To all my readers who have stuck with me for this long, let me say that I am oh so very grateful. Thank you all so much for sticking beside me, even when I was a crap person and didn't update. This is my Christmas present for you.
Gypsy didn't know what she'd expected to find when she reentered the house but she knew Steve alone, looking at her with worry the second she stepped through the door, was not it. She'd expected her assassin sister in the kitchen or her dad in his seat but neither of them were there. Gypsy wondered if Steve had gotten them to leave or if they'd wandered off for their own reasons. She hoped for their own reasons. She couldn't have them knowing something had happened outside. She'd decided that just before reaching the door. None of them could know what had happened outside. Which was why when Steve opened his mouth to talk to her about it she shook her head and led him up to her room, one of the few rooms in the house that wasn't under constant surveillance. They could talk openly in there. No one would hear them. No one could be hurt by finding out what had happened. Now she just had to protect Steve.
"Why can't we talk in the living room?" Steve asked. Normally he wouldn't be bothered by the location change, some things needed a bit of privacy before they could be discussed with everyone else, but something about Gypsy's expression made him feel like something was off. Like she wanted to talk in her room for reasons he wasn't going to like. He couldn't imagine what those reasons could be though.
"I don't want anyone to hear us." Gypsy said simply, walking around him to the other end of the room. Steve turned and watched her as she went, a frown appearing on his face. She didn't usually distance herself like this. What was going on?
Gypsy walked over to her bedside table and opened the top drawer. She reached into the very back and sighed when she felt her fingers hit the bottle tapped there. Her pills. She'd gotten them during the month after Thor had taken Loki back to Asgard, terrified at the idea of Loki invading her head through dreams again and seeking vengeance for his defeat. She'd wanted them so that if he started giving her nightmares again she could have them as infrequently as possible. She needed them now. Cause Loki was invading her dreams and he'd do it again. She'd need to stay awake. It wouldn't be like last time either. This time she'd handle it better. She knew what was waiting for her and she wasn't afraid. She was angry. So very angry. And she'd use that anger to make sure Loki never hurt Steve, or herself, ever again.
"Why can't they hear us?" Steve questioned. He started walking slowly across the room, cautiously. Gypsy felt really off to him, like during that first month. He felt like he needed to tiptoe around her again. He didn't like it.
"Cause they can't." Gypsy said firmly before snapping the drawer shut. She turned and was surprised to find Steve almost to her. She hadn't even heard him creeping across the carpet. Her surprise quickly turned into worry. If Steve, her hulking muscular boyfriend, could sneak up on her then anyone could sneak up on her. Maybe she should get her dad to install hardwood floors. Steve stared at her, waiting for further explanation, but she wasn't going to give one. So instead of answering she simply closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting the side of her face against his chest like it was a pillow. Steve's arms came up and around her, pulling her in closer. His head ducked down and she felt him press a kiss to the top of her head. Gypsy let out a content sigh, all worries gone for the moment. She was with Steve and she was safe and he was safe and everything was okay.
But then Steve was pulling back. Gypsy let out a whine and hugged closer. Steve let out a chuckle but gently pushed her back, away. She didn't like it but she let him. She knew he'd want to talk. Gypsy felt her stomach twist, already feeling the anger that would come when she told him they couldn't tell everyone else. She didn't want him to be angry with her. She wanted him to hold her and watch movies and be happy. She wanted to spend as much intimate time as possible with him before Loki popped up again. She needed that. But she wasn't going to get it, she could tell. She was going to make him mad and then he wouldn't want to be near her. She almost felt like crying. This was going to be their first fight. The first time Steve ever got mad at her. Oh God it was going to kill her. "Gypsy, we need to talk about what happened." Steve said calmly, looking down at her.
"I don't see why. I'd much prefer just ignoring it in favor of you, me, and a Disney movie." Gypsy said, making her voice light and playful and forcing a carefree smile onto her face. Steve gave her one of his "Gypsy, no" faces. She was pretty sure it was number thirteen, the "Gypsy, no, this is serious and you're joking about it is concerning me greatly so what's wrong? Can I help? Gypsy, sweetheart, stop joking and tell me" look. Gypsy was ready to stare that look down unabashed but suddenly it was like she couldn't. A wall crumbled and she felt herself slump slightly as if half her energy had been sucked out of her body. "What on earth could we possibly talk about Steve?" Gypsy asked, looking up at him with big sad eyes that told him to just stop. That she knew that he needed to talk and that he thought this was important but she couldn't. But Steve didn't seem to care. She couldn't see any weakened resolve in those eyes that showed every emotion he was feeling. "What happened…There's no way of telling where it came from. No telling what it was. For all we know, it could have just been a really strange gust of wind. There's nothing to talk about and nothing to say to the others because as far as I'm concerned that was nothing." Gypsy told him, just barely managing to sound resolved when she wanted to.
Steve stared at her in shock. "You call that nothing?" He asked in disbelief. He took a step back, dropping his arms to his sides. Gypsy stumbled forward half a step, surprised by the sudden loss of him holding her up. She looked hurt by the distance he'd put between them but Steve needed a little distance. Gypsy was saying things he knew she couldn't possibly believe and it was bothering him. Irritating him. He needed to be at a bit of a distance. Clint liked to say that distance helped you to see the whole picture and he wasn't wrong. Steve wanted to see the whole picture so he took a step back. He wanted to see the whole picture because this piece of it was making absolutely no sense to him. "Gypsy, whatever that was blew us apart. Like it didn't want us near each other. Whoever made that happen has to have some sort of grudge against either you or me because that was not normal and it definitely had a purpose." Steve said, his voice just a little louder than it'd been before. Not yelling, nowhere near, but louder.
"Who says that's true though Steve? Who says that it wasn't just something weird? Cause, in case you haven't noticed, our lives are basically nothing but weird." Gypsy retorted, crossing her arms over her chest. She was shaking out the weary, shaking out the lack of energy and replacing it with a fire she was building in her belly. If she was going to argue with Steve she wasn't going to be weak about it. She was going to let him know she was not backing down. So she built the fire and replaced her exhaustion with the heat. And the anger from outside. That came flooding back beautifully. It was almost terrifying.
Steve couldn't believe her. He really couldn't. Why was she doing this? Acting like everything was fine? Outside she'd looked worried but now…Oh. Oh. She knew exactly what had caused them to be blown apart. She knew. Steve crossed his arms over his chest and he really couldn't help but glare. His feet came out till they were shoulder length apart and he knew he looked imposing. He knew he looked mad. And he really didn't care because Gypsy, his Gypsy, was doing something very stupid and it was making him very mad. "You know exactly what's going on, don't you?" It was a question but he didn't need an answer. He knew.
Gypsy passed off her nervous twitching as her shifting her weight to her left foot and popping out her hip. Her gut twisted as she remembered the first time Steve had ever seen her do this pose. It'd been the day she'd first met Loki. Before they'd left. Back when she still hated her dad and had argued with him. Gypsy shook her head, she wasn't going to think about that. Steve seemed to take her head shake as her answer cause he glared at her a bit more. She decided to just roll with that cause, really, she'd been about to tell him no anyways. "I don't know what you're talking about." She said in a very annoying innocent voice.
"Don't lie to me. You never lie to me." Steve said firmly, shaking his head angrily.
Gypsy bit her lip. She wasn't sure if that was true or not. She couldn't really remember. Not when Steve was glaring at her. Giving her looks that had never ever been directed at her before. He was angry and he was angry at her. She hated it. She seriously absolutely hated it. But she had to deal with it. She had to protect him. And the best way to protect him was to keep him in the dark. This time it'd work. Loki wasn't trying to capture her or kill them so keeping him and the others in the dark would be okay. No one but her could get hurt this time and, truthfully, she was completely and utterly fine with that. "Sometimes…Sometimes lying isn't bad." Gypsy said cautiously, hoping Steve wouldn't blow up.
He didn't. He just said something a lot worse. "That sounds like something Loki would say." Gypsy felt like he'd punched her in the gut. No one had so much as spoken the god's name since they'd gotten her back. On the Helicarrier they'd mentioned him in vague terms or used mean nicknames but they'd never said his name. It was the first time she'd heard it in a long time and it shook her. Steve wouldn't have said it unless he wanted her to hurt. Why would Steve want to hurt her? Gypsy took a step back, running into her bedside table. She needed distance. They needed distance. Something wasn't right. They were never like this. Well, she was like this but Steve never was. Steve was candy and sunshine and cat videos all rolled up into one perfectly happy guy when he was with her. He didn't act like this with her. Something was wrong. Steve, luckily, seemed to notice this too but he was more horrified by the fact that he'd brought up him. "Oh crap, Gypsy I didn't mean to—." He started.
"Yes you did." Gypsy interrupted him. Her expression was somewhere between hurt and perplexed. "And that's the problem. I know you think that sort of stuff, don't try to deny it," she gave him a sharp look when he did in fact try, "but you never say it out loud. You always keep it in for me." She bit her lip, thinking. She hadn't wanted to do this. She really hadn't. But it looked like it was going to be the only way. "I think…I think we need a little distance. A day off from each other. Just enough time to cool our heels." She tried very hard to ignore the pain now radiating from her heart. This wasn't a break up. It wasn't. It was her pushing him away temporarily cause obviously something was making his brain and emotions fritz and she needed time to figure out what. Loki didn't have control over him so what was it? The game was changing and she needed to know the rules. She couldn't figure them out if her and Steve were hurting each other. Going at each other's throats.
Steve felt hurt. Incredibly hurt. Was…Was Gypsy breaking up with him? "You're…We're still us though, right? This isn't…You're not…" He couldn't say it. He couldn't.
"No! This isn't a breakup, I swear!" Gypsy said quickly, panic flaring up inside her. No it most certainly wasn't a breakup. She wasn't going to lose Steve. "We just need distance. Just till I figure out what's going on." She insisted, hoping he understood.
"We need help." Steve said immediately. The hurt subsided into a dull ache, letting him look her in the eyes firmly again. "You need help. I'm not letting this be like last time. You're not facing whatever this is alone." He told her. He felt fear roll around in his gut at the idea that something like that could happen again. That someone could take her again. Hurt her again. "If you won't tell me, then you have to tell someone. If you don't I'll…I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you're safe. Even if you hate me forever." He said, his voice filled with conviction.
Gypsy shook her head. No. He couldn't be protecting her. That wasn't his job. She didn't need his protection and he didn't need to be giving it to her. "Steve." She said his name gently, hoping to soften him up a little.
"No. Tell someone by the end of the week, Gypsy, or I'm stepping in." Steve said, almost angry again. He caught himself this time. He heard his own anger. He turned and walked out of the room, knowing Gypsy was right and distance would help. He didn't see the heartbroken look on her face. He didn't see how she almost called him back.
Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays everyone. Sugar cookies for everyone.