(a/n: whAT. i've been notified that this story has made it to the tv tropes fanfic recs page. MOM. MOM GET THE CAMERA. MOM I'VE FINALLY MADE IT IN LIFE. I'M DONE THAT'S IT /micdrop
*gives a long and teary award speech with the level of feels of leonardo dicaprio getting an oscar*)
Cop and Robber
RANK 6.5
SKULL. Yo guys. Is it just me or has Queen been like super out of it?
SETTER. It's not just you. I'm worried about her.
MAID. Worried? I'm pissed. We're working our asses off here and she's slacking.
MISS FORTUNE. She is definitely not slacking. I see a great fork in the path before her. She is deliberating on which to take.
MAID. Yeah, well, deliberating isn't the same as tailing or write-ups or reports. Where's her hours clocked?
DRAGONHEART. Silence, Maid. Her character is stalwart and trustworthy.
SKULL. Soooooo like, what are we gonna do?
MISS FORTUNE. DO NOTHING. The slightest interference could send her on a path to destruction! She must make this choice of her own accord.
SKULL. You guys are **** teammates.
SKULL. Holy **** this app has a censor?
DRAGONHEART. Wash that filthy mouth of yours, Skull.
SETTER. Back on topic, guys. Skull is right. Queen's a fellow squad member. We should be looking out for her.
MAID. You mean a fellow Phantom Thief, right?
SETTER. You know what I meant. Has she clocked in today?
DRAGONHEART. The office was empty when I set foot inside.
SKULL. Didn't see her all day.
SETTER. When was the last time that anyone last saw her?
MAID. Yesterday morning at the team meet, right? Anyone after that?
Miss Fortune is typing...
MAID. With physical eyes, Miss Fortune, not in the cards or whatever.
Miss Fortune stopped typing.
SKULL. HOLY ****!
SETTER. Skull, professionalism please.
SKULL. I'M A **** PHANTOM THIEF DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T SAY
SKULL. GUYS. CHECK THE NEWS. RIGHT NOW.
Setter is typing...
Setter is typing...
SETTER. Oh.
MAID. Well ****.
SETTER. Professionalism please, Maid.
MAID. Are you serious? There's a calling card, Setter. On Munakawa.
DRAGONHEART. Hm. Interesting choices of placement. All around the police station. Apparently posted by a cat. Is it truly possible to train a cat with such specifics?
SKULL. Can you guys at least try to act more surprised?
MISS FORTUNE. How can I be? I saw it this morning in the cards.
SETTER. A calling card on Chief Munakawa?
MISS FORTUNE. A threat of great magnitude against a figure of great influence.
MAID. That's so vague that it could literally be anything.
SETTER. Actually, I think it's, "That's so vague that it could figuratively be anything."
MAID. Dammit, Setter, at least we can agree that it's really **** vague.
SKULL. Alright, now we really gotta check in with Queen. She's the only one on Munakawa.
DRAGONHEART. I agree. This is a huge development. We need her observations.
SETTER. More than that. We need to find out if she's still alive. She's been missing for over twenty-four hours, and a calling card was just issued. That's really bad.
SKULL. "Munakawa Asao. The victims of your depraved licentiousness and abuse of power have called out in one voice. We shall purge every last bit of darkness from your heart and invoke a wretched confession from your own twisted lips. Prepare as you desire. It will be futile either way."
SKULL. Hot damn. Is it just me, guys, or do they sound way more pissed that usual?
MAID. I don't know, do you keep all seven years of calling cards memorized?
SETTER. Come on, guys. Find Queen. This is now priority number one. I'll go to her apartment. Skull, cover the station. Miss Fortune, scout around Shinjuku, and Maid, you grab Yongen-jaya—she's been heading there often. Dragonheart, look into her expenses and phone records. Until she answers a call or text, I declare Queen as Missing in Action. And if there's someone responsible for it, we're gonna give him hell to pay.
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| POLL: Is the recent calling card too strongly worded?
YES: 21%, NO: 79%
| CHATBOX
"i thought the phantom thieves were supposed to be the good guys"
"SLAYYYYY QUEENS SLAYYYYY"
"Munakawa sounds like a twisted bastard. Bury him, PT."
"what the hell it sounds like he's raped every girl in the station"
"ooooh this gun be gud"
"They've gone for worse people than Munakawa. Wonder if they have a personal grudge."
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! THIS IS A HEIST ALERT.
Next week,
two chapters will be released per update
for a total of six chapters.
The week after,
we return to our regular airing schedule.
The Phantom Thieves are coming.