every so often, her nose would twitch as the aroma of the coffee reached her. She was lost in thought, and for a moment, a wistful smile played across her lips.

She was beautiful.

He felt the familiar surge of emotion in his chest. The longing, the loneliness despite her proximity, the instinctive need to protect her – mostly from herself. The desire to hold her that was so strong in moments like this that it became an almost physical ache.

Maybe next year will be the one, he told himself, not believing it but needing to hope. The worst part was that, looking at her now with the light reflecting from her auburn curls in a hundred places and the contrast of her purple woollen scarf against the smooth, pale skin of her neck, he knew that he'd probably wait for the rest of his life. Until hope finally gave way to despair, and every possible tomorrow was only a withered regret of a yesterday that had never come.

Beckett felt his eyes on her, and she glanced up. The look on his face, just for a moment before he carefully schooled his expression and averted his gaze, made her breath catch in her throat.

His eyes crinkled gently at the outside corners, and he wore an easy smile that he probably wasn't even aware of. His lips were slightly parted and his head tilted just a little to the left, as if he couldn't quite comprehend what he was seeing. His eyes were a vivid blue, open and clear, pupils dilated despite the brightness of the cafe. She knew that he was aware of nothing but her. It was a look she had seen often during this past year, in his unguarded moments, and it was always for her. The kind of look that a man wore when he was making a vow.

There could be absolutely no question that he was in love with her.

And then he looked away, caught, knowing that he wasn't allowed to show her that particular truth. That she didn't allow him to. Back to the holding pattern, keeping everything inside as the weeks ticked by.

Castle drummed his fingers nervously against the cheerfully bright tablecloth.

Tick, tock.

Tick, tock.

She felt the familiar sense of panic rising up inside her – too soon, too much, just another person to someday lose – but this time there was a different quality to it.

It can all be over in a moment, her mother's voice echoed in her mind, and she thought again of the van that sped by earlier. So many second chances, but none of them taken.

She watched him as he took a noisy gulp of coffee, the crease in his brow barely noticeable but definitely there, and she suddenly knew that he was angry with himself.

Because now I'll push him away again.

She turned her head to look across the cafe towards the big windows that looked out onto the street, and she saw the man standing there. He was right outside the glass, looking in with wild eyes. His hair was matted and sticking out in all directions, and his clothes were filthy. He had an unkempt beard, and a cut running down one cheek.

He held a roughly-torn square of cardboard, and she read the hand-lettered sign that filled its surface.

TIME IS RUNNING OUT!

The man seemed to be looking straight at her, but then his eyes flicked to another of the cafe's customers, then another, and finally he stepped back from the window, looked aimlessly around, then moved off out of sight.

"Wouldn't be surprised if Gina sent him," Castle said, and Beckett looked around at him and actually laughed. Trust Castle to always break the tension.

He grinned, delighted at her response, then after a moment he sighed.

"You know – and I'm not prying – if you want to talk about… whatever it is, then I'm here. Anytime."

She looked down at the tablecloth for a moment then met his gaze again, and nodded.

"Doesn't have to be today," he said. "Not even this afternoon. In this cafe. Starting… now?"

She raised an eyebrow at him, and he held his hands up in defeat. "OK, I didn't think so. But I mean it, Kate."

Her stomach fluttered at his use of her first name, and again she wondered what in the hell she was doing, sitting here across from this man and pretending that everything was alright.

"I know," she said quietly, wrapping both hands around the coffee mug before briefly making eye contact again. "And I appreciate it."

A pause, that stretched out fifteen seconds or more.

"I just…" she began, and then she sighed and shook her head.

Tick, tock.

She removed her hands from the mug, placing them flat against the tablecloth, then she looked up at him again. She pursed her lips for a moment before speaking.

"Castle, have you ever–"

"Sorry about the wait, folks. Now, what can I get for you?"

The waitress appeared out of nowhere, and neither of them spoke for a couple of seconds. Castle saw a flash of trepidation appear on the girl's face, and he smiled reassuringly at her.

"Are we ready to order?" he asked, looking across at Beckett, and they both knew there were at least two questions there.

Beckett tucked a strand of hair behind her ear self-consciously, picking up her menu, then she flashed the waitress a quick smile and nodded.

Where were you this time, Royce? Beckett's mind whispered sarcastically as she quickly scanned the dishes on the outsized laminated card.

Damn it, Castle thought, knowing the moment had passed.

"Ladies first," he said.