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EPOV
"Goddamn it, Tanya, I said I'm not doing it!" I yell as she rolls her eyes at me.
We've been going at it since Jasper left and were still at an impasse. I know I'm being stubborn, but I can't afford to have Jasper walk away from this deal between us with my heart. But Tanya thinks that's stupid. In her opinion, why should anyone have to walk away? It's obvious to her that there is something happening between us and I'm being a dumbass for trying to refuse it. She wants me to accept his offer to help us wholeheartedly but I just can't do it. I can't let him in anymore than he already is.
I may be fooling myself but my heart is already breaking as the end of our arrangement draws near and I don't even know if he's going to renew it. I want him to, but I just can't say that.
"Quit being an ass, Masen!" she says as I turn away while trying to ignore her. However, the use of my last name makes me jerk my head around, staring her down and causing her to flinch which is something she never does with anyone. My eyes blaze as I begin to walk toward her, causing her to back up until her back hit the column separating the living area from the kitchen. I know the fury that must be in my eyes, but I can't find it in me to care. She's crossed the line. When we stop moving, I'm towering over her but it doesn't make a difference since the first thing out of her mouth is her defense.
"Get out of my face, Masen. I'm not afraid of you," she says as she glares back at me.
"Don't fucking call me that," I sneer.
"It's a fucking name. Your name. Get over it," she shouts as she pushes me back and stalks off into the kitchen.
"Don't use it. Don't even fucking say it to me! Those people don't mean shit to me," I shout as I follow behind her, slamming my fist against the fridge door.
"Yeah, I know they don't, babe, but Jasper does," she says as she moves over to me. She leans forward, taking my face in her hands and gently kiss my lips before pulling me in a hug. When we part, she takes my hand in hers and leads me over to kitchen table. We take a seat and she doesn't let go of the hand in hers, instead she begins to play with my fingers.
She meet my eyes and sighs before saying, "Listen, babe, quit being an asshole and accept his offer. Don't let your pride get in the way. I think he means well." I want to continue refusing her claim, but the sincerity in her voice begins to seep through my stubbornness.
"Edward, nobody does this. Nobody stops their lives to pull people out of ruts. Yeah, I know there are charities, and they might work, but they aren't for people like us. We're here for pleasure, and that's it. But, you, you've found a guy, or he found you, and he wants to help. So why refuse? I want a better life for you, hon, you're so much more than this. And Jasper can help me get that for you," she pleads.
When she stops talking, she leans back in the chair and just looks at me. I know what she's doing. She's giving me time to process the facts. To look at the big picture. Granted, I do see it, but with what I've recently learned, I don't know if I can do that. It wasn't something I went looking for, but unfortunately, I found it anyways.
It happened yesterday when Tanya was out. I'd had a date with Jasper later in the evening and decided to take a nap. However, sleeping wouldn't come easy and I ended up letting my mind drift.
I started thinking about my past. I thought about Seth. I remembered when I met him. I remembered his smile, the way he had shyly duck his head after he kissed me for the first time, just everything about us. What shocked me the most was the difference in what I felt with Seth and what I felt with Jasper, especially when we weren't even a couple.
When I started to take a closer look at things, I realized that Seth never made my heart flutter whenever he was near. Sure, I felt something for him, something that was apparently one sided, but nothing close to what I feel for Jasper. I smiled at that thought and closed my eyes while wondering what else I could learn about Jasper. I wanted to know everything I could about him. Maybe, I'd even share more about myself with him. I knew that I had to give him something soon, especially a last name. But that scared the fuck out of me. What would he do? What would he do when he learned that I was a Masen? My family was known well enough and I was sure that my father had some lie going on in regards to my 'absence' but what will happen to me when I burst that wide open by telling Jasper who I truly am?
Not wanting to worry about it anymore, I quickly let go of that thought and went back to thinking about Seth some more. But while doing that my mind drifted to my parents. However, thankfully, my thoughts didn't get to far before I finally fell asleep. However, the little bit I'd had in my head was enough to make my dreams not so pleasant.
I couldn't tell exactly what was going on, but my mother was there and so was another woman. A woman who reminded me of Jasper. The moment I saw her, my eyes popped open and I sprang up from the bed as if it was on fire. I stood up and staggered to the kitchen, pulling the fridge open and grabbing a bottle of water. I gulped it down like a man dying of thirst.
I pulled out a chair and took a seat as I let all the images in. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't true. I desperately wanted it to not be true.
My mother knew Jasper's mom.
It was the only thought that kept flashing through my brain. Perhaps, my parents even knew both his parents.
Of course, they did.
They did?
Yeah, they did and probably still do. You're the one who didn't remember.
The more I thought about this revelation, the more I couldn't breathe. By my second bottle of water, I could see her clear in my mind. I'd seen that woman before, but I just couldn't remember her name. Jumping up from around the table, I went and grabbed the laptop before taking back with me to the table. I turned it on and waited for it to boot up. Her last name had to be Whitlock, but what was the first?
When it didn't come to me, I quickly typed in Jasper's name. Google gave me a bunch of stuff until a business article caught my eye. I clicked on it and there it was. A picture almost a month old of Jasper and that woman, Alice, on his arm arriving at a dinner put on by the Whitlock Group. It was the night we met for first time. In another picture, I saw an old man with Jasper's arm on his shoulder. They weren't aware of the camera snapping them, but the two looked so happy as they talked about something. The caption said that it was Jonathan Whitlock, owner and founder of the Whitlock Industries with only grandson, Professor Jasper Whitlock.
My heart pounded as I continued to search through the photos until the second to last one made me spring up from my seat in horror. It was a photo of my parents and Heidi Whitlock.
That was Jasper's mother.
I remembered her now. We'd met only once when I was seven years old and she came to see my mother. I was eavesdropping on their conversation until my mom spotted me and called me over to introduce me to her. I remembered now how much I feared the woman. She looked like an evil witch to me and I remembered Dad calling her one except he said bitch instead of witch.
But I could see what he meant, she was so crude and dismissive and she treated my mother more like a slave instead of a friend. Everything she wanted that day, my mother had to run and get it like a good little girl. I was really happy when my mother told me that I could leave the room because I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
"Hey," Tanya says, shaking me. "Where did you go?"
I don't answer right away. Instead I slightly smile and look down at my hands while trying to work up the courage to say this to her. I really need her help with this. I need to know what to do.
"Tanya," I whisper.
"What, babe?" she says, taking my hand in hers.
With a deep sigh, I start. "Tanya, I know something about Jasper. Something that I sort of just remembered and I don't…I don't know how I'm going to tell him about it or even if I should."
"Why would you be afraid to tell him?" she asks.
"Because it concerns my past too."
"Oh," she whispers.
Sighing, I say, "I know his mother."
"What!" Tanya shouts, letting go of my hand and getting up. She starts to pace the room with her hands on her hips while I wait for her to say something else.
"You have to tell him," she says with a finality in her tone.
"Tanya, I…"
"Wait, before you say anything else, just listen. If you guys go forward with this, then shit like this is going to get out. He likes you, you like him and we're about to change our lives because of his help." I move to interrupt her and tell her that we were going to make that change all on our own. But she holds her hand up to stop me. "I know, Edward, I know. Yeah, we would've done it but you can't fight this miracle, it's like help from above. Someone gives a shit up there and they sent Jasper. So aside from the fact that your families maybe connected, you guys have to see where this will go. Keep your eyes open and I'm here for whatever may go down. I've got your back."
I don't answer; instead I jump up and pull her into my arms. With my head tucked in her neck, I mutter, "So tell him?"
"When you're ready, but this could be a great test."
"A test?"
"Yeah," she says. "To see if he truly cares like he says he does. But mostly, when this comes out, you'd be in the clear since you've already said something."
"You're right." Our night goes on until my phone rings around midnight. Looking over at Tanya, she's fast asleep and I grab the phone quickly, answering it before it wakes her up.
"Hey," I say.
"Hey," Jasper repeats. "Are you okay?"
"Yes."
"Good." He doesn't say anything for a while until I break the silence.
"Jasper, I need to talk to you. Can I see you tomorrow?"
"Sure," he says, excitedly. "Umm, is it a date?"
I laugh before saying, "You're asking me?"
He laughs before replying, "Yeah, I guess."
"No, it's something I want to talk to you about before we move forward with whatever this is now."
"Alright then, we'll meet for lunch," he says.
"Okay. Umm, just call and let me know where and I'll meet you there."
"Okay." His voice drops on that and I know he's disappointed that I didn't ask for him to pick me up. But, I want to have an escape route, just in case.
"I'll do that," he says. We then say our goodbyes and disconnect the call.
The next morning is havoc. I actually threw up once after breakfast and even with Tanya coaxing me, I'm still feeling like shit.
"It'll be okay," she says as lunch time rolls around. Jasper has already called and told me where to meet him. Now it's only for me to man up and head there. Tanya has already called a cab for me and she's even walking with me downstairs.
I keep telling her that my stomach feels much better and that I'm now actually hungry. She says that's good and to just be cool and that this will all be fine. We hug and I head out, jumping into the cab and heading toward Dishes to Go. Jasper said to meet him there and we'd move on from that.
All the way in the cab, I prep myself for this talk. It can go either way, but all I can only see is it going bad and this thing between Jasper and me ending before we can really explore it. I didn't tell Tanya this fear. I know she has high hopes for Jasper and me but I don't see it happening after this. Though, Tanya is right, life catches up with you whether you like it or not.
When the cab pulls up, I pay the driver and get out. Jasper is already there and his smile as I approach makes my heart skip a beat. He's dressed in a white crisp shirt and black dress pants. His hair is blowing in the wind and his glasses are on. He looks like a hot geek and all I can think about at the moment is jumping him.
"Hey," he says as I draw close.
"Hey." He pulls me in a one armed hug and I breathe in his vanilla musky scent. I don't know if it's his cologne or just him, but he always smells so good.
He tells me to wait and goes to get our lunch that he'd order ahead of time. When he gets back, he tells me we're going to Central Park for lunch. The restaurant is just a mile away from the park so we decide to walk it. When we get there, we move along until I find a bench under a huge tree. The spot is perfect. You can see passersby strolling along and other people enjoying the great landscape.
I can feel Jasper's eyes on me and turning to meet them, I see the questions swirling around. I want to tell him why I want to talk but instead, I opt to let him eat first. So I ask if we can eat even though food is the last thing on my mind. However, my sandwich looks so good, I have to take a bite.
He'd gotten me a Grilled Chicken and Feta Panini with a Vitamin Water. Jasper loves these and has gotten me drinking them also. He has gotten himself a Chicken and Mozzarella sub with a Vitamin Water. We dig in and eat in a comfortable silence. When the food is gone, I watch him closely as he looks around the park. If this is the end, then I want to remember him just like this.
I draw closer and surprise him by pulling his face to mine, kissing him. He responds a minute later, sucking my bottom lip in his mouth as he begs for entrance which I give him wholeheartedly. Our tongues dance over one another's and with a last kiss on his lips, I pull away.
His eyes are closed and he's breathing heavily. In this moment, all that matters to me is him. I don't care about anyone or anything, just him. I wish we could stay like this forever, but we can't.
"You feel the way your heart is pounding right now?" I ask, leaning my head against his own. He nods yes. "Well, it's the way my heart has felt for the last three weeks."
"Me too," he whispers as he kisses my lips once more before pulling away and opening his eyes to me.
"Jasper, I need you to tell me something."
"Okay," he says, taking my hand in his. Looking down at our joined hands, I smile because he's been so brave. He doesn't seem like the same man I met three and a half weeks ago. The same freedom I'd find in his movements around his loft, he's displaying it here and now.
"Aside from how we met, do you like me? I mean really like…"
"Yes," he answers quickly. "I don't know how to explain it fully yet but I know that I like you. I really like you. When I'm around you, I'm happy. It's the best way I can say it. I'm so happy. And when you're away or I have to pick you up, I can't sit still and I can't wait to see you."
"I like you too. A lot. When I see you my heart skips a beat. My palms are sweaty and I feel like there is nowhere in the world that's safer than being in your arms."
"So we like each other," he says, smiling.
"Yeah. We do." I smile back.
"Edward, I want to date you, I want to work this out somehow and I know you're probably thinking I'm trying to control you like a sugar daddy or something, but darlin', I swear it's not like that. I just want to help. Edward, I…"
"Masen."
"What? What are you talking about? What do you mean?" he asks. Looking at him, he seems so perplexed by what I'd just said.
"What I mean is I want be with you too. I haven't felt like this in…at any time. I don't think you want to be my benefactor, you just want me comfortable. It's just you being happy and wanting to help me and Tanya too. I would love to date you whether we go out or stay in forever. I don't care. But Jasper, you don't know me," I say. The tears are threatening to fall but I hold them back.
"Edward, I don't care what you're trying to talk me out of, I…" he starts before I cut him off.
"Jasper, do you know your mother's friends?" He looks shocked for a minute but I can practically see the wheels turning in his head and when his shoulders rise, he gets a look of recognition on his face I know the name rings a bell.
"She's my mother," I say to him.
"Julie Masen is your mother," he says. "So the Masens are the parents you were talking about?"
"Yes."
"They threw you out?" he asks.
"Yes."
"Because you were…gay?" he questions.
"Yes." I reply.
"How do you know my mother and have you known all this time?" There is a hardness to his voice but I close my eyes and ready myself to say what's needed.
"No, I didn't know. I wasn't sure until two days ago. I had a dream and it was like it all came rushing back. I couldn't remember her name, so I looked it up. I know who you are and I know that our parents know each other."
"When did you meet her?" he asked his voice quiet. "And why didn't you tell me this the other night?"
"I was seven years old. She came to my parents' house and she and my mom were talking when I came in. They didn't know I was there before they saw me but I could hear her telling my mother that you had done or said something, I'm not sure. But it was bad and she was angry. I was scared to tell you."
He stays silent, but I notice how he pulls away from me. Gone is the bliss we were in a minute ago. It seems time goes on and on before he finally looks at me and says something.
"They don't know where you are or what you've been going through, do they?" he asks in a serious tone.
"No," I whisper before saying. "And I'm begging you before you go, not to tell them, please."
"Tell them? Why would I want to talk to them?" he asks. "Edward, I know your parents and I've heard the obvious lie, seeing as you're sitting here in front of me as opposed to being at school overseas, but I don't talk to your parents. Hardly ever had. But, you should have li…"
"I didn't lie," I say, getting up. "I just let myself remember and now I'm sorry I did. It was really nice to meet you, have a nice life."
I walk away before he can see the tears falling. I can hear him calling my name but I don't look back. I quickly make my way out of the park and hail a cab, jumping in before dissolving in tears.
I cry most of the cab ride back home and luckily, Tanya is outside to meet me. Seeing my state, she grabs me after I pay the cab driver, pulling me into a hug and we head upstairs. Once inside our place, I collapse on the bed and Tanya pulls me into her arms and lets me cry.
He knows now, and I've lost him. I've lost Jasper.
Thanks to abbymickey24 for making this look awesome!
Next: Tanya and Edward take an uncertain step forward.