A N: I don't own Harry Potter. Yet.
A N 2: WARNINGS FOR THE CHAPTER: Yup. Another Filler. It means no Smut this time, guys. Although you better start expecting lots and lots of Bashing.
Also, Foreshadowing.
A N 3: The Dark Eccentric: It's a Trope (Sorry, it was called IKEA Erotica). It's used to "describe the tendency of badly written sex scenes to be nothing more than "insert tab A into slot B" ad nauseam, as though the readers actually didn't know what goes where." (Quoted from TV Tropes).
Mark: Yes, but not yet. I'm waiting for the right moment.
Many thanks to Fiarill2 for being a kind and just Beta.
FILLER 2
A Snake at the Lions' Table
Sadness filled Harry's soul as he sat at the far end of the Gryffindor Table, his breakfast completely forgotten in front of him as he wallowed in his pit of self-misery.
He sorrowfully directed his eyes toward the causes of his current state of despair, Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger, currently sitting right in front of him and doing their best in ignoring him.
He sighed as he turned away from them.
Last night hadn't been good for our hero.
Apparently, a sudden outburst of sexual frenzy wasn't enough to mend the girls' differences, which had quickly degenerated in a full-blown brawl between Ginny, Pansy and Hermione.
A catfight and a conjured wrestling ring filled with mud later, Harry had apparently been conquered by the conjoined forces of Ginny and Hermione, who had shortly after dragged him back to their room, barely giving him the time to at least grab his wand.
This, however, didn't mean that the two Gryffindors' had just forgiven Harry's cheating, fact soon enforced by the boy having to sleep in a couch hastily conjured by the Room.
A very uncomfortable couch.
And so here he was, with a sore back and bags under his eyes, brooding over his current predicament.
A comforting pat was given at his shoulder. He turned, finding himself face to face with Luna Lovegood, an half-finished bowl of chocolate pudding in front of her, a bright smile on her face.
"Don't worry, Harry, soon they too will surrender themselves at the inevitability of Pansy being in the Harem and therefore forgive you." She said, earning a scoff from the two girls.
This caused Harry to smile. A small smile, mind you, but a smile nonetheless.
"Thank you, Luna," He said as he once again turned toward the two other Gryffindors, a sigh escaping his lips, "I just hope you're right..."
"Awww..." She cooed, "Would you feel better if I gave you a blowjob?"
Before he had the time to answer her, however, someone slumped on the other sit next to him, causing both Hermione and Ginny to growl.
"Hi Pansy!" Luna cheerily greeted her, waving with one of her hands.
"Potter, we've got a problem..." Pansy said, completely ignoring the other girls, "My father knows about us."
It needed only a couple of seconds for Harry's brain to process the terrifying news.
Harry's eyes widened in horror.
"OH SH-" Harry started panicking before being quickly silenced by Pansy's hand being pressed on the boy's mouth.
"Shhhh!" She hurriedly shushed him, "You're making a scene!"
She then lifted her hand from Harry's mouth, earning a sheepish look from the raven-haired boy.
She glanced around, making sure that no one was overhearing them before nearing her head to Harry's, her voice dropping to a whisper, "Don't worry, he's not going to barge into the Great Hall in order to castrate you..." She reassured him, causing Harry to calm a little "... At least not yet, that is..." She then added as an afterthought, low enough for Harry not to hear her.
"The old bastard must have put on me some sort of charm that warned him if someone outside Draco had to take my virginity..." She started explaining, "I've been up all night in a Floo call with him trying to explain why I broke my betrothal to Draco and "Sold my purity to a filthy Half-Blood"..."
"What did you tell him?" Harry asked, glancing around in alarm as he expected Pansy's father to jump out from a shadow and maul him to death.
This caused Pansy to snort, "Relax, Potter, I've managed to calm him down..." This considerably relaxed Harry, who decided that was a good moment to grab a goblet filled with pumpkin juice and start drinking it, "... Of course, If anyone asks you, we're going to get married next June..."
Harry spit-took the whole content of his goblet in the sit right in front of him, thus causing the two now sprayed girls to emit a pair of matching outraged gasps.
"Don't worry you three, we're not really going to marry next June..." She hastily clarified to them, "We just have to pretend to be together for a while, long enough to convince my father my plan is working..."
"I'm..." He stammered, "... I'm sorry, what?"
"I've made him believe that the reason because was all a cunning plan to get to the much fabled Potter Fortune..." She explained to him, "Which consisted mainly in seduce you in the dead of night and then use your nobility in order to guilt trip you into marrying me..."
This caused Hermione to snort, "Which totally isn't the real reason because you've slept with Harry..." She said, her voice full of sarcasm.
This caused Pansy to sneer, "Actually, no, Granger. I've fucked with Harry yesterday was because I took pity on him," She said as a smirk tugged on her lips, "The poor boy hadn't have an half-decent fuck in years..." She concluded, causing Hermione to gasp in outrage.
"Here we go again..." Ginny muttered under her breath as both Gryffindor and Slytherin rose from their seats, scowls on their faces.
"Well, I let you know..."
"Oh, hello Dean!" Luna cheerfully greeted the oncoming Gryffindor, earning various degrees of weird looks from him and the other occupants of the table, "How delightful to see you in this room full of witnesses."
This caused both Pansy and Hermione to blush as they promptly sat down.
"This isn't over yet..." Hermione muttered as she grabbed some toasts.
"Any time, Granger..." Pansy muttered back, the smirk still on her lips.
"Who told you that you could sit here, Parkinson?" Ginny angrily whispered as she noticed the Slytherin Princess starting to serve herself some oatmeal.
"I need to keep up the charade of me and Harry being a loving couple, Weasley..." Pansy whispered back, , "This means eating my meals with him and generally seem close to him..." She said as she casually gave him a one armed hug, thus earning a matching set of death glares from the two Gryffindors in front of her, "... Very, very close..."
"Fraternizing with the mud now, Pansy?"
Pansy, Hermione, Ginny, Harry and Luna all turned toward the source of the scathing remark.
There, standing in between his two bulking minions, was Draco Malfoy, a sneer on his lips, an hand on his hips. "Well, stop it, Parkinson, or..."
The five teens stared at him for barely two seconds, before returning to the matter at hand, completely ignoring the Junior Death Eater presence.
"What!" Draco shrieked, "How dare you ignore the proud scion of..."
"... Silencio," Ginny casually casted, not even bothering to look Malfoy's way.
Blissful silence graced the five teens as Malfoy was deprived of his voice.
Unfortunately, it couldn't last.
"Finite Incantatem..." Goyle casted with a sigh, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else but there.
"You bitch!" Draco snarled, a finger pointed at Ginny's direction, "When my Father hears about this..." He Threatened her, trailing off at the last part as usual.
"He what?" Luna asked, brows furrowing in confusion.
"Huh?" Draco asked, startled by the interruption.
"When your father hears about this... What?" Luna clarified, "You've not been very specific, really..."
"He... I don't know, he'll do something!" Draco snarled at her, "Who the hell are you, anyway?"
"I'm Luna Lovegood!" Luna cheerfully said, a wide smile on her lips, a hand outstretched in the direction of the blonde ponce, "Pleased to meet you."
A cruel smirk appeared on Draco's lips, "A Lovegood, really? You must be the daughter of that old idiot who runs the Quibbler!" Draco exclaimed, not noticing the small twitch in the corner of Luna's eyes as she lowered her hand, the smile still fixed on her lips.
"Hey, leave Luna alone!" Ginny protectively snapped, her wand already in her hand.
"You better lower your wand now, Weasel, or..."
"Or what, Draco?" Harry derided him, "If I remember correctly, Pansy snapped your wand, yesterday..." He trailed off, a small smirk gracing the boy's lips.
Draco turned his glare toward him, "Watch your mouth, Potter, didn't your mommy ever taught you how to address your betters?" He sneered at him, "Oh yeah, she could not because she died!"
He then started laughing at his own joke, unaware of various important events currently happening around him.
Like the horrified mask currently worn by the almost totality of people in earshot.
Or his bodyguards starting to step away from him, discreetly returning to their table.
Or, most importantly, Luna's bangs falling on the girl's brow, casting a dark shadow on the Ravenclaws face. Two orbs of light started to ominously glowing in the darkness where her eyes should have been as her arm shot up, wand already tightly held in her hand.
"Defenestro."
Draco's laugh turned into the Malfoy trademarked girlish scream as his body was magically flung against a nearby window, bouncing against the magically hardened glass only to once again being flung against it one, two, three times before the glass finally decided to shatter, allowing Malfoy to be thrown out of the now empty window frame.
"Luna..." Harry breathed out, his mouth agape just like the almost totality of the inhabitants of the Great Hall.
Luna turned to him, the ominous glowing eyes gone, a bright smile on her face.
"Don't worry, Harry, that meanie won't bother us anymore..."
"Mr. Potter," Snape silkily said as he practically apparated out of thin air behind the Gryffindor boy, startling the life out of him "It appears that you cannot even have a civil conversation with someone without one of your minions procuring him serious bodily harm..." He said, his lips turning into a thin line, "... Dare I ask you why did you feel the sudden urge to throw Mr. Malfoy out of the window, Miss. Lovegood?"
Luna turned toward the potion master, an innocent look on her face, "He said that Harry's mum wasn't a good mum because she had died before she could teach him how to talk with people with a superior social position than his."
There was no change on Professor Snape's face, as it remained fixed into the usual sneering mask he usually wore when dealing with his students.
"Be that as it may," He started saying, his voice not changing in the slightest "If we were allowed to defenestrate students because of asinine comments on their parts, I would have my lessons at the top of the Astronomy Tower..." He said as he turned, cape billowing in the air despite the total lack of wind, "Don't do that again, Mrs. Lovegood." He said as he started striding out of the Great Hall.
Harry blinked in shock, along with most of the other occupants of the table.
"Wow, Snape hasn't took any points away from anyone..." Was Harry surprised comment, "... Hell must have been frozen over..."
Snape froze, his cape stopping in mid air, before turning back toward the Gryffindor Table, "And ten points from Gryffindor for your cheek, Potter." He said before returning to stride out of the Great Hall.
This caused Pansy to snort, "Eh, I knew it couldn't last." She said as she turned back toward her plate, only now noticing Hermione prominently staring at her, "See something you like, Granger?"
Hermione blushed as she averted her gaze from Pansy.
"Of course not..." She hastily muttered, risking a glance back at Pansy, "It's just..." She took a deep breath, "Did you really snap Malfoy's wand in half?"
A grimace appeared on Pansy's face, "Yeah, bloody git tried to rape me... Got what he deserved..." She darkly muttered, casting her gaze down. A small smirk then graced the Slytherin Girl's lips "The best part is that he can't get a new wand until he returns home for the winter holidays," She said as she turned her gaze back toward Hermione, "Which means that..."
She stopped as she noticed the horrified looks currently being displayed on Hermione, Ginny and Luna's faces, the three girls frozen in shock, their half-finished breakfasts forgotten in front of them.
Pansy blinked, turning towards Harry, "What's up with them?"
"I don't know..." Harry said, casting worried looks at the three girls, "They're stuck like that since you've mentioned..."
"R-rape?" Luna stammered, the first of the girls who had managed to get her voice back, "He... He tried to... rape you?"
"Yeah..." Pansy said, "It was basically the sole reason because I was able to break my Betrothal to him..." Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Haven't I already mentioned it?"
"Wait a minute, Betrothal?!" Hermione snapped back to reality, "What do you mean 'Betrothal'?"
Pansy snorted at that, "Betrothals, Granger, magically binding marriage contracts made by two Heads of either an Ancient or Noble Houses between the son or daughter of one of the two Heads of House and the son or daughter of the other in order to achieve alliances between the two families or preventing someone from marrying someone their parents wouldn't approve of..." Another snort came out of Pansy's mouth, "Although I suspect Mr. Malfoy actually wanted me to marry Draco only because he wanted to keep the Malfoy fortune in the family..."
"What do you mean?" Ginny asked, confused, not noticing as Hermione started vibrating with uncontained rage.
"Well, I don't know if you already know it, but my Grandmother on mother's side was Abraxas Malfoy's younger sister, thus making me fifth in line of succession for the ownership of the Malfoy family title and fortune." She said with a shrug, earning a set of disgusted looks from Harry and the other girls.
"You're second cousins with Malfoy?" Ginny asked, a disgusted grimace appearing on her face, "That must be awful..."
"Well, you are fifth cousins with Malfoy, along with Potter here and Barty Crouch Junior, but I don't see you complaining much about it..." Pansy snapped at the red head girl.
Harry, who had chosen right that moment to drink another goblet filled with pumpkin juice, spit-took it right in front of him, once again spraying the contents of the table, which were fortunately quickly replaced by the house elves.
"Hermione, are you alright?" Luna asked, a concerned frown on her brows as she noticed the seething Hermione sitting in front of her, her eyes currently obscured by the bangs of her bushy mane.
Hermione raised her head, turning toward Luna, a determined look on her face.
"Pansy, I accept you in our group." Hermione said, not even bothering to look towards the now taken aback Slytherin girl.
"Well, that was fast..." Pansy commented, "May I ask you why the sudden change of heart, Granger?"
Hermione turned towards her, her eyes hardening, "Your prejudiced and backward view of life will greatly help us in understanding our enemies once we'll start our crusade..." She said as an unholy glint started appearing on the Girl's eyes.
Pansy brows furrowed in confusion, "What are you talking about, Granger?" She asked, not noticing as Ginny started violently shaking her head and mouthing "No!" out of Hermione's eyesight.
"Since now, I thought that the only real social problem of the Wizarding World was its casual slavery of a magical minority..." She started explaining, the unholy light in her eyes soon turning into a raging inferno, "But now, your comments have finally opened my eyes, Parkinson!" She yelled as slammed a fist on the table, "How far does the rabbit hole go? How many idiotic or racist laws do exist in the community I've been forcibly thrown in since my twelfth birthday?" She rhetorically asked as she stood from her sit, heading toward the exit of the Great Hall, "I'm going to the Library."
"What?!" Harry exclaimed at her retreating friend, "Lessons are about to..."
"I don't care!" She yelled back, and there was no doubt that Hell must have really frozen over this time as she strode out of the Great Hall.
Harry could only stare in gobsmacked silence.
"Don't worry, Harry," Luna comforted her lover with another pat on the shoulder, "I bet she's still gonna show up early for class..."
"Out of the way!" Was then heard as a befuddled Ron staggered inside the Great Hall.
He dusted his robes before heading towards the Gryffindor Table, muttering under his breath.
"... teach that barmy bitch her place..." Was pretty much everything our heroes could hear as Ron reached them.
He froze, his mouth hanged open, his eyes fixed on Pansy.
"What's... What's a slimy snake doing on MY table?!" He screamed, droplets of spittle flying from his mouth, landing on the table beneath.
This caused Pansy to scowl, "I'm trying to eat, Weasley, so be a good boy and get out of the way."
"You... you cannot sit here!" He kept screaming, having apparently ignored Pansy's answer "This's my table, only Gryffindors can eat here!"
"Lovegood has been eating here since yesterday, Weasley, and yet it doesn't seem you were upset about that..." Pansy pointed out.
"What are you talking about?" He asked, turning his gaze away from her, only now noticing Luna's presence at the table, "Who the hell are you?"
"You know me since I was 5, Ronald..." Luna said, her eyes unfocused earning an oblivious look from Ron, "I'm Luna Lovegood, remember?" Still oblivious look, "... Your neighbour..." Understanding didn't dawn on Ron's face, "... You came to my mother's funeral..."
"Oh, yeah!" Ron suddenly exclaimed, snapping his fingers in recognition, "You're that loony bint who kept bothering me about Ginny in second year!"
There wasn't even the time for an horrified silence as a large blob of whitish mucus erupted from Ron's nose, sprang several leathery wings which maintained it in mid air for some time before forcibly slamming itself against Ron's face.
"Bloody Hell!" Ron exclaimed as the mucus hit him square on the face, blinding him for the time being, "Ginny, what the..." Some of the whitish phlegm entered the boy's mouth, "Wait, this doesn't taste like..."
Ginny snorted at that, "That's because I've transfigured it into Harry's sperm before it could hit you..." She said, causing Harry's complexion to turn slightly green.
"WHAT?!" Ron exclaimed, his complexion turning a violent shade of green on an instant. He turned before running out of the Great Hall.
"And that's settled..."
"You..." Ginny turned towards Luna, only now noticing the small tears forming on the corners of the girls eyes, "You... hexed your own brother..."
"Hey, nobody calls my best mate a loony bint..." Ginny bashfully said, her cheeks taking a slight red colour.
"Oh, Ginny!" Luna exclaimed as she rose from her sit, climbed over the table (thus causing many plates and dishes to crash to the ground) before landing on Ginny's lap, her mouth quickly claiming the red head's one, uncaring of the wolf-whistling and cat-calling such a display had produced all around the Gryffindor table.
"Is it always like this around here?" Pansy asked, her eyes never leaving the two snogging girls in front of her.
An explosion rocked the Gryffindor table, followed by a curse in Irish.
"More or less..."
A N 4: Yup, I just realized now that last chapter was... pretty much pointless. Therefore I've degraded it to the rank of INTERMEZZO (Senseless Sex with little to no plot advancements).
Sorry for the inconvenience.
A N 5: CANON REVELATIONS: Am I the only one who was bothered by Draco casually insulting Harry's DEAD PARENTS several times in Canon? Also, Wand Lore teaches us that, since the only way to get a new wand is either by choosing one from several samples or by right of conquest, It's impossible to Owl Order a new wand. And since students cannot leave the school grounds unless then on Christmas or Summer holidays and Hogsmeade clearly doesn't have a Wand Shop...
A N 6: Before you're all gonna scream "SEXIST!" at me, there's something I need to point out:
"(...) magically binding marriage contracts made by two heads of either Ancient or Noble Houses between the son or daughter of one of the two Heads of House and the son or daughter of the other (...)"
Which means:
1- The Head of House can be female too.
2- Betrothals can comport same sex marriages.
3- Only the most bigoted houses still use them.
4- Heads of House can only arrange marriage contracts for their offsprings, and even in that case they cannot arrange marriages contracts for sons or daughters who have been recognized as adults by Wizarding Britain's law.
Yes, it's still backwards (Most aspects of Wizarding Britain's society are), BUT IS NOT SEXIST.
And yes, in a world where you can trick someone into freeing by mistake his slave and where you can be signed in a magically binding contract against your will, Magical Law must be really messed up...
A N 7: So, maybe you haven't noticed, but I'm trying to adapt the girls to archetypes that are usually found in Hentais... Do you have any suggestions? I already know what archetypes better represents Hermione (Childhood Friend/Tsundere/First Girl), Ginny (Tomboy/First Girl), Luna (Yandere/Girly Girl/That one girl who prefers to be in an Harem instead of getting the boy for herself and will do ANYTHING in order to maintain the Harem an Harem), Pansy (Token Evil Teammate/Tsundere towards the other girls), Daphne (Kuudere (Big Surprise Here)/[SPOILER]), Tracey ([SPOILER]), Tonks ([SPOILER]/[SPOILER]), Fleur ([SPOILER]/[SPOILER]/[SPOILER]), Susan ([SUPER SPOILER OF DOOM]), Hanna (Dandere/[SUPER SPOILER OF DOOM]) and the Patil Twins (identical twins/identical twins with different personalities/monozygotic twins with different personalities and a history of twincest)...
Do you have any suggestion about the other girls (Cho, Katie, Angelina, Alicia and Lavender)?
A N 8: RETCON: Luna Trademarked dreamy, far-off look (And only the look, her personality is still the same she shows in public) is actually a mask that she uses in order to... Well, mask the hurt of losing her mother at 8, having to deal with bullying since she was 11 and having to witness her father slow descend into madness. Or just to mask hurt in general, that is.
A N 9: Next chapter... DAPHNE! (And Tracey).