What the hell just happened? One minute I'm talking to Karma about the mixing board and the next minute Sara is playing the piano like she's performing in Carnegie Hall. AND SINGING! Where the hell did that come from? I didn't know she could play. Why...oh fuck! Did she just...did she just tell me she's into me? Sara's into me. Shit. Sara's into me, right? I mean that's basically what she just said, well sang, to me. Sara's into me. I'm into Sara. Sara just told me, no just sang, putting her heart out there. She just took a leap and she's hoping I catch her. Damn it! I haven't said anything yet. I'm just staring at her. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm a lady-slayer, always full of confidence, and I'm standing here with tears running down my face because Sara scares the shit out of me. Fuck, look away. Look down at the keyboard. My eyes are listening to my brain right now, thank God. Dry that shit up now Reagan. No crying! Now I'm staring at the keyboard. What do I say? Can I even say anything? Can I do this? Am I ready for any of this after Jordan? Shit, she's not talking. She's not saying anything either. Look up Reagan. Look at her. My eyes slowly trail up meeting her gaze. I feel my mouth opening and closing, but words are lost on me. I can't speak, and I guess that's okay because she breaks the silence.
"Reagan are you okay?" She asks me with a shaky voice. I can hear the nervousness in her voice, and she's so far from being her normal, confident self. "Reagan, please say something." Her eyes are now searching mine. Searching for something. Anything.
"Um...uh I...you pl- you play? I d-didn't know you played," I stuttered. Shit! Face palm. Like right fucking now. Smooth Reagan. Real smooth. She tells me she's crazy about me and all I can fucking say is I didn't know you played. I am having a fucking meltdown inside my own head.
"Yeah. Been playing since eighth grade," she says still searching my face. Her eyes aren't leaving mine, and my God are her eyes beautiful. "You know Reagan, there's a lot you don't know about me," she says getting up from behind the keyboard and walking around it, stopping right in front of me. "You know, I've wanted to say something...to tell you, for so long now." Her eyes drop to the small space of floor between us, and after a few seconds, they return to mine. God she's beautiful...and tall. She's like four inches taller than me. I've never been with someone that much taller. What the hell Reagan, get your shit together! You've got this amazing woman standing in front of you telling you she's crazy about you...too! "I've wanted to tell you for almost two years." I open my mouth but nothing comes out. What if she's like Jordan? I mean I know she's into guys too, so what if she is just like Jordan? What if she changes her mind and she decides she would rather be with a guy than me? My head drops so I can look anywhere but at her. I see her hand come up slowly, up under my chin, and she slowly brings my chin up so I can look at her. I feel a shiver shoot through my spine at her touch. I see a small smile come across her face.
"Reagan. I um. I was uh. If you um, if you don't have plans tomorrow night, would you like to go out to dinner? With me. Like um- a date. A first date." She's still smiling. God her smile is perfect. Her eyes are so full of hope and excitement. Tell her yes you dumb ass. Tell her hell yes!
"Sara. I...I um," and at my hesitation her face drops and I can see the disappointment and hurt in her eyes. "Sara-,"
"Reagan," she says cutting me off. "It's okay."
"But Sara-," I try again.
"Reagan really, it's okay," she says through half a smile before turning and walking away towards the stairs. Damn it! You need to go after her. C'mon, move your ass. I look up and see that Sara is only a couple of steps away from the bottom of the stairs. I can't let her walk away. Not after this. I take off running after her. I make it to the bottom step before she does, and I hop up on it and turn to face her.
"Sara wait." The step I'm standing on corrects the height difference between us, putting me at eye level with her. I see a tear hanging in her left eye. My gaze drops to her lips, and I slowly look back to her eyes. I don't have the words, so I do the only thing I can think of. I place both hands on her cheeks, cupping her face, and lean forward placing a very soft kiss on her lips. As soon as our lips touch I feel her arms wrap tightly around my waist, pulling me closer to her. The kiss was perfect and it felt like it lasted forever, but in reality it only lasted a few seconds. We both pulled away slowly and she broke the silence.
"So is that a yes to our date tomorrow night?" she asks still holding me close. I smile at her and nod my head in place of actually saying yes. She lets out a small laugh, "You know, if you don't learn how to talk before tomorrow night you're going to be a really shitty date." And in that moment I was able to find my voice.
"I'll be the best date you ever had," I say with a smirk.
"I know," she says before placing a chaste kiss on my lips.
"You know, Amy has been giving me hell for months, telling me I needed to ask you out," I say to Sara still wrapped in her arms.
"Really? She's been giving me hell for almost a year now, telling me the same thing."
"Well, what did she say to get you to say something, especially the way you did?
"It wasn't Amy." When I hear this I get confused and Sara must have seen the confusion on my face because she continues, "It was Karma."
"Karma? What...how did she convince you to finally say something?
"She told me to not make the same mistakes she made and that I shouldn't hide my feelings for you from you because I would regret it the rest of my life."
"Sounds like she is finally getting it, and I'm happy you told me," I say pulling away from her, taking her hand in mine, and pulling her over to one of the sofa's in the open floor studio space. After we both sit down, me snuggled into her side, I ask, "This wasn't planned was it? I mean you totally winged it right?"
"No, it wasn't planned. I mean you really pissed me off being all judgmental and making assumptions. All I really wanted to do was put you in your place."
"Well you most certainly did. You are an amazing pianist. That Chopin piece is no joke." She chuckles a little before replying.
"Yeah, no shit. When I was learning it during college I stayed pissed off for an entire semester because I just couldn't get it. Then one day I nailed it and that was that."
"Well, while you were putting me in my place, what happened to make you finally want to say something? I'm guessing Karma had something to do with it. I mean she told me to shut up and listen to you."
Yeah, remind me to thank her later," she says playfully while throwing a gentle elbow into my side. "When I was playing the James Horner piece from Titanic I noticed she settled next to Amy and slid her hand into Amy's. But Amy looked at their hands, looked up at Karma, tried to smile, and gently pulled her hand away. The look of hurt and understanding on Karma's face...and remembering what she said to me about not hiding my feelings from you. So I said what the hell and went for it."
"Yeah, remind me to thank her later too," I say to Sara, but I notice that her mind has went off somewhere. "What are you thinking?" I ask, playing with her fingers.
"Just wondering if those two will ever get their shit together and work it out. I know that they are both crazy in love with each other, and it's complicated as hell."
"Yeah, I think they will eventually. Karma just needs to be patient and understanding. Amy will probably need a kick in the ass at some point though."
"So they're going to need our help at some point? Is that what you are saying Rea?"
"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. Lauren will have a field day with it." We both laugh at that and I can't help but think that being with Sara like this feels so right. "So Beethoven, tell me how you came to be this amazing musician." She pulls me into her and kisses my forehead.
"Nope! That's for tomorrow night," she says proudly and I can't help but wonder what she's got up her sleeve for our first date.
When we got to the top of the stairs I heard Sara play the last note. I can't believe she finally told Reagan. That impromptu performance was amazing! I can't wait to find out how it went after me and Karma slipped away. I was still lost in everything that just happened and I didn't realize we had walked into the kitchen.
"Great timing. Can you help me get the kitchen cleaned up?" Lauren asked, turning around to face us when I noticed her eyes dropped to our hands. She then looked back up at both of us with narrow eyes, giving me her "what the fuck Amy" look. I finally realized that I was still holding Karma's hand and that is what Lauren was getting at.
"Yeah, what do you need me to do?" I asked her, dropping Karma's hand and walking toward the kitchen sink.
"Start rinsing dishes and load the dishwasher," Lauren said to me before turning to Karma. "Karma, Amy and I can get this." Karma looked at Lauren, then over to me before speaking.
"Okay. I'm gonna go upstairs. It's been a long day. Thank you for today, for everything," she said. She dropped her eyes to the floor, turned and walked out of the kitchen. I could feel Lauren's eyes burning into my back and I knew it was it coming in three, two, one.
"Care to explain the shit I just saw?" Lauren asked, arms folded across her chest.
"Well Sara basically told Reagan she was head-over-heels for her so I grabbed Karma and we came back upstairs so they could have some privacy," I told Lauren, hoping that it would take her attention off of me.
"Yeah, like I didn't see that one coming, but nice try. I'm not letting you distract me from this. Amy, what did I tell you? Hmm. You can't sink yourself into her shit again."
"We were holding hands Lauren not having sex on the kitchen counter. It's not a big-,"
"It's not a big deal?" she said, shutting me up. "Bullshit Amy! I call bullshit. Nothing has never not been a big deal between you two. Whether you want to admit it or not, both of you are vulnerable right now with everything that has gone on and if you aren't careful, one or both of you will wind up hurt."
"Whatever Lauren," I snap back to her as I continued loading the dishwasher.
"Don't whatever me Amy. She's been here for twenty-four hours and you're holding hands. Hell, I bet you two were in bed together last night." My face and emotions betrayed me. "Jesus Christ Amy! Really?"
"Lauren it's not like that. She wanted me to stay after her nightmare. I left and went back to my room as soon as she went back to sleep," I said trying to explain myself to Lauren, but she wasn't having it.
"I don't care about that Amy. All I'm saying is be careful and think about the shit you do before you do it because God knows that Karma has never been good at that. I don't want to see you get hurt again...and I don't want to see Karma get hurt either." Neither one of us said anything after that. We just got back to cleaning up the kitchen. When we were done I told Lauren good night and went to my room. I could hear the shower going in the bathroom, so I just fell onto my bed staring at the ceiling. About an hour later I decided to check on Karma. I walked through the bathroom and found her sound asleep, buried under her blanket. She looked so beautiful. She's always looked beautiful while she was sleeping. Before I realized what I was doing, I leaned over and softly kissed her forehead. I turned the small lamp off that was sitting on her nightstand and went back to my room.
Why can't I just shut my mind off and go to sleep? I've been tossing and turning all damn night. I roll over and grab my phone off the nightstand...2:58am. Great. Another sleepless night. Since I couldn't sleep I decided to turn on Netflix to see if anything new was available. As I'm scrolling through I hear Karma talking. I thought she might be talking in her sleep and as I walk through the bathroom it sounds like she's crying too. I turn on the small bedside lamp and when I look at her I see that she is mumbling incoherently in her sleep with tears running down her cheeks.
"Karma," I say while gently shaking her shoulder. "Karma wake up." She's starting to move around in the bed. "C'mon Karms, wake up," as I shake her a bit harder. She bolts up into a sitting position, gasping for air. "It was just a bad dream Karma. You're okay. You're safe," I say reaching for her hand, trying to reassure her. After a couple of minutes, her breathing slows to normal and she's calmed down. "Karma are the bad dreams new? Have they just started in the last few days?"
"Uh, No. Not really," she says picking at the part of cast between her thumb and first finger. "I usually don't have them every night."
"How long have you been having them?" I ask seeing the embarrassment in her eyes. She drops her eyes to her hands.
"Since April. Three or four times a week."
"Okay. I'll call a colleague of mine tomorrow about getting you a prescription that will help you sleep. You know, it wouldn't be a bad idea if you talked to someone, a professional, about everything."
"Amy, I can't afford that," she says looking back up at me with sad eyes.
"Karma let me worry about that. You just need to focus on getting better, okay?" She nods her head. "So if I schedule it, you will give counseling a try?"
"If you think it's what is best, I'll do it. I'll do whatever you think I need to do."
"Okay. I just want you to get better Karma."
"Me too." After a brief pause Karma adds, "So, how bad was it with Lauren?"
"I don't know what-,"
"Amy don't play dumb," she says cutting me off. "I know Lauren well enough to know she gave you a lecture about me, and probably some type of warning about falling down my rabbit hole again." Without thinking I opened my big mouth.
"Actually it was sinking in your shit again, but...yeah, sorry." Karma looked away from me with tears in her eyes. She stood up and walked over to her window overlooking the driveway. "Karma she's worried about both of us. She said she doesn't want either one of us to get hurt." I stand and walk over to her. "Karma." She looks over at me and I gently pull her into a hug. "It's gonna be okay," I reassure her, but she is still quiet. "Hey, what are you thinking?" She pulls back and looks at me.
"I'm thinking things must have worked out for Sara," motioning to the driveway below us with her head. I let her go and look out the window when I see Reagan's SUV parked in the driveway.
"Holy shit! It sure does look that way doesn't it," I say laughing. "You know, I'm pretty sure this is the first sleepover."
"What? Really?"
"Yeah, as far as I know Reagan has never spent the night here with her." Karma starts laughing.
"Well then I guess breakfast will be fun!"