Almost five hours passed and Sian was now sat at the kitchen table with her head in her hands. Another cup of tea she'd made herself a while earlier was sat half drank in front of her, next to where her mobile lay face up on the loudest volume in case the brunette was to call. She'd been worried sick since Sophie left, especially when it had gone past 2 hours and she still hadn't returned home. She'd ended up phoning Sophie's parents, Rosie and even Tommy, asking if any of them had seen her. Of course Sally had started to fuss and panic until Kevin had to her to calm down. Sophie was a grown up, if she got lost she was fully capable of asking someone for directions or jumping on a bus or getting in a taxi.
Sian had stopped short of contacting Major Cartwright though. She had considered that Sophie could have possibly gone to confront him over what he'd said but then if she hadn't and Sian told him she'd ran off, it may look to them like she was running from them and their accusations.
Hearing the front door to the flat being unlocked, her head shot up from her hands and she quickly rose to her feet and walked into the living room to see the older girl walking in drenched head to toe. Almost running over her to, Sian wrapped her arms around Sophie's neck hugging her tightly letting out a small sob of relief that she was home, and not even noticing as the front of her own clothes got soaked in the process. Suddenly she pulled back and pushed her hands against Sophie's chest causing the brunette to take a step back.
"Where the hell have you been?!" she almost shouted. "You scared the shit out of me just walking out like that!" Sian's voice was raised but she couldn't help it, the thought of Sophie just disappearing out of her life again terrified her.
"I'm sorry." Sophie spoke quietly as she looked back at the blonde.
"Sorry? I've been going out of my mind."
"I just needed some time by myself." Sian looked into the deep blue eyes in front of her seeing the sadness in them, before she properly took in the rest of her appearance seeing her clothes drenched and her hair sticking to sides of her face and dripping on to the front of her shirt.
"Oh my god, you're soaked through. Take that off before you get sick." Sian told her gesturing to the shirt Sophie was wearing. "I'll go get you something dry to put on."
As Sian walked off to the bedroom, Sophie slowly started to unbutton her shirt but hesitated when it came to removing it. A minute later, Sian appeared carrying a towel and a fresh hoodie and tracksuit bottoms making Sophie jump slightly and redo a couple of the buttons so her shirt was still held in place. Sian placed the hoodie and tracksuit bottoms down on the arm of the chair and held the towel out to the older girl who accepted it with a small smile.
"Thank you."
"Where did you go?"
"I was just walking round trying to clear my mind, which sounds mad cos I've got so much space in there at the moment." Sophie breathed out as she wiped her face with the towel.
"Well I was really worried. Please don't run out me like that again." Sophie looked at the blonde in front of her and could tell from her eyes that she must have been crying, hating the fact that she'd caused that.
"I won't." She told her as she ran the towel through her hair to soak up the excess water but made no attempt to change into dry clothing, instead hovering awkwardly for a minute before Sian became curious.
"Everything okay?" Sian asked, noticing that Sophie had unbuttoned most of her shirt but wasn't attempting to change into the dry clothes. "Did you want something different to put on? I just thought a hoodie cos you'd probably be cold and that one is fleecy inside bu-"
"No." Sophie interrupted her. "The hoodie is fine."
"Oh…" Sian frowned. "Then what's up?"
Sophie glanced down for a second, her fingers fidgeting with the front of her shirt.
"Do you not want to get changed in front of me or something?"
As Sophie looked at her, Sian knew she'd guessed right and it made her heart drop a little.
"Sorry, I didn't even think about that. I'll leave you alone."
"Sian." As Sian went to walk out of the room, Sophie quickly stopped her, by placing her hand on her arm. The younger woman turned back around to face her and Sophie could see tears in her eyes. "It's not you… honest."
"I get it, Soph. Honestly, its okay." Sian told her as she tried to give a small smile. "I'll give you a moment to change." Sophie sighed as she watched the blonde walk away towards the bedroom.
Once Sophie had changed into the fresh dry clothes and dried her hair the best she could with the towel, she made her way into the kitchen and put them in the washing basket before getting a glass from the cupboard. As she filled the glass with water and turned the tap off again, her ears were drawn to a sound coming from the direction of the bedroom. Drinking down a few mouthfuls of the water, she placed the glass on the worktop and quietly walked over to the bedroom door.
As soon as she was stood right outside it her heart sank. She could hear the unmistakable sound of quiet sobbing. It was a sound she'd become very familiar with since the day she'd woken up in a hospital bed and then spent almost the whole of the past 3 years surrounded by people suffering injuries both mental and physical. She'd learned to drown it out over time, but she couldn't ignore it when it was Sian and especially not when she was certain that she was the cause of the upset. She heard the blonde sniffing back tears and not able to just stand and listen any longer she knocked lightly on the door.
"Sian?" she said quietly as she opened the door slowly and peered around the edge to see the younger woman sat on the edge of the bed.
"Sophie." Sian quickly stood up from the bed wiping under her eyes and sniffing again.
"Are you okay?" Sophie asked, looking back at the blonde and thinking to herself that her eyes seemed to sparkle more than usual due to her having been crying.
"I'm sorry if I upset you before."
"You didn't, it was my fault. I shouldn't have expected that you'd be comfortable just getting undressed in front of me again already, I just wasn't thinking."
"It's not what you think." Sophie stated causing the blonde to frown as she looked back at her. "I mean, I'm not uncomfortable around you. In fact you're the one person I am comfortable around. It's just…"
"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Soph." Sian told her holding her hand up briefly as she shook her head. She didn't want to make the brunette feel guilty.
"I'm not the same as you remember." Sophie quickly interrupted, causing Sian to go quiet and meet her eyes again. "I have scars…"
"Yeah, I know."
"More than the few you've seen." The brunette told her. "And I just-" Sophie let out a shaky breath. She could feel tears trying to build up behind her eyes but didn't want to get upset in front of Sian.
The younger woman could see Sophie trying to hold back her emotions and she took a step closer as the brunette looked up at her. "What is it you're afraid of? You can tell me anything."
Sophie looked into the sincere, caring eyes in front of her as she took another deep breath and let it out slowly trying to steady herself. "I'm scared you won't want me... not the way I am now."
"Soph…" Sian breathed out. Her heart ached at the thought that the brunette felt as though she had to hide her body. "I'd never think you're anything other than beautiful, no matter how many scars you have."
Sophie breathed out a quiet almost disbelieving laugh. "Don't be so sure." She replied, hesitating for a moment before she slowly gripped the bottom of her hoodie and pulled it up and over to head, dropping it to the floor.
Sian's gaze fell on to the exposed skin and she felt like her heart almost stopped. The smooth soft tanned skin she could never resist running her hands over now held scattered scars. Sian noticed how the brunette's eye's dropped to the floor as she stood right next to her and scanned over her body taking in every detail, feeling her eyes well up with tears as she imagined the pain she must have gone through and knowing she hadn't been able to be there for her.
She wanted to take the older girl in her arms and hold her tightly until every bit of pain she'd ever had to go through disappeared.
"Pretty gross huh?" Sophie stated. This was the first time she'd shown someone her scars besides doctors.
Sian silently shook her head as she slowly reached up and hovered her fingers over a scar that was about three inches in length which ran diagonally over Sophie's right bicep. "Can I?" she whispered. Sophie didn't look up from where her eyes were still fixed to the floor, but she nodded her head in response.
Ever so gently, the younger woman placed the tips of her fingers against the skin of Sophie's upper arm. She ran them over the scar feeling how it was raised slightly. Her index finger ran from one end of the scar to the other and it caused the brunette to hold her breath at the touch.
"You okay?" Sian asked quietly when she noticed Sophie tense slightly.
"Yeah." Sophie breathed out, finally releasing her breath.
"I can stop if you want." The last thing the blonde wanted to do was make Sophie uncomfortable.
"No, it's ok… it's just, no one has ever touched me like this. Well you know, that I can remember." The brunette stated. Somewhere deep down, a small part of Sian felt relieved that no one else had touched Sophie since they'd been together, but at the same time she felt sad that the older girl had no recollection of ever feeling someone touch her with love.
"I've always known every mark on your body, every freckle, every scar… This one's new." she whispered as she slowly ran her index finger over the same scar again. Moving her hand across, she gently ran her finger over the each of the two circular light pink scars that sat just above Sophie's heart. "And these as well."
She moved her hand down and traced the next scar she found which was about two inches over the right side of her ribcage. As her fingers ran over it she felt the brunette let out a shaky breath as her body shivered slightly. The sound and subtle movement made Sian smile to herself. It had always been a soft spot of the older girl and she was glad to see it still was.
Stepping around the side of Sophie, Sian's breath hitched in her throat as her eyes fell upon the marks on her back. There were at least five or six separate scars which looked as though they had been healed for quite some time. She felt her eyes well up as she gently traced each one with her fingers hearing Sophie's breath hitch every so often. She ghosted the tip of her index finger over the circular scar on her left shoulder blade before walking around to the other side of the brunette until she was stood in front of her again. She raised her hand once more and touched the circular scar just below her left shoulder that mirrored that on her back.
"But this one I remember..." She continued as she gently circled her finger over the bullet wound scar which was even more healed than the last time she'd seen it. "It comes with good memories." Leaning in she pressed her lips against it causing the older girl to take a sharp intake of breath. Slowly, Sian pulled back again as Sophie lifted her gaze from the floor to meet Sian's eyes and couldn't help but get lost in the sincere blue eyes looking back at her. She knew that she felt something for Sian, she could feel how strong the connection must have been between them, but she just couldn't get herself to remember her properly. She couldn't deny that the Blonde was beautiful, that she was kind, patient, one of the sweetest people she could imagine spending time with and be lucky enough to be able to say was hers. All she could think about as she looked at her was kissing her again.
She glanced down to Sian's lips. "What memories?" she asked before back to her eyes getting a small smile in return.
"Memories like… You coming home and surprising me on my birthday… getting engaged… being together again after being apart for so long."
"Kinda like now?" Sophie asked in a whisper.
"Yes." Sian glanced down to the brunette's lips first this time as she slowly leaned in. She stopped centimetres from Sophie's face and looked into her eyes for a few moments. "Is this okay?" she asked in a quiet voice as she looked back up into Sophie eyes and received a nod before the brunette's hands moved to rest on her waist and she pulled Sian's body closer, closing the gap between them and pressing their lips together.
Sian placed her hands at the back of the Sophie's neck and tangled her hands in her hair as she deepened the kiss. It was slow but it was filled with more than the previous few of kisses they'd shared. It was as though Sian having now saw her body and not turning away from her, made Sophie feel more at ease.
She couldn't understand how the blonde could just keep accepting everything that came up, memory loss, accusations from the Army, her scar covered body. And she couldn't understand how she didn't just think life would be easier without the hassle of the older girl being back. The only answer her mind could come up with was that whatever it was they had shared in their relationship before was so strong and special that there wasn't anything that could break it, and that thought made her want her memory back so much more.
Sian broke the kiss and slowly kissed her way along Sophie's jaw, trailing her lips down her neck and along her collarbone, hearing the brunette's breathing increase and feeling her grip tighten on her waist as she did so.
"Sian…" Sophie's voice was husky and it caused something to stir within the blonde. However, just a few seconds later her stomach dropped as she felt the brunette's hands lightly push against her waist causing her to lean back. "You don't have to do this."
Sian frowned as she looked back at Sophie. She was suddenly worried that she was pressuring the older girl into something she wasn't comfortable with.
"I don't expect you to want me like this."
"I've always wanted you… and nothing will ever change that" Sian quickly responded, and it was the truth. It had been so long since she'd seen the brunette's body and as she looked back at her in that moment she still saw nothing but perfection. "I love you, Sophie."
Slowly, Sian leaned in again and brushed her lips over Sophie's. It was done so gently that they barely touched, but it still made the older girl's skin tingle. Sian's hands slid around to the back of the brunette's neck, her fingers slipping into her hair as she connected their lips again.
Without giving it another thought, Sophie deepened the kiss as her hands softly held on to the blonde's waist, a few moments later her fingers slipping underneath Sian's top and exploring the skin underneath. As their tongues met and caressed one another, a small moan escaped the younger girl, who pulled out of the kiss and leaned their foreheads together, her breathing heavy.
As Sian opened her eyes, she watched as the Brunette's eyes flickered opened and met her own. After a few moments of just looking at one another, Sian pulled away noticing the look of concern on Sophie's face and knowing she thought she'd done something wrong. She gripped the bottom of her own top and lifted it, sweeping it over her head and dropping it to the floor next to Sophie's, a small smile on her face.
The brunette couldn't help the small smirk that tugged at the corners of her mouth as she looked back at the girl in front of her. She wasn't sure whether it was just an attempt by the blonde to make her feel more comfortable with the fact she'd stood without a top on for the past ten minutes, but a moment later her eyes widened slightly as Sian moved her hands to unbutton her own jeans before shimmying them over her hips and down her legs before kicking them to one side.
Sophie swallowed the lump in her throat as she looked at the figure in front of her and in that moment the only thought in her mind was how much she wanted to be close to the younger woman. Reaching out her left arm, she gripped Sian's waist and quickly pulled her back towards her, crashing their lips back together as her right hand reached up and tangled in the back of the blonde's hair.
For a mere instant Sian was startled by the brunette's actions but soon wrapped her arms around the other girl's neck again, kissing her back just as passionately. As the embrace intensified, Sophie moved her hand from Sian's hair and placed in on her waist before sliding both hands down over the blonde's backside, squeezing it gently as she pulling her flush against her own body and feeling Sian smiling into the kiss.
Sian softly kissed her way along Sophie's jawline and down her neck, hearing the older girl let out a heavy breath as she trailed her lips over her skin. Sophie's eyes fluttered closed as she found it difficult to keep them open with the sensation of the Blonde's kisses making her whole body tingle. She felt Sian's hand move down between their bodies and her fingers move down her stomach and pull on the string of her tracksuit bottoms loosening them before she pushed them down over her hips causing them to fall to the floor as she stepped out of them.
She couldn't remember ever feeling like this, her heart pounding from excitement, her mind trying to calm her nerves, and some other feeling she couldn't put her finger on. Her body was craving more and more of Sian's touch with each second that passed. She pulled back slightly, bringing one of her hands up and gently holding the blonde's chin between her thumb and index finger as she looked into the blonde's dark blue eyes.
A moment later she leaned in and captured Sian's lips again briefly before moving her mouth to her neck layering it in kisses. Sian let out a quiet moan and leaned her head to one side to allow the brunette more access as Sophie dragged the strap of her bra from her right shoulder and kissed along it. Sian couldn't help the small whimper that erupted as the older girl's teeth lightly nipped her skin before her tongue soothed over the area.
Reaching behind herself Sian unclipped her bra and let it fall to the floor as Sophie leaned back a few inches and took in the image of the girl in front of her.
"You are so beautiful." She told her receiving a small smile. Sian took one of Sophie's hands in her own and raised it up, placing it on the centre of her chest. Their eyes never left one another as Sophie slowly stroked down the front of the younger girl's body feeling goosebumps rise under her touch. She felt something run through her veins and licked her lips as her fingertips glided over the blonde's toned stomach to the top of her underwear feeling her shiver.
Just having the brunette's hands on her, feeling her lips against her skin, being able to be close to her fiancé again, it made Sian feel as though her heart was regaining the pieces that had been missing for so long. She had felt so lonely without Sophie over the past four years, the intimacy they shared, the fun they had, their whole life they shared together.
Sian pulled Sophie closer and connecting their lips as they moved slowly together. Even if Sophie couldn't remember everything, she'd definitely kept her ability to kiss the Blonde like nobody else could. She walked the older girl backwards in the direction of the bed as she reached behind her and unclipped her bra.
Sophie suddenly broke the kiss, her breathing heavy as she swallowed hard.
"Wait." She said and the younger woman's eyes opened and she immediately halted her actions, her hands instead cupping the brunette's face as she met her eyes.
"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I didn't mean to pressure you into anything. That was stupid of me."
"It's not that." Sophie replied, her gaze drifting off to the side. It wasn't that she didn't want this. She did. She wanted to experience everything with the blonde, but she feared more than anything that she would disappoint Sian.
"Then what?" Sian asked. "If it's your scars, I meant it when I told you they don't bother me. All I see is you."
Sophie shook her head and Sian frowned slightly as she lowered her hands not sure if Sophie was meaning that it wasn't her scars or if she was saying no to the situation they currently found themselves in.
"I don't know what to do." It took a few moments for Sian to realise what Sophie was referring to and she suddenly felt even guiltier for not considering that her fiancé wouldn't exactly be the confident woman she once was when it came to the bedroom.
Brunette's eyes flickered back to meet hers and Sian could see the unsureness in the dark blue pools that seemed to look right into her soul.
"Do you trust me?" Sian asked.
"Of course I do."
Without another word, she pulled the straps of Sophie's bra from her shoulders and pushed her on to the bed before straddling her. Sophie lay back on the cool sheets, the slight dampness from the rain in her hair pressing against her neck as Sian kissed down her chest and stomach, hooking her fingers under the edge of her knickers before she pulled them down and kissed down the insides of her thighs as she removed her underwear.
She crawled up Sophie's body again as she slipped her hand between her legs feeling the moisture there as she circled over her clit. Capturing the brunette's lips in another heated kiss, she earned a moan as she slipped her tongue into her mouth and added more pressure with her fingers. She slid them down further as she broke the kiss and leaned back slightly to look at the girl below her and slowly entered two fingers, watching as the older girl's lips parted and her breath hitched.
"You okay?" she whispered, getting a small nod in response before she started moving her fingers. Sophie let out a heavy breath and quickly leaned up kissing the blonde who instantly deepened it, feeling another moan vibrate against her lips as she sped up her fingers.
Sophie's arms were wrapped around the younger girl's back and her fingers pressed into her skin as they kissed. Her body was extremely warm and the feeling of the blonde's body moving against her own was only causing her temperature to rise even more and a small sheen of sweat to appear on both their bodies. As Sian's thumb rubbed over her clit, she broke the kiss and pushed her head back against the pillow as Sian moved her lips to skin of her neck, nibbling across it gently before soothing it with her tongue. She felt Sian sucking on her pulse point as she curled her fingers causing her body to almost jolt in response as the feeling of electricity ran through her.
As pleasure filled her body, she felt her body rocking in time with Sian's hand. Her mind was filled with nothing but the blonde as her entire body began to tense. She reached out with one hand and gripped the bed sheets as she desperately tried to control her breathing.
"Sian." She whispered, her voice husky as she dug her nails into the skin beneath. "I… mm-fuuuck!" She involuntarily moaned as the blonde smiled against her skin and curled her fingers inside her again.
Sian kept up her pace and as she curled her fingers a final time, pressing the palm of her hand against Sophie, she leaned back a little to be able to look down at the brunette below her as she felt her tightening around her fingers. A low long moan was released as her eyes scrunched shut and she bit down on her bottom lip, her body arching up towards her. She'd missed the sight, the sounds, the feeling, everything about this type of moment.
Sian kept her fingers moving for a few more seconds allowing Sophie's to ride out her high before she removed them gently. She could feel the older girl's heart beating against her ribcage and leaned down placing a sweet kiss on her lips.
An hour later, Sian's body shuddered as she came down from her high. Her body was sweaty and tingling as she fluttered her eyes open and kisses were placed along her jawline before Sophie leaned up a little to look at her with a small slightly unsure smile on her face, which disappeared as she noticed a tear escaping the glistening bright blue eyes below her.
"Did I hurt you?" she asked with concern evident in her voice. Sian quickly shook her head as she cupped the brunette's face in both her hands.
"No, not at all, you could never hurt me, Soph… they're happy tears." Sian sniffed and she heard the older girl release what sounded like a sigh of relief. "I really missed you."