Disclaimer: What? Really? People are still confused over this?
Warnings!: This thing is about as M as M can get. I'm testing all the boundaries of my writing abilities, and that means M-rated yaoi scenes. If you don't understand what that means, then leave. Now. There's also underage sex, eventual non-con undertones, more yaoi, language, blood, gore, death, and other nasties. I'll never be able to write war is grotesque and horrifying as it really is, but I'm sure as hell gonna try.
Note: Episode 36 to 38.
Extra Note: There's a miniature bit where Duo talks to these nobodies in a rebel group and says he won't fight with them. I'm skipping that. Why? Because, quite frankly, it's boring as hell. 'Kay? 'Kay. But there is ONE piece of all-important information, a piece of Duo I find to be one of the best moments to show his true character. He looks out at two kids playing and says, "I wonder what true peace really means." When Hilde gives him a puzzled look, he freaks, waves his arms, and says, "Just delete that! Was that out of character or what?" That, to me, is Duo in a nutshell. /hugs Duo/ I will always remember that he hides it from Hilde, but later, when he starts saying semi-deep stuff around Heero, he doesn't try to hide it. 1X2 goodness, right there on the screen. ^_^
Extra Extra Note: Because this goes into another episode, I'll tell you that Heero's fighting in Epyon, but Relena gives up and goes to Romefeller. Heero shouts, "where is my enemy?" which I am using creatively for my own purposes, nyahaha. He fights with Zechs/Milliardo/Prince of the Stars and gets Wing Zero. /shrugs/ And episode 37 is where White Fang first appears, created by old Treize supporters who decided to fight for the colonies. Wufei inadvertently kills Tubarov (actually, it's more like Tubarov kills Tubarov... FTW! [cackles]), and Quatre has joined Noin in an effort to advance the causes of the Sanc Kingdom. For my purposes, only a few days pass, max, between Duo seeing Trowa and meeting Qat again. What? It's not like we actually get a damn timeline for this show.
Memento Mori
Chapter 10
A Touch of Truth
"Every parting gives a foretaste of death, every reunion a hint of the resurrection."
~ Arthur Schopenhauer
"All right, so what the hell were you saying about fun?" Duo looked around. There was a huge crowd – at least it was a place where everyone would blend in with everyone else. And despite the danger of being wanted, being crippled, and being arrested by his fear for Heero – though even he admitted that if there was anyone who was unkillable, it would be Heero – he found himself rather desperate to have fun in any way he could get it. Through every moment of the trip back up to the colonies, he found his mind wandering down different, still rather painful paths, each of them leading to the bathroom for some right hand field action. If he blinked – hell, even if he didn't – he found distinctly erotic images flashing through his mind. Why didn't it hurt to see Heero in his head when seeing him face-to-face hurt so fucking bad he could scream?
So here he was, looking at a bunch of tents and seeing what looked like an expensive hooker speaking to some guy in a bright red tux. His brow furrowed. Uh, exactly what kind've fun was this? He was getting a sinking feeling that Hilde was showing off a perverted side that had before gone unnoticed.
"I was wondering if you'd ever been to one of these before," she said, and her grin was a bit smug, her eyes a bit mischievous. The uh-oh feeling was steadily increasing. He still had his weapons on him – his knives, his guns. He was starting to wonder if he shouldn't be using one of them. She tilted her head. "It's a circus, Duo."
She said it like it was so obvious. He looked around. A circus? The tents were big and... loud, he guessed. Yellow with red stripes and flags. The hooker might have simply been wearing something gaudy and risque for some sort of... what? Dress code? Who was the guy in the red tux? Wasn't he a pimp? Could pimps and hookers walk in to these things in their night garb? It was daylight, after all – maybe she was being rewarded for a good run or something, and her treat was to come here? But if she was a normal customer, then why was she heading to the back of the main tent?
And it was a main tent. Now that he focused, the crowd's milling around seemed to be centered around the big tent smack dab in the middle. And it seemed that the line, thick and disjointed as it was, led into the big tent. Was the thing fireproof? How many exits were there?
"Hey, come on." Hilde elbowed him lightly. "We're here to relax, remember?"
Relax? Who could relax when they were about to enter an unknown tent with who knew how few exits with who knew how many people? Well, maybe normal people did it all the time. He looked around again. Normal people, it seemed. Well, other than the pimp and hooker. No one was looking at him save a four-year-old girl, who didn't seem as interested in him as she was his braid. He waggled his fingers at her and smiled at the harassed-looking mother. She smiled back.
"So? What do you think?"
He looked back at Hilde. She was beaming up at him, her big eyes wide and innocent. She had caught the exchange. Great. Now she thought he was a sucker for kids. It didn't matter that he was. "We haven't even moved, Hilde. We aren't inside yet."
If anything, that damn grin of hers got wider. "So you like it?"
He sighed. She laughed.
In all honesty, it was kind've nice. Dangerous, stupid, but nice. For a moment, he'd felt like he was almost normal. In line to see a circus with a girl who he felt could be his younger sister. And shit, was she like a younger sister. Nice, but annoying. Smart, yet dumb. Innocent, but with potential. He felt both pride and frustration whenever he was around her. Even though she'd said 'let's have fun,' she hadn't broken away from the training he'd been giving her – the training she herself had asked for. And she was learning. She could sneak behind someone during daylight, so long as there were objects to hide behind. Before he'd left, she hadn't been able to do that. It told him she'd been practicing. It told him she'd taken it seriously.
So fine, he would suck it up and do this stupid, dangerous thing, and then he would get back to hiding out and deciding just what the hell he would do.
Love. What the hell was he thinking, letting that word become a part of him in the middle of a fucking war?
It took over an hour for them to get into the tent, and even then it was another fifteen minutes until they found their way to a seat. It was in the middle of a higher row, surrounded on all sides by people. Duo's entire body was tense, tense as hell. He watched everyone around him, even as he found himself gawking at the stage below him. That man had brought his briefcase with him; why? That woman was a bit young to be with that guy; was she a spy? That guy was letting the little boy with him run up and down the bench; what kind of parent did that?
And then there was the stage. A dais, right in the middle, with a microphone. There was something making the curtain move; Duo kept his eye on that. Then the people! Another hooker, this one with an outfit that sparkled in the bright lights. A guy lacking a shirt and possibly on steroids. A – was that a woman? She was huge! Was she – was that a beard? Huh. Ew.
It was so strange – there were so many colors, so many sounds – he could hear something from the back of the tent, like a trumpet, only different. He could hear someone shouting at someone else. A man with thin arms walked in, waved to someone in the crowd, and moved a podium to the other side of the stage. The guy was wearing bright purple. A clown came up behind him and slapped his ass. Duo's eyes widened. Hilde and some other people in the crowd laughed. What? He looked around. People still seemed to be taking their seats. Had the show started already?
Hilde laughed again. He looked back down. The clown was making yapping motions with his hand as the thin-armed man started yelling at him. It was fake anger, but the crowd yucked it up. Was this some sort of comedy act? He watched as the thin-armed man smacked the yapping hand, then as the clown stomped his foot, pulled off one white glove finger by finger, and then smacked the thin-armed man in the cheek. It turned into an all-out brawl, only the clown was squirting water out of a fake flower and tossing balloons into the man's face, running around the stage and cackling. Duo smiled. It was so damn stupid it was funny.
He found himself letting people sit next to him, and he did nothing but check them for weapons. Then he was watching, enraptured, as that red tux man walked out and introduced himself as the ringleader. So the stage was called a ring? Either that or there was a ring involved in circus acts somehow. The guy had a beard and white gloves and squinty eyes – laugh lines. And lines on his brow, too. Interesting. He was probably a fun guy to mess with. He brought out the thin-armed man and another guy, and they started the show off with acrobatics. Duo watched with wide eyes as the two men walked along the thin rope, then swung from swings high up in the tent. It was suicidal. It was incredible. And when they managed to pull off the difficult moves safely, he found himself applauding with the crowd. How fuckin' cool was this? They brought in an elephant, and a woman – the one with the sparkly dress (if it could be called a dress) – did tricks on its back, handstands and twirls and splits. Someone else came in with two tigers, one who swatted at the air and roared, another who walked around. The crowd gasped and cheered, but Duo could read the bored, practiced air and knew the tigers saw the tricks as merely a means to an end. Food was in their immediate future.
A man shifted and coughed to his right, but Duo barely spared him a glance. He found himself leaning forward in his seat. Clowns were coming out on unicycles. He hadn't even known unicycles were real before that instant.
Hilde, to his right, started clapping. "Amazing! Amazing!" She turned to him. "See, isn't this fun?"
He turned his gaze to her. "You said it!" He injected a little more enthusiasm into his voice than he felt, but Hilde didn't catch it. He turned back. Fun? Maybe. But it was more fascinating than fun. Incredible. Unicycles and acrobats and lions, all in one place.
"Now a clown will perform with the king of beasts, the lion," the ringmaster said, pulling Duo's attention back to the ring. He found himself leaning forward in his seat again. A young clown flipped and rolled into the center of the ring, then bowed. A curtain parted for the lion, which roared on cue. Duo's jaw dropped. The thing was trained... right?
It charged. The clown was still watching the crowd, his arms raised. Hilde screamed for the clown to watch out. Should he go down and help the guy? Give away his position? But he wouldn't make it; he could see that. Should he – could he – stop the lion and perhaps save the idiots like him who'd thought this would be fun?
But just as the lion reached the clown, the clown leaped into the air, cartwheeled, and landed one-handed on the lion's back. Duo felt the tension in him pop like a bubble, leaving the adrenaline with nowhere to go. He felt shaky. Hilde whooped. "Excellent!"
Suddenly, this didn't seem like so much fun anymore.
"I could fall for that clown!" Hilde said, and Duo shot her a disbelieving look. What the hell was with women? She was leaning on her hand, looking dreamy-eyed down at the man in the poofy pants. Duo sighed. Maybe it was a good thing he was homosexual. Women didn't make any damn sense.
"Whatever," he said, and rubbed the back of his head. He was seriously ready to go now. His heart couldn't take much more of that kind've shit. He could almost feel the adrenaline against the damn machine resting against the back of his brain.
He was about to stand and leave when he got a better look at that clown. He made a surprised noise and leaned forward. That clown with the half-mask had a very familiar haircut. How many people would wear their hair over their eye? And then the man waved and turned his head and the shape of his face and the lips and nose and everything and Duo knew him. "It's him," he breathed, then grinned fit to split his face. He thought of Quatre, practically sobbing in his arms. Thought about how Quatre had said he'd killed him. "He's...!"
Trowa left, and the man in the red tux came out and said that their finale piece was about to begin. Duo stood. Hilde looked at him. "Duo?"
"I have to go. I'll meet you at your house." He didn't wait for a response before he excused his way off the bench and out of the tent. Inside, the crowd was cheering. Outside, the sun was shining. It blinded him for a moment. Trowa was alive? He hurried around the tent, hardly remembering to act like he was supposed to be back there. He got a few stares, but most of the area was empty. He could hear people talking inside the tents. One woman was complaining about her make-up. Two guys were laughing uproariously at... something. Duo tried to track down Trowa's voice, but wasn't Trowa one of the quiet ones? What if the guy didn't say anything? Was he supposed to just burst into every single tent?
Well, he would if he had to.
A child spoke, then what had to be an old man, and he passed tent after tent, ready to tear each of them open–
"Was that good enough?"
Trowa.
Duo knew, knew because he'd been hunting for that exact quiet voice, the voice that had said it was taking Heero. It was Trowa. The one who'd nursed Heero back to life when Duo had given up hope. When Duo had believed that, once again, Death had taken the one closest to him. Trowa was the one who just might have broken – or at least staved off – Duo's curse. He would remember that voice forever.
He zoned in on the tent from which the voice originated, hardly realizing that a woman was speaking to Trowa, responding to his question. He flipped open the flap. He was right there, practically looking at the flap – of course he was, he was a Gundam pilot – and it was him. Him. The one Quatre loved. The one Quatre had thought he'd killed. Duo grinned. "It is you, Trowa," he said, and stepped inside. There was an immediate change in the atmosphere, and it took him a moment to register what it was. Hostility. He ignored it. There was a woman right beside the flap, and she was the one sending him those waves. Some random person who worked here. Duo couldn't care less.
He walked up to Trowa, ignoring the woman when she told him to stop. The circus people could fucking wait. "So you were here," he said, clasping the man's shoulders. Why exactly was Trowa looking at him like he'd grown an extra head? And hadn't he and Heero left the Lunar base together? Duo had thought that Heero, Trowa, and Quatre had met, and maybe separated again. Quatre had said he needed to get his Gundam, after all, while Heero had been near Sanc. Did Quatre not know? Why hadn't Heero told him that Trowa was all right? Or had Heero and Trowa separated at some point, too? "Where are the others?" he asked. The man kept looking at him rather stupidly. Like he was scared. This wasn't the time to be pretending again! "How's Heero?" he asked. "Isn't he with you?" Hadn't he been? Hadn't they left together, escaped together? Had Heero and Trowa separated, after all?
Please, please let Heero be okay after that damn fight!
Trowa turned away from him. There was sweat on his brow. His eyes were wide. There was something wrong. Had... Had Heero...
A small hand shoved against his chest. He was so surprised, he actually found his balance faltering. The woman in the room took the chance to gather Trowa up in her arms. It made Duo's jaw drop. Trowa wasn't fighting back. He wasn't saying he was fine, or pulling away. Hell, he was... huddling. Shivering.
"You must be an old friend from his past," she said, glaring at him as if she was capable of frightening him away. She wasn't the thing that was scary. Trowa, looking at him like that – like he was a demon – that was far scarier. He'd only seen Trowa a handful of times, but Duo had always thought him to be unflappable. Now... now... what had happened? Duo felt his chest seize. Could it be... something to do with Heero? "But Trowa's not going to be doing any more fighting!"
Was this why Heero hadn't said anything to him? Had this happened before or after Duo had seen Heero? What was going on? "Trowa, what's gotten into you?" he asked. He found his hands in front of him, supplicating. He curled his fingers into fists. Trowa was trembling in that woman's arms. Duo found himself selfishly praying that this had happened before Duo had met Heero – that Trowa wasn't hiding from his past because of something that had happened to Heero.
"Get out!" She was screaming, glaring. Distantly, Duo thought of witnesses. "I said get out!"
Trowa wasn't saying anything. Nothing at all. The man was staring at Duo, gasping, eyes wide. Terrified. Trowa was terrified of him. Of what he represented? What did he represent? Death? War? The Gundams? Quatre? Or did he represent himself, the one who had led Heero to his death?
"Trowa," he said, barely breathing, afraid of the answer he could see in Trowa's eyes.
What did he represent? All of the above.
"But they told me
A man should be faithful
And walk when not able
And fight 'till the end
But I'm only human"
~ Michael Jackson, "Will You Be There For Me"
Duo sat in Hilde's uncle's house, his head leaning against the wall, his legs turned so as to stand him up at a moment's notice. His gun lay limply in his hand. "Fuck," he said. He sounded tired. He was. Two days without much sleep would do that to anyone. Anyone would be tired, after hearing about the creation of White Fang, and the start of a brand-new war. Anyone would be exhausted, trying to figure out whether to fight, and who. Anyone would be. Except maybe Heero.
Heero.
He couldn't think of what all Trowa's state could mean. Why the hell had Trowa been so afraid of him? He couldn't remember Heero saying anything about Trowa one way or the other. Had Heero and Trowa been together? Had the safehouse building been one of Trowa's? Duo ground the heel of his palm against his eye. But what the hell would make Trowa react that way? Even when Heero had supposedly died, Trowa had calmly picked up his body and shipped off.
But then again, Heero had killed himself. Supposedly. Because an enemy had threatened the colonies, and because that bastard doctor J guy had ordered him to. Duo squeezed his eyes shut, remembering that. Did Trowa know what had happened? Did Trowa somehow know that Duo was responsible for Heero's... potential... death?
He took a deep breath. He didn't even know if Trowa had been around the Sanc Kingdom. Maybe he and Heero had been separated. Quatre had said he'd been with Heero for a while, right? He took another deep breath. That was right. Quatre had said... what had he said? That Heero had stopped him, but he'd already killed Trowa. Was that it? Had the two split apart? Duo ground his teeth. Why the hell couldn't he have asked all this back then?
He stood. He knew he had to get in touch with Quatre. That was what really mattered right now – Quatre. He thought he'd murdered the man he loved when in fact the guy was right there, in a circus, traveling around with nothing more than terror on his back. Quatre could soothe that, Duo was certain. No matter what Trowa's reason was, Quatre could take care of it.
But how the hell was he supposed to get in touch with Quatre? What the hell miracle was he supposed to produce? He raked a hand through his hair. He couldn't believe how powerless he felt. How...
He blinked. Holy shit, he was stupid. He held up his cross. "Quatre Raberba Winner."
The door opened then, and Hilde walked in. She saw him standing and cocked her head. "You remembered?"
He hadn't remembered anything until that moment. He'd promised to help her inventory the junkyard's incoming shipment. It would be a boring, mindless job, and it would last a painful amount of hours. Duo leaped on it. "I'll be just a minute." He secured his gun in its holster and threw on a light coat; it was getting cool on the colony, just enough for light coats to be normal. It helped him hide his weapons. Then he checked his other weapons, secured the area, and followed Hilde off the lot. Thank goodness for monotonous crap.
!i!i!i!
It all took forever, of course, though Duo was pleasantly surprised to see light still on in the colony when the last shipment was verified and the crew team left. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes as Hilde pulled the papers off the long desk in front of them. The entire thing had been so damn boring he'd thought he would scream. Something to do didn't always mean something to occupy one's mind. His was still spinning. How long would it take Quatre to show up? At least the circus didn't appear to be packing up to leave. Yet. He would check its schedule again later.
The chair he was in was one of those simple ones that hurt his butt after the first hour, the tables Hilde had pushed together reminiscent of the picnic table he'd seen in an advertisement, only this one had a smooth, flat surface on the top, with only a computer and Hilde's unfiled papers littering the surface. His were filed in the cabinet behind him. The room stretched wide in front of them, now void of humans. He heard a small clang as something decided to fall onto its side. He sighed.
Hilde mumbled something about numbers, and Duo listened in before saying, "that's all good so far." He heard her chair scoot and knew he'd scared her. He laughed and teased her until she forgot about how perceptive he'd been, then went back to worrying his fool head off.
He hadn't seen Trowa with Heero, so he shouldn't have lost his head like that. Most likely, Trowa had no idea what had happened with him, let alone what Heero had done getting him out of harm's way. That left something else. He couldn't help but think of that woman hovering protectively over Trowa. Hell, half of his problem was probably that right there. No one could stand on their feet with someone cuddling them up. But why would he let her? She had to have started it while he was injured. Injured or unconscious or something, because he couldn't imagine Trowa – the old Trowa – letting someone get that close to begin with. It reminded him of Heero, a little. Warning signals that said 'stay back.' But he'd broken through that wall with Heero – though yes, that had mostly been about sex – and it appeared Quatre had done the same with Trowa.
That meant only Quatre could shove that woman off and help Trowa get his balance again. He knew the little blond could do it.
"Duo?"
Adrenaline shot through him, even as he recognized Hilde's voice. He turned to gaze to her. "Huh? Oh, sorry. I'm done filing over here." He'd finished before the last crew had even left.
"Duo." Shit. Her face was serious. "Still thinking about that guy?"
He'd been so out of sorts after seeing Trowa that he'd ended up telling her about seeing him, only to find out she'd noticed all on her own. The girl was pretty perceptive, he'd give her that. "It's just depressing to think that could've happened to a fellow Gundam pilot." Whatever it was that had happened.
He'd said depressing, but what he'd meant was scary.
"And I've been wondering what'll happen to the colonies now," he continued, not pleased that he was saying it, but not happy with the burden, either. These thoughts had been in his head since before he'd seen Heero. Now they were just festering with the rest of the boils. (1) "It makes me wonder." Wonder about the others and their safety. Wonder what he'd been fighting for. Wonder what he was going to do now – if there was anything he could do now. And what the hell was he? A soldier? A veteran? A... a victim?
"Why're you getting so down?" she asked. He was tempted to tell her that this was the way he really was, but he didn't think she could handle that. He didn't think he could. But when he looked at her, she looked almost angry, like she was going to force the world to be how she believed it should. Somehow, that look straightened his spine. "You're gonna live the life you believe in. That's what you told me."
Jesus. She really was perceptive. Was that because of him, or had she brought the change upon herself? How had he missed the transformation? "Yeah," he said, and smiled for her. "You're right." Whatever path he chose, it was his own. And right now, the idea of fighting stuck in his craw.
He stood. A new life, one outside of war, one not on the streets. My God. What the hell would that be like? "Well, maybe I should start by finding a decent job," he said, mostly to himself. What was a decent job? Maybe a 'respectable' job with a good amount of money? What was a good amount of money?
Ah, fuck it. He'd just get himself a damn job.
"Here's a new job," Hilde said, pulling his attention back to her, and she'd said it so damn quickly he thought she must have been holding onto it for him. She typed something onto the old-ass computer on the simple table and pulled up a long page with a picture of a small asteroid. "They need mobile suit workers at a natural resources satellite."
Mobile suit worker. Kind've a step down from Gundam pilot, but he could certainly meet the qualifications. Yay for war experience.
"Huh?" she said, reading more. It was only then that he realized he'd crossed his arms defensively. He dropped them. What the hell was he getting defensive about? Starting this whole 'civilian' life? Or letting go when he felt things were still unfinished with the war? "What is it, Hilde?" He leaned down beside her to read the web page over her shoulder.
"Look; this satellite belongs to the Winner family."
Oh. "The Winner family?" Why the hell was he hoping Quatre would be there? What would the fuckin' chances be?
And why did they need workers there?
"I'd heard that operations had been suspended indefinitely since the owner was killed."
Killed? Duo blinked, then smiled. He couldn't believe it. He'd thought Quatre had needed to go down to Earth? "Then," he said, explaining what Hilde probably missed, "that must mean the son in the family's come home."
"All I wanted was to hide and
Try to numb the ache inside"
~ Disturbed, "The Infection"
It took a bit of skill and a good amount of luck to get on-board a small shuttle to Quatre's station. He huddled in the storage closet again, almost getting caught during a routine check. Trust Quatre to have better security than the usual losers.
The shuttle landed in an almost empty port. Probably maintaining the appearances of being abandoned since the death of Quatre's father. It was painfully simple for him to slip through the tiny groups of people – their desire for secrecy helped his own. The people were stationed only in this one section. He followed the thickening crowds to a large estate building. It was the only building in its area, surrounded by grass, its borders cordoned off by trees. A rich person's home. It had to be the Winner estate on the colony.
This place had some security. Duo took it as a test; if he could get past Quatre's defenses with this stupid bit of metal attached to the back of his brain, then he could definitely clear any Romefeller or White Fang base.
It took an effort. His vision blacked out twice, and both times he had to hug the wall and hope there were sufficient shadows. The place was homey, even though it looked more like an office than a home. There were paintings on the walls, and Duo suspected they were probably originals, or else expensive reproductions. Red carpets lines the floors on the first floor, then fell into more austere areas, leaving only the marble – hopefully that was fake – floors. He followed each of them, his heart beating steady in his chest, the machine in his head giving a faint buzz. Adrenaline, it seemed, didn't react well with the electronics.
The knowledge actually helped him, and when he found his vision graying after a quick roll, he took a deep breath and released it. It was like magic; his heart rate slowed, his breathing steadied, and then his vision cleared.
Good. He could beat this.
After that, it was easier, and he finally found Quatre in a meeting in a room with a closed door. Still, that guy's voice was unmistakable, with its kind, yet no-nonsense tone. It was a weird mix that Duo wouldn't have believed in if he haven't met Qat.
So he retraced his steps and sat in a chair around in the fourth floor. He didn't even have to sneak here; all he had to do was move as if he had a purpose. This room was obviously for entertaining, even though the men standing around looked like they were all hiding guns. Still, the chandeliers over his head were disconcerting. It was like the lobby of a rich hotel. The chair he sat in was a little too comfortable; it sank pleasantly around his weight. It would make standing quickly more difficult. Had that been on purpose? Duo doubted it. Quatre's father had probably just chosen to make his visitors comfortable. He decided the hell with it and crossed his legs, then put his hands behind his head. He could flip over the chair if he had to.
The wall he faced was more of a window; he looked out over the estate, then beyond the trees, into the station's city. Lights were on in this sector, but the rest of it was dark. It was almost eerie. It made Duo think of some colonies he'd seen, gone dark with death. He was glad when he heard Quatre exiting his meeting. His footsteps were mixed with several others. No more than four, Duo noted, just in case. He could probably take care of them. He still had his weapons this time, at least.
One of Quatre's cohorts mumbled something, and Quatre replied, "all right. I'll leave the rest..."
When Quatre trailed off, Duo waved. Trust perceptive little Quatre to pick him out of the crowd so quickly. Instead of the overly theatric flipping, he settled for launching himself from the chair. It jostled his Brain Box, but his vision stayed clear, so he didn't car. He turned and smirked at Quatre's befuddled expression. "Hi, Quatre. Long time."
The blond's eyes lit up like the dawn. "Duo!" And the boy ran toward him to grab him in a hug. Duo returned it. "I was just about to come get you! You called for me again."
"I did, but I'm fine."
"Wait, let's get something to eat." And Quatre sent his men away as if it was their job to fetch such things. Still, those men, and quickly everyone else, scattered, leaving the room empty. Quatre sat down as if the occurrence were only natural. Duo felt his jaw drop. Quatre had to have some weird pheromone thing where he just got everyone to do as he wanted. The guy would stand out in any crowd with that kind of air. And his jaw practically hit the floor when one of the men who'd been with Quatre brought them a tray of tea and little cookie things that may have been those crumpets he'd read about in old stories.
He looked out the window. Maybe it was a hereditary thing? After all, Quatre's father had owned this huge estate, and it was only one of many. "Your family's really something," he said. "Nice building." He could live off that chandelier above his head for months. He turned to Quatre. "This is all yours now, right?"
"No, not yet."
Duo only belatedly realized how callous his words could have sounded, but Quatre didn't seem to mind. The boy was still smiling at him. "My sisters are managing all the corporation assets. Everyone else thinks I'm still missing."
Corporation assets? Duo tried to think about having more than one corporation asset, and he thought he brain might have exploded slightly. Then he thought about Quatre's sisters and his brain almost exploded again. Hadn't Quatre said that he had, like, almost thirty sisters?
Duo turned to Quatre, latching onto the last part the boy said, instead. "Because you're a Gundam pilot?" Duo thought of Quatre heading back to Earth, then showing up back here in space. "Quatre. Where were you?"
"Earth." Informative. "I went with Heero to figure out what we should be doing."
Went with Heero to where? When? Before or after he'd thrown Heero into danger? He swallowed the questions back. He was here for Quatre this time. "So? Did you come up with anything?"
Quatre picked up his glass of tea – Duo hadn't even noticed that the things had already been filled – and took a sip. "We've gotta fight. That's why I came looking for you guys." Well, at least that explained why Quatre was back up in space when he'd said he'd needed to get back to Earth. "There are lots of kind people on Earth. Same with the colonies."
Kind people. Duo didn't know about all that, but he did trust Quatre.
"I want to help build a world where people can live in peace. Which means defending the total pacifism upheld by the Sanc Kingdom."
Duo hesitated. Quatre's words were kind, just like the boy. Well, Quatre had always been kind. And maybe, with that forceful personality of his, he was used to people changing for him. Hell, even Duo had begun to change. Starting to trust. Learning to rely on someone else with his own life. But still. Still, even though he felt like a total shit, he couldn't stop himself. "Total pacifism. Do you really think such a world is possible?"
"Duo..."
He walked away from the window to lean against the far wall. He knew the window was probably secure, but old L2 habits died hard. "You know, I've been fighting for the colonies all along," he said. "They should leave the fighting to me. I should be the only one to suffer as much as I did." He glared at the floor, his arms crossed defensively over his chest. He remembered the colonists planning a rebellion, remembered the introduction of White Fang. "But now the colonies have started a war." And after they'd given in so readily to Romefeller! "Meaning a lot more people will end up dying."
Quatre watched him, his mouth open slightly, but at Duo's last words, the boy looked down into his tea.
"Maybe I've lost faith in the future that we dreamed about. Maybe in the end, peace is an impossible dream."
"I made a grave mistake once."
Duo looked up. Quatre's voice was tight. His fingers around the cup handle shook.
"I don't expect to be forgiven. But I'll risk everything to make up for it. And I'll do that by fostering my hope for peace. Because once a dream is lost, then everything is lost."
Duo let out a breath. So. This was the route Quatre had decided on. After having supposedly killed Trowa, Quatre had chosen to not let the man's death go to waste. Suddenly Duo felt very small. And what had he been doing? Considering giving up? The Sanc Kingdom. Suddenly it seemed clear to him, what Heero had been doing next to the Sanc Kingdom. Heero, too, had chosen to defend that country. Heero was reaching toward the same goal as Quatre.
Once a dream is lost, then everything is lost. "You may be right about that," Duo said. If he gave up on his dream, then what had everything up to that point been for? Solo. Father Maxwell. Sister Helen. His arduous life on the streets, and the hell of G's training. What had his years of life been for?
He'd told Hilde he would live the life he believed in. Why was he giving up on the one life he'd believed in for so long? The faith that there could be peace.
"Although," he said with a small smile, thinking about the life he'd almost consigned himself to, "a dismal future might be perfect for Shinigami."
He smiled and hung his head. He'd been right. Quatre had evil, weird pheromones that made people do what the little brat wanted them to do.
"Duo..."
He stretched and pulled on the Jester's mask. Just, he told himself, for a little while longer. Hopefully. "This place is a little too high class for me. I'll see you around."
He started leaving, waited a beat, then stopped. Maybe it would be better if he didn't tell Quatre about Trowa, but it would be cruel for him to decide Quatre's future like that. "If you're really looking for Gundam pilots, I guess you'll want to see him, too."
He heard the clank as Quatre sat down his cup, then the soft movement of the cushions as Quatre stood. "Duo. Do you mean..."
Duo turned. Quatre was looking at him with hope in his eyes. Happiness. Trust. Shit. He looked down. He'd been right. No matter what – even if it meant Quatre's priorities changed, it was Quatre's life to choose. Both of them would have things to consider. "I saw him, Quatre, but not as you remember. Something's happened to him."
"To..." Quatre stepped up behind him, then hesitated. "You saw...?"
He sighed. "You got my signal, right? Where it originated? On that colony is a circus. It's not supposed to leave for another three days. He's there." Duo hesitated. "Trowa."
Quatre made an aborted sound. It sounded like a sob. Duo didn't look at him.
"But something's happened, Quatre. Don't expect him to be the same man anymore. I'm sorry."
Another aborted sound. Then Duo had a blond Gundam pilot hugging his back. "Sorry?" Quatre said. "How could you be sorry? You just..."
Duo stood as quietly as possible, letting Quatre sob into his shoulder blades. It felt like the world was collapsing around him. Nothing made sense anymore. And in this moment, as Quatre clutched at Duo like a child, Duo thought that maybe an end to the world was the best thing that could happen to them.
A/N: Argh, I hate writing with the original story! Evil, stupid story! Especially since I messed with the timeline – you evil, evil original storyline! Evil, I say! /shakes fist/ Make them all meet up more, damn you! And also, I hate having to watch the episodes! It's so annoying! It takes forever! Gah! And finally, yes, I know it's short, but more importantly, the original storyline is once again out of my way, and I can start having some fun with my boys again. ^_^ Hey – priorities.
And, hey, side note: I FINALLY have Internet back! See all the time when I haven't updated anything? That's how long it's been since I had Internet. What, you say? Two months, about, you say? Yes. Yes. /sobs/
(1) Yay! And I'd actually had him ruminating on it in earlier chapters! Damn, I'm good. /nods/