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Chapter 11: In Too Deep
Shit. I hadn't realized I said Mia's name out loud. I tensed under his touch and came to the conclusion that this was the moment to tell him. I had to sooner or later anyways. I'm surprised Damon hasn't mentioned it to him. I was dreading this day would come. I don't really want to get emotionally attached to Christian. It's hard to open yourself up to someone like that. But I would have had to tell him sooner or later, might as well be sooner to get it over with. He is going to find out from someone else soon enough if I don't.
"She's my sister." I said in a whisper.
"I didn't know you had a sister." His eyes were wide and I could tell he was confused. "How come I haven't seen her?" Oh, Christian. I could feel a lump of nerves in my throat. I have never talked to anyone about Mia, not even Bliss or Kate. They knew me better and they knew not to ask. Besides, the news spread pretty fast around town and everyone at school would whisper every time I walked by. They all knew.. But Christian, he came to school a year after and by that time, no one was dumb enough to mention my sister without me beating them to a pulp. I would never forget her. I could never even if I tried. She was a part of me.
"Of course you didn't see her, and even if you did, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between us anyways." I looked into his eyes, my eyes watering. "She was my twin."
"Was?" He looked confused.
"Yeah, she's dead" I said in an even tone. He places his hand on my cheek and wiped away my tears. I wasn't aware I was even crying.
"What happened?" I knew he was going to ask, but a part of me was hoping, praying that he would just leave it at that. But a part of me also wanted to confide in him. Share my feelings and just let go of the anger and the hurt.
I looked away from him and stared out at the magnificent view in front of me. He stayed behind me, not touching me in any way. I started from the beginning.
"Mia and I were twins. We looked identical, so identical that you couldn't tell us apart until you figured out the difference in our personalities. We would always mess with our teachers, switch classes, and they wouldn't know the difference. It was a lot of fun. She was born two minutes before me." I gave out a little laugh. "She always would throw it in my face, it made me so mad. We did everything together, might as well have been conjoined at the hip. I knew when she was hurt and she knew when I was hurt. It was strange. We could feel each others pain and happiness. It was nice at times. We had the perfect family. Our parents adored us. Mia was the 'daddy's girl' and I was more of a 'mama's girl' but they loved us the same. We were spoiled; we had home cooked meals every night, on the weekends we always did some fun filled event. It was just perfect. My sister and I got our own rooms once we got in middle school, and at first we were excited, but when it came time to go to sleep, it was horrible. We ended up sleeping at the foot of our beds so we could see each other across from the conjoined bathroom and we talked on the phone until we feel asleep." I turned to look at Christian and he had a smile of pure awe. It made me crack a smile too. I continued, "Then we got to high school and everything changed. She started to date this boy named Ethan. He was a bad boy; he fucked anything with a pulse. She slowly became this mean person, she became a bully. She quit hanging out with me and she spent most of her spare time texting Ethan. I put up with her for months and months before I said anything to her. She started to bully me and that was where I drew the line. She invited me to one of Damon's parties with her and Ethan and some other people I didn't care for. I told her no and she started to act like a bitch towards me. I was fed up. I cussed her out and said a bunch of other mean things and she left. That was the last time we had a conversation." The tears started to flow down my face and I was choking up the last words. " My dad came into my room that night and I knew something was wrong." I looked at Christian. "I had this sharp pain in my side. I didn't know what it was until my dad told me Mia was in a car accident. Ethan was high on Xanax and Codeine." Christian's eyes got wide with disbelief. "Yeah. He was an idiot." I let out a long deep breath and started to cry, really hard. I was about to drop to the floor when Christian caught me. We sank to the ground together, and I cried.
"You don't have to finish." He said.
"No, I want to. I have to. I need to." I took a deep breath and sighed. " I was at her bedside, in the hospital. I was holding her in my arms, and I remember rocking back and forth, crying into her hair and telling her that she has to live for me. And right when I was going to tell her I love her and apologize for what I said, she stopped breathing and I heard the machine beeping, telling me she was dead. I screamed, I remember screaming so loud," by this time my voice was trembling, I was crying all over again and choking on air. I was a complete mess. "I screamed so loud the doctors came. And I screamed because I felt like someone had literally stabbed me in the heart with a knife." I looked at Christian. "The pain was so real. I knew it wasn't in my head, it was real somatic pain and it hurt."
I looked at Christian waiting for him to say something. His eyes grew like he was comprehending something. "Wait, when you fought Elena you said your chest hurt, can you explain that to me?"
"Yes. I fought Elena because she called Mia a whore. I was thinking about her and I was fighting for her. I know this may sound weird, but when I passed out I had a dream of her. I was actually talking to her in a meadow and she said my chest hurts whenever I miss her, or think about her a lot. She said it was like I was losing her all over again and it causes my chest to hurt. I guess it's some type of twin bond."
"That's not weird, Ana. I know this probably means nothing, and it won't change anything, but I am truly sorry, with all that I have and all that I am, I am so sorry. I wish I could have transferred here a year earlier, so I could have known, so I could have been with you, to help with your pain and heartache. I am so sorry." Christian's voiced choked with emotion and his eyes watered a tiny bit. He showed so much emotion for my situation, it was so sweet and so sincere. I believed him and I knew within the depths of my soul that he meant every part of it. I reached for his face and kissed him gently. It was obsessive, but it was sweet caress. And with that he knew I believed him.
"After that night everything changed. My family was broken; my dad grew distant from me. We don't have family meals together anymore. I became distant, and I was angry inside. I was a completely different person. And Ethan made me that way. And every day I wondered why he got to live. My sister is dead, and that, boy, is still alive! He killed her and took everything from me! My best friend is gone!" I was shouting the last part. Christian was holding me tight as I shook in his arms. I tried to push him off me. I didn't want to be held. I've never been held like this before. No one cared to comfort me in the past, why now?
"No Ana, I am going to hold you. You need to be held, I am not leaving you and I will not go anywhere!" I knew he wouldn't let me go, but I wanted to see if it was real. I have never known Christian to be so compassionate. The more time I spend with him the deeper my feelings become.
This is starting to get dangerous.
I trembled in his arms for a little while longer before we got up and decided it was time to head back home. The car ride was silent, but he held me and he kissed me. The jet ride was silent, He held me, he kissed me. The car ride to my house was silent. He held my hand and kissed it every so often. When we pulled up to my house, he walked me to the door.
"Goodnight, Christian, this was the best night of my life and I want to thank you for that." I said in all honesty.
"Goodnight, Ana. You're very welcome. I'm always here for you if you need anything, please, don't forget that. I don't know what you feel, but what I feel is real."
My eyes expanded and I drew him in for a passionate kiss that weekend me to the bone. He held me tightly, like I would dissolve if he ever were to let go. I placed my hand at the nape of his neck and kissed him long and hard. He backed me up into the door and pinned my arms to the sides as he pressed his hard lean body against mine. I let out a moan and bit his bottom lip with my teeth. He groaned and moved his head down to lick and suck on my neck. Oh my god, this is good, so good, I thought. The harder he bit me the hornier I got. I wanted to fuck him right here in the front yard, I didn't care. I wanted him, and I wanted him now. He brought his lips back to mine and devoured me with his tongue. He lowered one of his hands and rubbed right under my pelvic bone.
I gasped at the touch. I have never been touched there by a man before. It was an invigorating feeling. I wanted more of his touch. I got a weird feeling in my stomach and he responded to my gasp with a hard groan in my mouth and a rub of his fortified dick against my privates. He moved up and down rubbing against me. His knee came up in between my legs and motioned for me to ride on it. I did and Fock did it feel good. I was about ready to combust right there on my damn front door. A few more rubs and I came hard. My walls exploded and I trembled. Christian put his hands over my mouth to muffle my cries. When I finished, he removed his hand and kissed my lips gently. We were breathing rapidly and I looked into his eyes and saw longing. I knew the feeling. I want more of him. I wanted the real thing. I want him deep inside me.
He gave me a smile and kissed my forehead. "Goodnight Ana." He looked at me in awe, traced is back two fingers down my jaw, and said, "My sweet Ana." He backed away and got into his car. He waited until I entered the house before he backed out of my drive. I closed the door and leaned back on it, blowing out a huge breath.
What in the hell was that? I thought.
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I am in some deep shit, things are moving way too fast. It's only been a week and I have some deep feelings for him. And I already got a damn orgasm while riding his knee! Am I insane or is that normal? Ugh. I am so confused, I don't know what's real or fake anymore. Surly I thought everything was fake, but the way he touches me tells me different. The way he is so gentle with me, and the things he says make me feel otherwise. Christian is definitely not the guy I thought he was, I mean yeah he was a man whore, but once he told me about his past, I knew it wasn't all his fault, I feel like such a bitch for judging him the way I did, no one deserves that.
What I'm feeling right now, is not fake. I am starting to genuinely like him. I told myself I wouldn't let him destroy me, I put up walls for a reason and he slowly tearing them down. This was not supposed to be a part of the plan. I need to quit now before I get way in over my head.
The goal was for him to fall for me, not the other way around; I guess I should have thought the plan through a little more. I honestly thought this would be the easiest thing, especially since I didn't like the person he was, but now that I know him and see how affectionate he could be physically, emotionally, and mentally, I was dead wrong.
"Mia, what do I do?" I lay in my bed and stared at the ceiling. "I think I am falling for him and I can't. I just can't, I won't let myself."
I don't know why I still think she could answer me or give me some sort of sign, but it doesn't hurt to hope. I let out I deep sigh and turned over onto my side, looking at the clock I realized it was two in the morning. I was out pretty late. This date was the best date I could have ever even imagined. He took me to the place I only dreamed of visiting. Nothing could ever compare and if I were to date anyone else and they tried to do something as extravagant as that, I would only be able to think of Christian. He blew everything out of the water and I will compare every other experience to the one Christian gave me. Although, I wasn't planning on telling him about Mia, I was having a day dream about her standing with me. Mia and I always talked about traveling the world and not to places like Rome, Verona, Paris and places like that. Those are nice to but we wanted to visit the little towns and the big towns, we wanted to see New Orleans, Aspen, New York city, Salem and so much more. Now all that is nothing, but a memory. I can't travel now, not without Mia.
But I did with Christian. I thought.
I let out a sigh and closed my eyes all thoughts on Christian. Oh Christian, what are you doing to me?
How am I going to beat him? I'm already losing. I just have to figure out how to get back on top.
Think Ana Think! I screamed in my head, but I can't think of anything. My heart knows what it wants, my body definitely knows what it wants, and my head is torn. One side is saying to just forget him and play the game, teach him a lesson, and then the other part is saying to not listen to the other, its saying to go with how I feel. Ugh. This is just so ugh.
I'm already in way too deep anyways.
The only question is whether or not I am going to let Christian drown me.
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