Next chapter is up. Hopefully you enjoy.

"Dr Shepherd." Derek hears as he name is called out.

"Yes."

"Um we are taking your wife to OR 1 for a caesarean. Dr Beale is prepping her. She wanted me to come and get you."

Derek left the room and followed the intern down to the OR. He changed into his scrubs and went and scrubbed in. He sat beside her head.

"Hi Dr Shepherd."

"Dr Beale."

"The baby is 36 weeks Derek. Very good chance of survival. So hopefully no NICU." She says.

"That's good."

"Okay so let's get started." She says. "Scalpel."

…

8 years before the crash

Bringing Meredith home 2 days later was hard. When I was wheeling her out of the room and down to the elevator another couple was beside us with their newborn baby in their arms and saying how perfect there baby boy was.

I let them go into the elevator first and we waited for the next one. Meredith had been silent since last night. She hadn't said a word to me. That was when we farewelled him.

We had a last bath, inviting Thatcher, Susan and Ma. We also had Lexie and Molly. My sisters couldn't make it. The godparents were all in the room as well. Mark, Cristina, Izzie, Alex and George. We decided to have them there so they could say goodbye by taking turns washing him. They all started and once they washed him they left the room. Then Meredith and I bathed him and the nurse came in and collected him.

We decided on a cremation for him and his urn would come back in the shape of a baby bootie.

I brought Meredith home and helped her to the lounge. I went to get water for her and came back and she was gone. I headed up stairs to the nursery. We didn't even have the time to pack everything away. Meredith sat in the rocking chair with one of the stuffed animals we were going to give him. She didn't notice me at all standing in the doorway. I watched as she sat there. She sat there for hours and finally fell asleep and that's when I took her to bed.

She complained about her boobs being hard as marble and the pain that it was with even having a shirt over her chest. She told me that the midwife nurse told her that they couldn't do anything about it and that she would have to ride it out. She was in so much pain. I could barely touch her.

Richard had given me time off to look after her but it was only for a couple of weeks and I had to come back to work.

After 8 weeks we had gotten her back into work. That morning she went to visit her mother and I found out that they brought her into the hospital to have tests and she was lucid. I had visited Ellis and talked to the lucid Ellis.

"Dr Grey. How are you doing?"

"Derek. The man who is married to my daughter. How do you do?"

"Good."

"Now Meredith has been really quiet and has she put on any weight?"

"Um didn't Meredith tell you?"

"Is she pregnant?"

"She was pregnant. She gave birth 8 weeks ago, to a stillborn."

Ellis's face dropped. Yes she was cold hearted but this must have hit her hard.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry. A boy or a girl?"

"A boy." I say.

"Derek I am truly sorry."

"That's fine. I'm going to go now. Bye Ellis." I said as I was leaving her room.

"Derek. Keep an eye out for her. She may say she is fine but in fact she is not."

Leaving her room I went and hid in the supply closet for almost an hour crying.

When I left from my shift and met with Meredith I could see that she was upset.

"What happened?"

"She said that you ruined my life and I didn't become the extraordinary person I should have become. You made me soft and losing Patrick made me soft. She doesn't think I turned out to be extraordinary. She called me ordinary." Meredith had told me. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight.

I took her home and made her dinner. She barely touched her plate. She went off to bed and I cleared the table.

The next morning I found her underwater in the bathtub. I pulled her up and asked her what was going on. She said that she was taking a bath.

We arrived at work together and went and changed into our scrubs and then went to our triage training.

Halfway through our training we were called out to attend a disaster. Since we were the residents we were chosen to go out with Seattle 35. As the doors opened and we stepped out of the vehicle we saw what we had stepped into.

We all went our separate ways and found patients to treat and declare urgent, non-urgent or dead. Tagging patients and helping to treat with their injuries. Meredith came by and she had a little girl in tow.

"Hi." I said. "Can you place your hand here?" I ask her. "You okay?"

"Yeah just a lot."

"You can go back to the hospital with this one if you want?"

"No. I have to help this little girl find her mum. You okay?"

"Yeah. See you around."

I didn't see Meredith for a few hours. A patient went by with her jacket covering him.

"Who tied off the artery? Dr Grey. Do you know where she is?"

"She must have moved on." The paramedic said.

That's when I found the little girl standing by herself.

"Hi. Do you know where Meredith is? Is Meredith okay?"

She looked at me with those eyes and shook her head.

The shock hit me. It was unbelievable at what was happening. She had gone missing.

"Okay take your time which way did she go?"

She finally found a path and led me to the water's edge.

"Okay use your words. Where is Meredith?"

I saw her hand raise and point out to the water.

I stripped down out of my jacket and jumped into the water. I had to find her.

I had been under the icy water searching for her. I came back down after getting air and found her. Pulling her to the surface and to the ramp. I picked her up and carried her blue body to get help.

Resuscitating her was the most difficult thing ever. I had heating blankets on her to warm her up.

"ENT 5 minutes." I didn't care. Well I did but I was trying to concentrate.

The doors opened.

"Jane Doe."

"She's not Jane Doe. It's Meredith." I said to Dr Bailey.

"Derek how long has she been down for?"

"I don't know."

"Get her inside."

They took her away from me. The resuscitating was taken over and I was sent out of the room in my wet scrubs.

After hours of waiting outside her room. I went to her mother's room after I changed. She wasn't lucid after yesterday. Meredith had gone in and explained why she wanted her to do the treatment and she wasn't lucid anymore.

Her mother woke and looked at me.

"Get me water." Pouring her water I gave it to her and stood there.

"You broke her. She was finally getting somewhere and you broke her." I said to her. "She is an extraordinary woman and you called her ordinary. After everything that has happened." I said yelling at her.

"Derek." I hear and see Izzie standing at the doorway.

After a few more hours I get called to her room. There was bad news though about her mother. It was good news about her. I stood in her doorway and watched her. She finally woke up and looked at me.

"Hey." She says.

"Hey." I say as I move towards her. I had to admit that seeing her alive and well was strange after how blue she was for all those hours. I bend down and kiss her and brush the hair from her eyes.

"There's something I have to tell you." I say.

"My mother's dead. Isn't she?"

"Yes she is?" I say shocked.

"It's okay. Well I think its okay."

"So about these ashes, what are we going to do because them still sitting on our kitchen bench or in our closet is kind of scary."

"I know. How about we take the ashes to the land and we can bury them or spread them down on the water."

"We can bury them and have a little plaque made up and that can be somewhere that we can show our kids or we can visit them when we get sad."

She nodded her head at me.

"You scared me."

"I'm sorry. I just… I'm sorry." She says. "What about the little girl?"

"I don't know what happened to her. I think her mum came and got her."

She nodded her head and a smile was appearing on her face. This was the first time I saw her smile.

"In a few months can we try for another baby? I know it happened so soon but the next one could be born this time next year."

"Just tell me when you're ready and we can try."

…

The cries filled the room. Derek had videoed the caesarean. He wanted it so Meredith could watch the birth of their new baby. He also had one of the nurses taking photos for him.

"It's a boy. Congratulations."

The joy filled him and he kissed Meredith's forehead. "We have a boy Mer."

"Well get him cleaned up for you."

They closed Meredith without any complications which was good because of all the surgery's she had had recently.

"Do we have a name for this one?"

"Um not yet."

"That's okay." She says. "Here is your little boy."

She places the baby into his arms.

"So what is the Apgar?"

"8 and 9. Which is perfect for a baby 4 weeks early. We would have expected him to have some complications because of the amount of stress he has been under but he is fine."

The baby was wrapped in his blanket and was looking and Derek. He knew that he was searching for his mother. He laid the baby down by Meredith's cheek. So the baby's cheek was touching Meredith's. The baby stopped crying and looked across at his mother.

"Derek we are going to take Meredith up to recovery now. The baby we will take to the ward to be checked out and giving the work up. So if you want to follow me."

Derek placed the baby in the bassinet and they wheeled him up to the maternity ward and to the nursery so he could be given the work up. Derek had taken a lot of photos of the baby but he had to admit it was as exciting as the other births; it may have been because Meredith wasn't here. Of course it was exciting, his son had been born but it was different to what they were used to.

The baby had the dark hair covering his head just like the other kids. He looked exactly like Patrick.

"Okay he is perfect, 6 lbs. 9 ounces. 10 fingers, 10 toes. Good set of lungs and healthy sounding heart. There is no reason that he couldn't go home tomorrow." The paediatrician had told Derek.

"So do you think I could take him up to meet his siblings?"

"In a moment. We just need to tag him and write out his name badge. Do we have a name?"

"No. Meredith and I hadn't chosen a name yet. We did have a few ideas but we wanted her to choose because it was her turn."

"Okay baby Shepherd can be it for the moment. We can always change it when you come up with a name." He says. "Okay that's all done. You can take him down to meet his siblings."

Derek had carefully picked his newborn son up and carried him down to the kids' room. The kids were with Lexie watching TV.

"Hey kids, I have someone here who I would like you to meet." Derek says entering the room.

Everyone turns and looks at Derek.

"The baby is born?" Sophie asks.

"Yes, you have a little brother?"

Derek walks closer to them so they can get a better look.

"Oh he is so cute Derek. Congratulations." Lexie says.

"Would Lexie like the first hold of him?"

"Yes I would." She says as she takes the baby into her arms.

"Can I hold him next dad?" Sophie asks.

"How about we let Kendall hold him. She is no longer the youngest."

Derek stayed with the kids for an hour showing them their new baby brother. He decided it was best that he went back to the nursery so he could be fed and have a rest. Derek stood outside the window looking into the nursery as the nurse put him down.

"I heard we have a new Shepherd?" Mark said coming beside Derek.

"Yes we do. He is just getting put to bed by the nurse."

"His gorgeous."

"He looks so much like Patrick. It's crazy."

Mark just looks through the window. "Do you have a name for him yet?"

"Meredith and I did pick out a few names but it was her turn to choose the first name."

"Okay so do you remember what they were?"

"Derek I like Noah for a boy."

"Noah is cute. Do you have any ideas?"

"I have a few but I don't want to go past Noah."

"It was Noah. I remember when we were pregnant with Kendall and we had picked out boys names for her just in case and she liked Noah and when we found out we were pregnant with him she said that she still liked the name Noah."

"Well Noah it is?"

"What if she doesn't like it?"

"Derek trust me she will."

"Okay so Noah it is." Derek says and he smiles some more. "Noah Patrick Shepherd."

"That is beautiful." Mark says. "Have you called your sisters yet and your other extended family?

"Not yet. It happened so quickly. Ma and Amy are in New York and are on their way home tomorrow because the kids are discharged tomorrow. So am I."

"Well I can help you message them at least."

"Thanks Mark." Derek says. "Can you do that for me please. I want to see Meredith."

"Anything for you Derek. I'm here to give you a hand." Mark says patting his back. "Are you going to take Noah?"

"No I'm going to leave him here just for a little while. I need a moment to be with Mer."

"Okay."

Derek left walking towards Meredith's room. She had been in recovery since the caesarean for almost 2 hours and he hadn't seen her yet. He entered her room and came and sat beside her.

"So we have our little boy up in the nursery. 6 pounds 9 ounces. He has his 10 fingers and 10 toes. The paediatrician said he has a healthy set of lungs and his heart is good. Dr Beale had expected there be some complications with him but he is perfect. Nothing is wrong with him. I fed him earlier and just left then and he was asleep. I'll bring down our son in a little while." Derek tells her. "Our boy Noah. Noah Patrick Shepherd. You loved the name and it really suits him. He also looks a lot like Patrick. He is gorgeous Mer. I really wish you would open your eyes so you could see him."

"His looking out for his mum. Those eyes are searching for his mothers and he is waiting for his mother's touch." He tells her. "The kids love him. They think he is adorable. They just are hoping you are awake to see him grow up."

Derek hadn't taken into perspective all the tubes, wires, bandages and scars that covered her body. She was still beautiful to him but he had now seen every flaw he possibly could. Her hair had been shaven for the numerous surgeries and a bandage was covering that. The breathing tube was down her throat and the wire and leads were sticking out for her body going into the numerous machines but she had since lost the foetal monitor so that was one less machine filling her room.

He got up from the chair and the air caught in his throat. He had realised the possibility that Noah could not ever meet his mother. He left the room and ran back down to the tunnels where he had found to be his sanctuary in the past 10 days. That is when the tears started to fall. He had had the worst 10 days and he never wanted to cry in front of anyone to show the weakness so he came down here to let it out.

"Derek. Is that you?" Callie asked as she wandered towards him. "I heard the baby was delivered. What'd she have?"

"A boy. Noah."

"That's beautiful. Why are you down here?"

"I needed to be by myself and not show weakness in front of the kids. I've had the worst 10 days it feels as though it is getting worse."

"Maybe it is maybe it isn't. Meredith is improving. You have a new baby. Your kids are being discharged tomorrow. You are fine. It may seem as though it is really crappy but you don't realise what joy you are going to have once all this is over." She tells him. "I've been through the recovery and it is hard but Meredith's injuries are healing now. When she wakes up she should be fine to do rehab and in no time she will be able to hold her son."

"Thanks Callie."

"No worries." She says smiling. "I still remember when she found out she was pregnant with Sophie. Cristina was off and she ended up calling me instead of Cristina. It was hard to tell if she was freaking out or really overwhelmed and happy that she was crying with joy or with fear."

"Oh it was both. She was scared about losing this one like Patrick."

…

7 years before the accident.

Opening the sleeve the pregnancy test sat in I was starting to feel nervous. I pulled it out and started reading the big fat positive. It had been 8 months since we lost Patrick and the doctor told us to wait a couple of months before we should start trying again. We did and now I was pregnant. I don't know if I was nervous in a good way or if I was fearful that this could end badly. The tears were streaming down my face. I had to tell someone. I took out my phone and started dialling a number, presumably Cristina's.

"Hello Meredith. What's up?" I hear but it's not Cristina's voice.

"Callie hi. I hit the wrong number sorry." I say with a croaky voice and a sniffle.

"Are you okay? You don't seem good."

"I don't know."

"Are you are the hospital?"

"Yeah I am. I'm in the 3rd floor bathroom."

"Okay I'll be there in just a sec." She said hanging up.

I hear the outside door open and hear the footsteps. I open the door and meet Callie.

"What's up girl?" I hand her the positive pregnancy test. "That's great girl."

"But Patrick. I feel as if this will happen again."

"Meredith you have to be positive about this. What happened to Patrick was unfortunate and it happens but this one that you're carrying now I believe that it will be healthy and I can see the kid in 5 years' time waving goodbye to you as he or she goes to school. Meredith you can't cry because that shows me that you don't want another kid and this is something that you are ready for."

"I do want another one I'm just scared that I am hurting them for what is happening. It's like I am deciding if they live or die."

"This one will live. What happened to Patrick is one of those things that happen and what happened the day you lost him you had sustained trauma and patients never really attack you. So I think that right now you should march down to Derek and tell him because it will be something that makes his day."

I had found Derek later on that day and told him. Callie had talked me through it and it made me more comfortable.

With the months going by I was careful with the pregnancy. My OB told me that the stillborn happened before because of the attack and the stress that had happened that day. She told me that a healthy baby should be carried to term this time around and she was right.

Every time I received a case that I felt that it could be risky I would pass it off and go and do something less stressful. That must have helped because on the morning of August 22nd 2009 I delivered a healthy baby girl, Sophie Leah Shepherd after 8 hours of labour. I went for a drug free labour and loved and hated every minute of it because this time round I could everything that had happened to my body.

Sophie was perfect. She had blue eyes and a head of dark hair. Her pout was the same as Patrick's. Derek and I just stared at her for hours and I finally got the chance breastfeeding and it was a moment that I would do over and over again.

She was our perfect baby girl and she would grow up to know her big brother Patrick.

…

Callie had stayed and talked to Derek. The two of them went through everything and they talked about cases and things like that. Callie had received a message asking if she was coming home and the two of them realised that is was late. Callie left to go home to her family and Derek went to see his. He stopped by the kids' room and tucked them in. As soon as they fell asleep he headed to the nursery and went and stopped by Noah's crib. He was up and looking around.

"Hey Noah." Derek said. "It's your daddy." Noah had soon tracked his father and watched him. Derek picked him up and held him. "I thought I would stop by and see you before I went to bed. I didn't expect you to be awake but I guess that you haven't had much contact from me our your mum. Mummy at the moment won't be able to hold you because of the accident that we were in. She was looking forward to this day to meet you Noah but something unfortunate happened so she can't see you."

Noah looked closely at Derek and grasped his hand around Derek's finger. Derek let out a smile and lifted him closer and sniffed his head.

"Mummy will so wake up." He told his newborn son. "She will and I promise in the morning before we are discharged I will take you to see her. You'll be home in no time Noah. In no time."

What'd you think? Let me know. Noah is finally here.

The next chapter I will have up as soon as possible. It will be the bringing of baby Sophie home and the first trip to the farm for her. It is also the day the kids are brought home and the day Noah gets to send time with his mum.

So please read and review.