TMitE Chapter 10

I phone Alice the next day. I have an important request for her. I also owe her an explanation for standing her up yesterday, and, judging from the number of missed calls she's left since I turned off my phone yesterday, she's pretty desperate for answers.

Talking of missed calls, I seem to have a similar number from Esme, but I can't deal with that yet. What do I say to her? How do I explain running out of there yesterday?

Alice first. I did manage to pull myself together enough, after getting back to my apartment yesterday, to drop her a quick text. But all I said was I couldn't make it and I'd call her later before I once again turned off my phone. And it stayed off all night.

I spent the time trying to get my head straight. I sought solace in my bed, hiding under my covers, similar to how I did as a child when I knew I'd done wrong and didn't want to face my mother. I lay there for hours, curled up into a tight ball, but I didn't sleep.

I cried; I shouted; I felt numb; I felt too much.

I know Edward was never mine, but I still have this overwhelming sense of loss. Loss of what I'm not sure, but the feeling is there all the same. Even after twenty-four hours, I'm still struggling to get my head around the reality that Edward has a wife. He reassured me time and time again he wasn't seeing anyone else. After what Alex did to me, there is no way I would get involved with a married man. I've thought over all my time with him since we met a few weeks ago. I've looked for hints and clues that I was being fooled, yet I've come up blank. But I know what I need to do. My mind is made up. Things have to change. The call connects and I take a deep breath.

"Bella! Thank God. Are you OK? You've had me really worried."

Alice launches straight in with the questions.

"I'm fine, Alice, honestly," I reply. "I'm sorry about yesterday, but I wasn't feeling very well so I switched off my phone and went to bed." It's all true. I'm just glossing over the reason for feeling so shitty. "Anyway," I plow on before she can ask any further questions, "I phoned to ask a favor."

"Anything, Bella; ask away."

"You mentioned the other day there may be a job going at your place. Would you still be willing to put in a good word for me with your boss?"

"Holy cow, Bella! What's happened? I thought, despite everything, you were happy at CMH. What's changed?"

"I've just reached the conclusion it's not the place for me anymore. I need to move on. I can't waste any more time doing things that just aren't right, being somewhere that has no future for me. I need to move on and start afresh, find something that's a better fit, that can lead to something more."

"Well, I'll definitely pass on your CV to Rosalie and put in a good word for you. It would be great to work with you, and I'm sure you'll really love working at McCarty's. I think you'll find it a breath of fresh air after being in the large corporation that is CMH. I get the feeling we're a little more relaxed over here."

"That's great to hear Alice. I think it's just what I need."

~TMitE~

I don't have to wait long for feedback. Having emailed my CV to Alice that night, I get a call on Monday afternoon from Ms. Rosalie Hale. She gets straight to the point and invites me for an interview with her on Wednesday at lunchtime. It doesn't give me long to prepare, but in my current state of mind, I jump at the opportunity.

Monday had been traveling painfully slowly. I deliberately arrived late in order to avoid seeing Mr. Cullen in the elevator, and I've spent much of the day desperately trying to think of an excuse not to see him after work. I know I have to face him at some point and get some answers, but I don't feel up to it yet. Everything is still so raw. I still have some work to do on the project, and I'm as keen as ever to get it completed with a positive outcome, but whatever we have going on between us has to stop. It's not a conversation I'm looking forward to.

But it turns out I'm going to get a temporary stay of execution. I get a text message from Edward, not long after I speak with Ms. Hale, saying he needs to postpone our meeting until Tuesday. He thinks it's time I met his liaison at the FBI fraud division. The agent can't make Monday but is able to meet with the two of us on Tuesday instead. This also means when I see him, we won't be alone. I can't decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, I'm not looking forward to confronting him. On the other, procrastination never solved anything.

Tuesday goes by even slower. For the first time ever, I'm dreading going to the hospital at lunchtime. How do I look Esme in the eye? Judging from the way Carlisle spoke, he and Esme obviously think very highly of their daughter-in-law. I feel physically sick, my stomach tied up in knots, as I enter the hospital ward. I'm also a little confused. Now I've gotten over the initial shock, I've been thinking back over all the conversations I've had with Esme about her son; about Edward. Never once has she mentioned a wife. I remember the conversation we had where I accused her of setting him up with me. It was the perfect time for her to point out he was already taken, but she didn't.

"Jake's asked to see you," says Mrs. Cope, looking up as I approach her. "Good lord, Bella, are you okay? You look as white as a sheet."

"I'm okay; I just didn't sleep well last night." Or the night before, or the one before that either.

"As long as that's all it is. You know you shouldn't be here if you're ill."

"I know, but trust me, what's wrong is not catching."

"What's not catching?"

I look around and there's Esme, looking as glamorous and elegant as ever. "Oh, Bella," she exclaims, drawing me into a tight embrace. One I know I don't deserve but that I really need. I allow myself to sink into it, desperately trying to push my guilt away. "Does this have anything to do with why you ran out of my house like the devil was after you on Saturday?"

"No, yes, maybe," I confess. She pulls back and looks at me.

"After we've finished here, we're going for our usual coffee, then you can either tell me all about it, or, if you're not ready, we can have our usual natter. But I'm here for you, okay? You can tell me as much or as little as you want."

She looks at me as I nod my head, and I force myself to look up into her eyes. She is everything I would have hoped my mother to be at this stage of my life, but she's not my mother. She's his. And she's her mother-in-law. The woman I've wronged.

I can't let Esme know what her son had been up to with me. I can't be the one to disappoint her like that. I'll meet with her, but I can't let her know why I'm upset. I will not be the one to tear her world apart.

"Okay, Esme, I'll see you after I've seen Jake and Ms. Palmer."

~TMitE~

I can tell as soon as I enter the room that Jake is having a bad day. His face is pale, and there are dark shadows under his eyes that speak of a deep-rooted tiredness. He's getting near the end of this round of chemo, and it's taking its toll. I hug him as I approach, and the smile that lights up his face, despite his obvious discomfort, puts my worries into perspective. If he can be cheerful with all that he's going through, I can tough this out too.

"That's not a real smile," he remarks as I pull back and take a seat. "Tell Uncle Jake all about it."

"Uncle Jake? There is no way you could be my uncle. I'm at least five years older than you."

"Meh, what's five years? Besides, in life experiences, I'm at least 10 years your senior. So spill. What's eating at you?"

"Just men trouble." I try and wave it off.

"Men?" His face falls. "You mean I'm not the only man in your life. I'm hurt, Bells. I thought we had something special."

Now I'm devastated. Surely, Jake knows we're only friends. Then I see the twinkle around his eyes, and before I know it, the corner of his mouth is curling up into a grin. "I'm sorry, Bella. I know you think I'm too young for you." He winks, and I swat at this arm. Gently. I know he bruises easily at the moment. "But why is this the first I'm hearing about this man who is causing you distress? I thought we were friends?"

"We are, but boy stuff is what you usually talk about with your girlfriends. Besides, you don't need to be worrying about me."

In addition, my relationship with Mr. Cullen is R rated, and Jake is still only just eighteen.

"It may be good to get the male perspective. I admit, my experience may be limited, the girls don't exactly flock to the sickly looking guy with no hair, but I'd still like to help if I can."

"Don't," I say warningly. I hate when he puts himself down like that. "You know the right girl won't worry about the cancer. Besides, your dad said you received a card and present from a girl at school last week."

"Yeah, Nessie," says Jake, and I can't fail to spot the blush that creeps up his cheeks. He likes this girl too. "But stop trying to distract me. Tell me about this man who has stolen you from me."

I shake my head as I look at him closely, gauging what exactly to tell him. "I've been kind of seeing this guy. Then this weekend, I found out he is probably already in a relationship with someone else."

"Probably?" asks Jake.

"Well, I kind of found out he's married."

"Ouch," says Jake, "and he never told you?"

I shake my head.

"You don't deserve to be the other woman, Bells. Find someone who can give you everything you deserve. Who will wine and dine you and take you dancing. Someone like me." He gives me his cheeky wide smile.

"If only you were five years older, Jake," I say, grinning back at him.

"Ageist," he relies, teasingly. "Seriously though, you deserve better. If a man messes you around and isn't in a position to give you a future, you need to dump him. You're not getting any younger, you know. I know how you older women worry about your biological clock."

"Hey," I protest, "I'm only 23. My biological clock has many more ticks in it, I'll have you know."

And that's exactly how my good friend Jake cheers me up. But his words stick with me. Even if Edward weren't married, could he really give me what I deserve? I know there's no future in our relationship. He has made it perfectly clear he doesn't date, or isn't in a position to date. So what am I doing with him? I keep pondering things as I read to Ms. Palmer, who also notices I'm not really myself today.

"Whatever it is, dear, go and talk to him."

"What? Who?" She has totally thrown me with her unsolicited advice. I've never mentioned a man to her.

"In my experience, when a young girl looks as miserable as you, it's usually about a man," she says, smiling fondly. "Unless, it's about a woman," she tacks on quickly. "I know this is the modern age and different stokes for different folks and all that. I'm all for the lesbians and gays. I'm sure my friend, Silvie, back in college, was one of those lesbians. She certainly kept trying to get me alone. But it really wasn't my thing."

I love Ms. Palmer and her oversharing.

"You're right; I do need to talk to him. But first, I need to know the facts."

"That's a good girl. Life's too short to be worrying about the what ifs and maybes. Communication, that's the key. Now finish reading to me about how Roberto is going to seduce Christina in the rose garden. We're just getting to the juicy part."

~TMitE~

Esme and I have found a quiet table in the canteen, and she's filling me in on Carlisle's latest attempt to cook, which apparently always end in disaster, but she loves him for trying. I know she is deliberately avoiding asking me about my problems. Leaving me to make up my own mind about whether or not to open up to her. But I see her watching me carefully and the slight worry in her eyes.

"Esme," I interrupt, "can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, dear, anything."

"I saw some pictures of your son at your house. He's Edward Cullen of CMH, isn't he? I was a little confused, as you don't share the same name."

"That's right, dear," she says smiling. "I kept my surname when I married. Carlisle and Edward go by Cullen though. Do you know him?"

"I work at CMH." I wonder what else to say. How to get to the answers I'm looking for. I don't want to lie to her, but I also don't want to tell her everything. "He tends to keep to himself." It's the truth.

"I've heard he can be a little closed off," she replies sadly. "He wasn't always like that," she continues. "When Lisa was here, he got out more. She brought the best out of him. I miss her. I miss who he was with her."

"Lisa?" I question. "His wife?" Now I'm getting to the answers I need, but it doesn't seem to be the story I was expecting.

Esme nods. "She's the one I'm here to honor," she says. "You remember me saying I lost someone close to me to cancer a few years back? Well, that was Lisa. It hit the family hard. She was like a daughter to Carlisle and me, and Edward adored her."

I see the tears prick at the edge of her eyes. Talking about this is still obviously painful. I don't know how to feel. I feel a sense of relief that Edward is no longer married. That I've not been having sex with a married man. That I'm not the other woman. But I'm also devastated Edward and Esme had to go through this. It explains so much about his behavior and attitude. I understand now why he's not willing to enter into a proper relationship. Why we have no future. He's had his happy ever after, and it was taken from him.

Seeing the first tear run down Esme's cheek, I push my feelings to one side and take her into my arms. We hold each other, each of us gaining support from the other. No matter what happens with Edward and me, I want this woman to be a part of my life.

Eventually, Esme pulls away.

"So now I've cried on your shoulder, do you want to return the favor and tell me what's upset you."

Now I really don't know what to say. I go for the highlights. "I'd kind of started seeing a man, but I don't think he's right for me. I thought he was what I wanted. What I needed at the moment, and I think for a while he was. But now, I'm not so sure."

"What's the problem?"

"There's no future in it. He's made that perfectly clear."

"And you want there to be a future with his man?"

Now there's a question. If I could have a future with Edward, would I want one? "I don't know. I didn't at the start. Hell, I was still getting over Alex. I wasn't looking for anything with a future. But things change. Shouldn't I at least be in a position to find a man who can give me a future. I know I'm going to find it hard to trust someone again after Alex, but shouldn't I at least be trying?"

"You say things change. You've changed. Could he also change?"

"I don't think he's ready," I confess. If Esme's tears and pain are anything to go by, Edward must still be grieving also. "I don't know if he ever will be."

"So you need to decide if you're willing to wait for him or if it's time to move on?"

"I think that's it in a nut shell," I reply.

She takes my hand and squeezes it. "Whatever decision you make, I'm sure it'll be the right one." I hope she's right.

~TMitE~

I'm feeling more confident about seeing Edward when I get back to the office. I know I have some decisions to make, and I need to think seriously about the future, but for now, my mind is at rest. We are getting to the point in our project where the data is looking solid and conclusive. We will soon be handing over the data to the authorities and getting the three of them arrested for their crimes. And tonight's meeting lets me know Edward and I are on the same page. This project is drawing to a close.

The meeting is scheduled for seven, and I once again use Embry to sneak me back into the building. I make sure I have all my files together then tuck my laptop into my bag and ride up to the 27th floor. As I step out, I see Mr. Cullen shaking hands with a blond gentleman who is nearly as tall has he is. He's dressed in a button-down shirt and slacks but is tieless, and his hair is cut slightly longer, falling to his ears in soft waves. He's an attractive man, but, in my eyes at least, pales in comparison to the man standing beside him, who still sets butterflies off inside my stomach every time I see him. There is no doubting I'm still very attracted to Mr. Cullen. Will I really be able to walk away from him? Am I ready to say goodbye to what we have, knowing it will never progress to anything more?

Edward's voice pulls me out of my musings. "Ahh, Bella, there you are." He smiles fully in my direction. "Come and meet Agent Whitlock of the fraud section."

I step forward and shake the officer's hand. He has a firm grip that talks of power, but he smiles with a twinkle in his eye, which speaks of someone who's not afraid to have fun.

"It's good to meet you," I say, returning his smile as Edward leads us into his office, shutting the door and motioning for us to join him at the boardroom table, where another, older, balding man is seated. He is introduced to Agent Whitlock and me as Mr. Jenks, Edward's attorney, who will be representing the company in the case.

It soon becomes clear that Edward has already been working with Agent Whitlock and talking with Mr. Jenks as they discuss, with input from me, how the evidence has been building up. Both men seem familiar with the data we've gathered, and Agent Whitlock pays me compliments for the tags and markers I wrote into the files that have allowed us to see the changes being made and by whom. He seems very knowledgeable about the case and points out where we still have a couple holes in the data that need plugging, and he quickly helps me set up the last couple traps.

"So, it looks like these last few pieces of the puzzle should be in place by the end of next week, then we will be in a position to charge them," declares Agent Whitlock as the meeting draws to a close.

"I'll walk you to the lobby," says Edward, closing down his laptop and slipping on his coat. I do likewise, and the four of us head out to the elevators.

During the ride down, Edward, Agent Whitlock, and Mr. Jenks make small talk. I'm just thinking about the future. With the project coming to a close and my meeting with Rosalie Hale tomorrow, I have a lot of decisions to make.

~TMitE~

I'm nearly late out of the office Wednesday at lunchtime as I attempt to end a meeting with Victoria on time. Rosalie is aware I've not discussed moving on with my current employer—yet. So she's scheduled our interview for a small coffee shop just around the corner from the CMH office. When I enter, I see her sitting at a secluded booth near the back. She looks just as Alice described, from the long blonde curls, to the immaculate suit, to the tower heels. She looks like she could easily be a model, and I start to get nervous. I run my palms down my suit, take a deep breath, hold my head up high, and stride over. She sees me approaching and smiles. This helps to soften her features and makes her look a lot more approachable, and I start to relax. If I'm going to be working closely with his woman, I can't let her intimidate me.

"Bella Swan?" she asks, standing and holding out her hand.

"Pleased to meet you, Ms. Hale. Thank you for this opportunity."

"Oh, please, call me Rosalie. We're a little less formal at McCarty's than you are over at CMH. I know Mr. Cullen likes his employees to use his title, but you'll find my husband only goes my Emmett."

"Your husband?" I ask.

"Sorry, didn't Alice say. Emmett McCarty, the company CEO and co-owner, is my other half. We're kind of a family outfit. I let him think he runs the whole thing, and he lets me do my own projects. It all works out well."

The waitress approaches and Rosalie orders a black coffee. I go for my usual latte. Then we're down to business.

She asks me about why I might be interested in moving on, about my work to date, and my ambitions for the future. She pulls out some documents for a project she's working on and asks my opinion. I point out a few areas of concern I can see in the deal and some questions I'd like to have answers to before I'd be willing to commit to it, and she seems pleased with my response. She even goes so far as to ask my opinion on whether the project should go ahead or not. I answer truthfully: that with the current issues, I'd say no, but that with a few changes, I think it could be a great deal. We then discuss those changes and how they could be implemented.

She tells me a little about the company. It's smaller than CMH, but it's growing, and the smaller size, she tells me, has advantages. Each person covers a much broader area of responsibility, so the breadth of experience I'd build up in a short period would be greater. She also points out they are very flexible, so if I'm interested in a particular project or area of the business, there is every opportunity to get involved with it. She says I'd be starting on her team, working alongside Alice, and I'd be expected to hit the ground running. She lets me know that they work hard but also have fun, that the company likes to foster a family environment with get-togethers at most holidays, the next one being the Thanksgiving weekend family hog roast.

The interview is relaxed yet also taxing. At the end, she is still smiling, which I see as a good sign, and her parting words are all positive.

"Thank you, Bella. It has been delightful to meet with you, and I will be in touch. I'd like to think you'll find McCarty's somewhere you can spread your wings and really fly."

She stands up and reaches out to take my hand. I give her what I hope is a firm and confident shake and thank her for seeing me. We then part our ways. I go back to the office, exhausted but full of ideas and optimism.

~TMitE~

By Thursday evening, I've still not heard from Rosalie about the job, and I'm beginning to think that no news probably means it's going to be bad news. I'm nervous about being alone with Edward. So much has happened since I last saw him. I've found out about his wife, I've realized I know his mother, and I've interviewed for another job. How much, if any, of this do I tell him?

I figure the job offer is probably a moot point, so there is no point in rocking that particular boat. I also figure if he wanted me to know about his wife, he would have told me, and it's not the sort of thing that is easy to bring up. So I decide once again to keep quiet. But what about Esme? It's probably only a matter of time until she talks to him about me as we are getting closer and spending more time together. But is now the time to bring it up? We are so close to the end of the project. I've done the extra work Agent Whitlock suggested. Now we just need to wait until next week to allow the last pieces of the puzzle to slide into place. In fact, I actually have nothing to discuss with Edward this evening. I contemplate not going up. Letting him know there is no need for a meeting and just going home.

But then the project is ending. Which will mean the end of our meetings, the end of my time with Edward. A feeling deep in my gut tells me I can't bail tonight. My body still craves him. I can go up and see him this one last time, work him out of my system and say goodbye. Even if the job at McCarty's doesn't come through, by this time next week, we will be wrapping the project up and that will be the end.

So with a heavy heart, I sneak back into CMH and travel up to the 27th floor.

I enter his room after knocking, still feeling a little apprehensive, but I've only taken a few steps when he commands me to stop. I glance at him briefly, taking in his penetrating stare, then allow my gaze to fall down to the floor, unable to look him in the eye. I hear him rise, walk to the other side of his desk, and lean back against it.

"I want to get a good look at you," he says in an authoritative tone, and, even though I don't look up, I can feel his eyes roam over my body.

I hear a small sigh escape him. When he speaks again, his voice is still demanding, but there is a slightly softer edge to it. "Stand up tall, Bella. Look at me." I look up, and his eyes seem to bore into my soul as if he's looking for something, something elusive, something only he can see. "You are so beautiful. It never fails to amaze me." His voice is softer still, and I remember how this man makes me feel confident, bold, sexy, and, yes, beautiful. I'm here for a purpose. I want tonight to be mind-blowing, but I need to play my part. I take a deep breath and follow his instructions. I stand tall and continue to look him straight in the eye. So, he didn't tell me things about his past, but he had no reason to. We don't have that kind of relationship. He doesn't tell me about his personal life, and I don't tell him about mine. It was a good arrangement while it lasted, but all good things come to an end. And I'm going out with a bang.

"Turn around. Slowly," he commands, and I comply. I keep my eyes glued to his for as long as I can, trying to see the man beneath the façade, but his walls seem to be up again. Tonight, it would appear I'm visiting Mr. Cullen, in his full possessive, controlling glory, and part of me is pleased. Part of me needs this.

Then I feel him behind me, and my breath stops. He is so close. I can feel the heat rolling off him, but he is barely touching me. I feel his breath at my ear as he whispers to me. "I'm going to show you how fucking great we are together. I'm going to make you realize how much your body needs mine, how you belong to me and me alone." I feel my body shiver at his words as it instinctively responds to him as it always has. Yes, this is what I need. I need to feel him, to be possessed by him. One last curtain call before the end. Let's make it a good one.

"The first time I fucked you in this room, I gave you the choice of where. I'm going to give you that choice again tonight." Does he also recognize that this is our last time together? That with the project ending, there is no more reason for us to meet? He must know we can't carry on, mustn't he?

"So, Bella, tell me, where do you want me? Where in this room should I make you scream my name?"

I think over all the places we've made love in this room. Or, I suppose I should say fucked. There was never any love involved. I take in the couch, where he made me shudder as he bent me over the back and entered me hard and fast, and where we lay in each other's arms, panting and spent after a vigorous session. His desk, the scene of so many encounters, including the blowjob last week—was that only ten days ago? It feels like a lifetime. The window, with the city lights below and the stars above. The bookcase, where I learned about his love of books, and his slightly nerdy side, as well as his ability to hold me up in his arms while screwing me senseless. The boardroom table. The scene where we first came together in this office after discovering who we both were.

Yes. That seems fitting. To have him take me there again, on his boardroom table.

He must catch where I'm looking. "My boardroom table, Bella? Is that where you want this to happen?" I nod my head. "Then that is where it shall be then. But first, you are wearing far too many clothes."

His hands reach forward and start to unbutton my blouse. His lips are still close to my ear, and as he works, they brush lightly over my neck, scarcely touching but sending shivers throughout my whole body.

It's not long until I'm totally naked, and he has only touched me with the lightest of caresses necessary to remove my clothes and to tease me mercilessly with his barely there kisses. It's only when all my clothes have been discarded that he comes around to view me from the front. He once again looks me up and down before fixing me with those brilliant yet penetrating eyes, as his lips come down to meet mine. There is nothing subtle about the kiss. He is letting me know that, in this moment, he's in charge of what's happening, of my body, of me. I gasp as his arms suddenly reach around me, pulling my legs up around his waist as he picks me up and carries me over to the table. He lays me back and he then proceeds to run kisses and touches down the entire length of my body, leaving no area undiscovered. It responds like it always does, and it's not long after his mouth makes contact with my core that I reach my first climax of the evening.

But he seems to be a man on a mission tonight, and he doesn't let me rest. I feel him slide inside me, and it feels so right. I look up at him as he stands tall and naked at the end of the table and pushes into me, again and again. His hands cup my breasts, and he knows exactly what to do to bring me back to the edge. As I shatter again, he leans forward and kisses me, swallowing my cries as he wraps his arms around my back, pulling me upright with him as he straightens back up. I'm now perched on the edge of the table, and he holds me close and continues to push into me. The new angle adds new sensations, and I wrap my legs around him to help pull him closer with each thrust. My arms are around his neck, my hands running through his hair and over his shoulders. His arms continue to hold me close. I know I'm going to come again, it's only a matter of time, and I can feel he's getting close, his pace picking up and his breath getting shorter. He pulls back slightly and watches me, staring straight into my eyes as he moves inside me. I stare back, taking in the passion, the fire, and I see what could almost be an edge of sorrow there.

"Come for me again, Bella," he murmurs. "Give it to me one last time. I really need to feel you again before I finish." His voice is low and husky, and as he talks, one hand comes up my back and around to cup my face. He holds me in place, stroking his thumb across my cheek in a surprisingly tender motion. He kisses me again, and I feel my end in sight.

"Edward," I whisper against his lips then come tightly around his cock. I feel him shudder and also whisper my name as he joins me in our shared release. Our breaths are joined, and he brings his forehead to rest against mine as we ride out the wave together. My eyes are closed, and I just allow myself to enjoy the moment without worries of the future.

We both seem to need a moment to get our breaths, and our bodies, back under control, but as we do, I feel him pull back from me. But, thankfully, it's not for long. I find myself being picked up, and before I can think, we are sitting on the couch, me on his lap with his arms around me, my head resting on his shoulder.

"Bella, I wish … I'm not sure what I wish, to be honest." He pauses for a moment, and I wonder where all this is coming from. His voice sounds melancholy. Wistful even. I wait him out, and he finally sighs deeply.

"You deserve a vacation when this is all over. Why don't you take a couple weeks? The week after next is Thanksgiving anyway. You could go and see your folks."

It wasn't what I was expecting, and it takes me a moment to register he's waiting for a response. "I can't take vacation at this short notice," I splutter.

"And why not? Your department is going to be in disarray. There's not likely to be much work happening. Besides, I'd like you out of the way, in case things kick off. I've put you in enough danger as it is." His voice is soft, and his hand is rubbing over my back. That action helps to soothe me.

"I've told you, Edward, I don't want special attention," I say with a sigh.

"For fuck's sake, Bella. It's not special attention." His hand stops moving, but he continues to hold me close against his chest. "You've been working really hard on this project. I would reward any member of the staff who went above and beyond as you have over the last few months. To be honest, a vacation is the least I, and the company, owe you. It has absolutely nothing to do with us screwing. If it makes you feel any better, take it out of your annual leave."

He sounds exasperated, and I know some time away from the office is probably a good idea. "Okay," I agree, "I'll take a couple weeks off. Recharge my batteries."

"What do you think you'll do with the time? Do your parents live nearby?" His hand goes back to rubbing my back.

"It's only my dad now. My mom died of cancer when I was 12." I feel him stiffen under me, and his hand halts in its movement down my back. I realize my mistake.

I hear him clear his throat as I hold my breath. Will he mention her? His hand starts to move again. "Do you still miss her?"

"Of course, I always will, especially around holidays. But you learn to cope, and it gets easier."

"That's what they tell me." He says the words so quietly I almost don't hear them. "And I suppose it's true. We all have to move on." His voice has taken on an almost puzzled edge, and I wonder what he's thinking.

He seems to almost physically pull himself out of his reverie with a small shake of his head. "Tell me something happy. Something about the future," he mutters into my hair.

"The future's a little uncertain at the moment," I confess.

"So tell me about the future you want? Tell me your ambitions, your hopes, your dreams?"

"Hopes and dreams? I guess I want the usual stuff eventually. The husband, the house, the 2.4 kids, and the golden retriever. But I'm in no hurry. I'm young and, as I said before, right now, I'm concentrating on my career."

"And where do you see that going, Miss Swan?"

I smile. This is safe ground. This I know. "To the top, Mr. Cullen."

"Is that so?" I can hear the smile in his voice too. "Tell me more."

"I want to gain experience in how a company works, how it functions, but I don't plan to stay at the bottom for long. I love the idea of leading a team, seeing my ideas taking shape, making a positive change. And I'm going to do it all on my own merit. Not because my father is chairman of the board, or my daddy is best friends with the CEO. It will all be because I was the best person for the job. And I will be. I intend to be the best."

"And you joined us because you thought CMH could give you that? You saw this as being where you could make those dreams come true?"

"I did," I say with a sigh as I draw patterns in his light chest hair. "You've built a great company, Edward. I did a lot of research before starting here. It looked like the ideal place to let me stretch my wings, to learn how to fly, and eventually, to soar and achieve all my goals. I love the way you promote from within, giving hard workers the chance to gain experience then rise through the ranks. It's a real meritocracy, not an old boys club. It seemed a place where, with hard work and dedication, I could go far. Where I could become a success."

"Could?" he asks. "Has the reality proved different from the promise?" His voice is soft and steady, but I detect a little tension in his body. I wonder where this conversation is leading.

"No," I shake my head as I try to put into words what needs to be said. "This is a great company, and I've learned a lot being here, especially from you. You've taught me so much, and I'd love to learn more; there is still so much to learn. The opportunities here are fantastic. I know I could have a great career here."

"I sense a 'but' coming," he says, and I feel him tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear then stroke his hand down though the long strands, the tips of his fingers gently brushing my neck. It's comforting.

I smile again and lift my head to look up at him. He has always been able to read me so well. "But, now any progress I make will have a small shadow over it. When it comes out about this project, there will always be people who think I got that promotion or other because I helped you out with this. Which isn't that big a deal. I worked hard on this project and getting rewarded for doing my job well is obviously not a bad thing."

"Then what is a bad thing?" His eyebrows are drawn together in concentration as he listens to me talk.

"My own doubts over each step I'll take on the ladder. I know you promised not to interfere in my career, but how can you not be involved and influenced by the relationship we've had? How can I be sure each move is due to my work in the office and not my work under your desk, especially as I start to move into more senior positions where you will have a say in my appointment." I sigh and rest my head back on his chest. "But these are worries for the future, not for today."

He holds me close, and I feel him press his lips to the top of my head. "Your right, Bella. Let's worry about these things tomorrow." His words are barely a whisper, and his final sentence is so quiet I barely make it out, but the words stick with me. They make it clear to me he knows the end of the project is the end of us too. "But I understand. I have to let you go. I have to let you fly."

A/N Hurrah - I got it out on time. Quite a long one, but I hope you liked it and it gave you some answers. I know some of you don't like the idea of Edward being in love with someone else in the past, but I personally don't think it stops him loving Bella when he finds her, or makes the love they then share any less. If it really upsets you, that's fine and I understand. See you in a couple weeks.