Candied Apples

Chapter Ten: Forever

An unsettling silence overcame the cold and hollow building that stood high above the noisy city. Calm quietness filling each and every suite from corner to corner, sliding itself into the minds of the few people that remained there. Stopping its routine once it had shaded over the entire tower, locking the silence within the walls, not daring to allow the rushing sounds outside to enter.

However, even without sounds or sight of the shuffling crowds below, he knew there was chaos ensuing every few minutes. People everywhere that continued to worry about what would become of themselves, work that needed to be done, daily problems, and curiosity as to exactly what God they prayed to.

For the boy that viewed the streetlights from the darkened estate, he could only make himself believe that he was the one they prayed to…Or at least he would be once he regained his position of power. Yes, getting his abilities back and becoming the lord of all that was justice and righteous. Destroying those that stood in his way as though they were nothing at all.

Amber colors narrowed at these concepts that their possessor had had to relearn and accept as his own philosophy. The idea that Kira, being himself, was creator and had no other options than to eliminate those that blocked his ideal vision from becoming reality. He had to accept this destiny as he had previously done.

Still, when looking past his own confidence and pride, he found that it was harder to face the second time. Before, when he made the choice to be a god he completely believed himself. His very life was thought of as truth and power…Now he only knew he was this former god…But…Could he honestly say he trusted himself?

An icy cold shot through his finger tips as he touched the glass window before him. His mind not recognizing the sensation as he stayed lost in this question he asked himself. The question of whether or not he knew his choice was the right decision.

The decision he had made when saying his farewells to Amane Misa. The hardest choice he had ever had to make…Maybe it wasn't a choice but rather which route he intended to take to get the same result. One leading through a treacherous path of having to admit he was guilty, explaining the deeds he had committed, and exposing everything he had lied about…to L. And the second road forcing him to follow with his own stupid plot and kill the said boy in order to remain in a disguise of innocence.

If he chose the first then there was a small glimmer of hope that Ryuzaki would be saved, that the entire world would be saved from his plans, even if he was beginning to think these killings were right. He would admit what he had done, go to prison, and die there alone.

The later route would stop any chance of being caught…for now. If he played along as if nothing had changed then things would move on their own course. Rem would kill L and therefore eliminate his source of anger. He could go back to killing criminals…He could be Kira again without fear.

Two different paths, leading in opposite directions would collide with one singular conclusion…

He would lose L.

Ryuzaki said that he would despise Light if he were the murderer, he would lock him up and throw away the key. Light would be executed and pass away without anyone by his side. And worst of all he would die knowing that the man he cherished hated him.

The option he chose whilst saying goodbye to the blonde was both the easiest and the hardest of the two. The second one. Plans that had been constructed long ago would keep going until the end. L would die…But again Light would be alone for the remainder of his life. Nothing could replace what he had discovered…No one could love him the way he knew L did.

More cold daggers stabbed his hand as he placed his entire palm over the transparent wall. Warming heat coming off his body and fogging the icy glass. Small blurry tracings going along his hand's outline, his eyes watching with little interest.

I'll wait for Rem to figure things out, she can kill him then.

Softly, his teeth held his sore bottom lip, his eyes blinking back the pain he was suffering with. No matter what, if time suddenly stopped, if the entire world just stopped turning, if forever came and went, he wouldn't be able to convince himself that he was right. He could scream and cry that he was Kira and tell himself he was God, he could plan anyone's death, he could even kill again, but it would never feel like justice.

Criminals could fall left and right, the world could become a peaceful and kind place…But there would always be the side of him that felt like…Like he was evil.

A soft tap was heard when he rested his head against the window he continued to lean upon. His eyes staring down at the floor in a combination of anger and depression. There was really nothing he could do was there? His own idiotic actions that led him here had trapped him in a frightening corner he couldn't crawl out of.

I was scared when you told me you were L, I thought you had me. Now you do have me and this time I can't get away.

"I can't have you…No matter what…" His voice whispered to his own ears.

Suddenly, creaking sounds came from the closed doorway, the wooden frame opening and quickly closing as the black haired boy stepped into the dark room. His wandering eyes focusing on the boy he had thought to have gone to bed a couple hours ago.

"Light-kun?"

The younger male stayed motionless as his mind ignored the battle that continuously raged whenever he heard that earth-shattering voice. The familiar emotion of confusion on whether he should hate it or love it.

"What is it?"

Gentle steps came closer and closer with each passing second of silence. The student finding that his heartbeat increased with these slow moving footsteps. His mind shaking before the sound stopped just behind him.

"I thought you went to sleep?" He pressed his lip.

A deep exhale was released, "I couldn't."

"I see…Well Rem-san isn't telling us much, if that's what's keeping you up."

"No. I was just thinking about some things." He bit his lip when realizing he was beginning to fall into that pathetic state of weakness.

"Like?" He tilted his head.

Pain jolted into his hand as his nails slowly dug into the freezing glass he stayed against. His body losing the battle to hold its front against the opposite boy.

"Ryuzaki…", he choked, "before I was confined I said that I had thoughts that certain people would be better off dead…"

Don't tell him, don't tell him…

"I know something was wrong with me when I asked to be jailed but…but still I have that idea. Matsuda said that he also had those thoughts…That means it's human nature to believe people should die…Knowing that, what do you think Kira's true intentions are?"

Black eyes narrowed at him with great intensity. Familiar theories coming back to his mind, rushing back into place as though they had never left. Ideas that Light was Kira…Things he had tried to forget about.

"Kira is evil, he is killing for selfish reasons…I believe his intentions are for some kind of personal advantage." He leaned in further.

"…You don't think he's killing to better the world?" His grip against the glass became tighter.

"No. You can't force humans to get along out of fear."

"You wouldn't want to live in a world where it was peaceful, even out of fear?" He lifted his face to see Ryuzaki's image reflecting from behind him.

"No."

Their eyes met to instantly find that they could not clash against one another. They only softened both glances when seeing both reactions, a constant stare holding onto the reflected images.

"Light-kun, it doesn't matter what I think about his intentions…You're really asking yourself." His tone stayed casual.

Amber grew as he stayed focused on L's picture, his body trembling against the dark eyes that kept a strong hold on him. Never blinking or breaking his own front, only shredding the younger boy's with his glare.

Kill him now…Rem kill him!

Slowly, water began to fill his eyes, his anger forcing himself to blink them back, his heart aching to run…But his mind knowing there was nowhere to go. He couldn't run anymore, he couldn't win, he was done…After everything he had believed and everything he thought he could handle had been broken. His choice of killing L was gone, wasn't it? He couldn't take it, he couldn't stand here and lie anymore…

I…know I can beat you…I have to…How can you make me feel this way?

Kira was unemotional and unfazed by killing people that remained in question on whether or not they were guilty. Kira was strong and uncaring for other people, he had even said he wouldn't destroy his own family if he had to…And in what felt like an instant, Light Yagami was no longer Kira. Light was strong but used his emotions to fuel that strength. He felt love for other people…All it took was the one person he had hated to change his mind.

"I believe…I…"

I have to kill you…No! No! I can't…But…

He swallowed his self doubt, "I believe Kira is evil."

L's eyes widened as he could once again hear that overwhelming sense of honesty in his partner's voice. The sound of trustworthiness he had allowed himself to fall for…yet he could never tell the boy.

"Then we'll work harder to catch him."

Light removed himself from the glass, twisting to face the man that always managed to meet his eyes in every situation. Their glance closing in an instant as both took hold of the other's body, pulling themselves against each other. A rough but soft feeling running along their lips as they touched.

The younger of the two broke their kiss, "I love you."

"I love you too." His mouth was once again covered by his lover's.

W-what am I doing?! I can't stand him…But I love him…But…No…I…

Anger rose in his mind as he was forced to counter himself with only thinking of how much he cared for the opposite boy. How he needed to kill him being overcome with his feelings, his desire to rule softening with the thought of being with L forever….His doubt raging as he tried to regain that solid feeling of not being Kira.

Cold air pierced his skin while his shirt was being slowly unbuttoned, L's fumbling fingers undoing them as he held his lips to Light's. The younger boy moaning softly with each one that was unhooked, his mind still battling itself.

I want to be with him again…If I do that than I will never be able to kill him…I won't kill him.

The duo stayed in their passionate lock, both trying to wander into that state of unawareness to the world surrounding them. Nothing but their pleasure from being with the other and that secure feeling of being tied in the other's embrace…

But their embrace could not keep them safe from the ominous death god that slid only part of her body through the bedroom wall. Her yellow unclothed eye catching sight of the scene and her inhuman mind attempting to comprehend the actions.

Light Yagami is this part of your plan?

Both boy's eyelids flipped open to stare into the others with care. A deep drowning feeling overwhelming both when crossing into their own state of happiness. Time coming to a halt as both continued the exploration of the other's body.

Blue lips dropped slightly when their possessor saw the gaze the younger boy had given the opposite human. That unforgettable look that was the same in every dimension, in every realm.

That look, Gelus had that same look whenever he saw Misa. That look of love that he gave her even when he died…Light Yagami you have fallen in love with this other human…

Slowly and quietly, the death god retrieved her notebook, pulling her other arm through the wall to flip it open. Her free hand preparing her pen as she gazed at the two.

I know what you had planned Light Yagami…I will obey this order from you because you promised it would save Misa…I could kill you as well but then my death would be meaningless. Misa loves you and can't live without you…She would kill herself if I killed you.

She slide her gaze to the small laptop that sat upon a dresser, her mind telling her that the man who had accompanied the task force was named Watari.

I will only have forty seconds but I can fit two names in that time…Light…Misa would kill herself…That is why I won't kill you…You love this human but I believe if I killed him, you would live out the rest of your life in happiness.

The sound of pages turning filled the room, Rem flipping to a blank page, her pen tapping the paper lightly. Her focus putting its entirety into the black notebook.

For the duo that stopped when hearing the sound, time slowed once more. A different kind of ceasing…Before, when they had become lovers, time whirled around them as if they hadn't actually been in a simple bedroom but rather within each other's hearts. This…this was completely opposite…Everything seemed to become blurry as they both rushed to stop the shinigami. Their screams echoing like whispers, Light relating to his dream of only choking on his words.

"Rem, no!"

The younger boy rushed ahead of his tripping lover, his hand slapping the book from the female's claws, the sound of the notebook crashing closed as it hit the floor.

"Rem what did you do?!" He screamed as loud as he could.

"I did what I had to do to save Misa…"She whispered.

His eyes widened in terror, his body trembling with guilt and shock, every memory of telling the being what to do replayed in his thoughts…And with it were the fond memories of L…Everything flashing in front of his eyes before Rem began to crumble into nothingness.

"Ryuzaki…"

He spun to see his partner falling from his standing position, his body almost touching the floor before Light skillfully caught him in his shaking arms. Black eyes widened in pain even as they stared at the student.

"Light Yagami…"

"Don't die, Ryuzaki! We can get you to a hospital or…" His knowledge that the Death Note would kill anyone faded.

"Light…Did you do this?…Are you Kira…I don't want to die not knowing." He stuttered.

Hot tears fell from amber shades, splashing into blackness. Both holding a different stare as the younger boy continued to cry.

"No! I'm not Kira! I couldn't do this to you, I couldn't, I couldn't…I." His mind stabbed himself as he lied.

"Light…I…"

An intense heaviness fell over his eyes as they snapped closed. The world around appearing to be shut off with only the sounds of Light screaming for an ambulance, L's name, and cries that he couldn't leave him alone…

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A/N: Tragic, eh? Next chapter should be the last. Please review.