More than six weeks had passed but little had changed; Cherry was still finding her sister underfoot, her aunt lurking, and she was avoiding her father. She spent many of her mornings with Kethry learning to ride properly. Her father was trying to establish something between them but Cherry was not interested. Captain Kero showed up at least four times a week and her minion, Princess Elspeth, 'dropped by' every day to check on her magic usage.
She kept expecting Elspeth to say they had to block her gifts, but instead she just made small talk for a few minutes then vanished.
Cherry set two plates on the large central table and sat to wait for Bel.
He didn't disappoint. He appeared within a few minutes. After the sugar display at the royal anniversary feast she was the favorite of the Lord Seneschal but the other cooks were treating her like a pariah so she was cooking her own meals each night. She didn't mind too much since she had her own little kingdom in here.
"Good evening." He greeted her. "I have news."
"Oh?" Cherry poured them each some wine.
"They have chosen a new Seneschal's Herald." Bel said. "I have to train him, but I hope to soon be back on the road."
"This is good?" Cherry asked. "What about Darril?"
"I told him already, he's relieved. He's the only one who has to report to his father on his studies every evening." Bel propped his elbows on the table. "I will be glad to pass the position off."
"Will you be leaving soon?"
"Not for moons." Bel assured her. "How was your day?"
"The usual. Princess Elspeth checked on me again. I just wish she'd do whatever it is she means to do. It takes forever to get the girls back on track after she pops in." Cherry took a bite of spiced potatoes.
Bel followed suit then made a choked sound. "The sweet cook that loves spice."
Cherry blushed. "Did I overdo it again? This is why I am a sweet cook."
"Just a bit." Bel's eyes watered. "But it's delicious."
"You're a dear man to spare my feelings." Cherry poured him her latest concoction, a brew of honey, milk, berries and spices.
Bel nearly snatched it from her and tossed it back.
"Oh blessed gods! This is good." He moaned.
"I thought you might like it." Cherry grinned. She knew he had an insatiable sweet tooth. Even treats that normally appealed only to children were favorites of his.
"Strawberries? Where did you get strawberries? We just had our first snow fall." Bel took a more sedate sip and savoured the drink.
"I can get some from a hot house, but these are preserves. I added some other berries. It is for the little princess. She had a fever and needed something to erase the taste of the medicine."
"I am so glad you don't cater the council meetings. We'd never get them out of there."
"Do you have a meeting tonight?"
"For a change, no. I was hoping you could join me for a ride tonight before the weather turns terrible."
Cherry hesitated. Kethry's horses were a handful for her so normally Kethry drilled her in the practice ring rather than in the open and Clove wasn't up for a long ride, just ambles in the field.
"You'll have to leave the ring eventually." Bel coaxed.
"Very well." Cherry said uncertainly. "But if I get pitched and break a limb you have to explain it to the Lord Seneschal."
"Hmm, perhaps you're right. He'd have my head on a pike." Bel said with faux thoughtful expression. "Good thing Nainsi is swifter than any horse and I can outrun whomever he sends to pitch me in the river."
Cherry laughed. She had thought she and Bel would be lovers when she first made her offer but thus far he was merely a friend. She didn't mind. He was her only friend and the only person that didn't seek her out to demand more than she wanted to give. She liked Kethry a great deal but Kethry wanted a deeper, sisterly relationship. Her father and his wife were trying to figure out how to deal with her and often sent messages to her asking her to join them for meals or drinks. Cherry knew Lady Dierna did not truly mean the offers and her father considered it all water under the bridge and was growing impatient with her refusal to act like a daughter.
"You don't need to worry about falling off in the dark. They have placed torches along the bridle path so people can enjoy the first snow
They finished their meal quickly, and she hurried to her room to change into her riding outfit, a pair of scandalous breeches that Kethry insisted she wear rather than her split skirt. Well, they were scandalous by Rethwellan standards but were not out of the ordinary in Valdemar. Cherry always felt like it exposed her backside too much. Grabbing her cloak she raced to meet Bel in the stable.
As she expected, he was there ahead of her. He was standing outside Clove's stall but something in his stance made her stop.
He looked over his shoulder at her and for the first time she saw pity in his eyes and knew Clove was gone. She stumbled the last few steps to the open stall where he caught her before her knees gave out.
Clove was lying down and looked peaceful but she didn't raise her head to greet her mistress.
"Oh… Clove…" Cherry sobbed. "She was fine this morning…"
Bel wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "She looks peaceful."
Cherry could barely make her out through the tears in her eyes.
"Would you like me to send for anyone?" Bel asked.
Cherry shook her head and fell to her knees next to the large, still form of the horse.
Behind her she heard Bel talk to someone but she didn't register the words. She was lost in the pain.
"Cherry." Bel settled her cloak over her shoulders. "You can't stay here. They need to bury her."
Cherry shook her head desperately and clung to the mare's mane. "No! No! They can't…"
Bel stroked her hair. "She's gone, this is just a husk."
Cherry stroked Clove's neck. "No. They did that to Eleri."
"They won't do it without having you there." Bel assured her. "Come on, you don't need to see this." Bel half hauled Cherry from the stall then out into the gathering dusk.
"Father? Corsis brought me." A boy on a Companion greeted them.
"Dar, her horse has died. Can you speak to the stable master?"
The boy dismounted with a hop. He was short for his age and his shaggy hair hung in his eyes. His solemn look as he dug a handkerchief out of his pocket and offered it to her calmed her a bit. "I'm sorry about your horse."
She stepped away from Bel and took a few deep breaths. She couldn't lose control of her emotions or she could lose control of her magic. She knew what she did to Bernd could happen again and she had no desire to hurt anyone.
"Let's walk." Bel suggested.
Outside he guided her away from the palace and towards the river.
"Tell me about Eleri." Bel's voice was gentle but firm enough she knew it wasn't a request.
Cherry shook her head. "I can't dwell on it."
"Grieving is not dwelling on it."
"In all your research, did you hear how I killed Bernd?"
"I did."
"When I think about Eleri I get angry and I don't want that to happen again." Cherry explained.
"Princess Elspeth says your control, considering your lack of training, is very good. I doubt you'd lose control unless you are threatened. Cherry, I know you're in pain but you can't keep it locked up forever. Talk to me. You know that no matter what you tell me, I will only ever share it with Nainsi. I swear it on my honour."
Cherry wrapped her arms over her chest. "I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't." Bel assured her, he was trying to keep his voice gentle but she could Feel his urgency. "Tell me about Eleri. Did she have blond hair like you?"
Cherry nodded. "It was lighter. And she had eyes as blue as the sky." Her voice broke. "I miss her so much."
"Did you take her for rides on Clove?"
Cherry nodded and pressed her fist against her mouth. It was several minutes before she could manage to speak again. "She's completely gone now. My baby is gone. That bastard killed her."
Bel rubbed her shoulder. He muttered something soothing but she didn't make out the words.
Rage and grief overwhelmed her and she started to quiver. Her heart screamed with panic but her mind couldn't find the danger. She wanted to scream and throw things but there was nothing she could do except stand there and shake.
Another set of arms wrapped around her.
"No witchery." Kethry said in a gentle voice. "Tell me what's made you so angry and I will fix it, I swear." She brushed Cherry's hair from her face.
Cherry sagged against her and the rage melted away to soul tearing grief. Her last tie to Eleri was gone. Bel and Kethry spoke softly and protected her against the rapidly chilling wind as she cried out.
Kethry took a deep breath then knocked on the door. It opened almost immediately by the tall man that had been with Cherry in the field the night before. They were never introduced. Cherry had need her whole attention. That did not mean she hadn't noticed the overly-familiar stranger hugging her sister. It had taken more than two candlemarks for them to maneuver Cherry into her rooms and into bed with a Healer prescribed sedative. Even Lady Talia has tried to help but she had left quickly saying Cherry was like a raw nerve and she would be doing more harm with her presence.
Cherry had been absolutely shattered. Kethry knew Cherry adored her horse but this was something far more. A child named Eleri with blond hair and a sunny laugh. She had no idea that Cherry had a daughter. But the man had known everything. That meant he was far closer to Cherry than Kethry.
The door opened, revealing the Herald. He was dressed for court, judging by the velvet tunic. In one hand he had a sweet bun, definitely one of Cherry's handiwork but a day or two old judging by the crumbs on the fine velvet.
"What are your intentions to my sister?" Kethry demanded before he could greet her.
"Ah, Kethry." He said. "How is Cherry today?"
"I asked first; what are your intentions?" Kethry braced her fists on her hips. It didn't help that her mother won the battle that morning and she was dressed in a gown. A pretty, pale pink confection with little glass bead clusters on the neckline. Not exactly intimidating.
"I'll pretend you are not insulting my honour." He said with a hint of amusement. "I have duties to attend to."
"I don't give a flying fig about your honour, I am concerned for Cherry. Oh, I know the words in Rethwellan… Her heart is sore and she is desperately alone that makes her heart too open." Kethry tried to stomp her foot but the heavy skirts frustrated her further. "If you aren't able to give her your heart and be there through the very worst, you are going to hurt her."
His face softened. "She's a friend. A very dear friend. I would never hurt her deliberately."
Kethry let her hands hang at her sides. Perhaps she had misread the situation. She'd heard the Heralds were rather light in love and she didn't want Cherry to give more than she would get, especially when she was in such deep pain. "Don't hurt her, or I will hurt you. Ask Aunt Kero, she'll tell you I am good with a blade."
He actually chuckled, ruffling her feathers again.
"What?" Kethry glowered at him.
"You look like Cherry when someone steals a finished dessert. If you want to help Cherry, get her to talk about why she mourns Clove so deeply."
"She won't tell me anything."
"Probably because you are a seventeen year old who won't stand still. You are still a very sheltered girl."
"Can't you just tell me what it is?" Kethry wheedled, forcing back the urge to protest she was not a sheltered girl.
He shook his head. "I swore to keep her confidences and I would never violate her trust."
Kethry clenched her teeth in frustration.
"No one ever said being a sister would be easy." Bel said gently. "Cherry has never had a sibling so she is not going to come to you for help. Right now she feels completely alone."
"So she needs you?" Kethry asked.
Bel shook his head. "I don't know what she needs. If I did I would move every rock to get it for her. She does need you now."
Kethry studied him silently for a moment, he was a Herald and Heralds were infamously honourable. He was never going to tell her what hurt Cherry. He also wouldn't deliberately lead Cherry on, but things had a way of just happening when emotions were involved. "I believe you would. Just don't confuse physical comfort with emotional comfort. Even a sheltered miss like me knows they can be confused. I'll go talk to her. Last time I saw her she was obsessing over some sugar folly."
Kethry waited until she saw a hint of guilt in his eyes then walked away. The Herald wing was not directly connected to the Palace, at least not in any way she was familiar with, she headed down the stairs. On the ground floor she could hear muffled lectures in the various classrooms.
Kethry gritted her teeth. Why couldn't Cherry be Chosen? Then instead of having one woefully sheltered and useless baby sister, an idiot father and one Herald to help her she would have all the Heralds and a Companion. Cherry was brave, kind, intelligent and wise, on top of having magic. She'd be a perfect Herald.
Kethry shoved the door open and headed outside. She hoped the cold air would cool her temper. She couldn't go to the salle in the court rig. She definitely had to calm down before she saw Cherry. Perhaps she should find someone to talk to about how she could help Cherry.
Her father was still agonizing over the situation. Her aunt was a busy woman. That left only her mother to go to for advice but she was undoubtedly shopping at the moment. Kethry's father was making amends to her mother by allowing her a shopping spree that he would spend years recovering from. While she was willing to turn a blind eye to Cherry's existence, if properly 'soothed', since she predated her marriage she would not be willing to deal closely with her.
A white something suddenly smothered her and hit her head and arms. It scratched her chest and pulled at her bodice where a bundle of glass berries decorated it. Kethry tried to strike her attacker. Rather than fabric she found soft feathers.
:Not real!: A wispy voice sniffed in her head and the feathery thing sagged against her.
Kethry held the creature away from her and found a bird regarding her with sad, blue eyes. He was large with soft white feather and a slender, silvery beak. His tail was as long as the skirts of her gown. "Are you hungry?"
He didn't understand her words but seemed to understand the sympathy in her voice as his crest rose and he batted his pretty blue eyes at her. :Berries?:
It had been a long time since she deliberately spoke with her mind and that was with Warrl but she remembered how. :I can get you berries. If I let you go, you won't fly away will you?:
:Aya will stay.: The bird agreed. Kethry released him and he flapped about then landed on her bare shoulder. His long talons, designed for gripping branches, didn't even prick her skin.
:You are a very handsome bird.: Kethry stroked his feathers.
He ruffled his feathers then smoothed them. :Yes.:
Kethry was still laughing when she reached the kitchen. In the main kitchen they were unsurprised to see her and not happy about her presence. Aya made a splash though. He regally regarded them down his beak as she skirted the wall to Cherry's kitchen. Voices made her stop just outside the doorway.
"How can you do this to me?" Her mother's well known voice wailed.
"I am doing nothing to you." Cherry responded wearily.
"Are you punishing me? Is that why you are trying to lure my baby from me?"
Kethry winced. Her mother often used a wheedling tone to get her way and it always set her teeth on edge.
Cherry sighed. "I assume you are speaking of the offer to go to the Hawk Brothers."
"What else would I be speaking of?" Lady Dierna's voice was an ear piercing shriek.
Aya huffed and fluffed his feathers at the sound.
Kethry sighed. Mother's next step would be wailing and crying about betrayal. She knew Cherry well enough now that she had no doubt Cherry would lose what respect she did have for Lady Dierna in a few more minutes.
"She has magic. Apparently we both inherited it from your husband's grandmother. I'm just a cook. Training is rather wasted on me but she comes from a bloodline that has produced strong, politically powerful women. Leaders of clans, advisors of kings and queens… she could achieve so much." Cherry said, her voice was heavy with sadness. "She deserves the chance to fulfill her potential."
Kethry's heart twisted. This was definitely more than grief for her horse. Something else in the last twelve years had caused these wounds.
:Food?: Aya begged.
:Yes, my friend.:
Kethry stepped into the kitchen. "Cherry, I hope you don't mind but I stumbled across a desperately hungry fellow."
Cherry's assistants were absent, probably on quests for the freshest ingredients. Her mother blushed and fiddled with her delicate chain belt.
"Oh my! Who is this fellow?" Cherry asked with a bit more life in her tone.
:Food?: Aya pressed.
Cherry jumped.
"I think he is a bondbird. I heard at court they can speak with some people and he's been talking in my head telling me about all the berries he could eat. His name is Aya by the way." Kethry pointed to a stool. "Could you flip that for him?" She spared a quick glance for her mother. She appeared to be stunned. Good.
Cherry promptly set the stool upside down making him a perch from the rungs. "A bondbird? Truly? I thought they were meat eaters like hawks."
"You gown is ripped!" Lady Dierna finally found her voice.
"Aya thought I had a bundle of berries on my dress instead of beads. He was so desperate he tried for it."
Cherry produced a bowl full of fresh berries that were grown in a hot house. "Fresh berries are hard to get right now. What's left on the trees has fermented or hard as rocks."
Aya happily flapped to his new perch near the table and delicately picked berries from the bowl.
Lady Dierna fussed with Kethry's gown. "Oh, and this one looked so nice on you."
"It is easy to fix." Kethry assured her. She made certain Cherry was busy with her guest. "Mother, stop bothering Cherry. Please, do it for me."
"Kethry…"
"Mother, she is my sister. I know you would rather we politely pretended to not have a connection but I have known since I was a little girl that we share a bond." Kethry glanced at Cherry. She was gingerly stroking Aya's back.
"She's is trying to send you to the Hawk Brothers! They are barbarians!"
Kethry shook her head. "Mother, she only manipulated circumstances so I can share this opportunity if I chose. And I do choose. I was never going to return with you. Either I was going to join a Mercenary company or join the Cousins in the Plains."
Her mother clasped her hands to her heart and gaped at Kethry.
"Mother, I love you dearly but I need to spread my wings. This is not Cherry's fault. At least this way I will have a kinswoman to watch my back."
Cherry glanced towards them. Kethry blushed. Cherry probably heard every word.
"Oh, my baby." Lady Dierna sobbed.
Cherry turned her back to them as Kethry tried to comfort her mother.
After a few minutes Lady Dierna's sobs let up and she wiped her eyes.
Cherry made another trip to her ice closet and returned with a bowl of preserved cherries and a tart. The tart she gave to Kethry.
"Go, sit down, talk." She ordered. "I will see Aya eats his fill and is returned home."
Kethry accepted the tart. "I will see you later."
"It's a busy night. Perhaps tomorrow." Cherry tried to brush her off.
Kethry vowed she wouldn't let Cherry go to bed without a talk. For now she had to see to her mother.
Cherry enjoyed the cheerful chattering of the bird as she prepared the delicate cups for the night's dessert. She had decided to make a complicated one with many spices to give herself something to focus on other than the grief that threatened to drown her.
She'd heard voices in her head before but never from a bird. They started at the same time she started seeing auras around people when she was a girl.
:Cherry good.: He fluffed his feathers and his eyes half closed. His snow white feathers shed sparks that vanished before they touched the floor.
Cherry stroked his feathers gently and he made a happy chortling sound. Apparently he'd been given some dried berries, which he didn't consider food, and had gone searching for fresh ones.
Cherry tried to force thoughts of how Eleri would like the bird from her mind. Such thought plagued her ever since Eleri died. How would she like the sugar castle? Would she have liked the great house's gardens?
Those were thoughts were bitter sweet and all too often they changed to thoughts of how Eleri died and worries about where she dwelled now. Was she still lost in the river where she died, waiting for her mum? Did she rest at peace even though she had no marked grave? Was she still scared?
Hanging her head, she squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears. She prayed to whatever gods might listen that the faithful horse would find her baby. Clove used to walk ever so carefully with Eleri on her back. In fact, it was the last good memory Cherry had.
Blindly she felt her way along the wall to the door and through the main kitchen. Her passage was unnoticed by the kitchen workers; they were too busy gossiping. Outside, a cutting breeze wrapped around her. Her feet knew the path to the river and carried her there without thinking. She didn't realize where she was until her slipper clad feet plunged through the thin layer of ice, the edge of the ice scored a gash up her calf, almost to her knee.
The shock of the water forced her from her thoughts but she didn't try to get out.
"I thought your sister was with you." Bel said behind her. She turned towards him slowly. Her legs were numb from the cold.
"She's dealing with her mother right now. Don't you have a Council meeting today?"
Bel wasn't dressed to be outside any more than she was but he did have a cloak draped over one arm. "I did but things were settled quickly today. Firesong, one of the Tayledras, wants a cross between a cabin and a greenhouse built. They are inclined to give him whatever he wants to keep him here until we know what the Empire will do." He extended a hand to her.
"Empire?" Cherry accepted his hand and let him pull her back to solid ground.
"They decided to pluck Hardorn while it's weak and disoriented. If they decide Valdemar would make a good addition to their Empire we can't exactly repel them." He wrapped her in his cloak. "I'd ask what you were thinking but I have a fair notion."
"I just… I don't know. The bird… and Eleri…" Cherry sighed and rubbed her stomach where the scars still lay. "It hurts so much some days."
"Where you were stabbed?" Bel asked worriedly.
"No, the healer did a good job."
"I'll suggest Talia speak to you again, she can help." Bel guided her towards the palace.
Cherry shook her head. "No."
"She tells me you reacted badly when she touched you."
"You were gossiping about me?"
"No. She was worried."
"And you told her about..."
"No! Of course not. I told you I have spoken to no one." Bel was affronted. "But you should talk about Eleri. Am I going to come out here tomorrow and find you tried to join her?"
Cherry looked up at him. "If I knew how, I would."
Bel was at a loss for what to say.
"I should get back to work." Cherry shrugged off the cloak.
Bel wrapped it around her again. "Not until you change into something dry and bandage your leg."
Looking down Cherry saw her skirt had a growing red stain where it clung to her leg.
"I'll take you to the Healers."
"No. I have what I need in my rooms." Cherry had no intention of going near another Healer.
"Either you go to the Healers, or I will drag a squad of them to your kitchen where you will have to listen to a lecture of the evils of sugar while they patch you up."
"I said no." Cherry said stonily.
Bel didn't back down. "You don't want to see a Healer because one kept you alive when you'd have rather died. However, he could only have kept you alive if that was what you wanted. Look at you. Yes, you have experienced a terrible betrayal and a heartbreaking loss but it is not the sum of you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and live again."
Cherry staggered back. "What else am I? A bastard daughter? A killer? The best thing I am is a cook!"
"You are a damn good cook." Bel agreed. "But you are also a damn good elder sister to that little hellion. Did she tell you she was at my door demanding to know my intentions this morning? You have taught those girls you took as assistants enough in two months they could easily get a good position at a great house tomorrow and that has done more for their futures than anything else that has been done for them. From what I learned there is a string of girls behind you that have jobs because you taught them and encouraged them rather than confining them to the menial work like most will do."
Cherry wrapped the cloak tighter about herself.
"Come on." Bel took advantage of her muddlement to guide her to the Healers.
She expected him to set the Healers on her and to be bustled off as a mad woman but he told them she had an accident when they were walking along the river. Her leg was bandaged and she was released with minimal prying.
"It's good to see you out again." One of the green clad women said to Bel as they were about to leave. "Moina would not want you to mourn her forever."
"I will bear that in mind Silba." He said as she kissed his cheek.
Cherry remained silent until they were outside. "Friend of your wife?"
"She and Moina entered the Healers the same year I was Chosen. We had several classes together." Bel explained.
Cherry limped along silently for a moment. "I feel like an idiot."
"Why?" Bel offered her his arm.
"You have to be a special kind of stupid to wander into river."
"And you are trying to distract me." Bel said. "Tell me about Eleri. Pain shared is pain halved."
Cherry withdrew her arm from his.
"I wager you think about her constantly. Tell me about her."
Cherry shook her head.
Bel let the silence reign for a few minutes.
"I need to finish the desserts or my Lord Seneschal might demand I return my exorbitant wages." Cherry said with a strained smile. "I am making a rare treat tonight and it does not keep well."
"Will I see you this evening?"
Cherry nodded.