RED FORMAN ON SEX
Red is sitting at the kitchen table with a beer in his hand.
"Today, I am here to talk to you... 'people', the network wanted me to cut down on saying 'dumbass' all the time, but I said it anyway, so sue me. Anyway, sex. Sex is good, sex is important. Without sex, there would be no offspring, which in a way is a pretty good thing when you think about it. I mean with today's generation, don't you want the world to end? How are any of these children going to grow up and become a good president? I mean, most of our children these days are fondling women, or causing fights between the Iraqi kids and the American kids! It's very sad and disturbing! Anyway, I'm getting off topic. Sex. The best way to start is to just get right into it."
Kitty enters.
"No it's not, you've got to have the foreplay!"
Red looks at Kitty.
"What the hell does that have to do with making babies?"
"It helps get you turned on!"
"No it doesn't! It just prolongs the torture. I don't want the appetizers, I want to get right down to the main meal!"
"Men and the main meal! Next you want to say that you don't like the cuddling either!"
"Men don't want the cuddling, they want to go to sleep! We have to work you know!"
"So? How hard is it to take twenty minutes just to cuddle?"
"It's very hard! I don't want..."
SCREEN GOES TO 'WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.
TV AD: "Be safe, be okay, use the Trojans! Well, I don't because Kitty made me get a vase... just get out of my house dumbass!"
THE END